Ch. 4 Ceremony

Three years earlier…

He didn't want to be there. 'Anywhere but here,' he thought, as he sat on the chair waiting for Lord Castellan Ursakar E. Creed to call him up. He was praying to the Emperor for any distraction that he could use as cover to leave.

'Send in a drunk spouting heresy, send a greater Daemon, just anything to get me the fuck out of here.'

"… And without further a due," Creed said. "It is my great honor to introduce 1st Lieutenant Ronald Dean Stoppable."

The applause snapped Ron out his thoughts; he stood up and walked towards Creed. "At twenty," Creed continued. "He is one of the youngest men to receive the Imperium's highest award: The Star of Terra."

He was staring at the floor until he was standing before Creed. He stopped, looked up, and there was Creed, holding his medal. Creed was a large, stout man, with a scar going from his crew cut to going over his left eye. The 8th Cadian Regiment, the regiment Ron belonged to, was also known as 'The Lord Castellan's Own'. This was due to the fact that Creed was found as child by the 8th and they 'adopted' him.

"The Star of Terra," Creed began again. "Is awarded to the most dedicated and devout soldiers of the Imperium." He pinned the medal to his chest, along with the other awards Ron had been given throughout his military career.

His eyes looked down at the medal, it was a small gold star with a circle in the middle and inside the circle was the Aquila. The ribbon was a blue field with little white stars on it. It reminded Ron of another medal that an old Terran military used, if only he could remember its name.

"Though we shouldn't expect less from the son of the Lord General Militant himself." He motioned towards Ron's parents. Lord General Militant Hiram Stoppable gave his son an understating nod. His mother, Andrea, gave him a sympathetic smile. He half-smiled back before clicking his heels to and saluting Creed.

Creed saluted him backed then extended his hand for Ron to shake. For a few moments he just stood at attention before he put down his hand shook the Lord Castellan's hand. From the corner of his eye he could see flashes of cameras and again he wished he were somewhere else.

After the ceremony, they held a banquet is Ron's honor, but he hardly ate. He just starred down at his food, while everyone else was engaged in some conversation that he had absolutely no interest in. He looked up and took in the people who were sitting around him.

His mom was to his left and his dad was on his right. Sitting across from him was his best friend and fellow Imperial Guardsmen, Staff Sergeant Felix Renton.

Felix turned to look at Ron and just shrugged. "Shit happens," he said to him earlier. "The only thing you can really do is get on with your life."

'What life?' he thought. Ever since he was twelve, he had been in the military. So is the fate of everyone on Cadia. His mother had been a nurse in the Imperial Guard when she met his father, who was a Captain-General at the time.

'I need a smoke,' he thought.

As he stood up, his mother grabbed his arm an asked, "Where are you going," she sounded concern. She had been ever he since he told them what had happened.

"Going out for some fresh air," he said."Ron?" she asked sternly. "I'm fine, mom," he said as he leaned down and gave his mom a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

Just before he pulled back, his mother whispered in his ear, "I love you, Ronnie." Ron couldn't help but smile; his mother was the only one to call him Ronnie. "Thanks, mom," he said before moving towards the exit, the song Mama Said playing in his head.

Halfway to the door, he stopped when someone called him. "Lieutenant Stoppable." He stopped and turned to where the call had originated from; it was the Abbess Sanctorum, Shego.

"Didn't expect a High Lord of Terra to be here," Ron said, with a little bit of spite in his voice. Shego ignored it and said, "Its not every day someone receives the Star of Terra, Lieutenant."

"I guess not," Ron said.'I'm already feeling pretty shitty for what I've done and right now you're making it worse,' he thought. That's when he remembered that she could read his mind.'Ah, Fuck… I need a drink,' he added.

Shego just smiled and extended her hand, "Good luck to you, Lieutenant." Ron looked down at the hand, then back at Shego. "Excuse, me," he said, just before walking out the door, leaving Shego dumbfounded.

The first think he did when he got outside was let the door shut behind him, then he reached into the inside of his coat and pulled out a flask. He unscrewed the cap and took a long sip of Amasec. He wasn't an alcoholic. He knew this because alcohol didn't make him feel better, it just made him feel numb, which in truth was what he wanted. So perhaps he was an alcoholic. He took another sip before screwing the top back on and putting it back in his pocket.

The building stood right next to a river, which was thankful for. He always had a rapport with the sea; he even found some enjoyment when it rained. 'Only love can make it rain,' he smiled at the thought.

While he walked towards the railing, he reached into another one of his pockets and pulled out his Zippo lighter and a pack of Lho Sticks. He looked into the pack and made a mental note to get more the next opportunity he got before putting one into his mouth and lighting it. He blew smoke into the air as he leaned against the railing, enjoying the cool night air.

He starred in to the black water beneath him, lost in his own thoughts. 'Why do we do it?' he asked. 'What makes them so different from us?'

Ron was roused from his thoughts by the sound of the door behind him opening. He turned and saw Felix standing in the doorway. "Want something?" Ron asked. "Just the pleasure of your company," Felix answered back.

Ron smiled and the next thing he knew was Felix was leaning against the rail beside him. For a while it was just silence, until, "You're thinking about it too much," Felix said, guessing his thoughts. "Is that so?" Ron asked as he offered him a Lho Stick. Felix shook his head and the two men returned to silence. Finally Felix said,

"Look, they're just xenos." At this, Ron got extremely angry. "What the FUCK is that suppose to mean, Felix?" he said as angrily took the Lho from his mouth and through it to the ground. "That their deaths don't MATTER? "he asked. "If that's true then why the fuck I am a feeling this way, huh?"

Felix was taken aback by this, he had never heard Ron sound like this before. "I'm just saying your dwelling on it too much," Felix explained. "You should just let it go."

Ron started to calm down a bit. "I can't," he said, he said looking down at his hands. "I can still see their blood on my hands." His eyes then turned to his newly acquired medal. "And this," he said, ripping it from his chest. "They gave me a medal for a massacre." He glared at, then his eyes turned to the river and an idea formed in his head.

Just as he was about to throw the medal into the river, a large hand grabbed his arm and prevented him from doing so. He turned around and saw his father holding onto his arm.

"Don't do it," he said, letting go of Ron's arm. Ron turned to glare at his father, "I thought you understood."

"I do," his father said. "I just don't understand what this will bring you."

"Reprieve," Ron answered. "But only temporarily," he retorted. "Ron, throwing away that medal won't help. Believe me."

His hand passed over his own medals, "A man left behind, an innocent's death, each of these medals are there to remind me of a failure of my own and to make sure that next time I do better." He took the medal from Ron and repined it to Ron's chest and part of Ron wished that it had been his father to pin it there the first time.

"You should keep it, so that way, you'll never repeat a mistake." Ron looked down at the medal, then his father and saluted.

Amasec - a widely available and highly alcoholic beverage distilled from wine.

Lho Sticks - an addictive narcotic smoked after being rolled into a tube. Officea Medicea have warned that they may cause lung disease.