A/N: Here's the last chapter!! Hope you enjoy, and thanks so much for your reviews!
----
Three weeks passed since her weekend with Lucas, and Peyton really, really wished she could have just gone back to the way things were before they spoke again. She thought about him constantly, and wondered if he was thinking about her. She wondered if she'd overreacted, or made a mistake by getting so upset with him. Maybe they were supposed to be together. But he hadn't come after her. He hadn't followed her out of the house, or to the airport. He hadn't called or written since she left. She'd blown it.
She'd called Nathan as soon as she landed to let him know that she'd gotten in OK, and he said he'd talked to Lucas. She told him she didn't want to talk about him any more, and that she had to go. Any conversations they had after that, Lucas wasn't mentioned.
For his part, Lucas was a mess. This time, it hurt him more than the last, because he felt there was nothing more he could have done. She had left and he had tried. He'd told her everything he wanted to say, and she had still left. His new routine consisted of going to practice, hung over from the night before, spending the day in his house alone, then going to Tric or some seedy dive bar at night. Haley and Nathan were beginning to get really worried. When he even answered his phone, he would grow angry if they asked him how he was. They obviously knew, so why would they ask?
Nathan knocked gently on the door to Lucas' bedroom. He had left Jamie with Haley in hopes of having a heart to heart with his brother. He walked in the room to find Lucas sitting in front of his computer, surprising him that the blonde was actually awake and in the state of mind to be able to type.
"Hey," Nathan greeted him with a nod.
"Hey Nate."
"You ready to talk about it yet?" the brunette asked, taking a seat on the end of the bed.
"About what?" Lucas asked, his eyes fixed on the screen in front of him.
"About what you've been self-destructing over for the last three weeks," Nathan said matter-of-factly.
Lucas' eyes finally met his brother's. He was expecting Haley to pry, but not Nathan. The two always has an agreement that they'd each let the other come to them with problems - they didn't ask. It was then that he realized how pathetic he must have looked if his brother was bringing it up.
"I ruined everything, Nathan," Lucas stated.
"Yeah, you kind of did."
"Wow. Thanks for the sympathy," Lucas deadpanned.
"I don't know what to say, man. She's not doing so great either," Nathan said. He immediately kicked himself for mentioning how she was. He knew that Peyton would be pissed at him if she knew he had said anything. He knew her, and she'd want to appear stoic and unaffected.
"You've talked to her?" Lucas asked urgently.
"Well, yeah," Nathan said, shaking his head slightly. Of course he'd talked to her.
"What'd she say?"
"She said everything got really messy, but that she didn't want to talk about it," Nathan explained. "She told us not to talk to her about it. But I can tell by the sound of her voice that she's doing as badly as you are. Maybe less hard liquor, though."
"Has she read the book?" Lucas asked.
"What? I don't know." Nathan was confused. Why wouldn't she have read it yet?
"Tell her to read the book," Lucas begged.
"Luke, man..."
"Nathan, please. Tell her to read the book." His voice was desperate and insistent. Nathan just nodded. He was beginning to get the feeling there was a lot of the story that he didn't know.
----
Nathan called Peyton the next day, after giving himself enough time to figure out a way to even get her to listen to him. He knew that at the first mention of Lucas' name, she'd shut down or yell or hang up on him. He decided to call her office number. If she was at work, there would be minimal cussing or shouting, so he thought that was the safest bet.
"Good morning, Peyton here," she said, using her best professional tone. She'd just gotten to the office and didn't want to have to deal with anyone yet.
"Hey Sawyer, it's Nate," he said.
"Nathan. Is everything OK?" she asked. She just assumed that if he was calling her at work, that it was an emergency.
"Not really. Have you read the book, Peyton?" he asked. His tone suggested he was angry, but he wasn't. He was just urgently trying to get these two fools who'd always been in love to realize that they were supposed to be together
"What are you talking about?" she asked. She knew the answer.
"Don't play dumb with me. Have you read the book?" he repeated. There was silence on the other end of the line, so he continued. "Read the damn book, Peyton."
"Nathan..." she attempted, but he interrupted.
"No. Set aside your pride and your broken heart, and read the book," he insisted.
"I'm not going to, Nathan," she said defiantly.
"Why the hell not?" he asked. Now he was angry.
"Because! His words don't really matter when he has made it clear that we aren't meant to be," she explained.
"That's bullshit and you know it," he said harshly. "You're both miserable right now and you both know why. If you two could just forgive each other already, we could all get on with our lives and just be happy." He paused to let the words sink in. "Peyton, Haley and I want you to be part of this family. But you have to let him love you."
She sat in silence for a few moments. Family. That's what she'd longed for. She wanted for so long to be a Scott. Family dinners and Christmases. Birthdays and celebrations. Part of her thought Nathan was right. But part of her - the stubborn part - wanted to just forget about Lucas and the pain he repeatedly was able to cause her.
She sighed before she spoke softly. "I'll think about it."
"Good. Call me later," he said. She could hear his smile and picture it, even from 3,000 miles away.
Almost immediately after he hung up the phone, Nathan received a text from Lucas.
"Going to L.A. Have to see her. Talk to you soon."
"Dammit," he muttered under his breath.
This was either going to go really really well, or terribly badly.
---
All Peyton could think about all day was reading the book that was sitting on the shelf in her apartment. She remembered its cover, but that's all. She hadn't read the summary, nor had she opened it. But after Nathan's call, she'd been having an inner battle - going back and forth between thinking she had to read it, and thinking she didn't want to. She'd put it off, afraid of what the words would mean, but maybe she couldn't put it off any longer. Maybe she had to know. If Nathan was intervening, it meant that she needed to do it. She didn't know if his writing would change anything about the way she felt. In fact, she felt so strongly that she was almost sure it wouldn't.
At 4:30, she had a meeting with two of the junior A&R reps, Molly and Liz, to schedule studio time for a couple of their bands. Midway through the meeting, they heard a commotion outside the closed door, but ignored it and kept working.
About two minutes later, the door flew open and Lucas walked in, with Peyton's assistant trailing behind him.
"Peyton, I'm sorry. He just barged in..." the woman started.
"Luke, what are you doing here?" She had wanted to see him for three weeks, and now he was standing in front of her, and all she wanted was for him to leave. It was all too much to deal with.
The three witnesses exchanged glances. Molly and Liz looked at each other wide eyed, then back to Lucas, implying without words that he was attractive, and wondering who he was. Peyton's assistant shook her head and mouthed another apology and went back to her desk.
"I'm fighting for you. I...I'm doing whatever I have to. Tell me what I have to do," he said from his place just inside the door.
"For starters, you can stop being an ass," she stated matter-of-factly, with a fake smile.
"I can try," he laughed.
"Also, you can get out of my office," she said seriously. Her two young, female employees looked at her like she was crazy. "Lucas, I can't do this right now."
"Actually, I think we've got he gist of things, Peyton," said Molly.
"Yeah, we're good!" Liz added as they both stood from their seats.
They left the office and Lucas smiled his thanks at them on their way out, shutting the door behind them.
"Peyton, please," he pleaded, walking towards her desk. "Tell me what you need from me."
"I just did. Clearly you're not willing to do either," she said dryly.
"I will do anything other than leave this office right now," he said. He sat across from her and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
"You just don't get it, do you?" she asked, dropping her pen on her desk.
"I get it. I'm a jerk. I hurt you. You're scared that I'll do it again. But I promise you I won't."
"You already did," she said, staring into his eyes. "And I don't think you can fix it this time."
"I have to. I have to be able to," he insisted.
"I'm telling you that you can't. There's nothing to fix," she said, looking down at her hands again.
"I don't believe that. Not for a second. You wouldn't be so upset if you didn't still care about me," he said smugly.
"Lucas, it's not that easy," she said, shaking her head.
"It is! Just...If you love me, it's that easy. And I think you love me." His voice was desperate. He couldn't lose her. Not now. Never again.
"I..." She was cut off when he stood and walked towards her, kneeling at her side and turning her chair to face him.
"Tell me what I have to do," he pleaded.
Looking into his eyes was breaking her heart. There was so much pain and anguish there that she knew she was the cause of. But he hadn't seen her for the last three weeks. She'd had the same look.
"I think you should go," she said softly.
"I'm not going anywhere," he insisted defiantly, placing his hands on her thighs.
"Then I will," she said, standing and walking around the other side of the desk and away from him.
He caught up with her at the door and stood in front of it, blocking her from leaving.
"Dammit, Luke!" she said in a harsh whisper. He placed his hands on her hips as she stood in front of him.
"Neither of us is leaving until this is resolved," he said softly.
"Lucas, it was resolved when you decided for me that I didn't want you. It was resolved when you didn't come after me when I left your house and when you told me to stop fighting for you," she said accusingly.
"But I'm here now telling you it's not finished. You know it's not finished, Peyton!" he said desperately.
Before she could protest or tell him all the reasons she didn't want him there, he'd leaned down and crashed his lips onto hers. The kiss was intense and frenzied and before she knew it, their tongues were moving together. He spun them around so her back was to the closed door. His arm snaked around her back and he pulled her closer to him so her hips were flush against his, eliciting a moan from her. He didn't want to remove his lips from hers for a few reasons. One, he just wanted to kiss her, and two, he didn't want to give her a chance to tell him to stop. His hand moved up to graze the area that he knew always drove her crazy - just where the band of her bra sat on the side of her torso.
They parted then with the need for air, and he looked into her eyes, which had darkened significantly. She was breathing heavily and she threw her head back and rested it on the door.
"Ugh," she groaned. "This is so messed up."
He couldn't help himself and chuckled at her. Her face was flushed and he could tell she was suppressing a smile.
"What is messed up?" he asked. He ran his thumb over a patch of bare skin he'd created on her hip by moving her shirt slightly.
"You coming here and doing this and...I really want to hate you, Luke."
"Please tell me there is a 'but' at the end of that sentence..." he said, wincing slightly.
"You should go," she said, moving away from him and turning her back on him.
"Peyton," he tried to protest.
She walked to her desk and pulled her keys out of her bag, extending them to Lucas. "Here."
He looked at her completely unsure of what she was doing.
"Take them," she insisted. He did as he was told, and she turned to her desk and began write something on a sticky note. "This is my address. I'll be home in a couple hours and we can talk."
He nodded gently, took a deep breath, and left her office. He would take what he could get.
She was actually done her work for the day, but she sent him away because she just needed time to think. She was getting what she wanted; he was fighting for her. But somehow, there was a part of her that still felt like it wasn't enough. Her pride didn't want her to forgive him.
She sat in her office for another hour just listening to music and trying do figure out what her heart wanted.
What she wanted, was him.
The next hour was spent wondering if it was worth it. Apologizing, forgiving, loving him. What if it was all too hard?
---
Lucas had been alone in Peyton's apartment for two long, excruciating hours. He'd given himself a tour, then tried to watch television. He walked aimlessly through her place, opening the fridge for no reason. He cast his eyes over photographs of her with people he didn't know. The apartment didn't feel like her. The walls were plain white and lacked character. It felt like just a place she kept her things, not her home. It wasn't inviting or warm or...Peyton.
He'd stood on the balcony, looking out over the busy street for a while. He was thinking of her and him and them. What if she really didn't want him back? What if he had gone to L.A. and it was all for nothing? What if every single loving word he said to her meant nothing when compared to all the ones he'd said to hurt her? He wracked his brain trying to think of something he could do to show her how desperately he loved her.
He had just walked back into the living room when the door opened and she walked through. He didn't give her a chance to say anything before he started talking.
"I've been sitting here waiting for you and trying to think of something - some gesture - just anything that I could do to show you what you mean to me. But we don't need that. We don't, Peyt. And I know you said you wanted me to fight for you and I will. I'll do whatever you tell me to do. I love you," he said hurriedly. "I'm in love with you."
She stood for a moment, as though his words had knocked the wind from her.
"Oh," she said, deadpan.
He looked at her and he wasn't sure whether to be insulted, or to laugh.
"Are you...Is that a joke?" he asked with a furrowed brow. He remembered the night in her bedroom when he'd uttered the same single syllable.
"Oh, God!" she shouted, collapsing onto her couch in a fit of laughter. "I had blocked that memory! Wow, you're a jerk." She was still laughing, so his heart didn't break at the last word.
He sat next to her and draped his arm over the back of the sofa and just smiled tentatively at her as she continued chuckling.
"You were such a jackass! 'Oh'," she quoted, mocking his low voice. "I said I was in love with you, and you said 'oh' and that you wanted to be friends, and left!" She was still smiling at him.
"You caught me off guard!" he said with a grin. He wasn't sure if what he was witnessing was a break down or not. He was hoping the outcome would be favourable for him.
"I know. And I never really knew how you felt in that moment until just now," she explained, her laughter finally dying down.
"Peyton, you knew all the things I just said. How could that have been a surprise?" he asked.
"Yeah, sure I knew them 5 years ago. But I didn't know them with you flying to L.A. and storming into my office, or standing in the middle of my living room blurting out the words before I even took off my shoes," she explained.
"Here," he said, taking hold of her legs. He pulled them onto his lap and slipped off the heels she'd had on all day. He began gently massaging her feet. "Better?"
She sighed and closed her eyes, and realized that she'd never had this. She'd never once come home to him before. She liked the feeling.
He wanted to speak, but he didn't know what to say. He just stared at her, sitting there with a content smile on her face and her eyes closed. God, he loved her.
"How did we get here?" she finally asked quietly, her eyes still closed.
"I took a plane, then a cab from your office," he joked.
"Ha, ha," she said dryly, finally looking at him. "Wait, you took a cab from my office? It's only 5 blocks away!"
"Yeah, I couldn't figure out why the cabbie looked at me like I was nuts," he said with a laugh.
"Sorry, I should have told you," she said with a smirk. "But I meant - how did we end up like this?"
"We've already established that," he stated. "I'm an ass."
"Lucas, this isn't all your fault," she said, shaking her head. "A lot of it is," she teased. "But I don't know why I can't just let go of everything and just believe you."
"I understand," he said softly.
He did understand, but he didn't want it to be true. He wanted her, however unrealistic it was, to just forgive him and tell him she loved him and that nothing else mattered. They sat for a few moments in silence, each trying to guess what would happen next.
"Nathan called me today," she said.
"Yeah?" he asked.
"He yelled at me."
"What?!" he asked angrily. That wasn't what he'd asked of his brother.
She just laughed at his reaction. "He basically told me I was being a stubborn bitch and told me to read your book."
"He did not call you a bitch," he said with a tilt of his head.
"No, but it's Nathan. He and I learned how to argue with each other in high school. He knows how to call me a bitch without actually calling me a bitch, and I know how to make him realize that I'm always right. Because I'm always right," she said with a cocked eyebrow.
"Sure you are." He rolled his eyes and she chuckled.
"I'm not going to read it," she said seriously.
"What? You're...you...Why?" he stuttered. "Fine. I get it." He stood from the couch and reached for his bag. "Fine, Peyton. Don't read the book. But you know? We just had a great little moment there where everything was good. And stupid me, I start to think that maybe, by some strange fluke, you are starting to let me in again, and..."
"Luke!" she shouted, getting his attention and stopping his rambling. She stood from the couch and walked so she was a few feet in front of him. "I'm not going to read the book."
"Yeah, I got that. I'll see you whenever," he said, turning away from her.
"I'm not going to read it, because I don't care what it says!" she said. Her words forced him to turn around again and look at her, pain and insult on his face. To him, it felt like she was just twisting the knife. "Luke, I don't care what the book says because you coming here is enough. You saying you'll do anything for me is enough. You are enough."
He stood for a moment, dumbfounded by her words and the weight they carried. "So you decided to give me a heart attack?"
She laughed and walked to him, taking his bag from his hands and dropping it to the floor. "Come here," she insisted, putting one arm around his neck, and grabbing his collar with her other hand.
He smiled against her lips when she kissed him.
With her arms around him then, she felt like everything had fallen into place. She needed him. She couldn't be without him, no matter what she tried or how long she tried. She needed him. She needed this feeling.
He smiled down at her and saw the sparkle in her eyes again - the glint of gold that had been missing when she left Tree Hill three weeks prior, and again when he'd left her office. He realized that he was responsible for it being there. And he wanted it to always be there.
"Come home, Peyton," he said quietly.