Every Sunday morning Jacob and I met Sam, Emily, Jared, Kim and all the kids for breakfast at the diner. It was something the boys had started in high school and as girlfriends, eventually wives, and kids came along they just became part of the group. The first Sunday after Jacob died I wasn't going to go. Partly because it was Jacob's thing and I was just an add on but mostly because I didn't want to leave my house. But Emily had showed up and practically dragged me there. And I've gone every Sunday since. What would I do if I moved to Seattle? It's only an hour but would I really feel like getting up every Sunday and getting baby ready and driving all the way down for breakfast? I should probably just stay here. But Sunday breakfast isn't really a good reason to stay in this awful tiny town either. Baby and I would have so many more opportunities in Seattle. But Emily and Kim and all their kids seem happy here. Maybe I should flip a coin. No, no coin flipping.
I arrive last at the diner as I always do. I don't want to have to sit alone while I wait for the others. "Bella!" Annie yells as she climbs into my lap. I order pancakes with blueberries and orange juice just like I always do. Then I bring up Seattle and the tears start. But not mine. Emily and Kim are crying just at the thought of me leaving and Darla and Annie start crying because their mommies are crying.
"Bella, we will miss you if you go but of course we will support your decision and if you chose Seattle we will do anything we can to help you get there. And we will always be your family." Sam finally says. This makes me cry.
"Don't cry!" Emily says. "I'm sorry. You probably think I am trying to guilt you into staying. But really I can see in your eyes you want to go and I think you should. I know Jacob was your reason for staying here. And I know that everywhere you go in town and even your house in full of painful memories. So if it's what you want then you should go."
"And Sam is right. We will do whatever we can for you. Help you move, maybe even arrange for Emily and I to stay up there for a while to help with the baby." Kim is sobbing as she speaks.
Wow. That went better than I thought. Of course I still have to get through the dads. Maybe Emily will go with me.
"Have you told Charlie or Billy yet?" Emily asks as if reading my mind again.
"Nope. Will you come with me?"
"Of course I will. Right after we leave here."
"Emily is just making sure she gets out of grocery shopping!" Sam tries to look mad. Jacob used to do that.
Lucy starts screaming and I'm almost relieved because it got all the attention off of me for the moment. We finish eating and me and Emily head to Billy's in my car. Charlie, my dad usually spends Sundays there so I can tell them together.
"Hey sweetheart, what's going?" Charlie questions sounding concerned. I guess I don't spend as much time with him as I should. And I'm sure to spend less time with him when I'm not just a few minutes away. "Hey, Emily."
"Hey dad, Billy." I hug them both then just blurt it out "I'm moving to Seattle."
"Oh thank goodness! From the look on your face I thought something was wrong with my grandson!"
"You mean granddaughter." Billy quickly corrects him. I'm pretty sure they have a bet going. "Bella we will miss you and the baby but we will be able to see you often. Seattle isn't very far and too be honest we thought you would go much farther. We all know this place isn't for you. So Seattle is a relief."
I'm crying again as I feel them in on details about the job.
"When are you going?" Charlie asks.
"Um now that I think about it I think I will have to commute the first month because I can't afford a deposit. But other than that I am supposed to start the month after the baby is born."
"Don't worry about the deposit sweetheart, I got it. Would you like to go before or after the baby is born? I'm sure either way we can get enough guys together you won't have to actually move anything yourself."
I hadn't even considered moving before the baby was born. But that would give me time to settle in and it probably would be easier to move without a newborn. But then I would need to move soon and find a new doctor. I wasn't crazy about my doctor here, choices are limited, and so that wouldn't be a big deal.
"How about next weekend?" I finally asked.
So the next week was a lot of planning and packing and crying. And the next Sunday after breakfast I left my tiny apartment for the last time, got into my car and drove towards my new life. Sam and Emily were behind me in a small moving van. I didn't have much stuff.
We got to Seattle in good time and unloaded my things. I was amazed my dad had found me an apartment so quickly. And it was perfect. Not tiny but not huge either. 2 rooms, 1 and ½ baths, and a huge bathtub! I loved it the second I saw that. It was also really close to the preschool. We spent the rest of the day unpacking my things and making plans for when I went into labor and after baby was born. Dad has already arranged to be able to take off work as soon as I called him. He and Emily planned to be here for the birth. Then Charlie would stay would a week, then Emily for a week, and then Kim for a week. It was late that night when everyone finally left. And I was so lonely. I'm used to knowing everyone I love is with 15 minutes of me.
The next day I found a doctor I love and spent the next month exploring the city. Dad and Charlie were sending me money until I started working again. For all the bad in my life I had a lot of good too. I guess no one can have a perfect life.