Hat-Trick: Tasertricks #4

Song: Two Shots ~ The Musical Blades

Genre: Romance/Humor

Spoiler Alert: Nope

Rating: M

"I'm not sure I understand the mortal obsession with pirates. They were dirty, vulgar, murders were they not?"

Darcy jolted out of her thoughts as Loki just appeared out of nowhere to right beside her on the couch. She had tried to tell him to stop, as it would one day give her a heart-attack, but Loki was Loki and he would be damned if he didn't do whatever the hell he wanted.

"They were. They smelled, they were horrible, and seriously some of the punishments they gave…it will make you sick." Darcy, like many, had grown up with the Disney version of pirates. It was either Captain Hook or Jack Sparrow. Of course, unlike many, Darcy had thought it would be fun to learn up about real pirates. They were decidedly not Captain Hook or Jack Sparrow.

"If they were so repulsive then why do you have an entire box dedicated to pirate themed items?" Loki held up several cd cases of one of her favorite pirate groups and her old Jolly Roger.

"Loki! Those were in my closet, were you going through my things?!" Though Tony had invited her to live at the tower almost three years ago, Darcy had yet to fully unpack. Jane deduced that she was subconsciously worried that Tony would realize he had made a mistake and throw them out. Darcy knew it was more that she was a lazy ass when it came to packing. Jane had just been watching too much Sherlock and should really stop with the fucking deducing.

"As I am currently in possession of items that were previously in your closet, I think it is obvious that I've been looking through your belongings."

"Well don't!" Darcy moved forward to snatch the cds from his hand, but Loki was quick…and also magic…and shifted away from her and to the other side of the couch.

"You have yet to answer my question."

"Actually I did. You posed the other as a statement, not a question." Darcy laughed as Loki's face did that thing where he looked like he had smelled a whole load of crap. It would never stop being funny to her.

"Fine. Darcy, would you elaborate on why mortals are obsessed with pirates?"

Darcy held out her hand, nicely this time, and gave Loki a look as he set the cds in her hand.

"It depends really. It isn't really, real pirates that were obsessed with. They actually do still exist, and no one would want to meet one of them. But, I think it is the idea of the pirate. Pirates embody freedom, a life tied to no one, filled with treasure and adventure. And of course there is the fact that the media has a habit of portraying them as sexual objects. It is kind of like the whole thing with vampires and werewolves I guess." Darcy held the cds to her chest as though she feared Loki would try to take them away again.

Though she hadn't been able to go in years, Darcy was a grade A Renne. It had started when she had been a little girl and her dad had taken her to the local faire. It hadn't been anything spectacular, just a small town faire. It had been held in an abandoned parking-lot, and had probably only ten tents at most. Even so, Darcy had been mesmerized at the performers in all their finery. After that their family started using their vacations to visit various fairs throughout the states. At sixteen she had even started working at her local faire. She hadn't told any of her friends, but for four years she had been the fairy Wisteria. She actually still had the costume…not that she could fit into it anymore.

"Do you find pirates sexy?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, not all of them, but I have a list." Oh, did she have a list. Poor Johnny wasn't even on the top.

"I am still unconvinced."

Of course he was. Darcy shook her head as she opened one of the cds to show Loki a picture on the inside of the cover. This captain was the man on the top of her list. That was saying something as she lived with fucking superheroes.

"His breasts are bigger than yours!"

"Pecs, his pecs. And hush, no picking on my Captain." Ok, so he had pecs that could rival Thor's, but Hot Damn they were so lickable. Or, well, she figured they would be.

"I'm still…"

"Unconvinced, yeah I figured. I'll tell ya what. Go back and get the box you got these from."

"What are you going to do?"

"We are going to have a movie marathon." Darcy had planned on reading all day, but really, it didn't take much to convince her to marathon pirate movies. And, well, if she could convince Loki of something…well all the better.

"So, what did you think?" They had watched all of POTC, Peter Pan, Cutthroat Island, and Hook. She would have continued on, but she could barely keep her eyes open.

"Interesting."

"Is that a good or a bad thing?" She hated it when he was like this. She never could figure out what the hell he mean. Stupid Loki, trying to be an enigma and all that crap.

"Good, but I must confess that I much prefer the mermaids to the pirates."

Darcy rolled her eyes. He might be an alien god-prince thing, but he was still a man.

"You would."

"Do you not enjoy them?"

"Oh, I do. I always wanted to be Ariel when I was a little girl." She wouldn't admit it, but when she had been six she had taken the sheet off her bed and wrapped it around her legs until she had fins before hopping out to the wading pool. Though her mother had been annoyed at the fact she had used her bed sheet, her parents thought it had been the cutest thing and had taken pictures that Darcy so regretted now.

"Would you like to be her now?"

"What? I'm a…Holy Shit!" It would seem impossible, but sometimes Darcy forgot just what powers Loki had. Looking down at herself, Darcy realized she really needed to start remembering, as she had fins. Not like sheet fins, or even those cool as fuck fins you can buy off the internet, no, like real fins. She also had no top, the girls were free and swinging.

"God damn, Loki, you have to…oh…" Darcy blinked up at the alien prince turned fuck hot pirate. Oh shit, screw the pecs and arms, this was what sexy pirate was all about.

"I have to what?"

"Fuck me…"

"Hmm, I plan on it, but I think we should probably set the stage."

Darcy yelped as Loki reached forward and picked her up into his arms.

"Hold on."

Suddenly Darcy wasn't tired anymore.

Author's Note: So a drinking song turned into this, but what the hell, who doesn't want pirate Loki? Also, I'm kind of so ready for the fair. Sadly with everything going on I didn't my new costume done, so I will just be going as Captain Bentley again. That's ok, pirates are always fun.

Also, if you like pirate stuff, and like raunchy, suggestive songs, go check out The Musical Blades. I LOVE them, they are so fun to watch live.

Oh and the breast line, yeah my Da said that the first time he saw a pic of the band.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.