Trying to update all my stories, last night I uploaded a new chapter to These Are The Best Years, if you read that one!
I apologize for all grammer mistakes, I'm losing steam with this story so if anyone could give me some ideas it would be greatly appreciated!
Enjoy!
Somewhere between her the operation being made, and walking the halls of 15 Division for the first time in months Andy found herself in her semi empty apartment, alone.
"Traci!" She called for the first time in a long time, it felt right. She had really missed her best friend
"Hey ! You're here!" Traci said pulling her best friend into a bear hug, "Missed you."
"Missed you too." She said with a smile on her face.
Allowing their quick embrace to end, "Andy..." Traci said, she could tell her best friend really wanted to see someone else.
She gave her a look, without a word, Traci just knew, "I think he's in the kitchen."
She didn't really know what to do, what was going to happen when she connected with him again, eye to eye.
Without thinking she made her way to the kitchen, she wasn't expecting a warm welcome home but she also wasn't expecting to see him kissing someone else, someone who wasn't her. And it hurt.
If it wasn't for the letters that she wrote she would have lost herself while she was under, he was the light at the end of a really, really dark tunnel. And now here she was looking at the one person she wanted to be with in the whole world, kissing someone else.
She didn't recognize the girl, she had dark hair, and it was in this weird braid bun thing, in a way it hurt more knowing she didn't know who was on the receiving end of his kiss, because that meant she was new in his life, within the last 6 months.
"You know that we were together almost a year and he never told her once how he felt about me," She was having one of those days that consisted of her being angry at Sam, after the break-up, one of her shifts she was paired with Nick, and she just needed to vent to someone with ears.
"Some guys are just "too cool" for feelings," Nick had been in Sam's shoes before running out when things got tough, expect Nick's idea of running was leaving Gail at the alter, and enlisting in the military but that wasn't the point.
"Well you know what that but it's getting a little thin for the rest of us who are working really hard trying to figure out what the hell you thinking!" She just wanted him to open up, and be present.
It wasn't long after Andy snapped out of her stroll down memory lane, that the girl walked away from Sam, going in the opposite direction of Andy. Which left Sam's eyes to wonder to the door, and Andy standing there; mouth cracked open, shaking her head slightly.
Part of him wanted to justify his actions, tell her that she was the one that left him, what was he suppose to do? Sit there and wait for her to come home, after disappearing in the middle of the night? After he told her how he felt and begged for another chance, telling her he loved her.
He knew by waiting for her, he opened himself up to the chance of her coming back and realizing that she didn't want to be with him. That what they had was in the past, and maybe it wasn't meant to be.
As he watched her unsure what move to make next, Collins and Blackstone had gotten her attention and now she was walking away from him.
And all he could do was watch.
So there she was, home for less than an hour and nothing was what she expected, Sam was with someone else.
She couldn't understand how, how someone that had been an anchor for her to get throw the opt. If it wasn't for Sam and those letters she knew that she may have lost herself. But no matter what she had that time, that hour where she wrote what she felt, sometimes it was sad, or anger driven but none the less he still helped her get threw it.
Unable to sit and wallow in her own self-made pity she decided to go for a run, hoping it would clear her head.
Luckily for her, she had an abundance of track pants and tees that she could wear until her laundry from all her clothes from under were clean.
Lacing her runners she made the decision to leave her phone at home, everyone who knew she was home would probably assume she was sleeping after the day she had, so there was no need to bring it, and besides she liked running without music.
Walking out of her front door normally she would debate where to run to, how long to run for but tonight was different she just went with it. She didn't know where she was running too or when she'd be back but she did know that for the next little while she was going to attempt to shut her brain off.
xxx
Nick Collins had never really been a fan of Sam Swarek, but he also didn't have anything against him either. He was just a guy who loved his job, he colour outside of the lines more than Nick would but Swarek was good police.
His opinion of Swarek changed as he was under,being able to see how his actions effect Andy so deeply. Seeing that light in her eye fade when a memory of Sam split out of her mouth, knowing that she spent an hour a day writing letters to Swarek, and hearing her put the pen down on the counter, and let out a shaky breath.
That was the worst, hearing her quietly breakdown, and not being able to help.
He didn't know why he felt the need to talk to Swarek abut anything personal let alone Andy, but those arguments that they had about the letters made Nick realize something; she still cared.
She wouldn't have fought so hard about them, she wouldn't have kept them so close to her if she didn't. Not that he was an expert on Andy McNally but he did know that Sam Swarek had an incredible hold over her, it was how she conducted herself, little pieces of Sam would come through her, like her instance on writing her notes in a notebook instead of a computer because you can easily destroy paper but you can't wipe computers clean.
He did train her, and she could have easily start doing things her own way, she chose not too.
Why he felt this overwhelming need to tell Swarek about Andy was unknown to him, part of him knew that if he was in Swarek's shoes he would want to know. Know that there was still a chance to be with an amazing person like Andy.
Another part of him, a small part was extremely jealous that for months Andy was able to hold onto her feelings for Sam.
She wrote him letters knowing that they would never actually get to him, it was her way of keeping him close he assumed.
He had never read the letters, he knew where she kept them, he knew when she had just finished writing one. He never knew what they said but he did know what they meant to her. And if they meant that much to her than they would mean something to Sam.
Despite what he wanted and this small voice in the back of his head that told him he should be with Andy. It was easy, simple, not complicated, but when he was with Gail it was natural complicated with all the history between them. But he couldn't be selfish with her, he wanted her to be happy, and if that meant being with Sam then that's what he wanted for her.
The drive to the station felt like a matter of seconds, maybe it was because he was still trying to decide if this was the best idea; giving Sam the letters.
There was a chance that he could refuse to take them, and if he did, then it would crash Andy. She'd also most likely be mad at Nick for taking her personal letters and giving them to Sam. Or he could just keep them, but that would not only hurt her, Sam and eventually himself for keeping them.
Whether he liked it or not, his body had decided that he needed to give them to Sam and before he knew it, he was standing outside of the D's office, box of letters in hand, with Sam head down fully focused on his paperwork.
"Hey Swarek, do you uhh, have a minute?" He said, breaking Sam out of his train of thought.
"Yeah, but uh, Collins what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at your debrief or sleeping after the day you've had?" He put down his pen and looked at Collins, he looked tired and he was carrying a box for whatever reason.
"I just uhh.." he didn't know how to tell Sam what was going on, the reason behind his visit.
"You what Collins?" Sam was still confused on why he wanted to talk to him this last at night. Sam had been through a debriefing the night after you come home, and after your body comes down off the adrenaline high from taking down the mark, you become tired really quick.
"Just, uh here," He said putting the box down on Sam's desk, before turning around and heading for the door. "Oh and Sam?" He spat out quickly, turning around in the process.
"Yeah?"
"I really hope you care about her, and be there for her like she's always wanted because it's taking everything I have in me to let her go, I know I never had her but now I know I never will."
As quickly as Nick came in, he was gone leaving behind a box and some speech about caring about Andy.
And then there was this box, not scared just a little confused he took the lid off and looked inside.
There was a small pile of letters, that all read
Sam Swarek
1964 Dovercourt Rd
Toronto, Ontario
M6H 2X9
"I need to get to her."
What did you think?
Like I said above I'm losing steam with this story so if anyone could give me some ideas it would be greatly appreciated!
Comment and Reviews are adored!