Dedication Through Hymnos

Chapter 4: Regrets

Written by: wrathie

Original Concept: Gust & Branpresto

Author's Notes: My inspiration is good. But my viewership is low..

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Sitting with Finnel, Cocona took a deep breath as she saw how nervous she was at being alone with her.

She did not believe that a girl like her would be afraid or even nervous of her presence here as she was so energetic and fearless normally, it made her wonder about her image a little.

After all, she didn't scream or berate her too much, did she?

'…'

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No she didn't and so she should not get too bothered by it. It is just her nature, that's all!

'Finnel-chan…'

But calling her by her name almost seemed as though she was struck by it as she flinched before nodding her head eagerly.

'Yes, Cocona-san?'

Giving up on expecting her to call her by her name, she was glad to see that at least she was a little less nervous now after her initial greeting, even allowing her to hold her hand and she smiled at her.

'Are you… giving up now?'

An indirect question but she hoped that Finnel was sharp enough or at least more accepting of her feelings to not immediately deny her emotions towards the boy.

'…'

The ominous pause that followed made her nervous too and she felt her lips dried up while waiting as Finnel looked down at her hands before slowly looking up with tears in her eyes.

This made Cocona panic as she had really no idea what had made her cry, various possibilities ran through her mind as Finnel continued to sob weakly as she tried to rub away the tears, but no matter how much she tried, the tears would not stop running.

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'Finnel-chan…'

Feeling very sorry for the poor girl, Cocona hugged her and she was glad that Finnel did not push her away and instead accepted her warm embrace, even hugging her back, her frail arms having much more strength than she imagined and she was breathless for a second as Finnel literally squeezed the air out of her till she released her.

'I-I'm sorry Cocona-san… I… I just…'

'No, it's alright… I know you had quite a horrible few weeks.'

It had not been just a few horrible weeks, it had been a few horrible months ever since that incident where Saki was 'delivered' into the enemies' hand. It was then that Aoto became very protective of the kind-hearted girl and started side-lining and sometimes favoring Saki over her no matter what she did.

Previously he had seemed equally interested in the two of them, even flirting with Finnel in a few occasions and teasing her about liking her, Cocona(Tatsumi).

She had this nagging negative feeling that it was the initial interest that Finnel had for Tatsumi(Cocona) that had hindered the romantic development between them a little.

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After all, Finnel and Aoto got along great even though they just met, even if their relationship were probably constrained to being just friends in Aoto's point of view.

Saki had a point in her favor as she was probably the type of girl that Aoto liked while Finnel's assets were hardly remarkable.

But one must remember, Finnel had been attracted to him from the beginning, even if she did deny it furiously… this is different from Saki, who slowly grew to like him, developing her feelings from simple 'friends' to 'love'.

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This was obvious to Cocona as Lady Cloche had gone through the same phase and period of denial at the start, it had been amusing to see the reaction on her face, when she, as Tatsumi then, teased Finnel about Aoto.

If that was true, then Cocona felt that she had to do something about it, perhaps to give her a push towards the right direction… even if she did like Saki-chan lots, there is something about evening the playing field as well.

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'Cocona-san.'

'Cocona… alright, Finnel-chan? Call me Cocona…'

She smiled as she squeezed Finnel's hands and she was delighted to hear Finnel try call her out in that new name.

C-cocona…'

'Mm… we're both girls…. And we're around the same age, there's no reason why you should call me so formally, Finnel-chan~'

"B-but… but I'm so clumsy and I pull the group back… unlike Cocona-san, you're so beautiful and graceful and so strong… you came all the way here by yourself without any help, you don't need people protecting you even though you're a Revyateil… and…'

So that's the reason for her having such overwhelming awe for her and she felt embarrassed at those points that she pointed out.

Cocona didn't find herself pretty or beautiful when compared to Sasha-chan, she knew that her best friend had many suitors who were still unable to come and confess to her due to her status.

Anyone would be intimidated at knowing that such a young girl had helped save the world once and is now in the progress of saving it another time. Even Aoto was strangely respectful towards the girl and did not even try to hit on her even once.

Well, perhaps the reason for that was the look that she gave him once when they first met, Cocona swore that Aoto had jumped a little when he noticed the glint in her eyes while staring at him.

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And like she had said, she had trained with Cro since young as part of the Royal Knights… but now she was getting sidetracked by Finnel as she grabbed her by the shoulder and shook her a little. The little confidence that she had before was disappearing rapidly the more she praised her.

It was silly of her to compare to her, no one was perfect and she had her own flaws as well.

'I'm not perfect either, Finnel-chan… I have my own weaknesses… things that I cannot do and times that I embarrassed myself and the people around me too.'

She smiled as Finnel seemed unconvinced and she started telling her about her first adventure out with Cro as part of the Royal Knights.

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Instead of helping out, she had gotten picked on instead by the Rebels and Cro had to save her instead. Being the tiniest member as well as a girl did not help her when she was targeted from the start. It is difficult for anyone to fend off 5-6 bandits all charging at her at once!

'You see… I'm not perfect too… I know Finnel-chan works hard more than anyone else.'

Cocona knew that she had worked hard, why else would she try so desperately to prove herself, sometimes putting herself in harms way just to connect with Aoto and the rest of the party members better to unleash her powerful songs.

Unlike Saki, Finnel had no qualms about using her song magic for 'cleaning up' purposes and although she was less talented in the healing department she still put in her all to help everyone recover from their injuries as fast as she could, sometimes tiring herself out just to help the others.

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She was not holding them back at all, in fact if she remembered accurately, they were only able to push past the guardian that guarded Tyria solely because of Finnel, who had hung on despite being attacked by the guardian itself.

It was so horribly strong and she had been knocked far away after being cornered by it and unable to help protect Finnel when it lumbered towards that hapless girl, which it registered as the biggest threat..

Aoto too had little success distracting the behemoth before he too was knocked back, almost out of the fight. The real hero of that particular battle was Hikari Gojo sensei, who had valiantly defended Saki till the two of them were knocked flying by a tremendous sweep of those mechanical arms.

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But Finnel had held firm despite being manhandled by the guardian, even though she was squirming in it's grasp, she had never once stopped singing and even sung even louder when Aoto demanded her to be freed, unleashing into his EX-OverDrive for the first time, much to the embarrassment of all of the girls present then.

In the end, it was not that EX which took down the guardian, but Finnel's Flipsphere which did the trick, utterly pulverizing the Guardian to Kingdom Come with her resonating emotions. It made even her, a battle hardened veteran shudder at the damage from such a frail looking girl.

It was proof that she really felt something very strong for all of them, not just Aoto as she had hugged all of them tightly in a group when the battle was over.

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'No you're not, Finnel-chan. You're wonderful in your own way too.'

She asserted clearly to Finnel, ignoring the look of shock that she had on her face and the way her mouth opened and closed like a goldfish. It did look cute that way and Cocona pinched her cheeks and giggled while explaining to her.

You try harder than anyone else and although you did said that you are not good enough, can never meet up to your own expectations, you like all of us more than anyone else… even Saki-chan, that I am sure of.'

Even more stunned at Cocona's words, Finnel was unable to speak for a moment till her eyes hardened and she began to deny everything that Cocona had told her by covering her ears with her hands and shaking her head ferociously.

'No no! I'm not! I'm not like what Cocona-san says I am! I can't be! T-there's no way that I… that I…'

'That you like all of us?'

Reaching out, Cocona gently eased the shaking of her head and she looked into her purple eyes, glistening with tears and smiled while shaking her head.

'You can't say that, can you, silly Finnel-chan… you do like all of us, more than anyone else… desho?

Sadly too, Cocona knew her reasons for liking all of them as well.

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Besides Akane who is a close friend of hers, Cocona was fairly certain that Finnel had not had any true friends who accepted her as much as how the group had.

All of them liked her to some extent as she had through her own actions, risking herself in battle and of course, with the discovery of how she was betrayed so many times, earned back the trust she had lost earlier when they did not know her.

Finnel is really a poor and pathetic child, with no one willing to support and love her till now.

She had to leave Akane's side as she did not want to be a burden for her, something Cocona can relate with and she had to give up so much just to gain so little.

There is no way that Finnel can say that she disliked her or anyone of them, people who really liked her and accepted her for who she is and of course, treasured and viewed her as precious as she did to them.

Just like Saki, perhaps Finnel was unable to dislike anyone in the group here as well, even Saki as a love Rival.

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'Cocona..'

She sobbed again as she hugged her tighter than before and the girl gave a sigh at hitting the nail on the head. This girl, Finnel is stronger than she could ever imagine. Perhaps even stronger than Saki, who went through many horrible incidents in life with many people sheltering her from her despair and sadness, even continuing to show the same kindness to her enemies despite all of that.

No, in contrast to Saki, Finnel was left to pick up the broken pieces despite her Personas trying to get her out of harm's way… if they could just help her the same way Saki's persona saved her, would Finnel be a different person altogether?

Would she have been a happier girl, one similar to Saki if she was not ostracized and picked on as a child?

Cocona was no prophet and she did not know any details of her cosmosphere but she did speak with Akane-san before they left Claustania for the last time.

They had a duel too before they left, it seems that Akane-san was very impressed with her skills and wanted to 'compare their abilities'

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Or so she had claimed… but in the end that duel had left her sprawled out on the floor in her tiredness, but at least the duel had ended up in a decisive draw.

Akane-san's technique was swift and deadly, but she had prevailed somehow after seeing an opening and taking it by hitting her hard with her own EX-Overdrive after she slipped up for a second.

She had painted the picture of Finnel's life for her after that, filling in the blanks for her, Saki-chan and Tyria-san when they were having a stayover in her house before they left.

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It was sufficient knowledge for her to come to this conclusion and to comfort the poor girl, who was now crying outright into her arms and she wondered how long ago had she allowed the tears to flow so freely?

'Finnel-chan… I'm here for you, so don't cry… I know you worked hard… all of us can see that.'

She ran a hand through her hair to comfort her by touch, gently caressing her and comforting her with soft spoken words of encouragement.

'I… I don't want to give up… c-cocona… but… I… I don't… but it hurts!... I.. I don't think… I… I can…'

Returning to the topic that she had raised suddenly, Cocona could understand her a little better why she liked Aoto after running through that train of thought about Finnel's life earlier.

The girl did not have anyone coming to her aid besides Akaane till he went ahead to save her from that dangerous position in that cliff. It must have seemed like a shining dashing prince in disguise coming to save her.

Even if it is hard to picture Aoto in that role, unfortunately.

Regretfully and thankfully, Cocona remembered that as Tatsumi she had not trusted Finnel and even suggested to leave her behind then.

It was fortunate that Aoto had decided to save her and take her along, even if in the end they had to go through her web of deceit to find the truth and it wouldn't do if Tatsumi had been the one that Finnel had felt attracted to…

Without Saki and Finnel both, she doubted that they could last as long as they did. In many counts it is miraculous that they all survived so many captures, beatings and interrogations…

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'Then don't give up.'

But she had never gave up, not once when she was taken captive or when she was ambushed by Ayatane… she never did give up and she was sure that she would return to Cro and Lady Cloche and everyone…

She knew too that Finnel wouldn't want to give up either.

Her answer to her question was straightforward and painful at the same time as she urged her to look up into her eyes while she smiled back at her confidently.

'Don't ever give up… if those feelings for him are true, are real… and is the one thing that you truly care about. You have no reason to give it up…'

She clutched her hands and pressed it against her chest, letting her feel her racing heart as well.

'Those feelings are bitter and sweet at the same time, it has the best of both worlds, the best and the worst experience rolled into one. If you have experienced the worst that can happen, it will only mean that it will only get better, right?'

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She might lying, lying to save her teeth as well as to comfort Finnel. But she hoped that it was right at the same time.

Having one's feelings unreturned is possibly the worst experience one can feel but the pain will never go away as time goes by.

Time can heal all wounds but at the same time, Cocona knew that she would never forget, never regretted falling in love with that person.

The feelings that one would feel for that person would not be the same as the next one that they feel attracted to.

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One's first love is the most intense, the silliest and at the same time, the most rewarding.

'You might regret it now, but you will regret it even more if you just gave up now… because it's not over… you will know when it 's over… and then you will always ask yourself, what if I never gave up… what if I had continued on loving him, not giving him up?'

She asked the right questions, pushing the right buttons and perhaps making her a little terrified of the future. But she has to say it, to tell Finnel of the consequences if she was to give up now, to not struggle till the last possible moment.

Pushing the girl to a shoulder length away, Cocona said her last piece and perhaps the piece that will encourage her to continued on her path, broken and hurt as she is to the last part of her journey to happiness.

'You've walked so far by yourself, with him supporting you… with us supporting you, but we can't do that in the last part of your journey, Finnel-chan… you might not believe in yourself, but you have to… this is your journey. Not Soma's journey, not Yurisica… but yours. This is your journey, Finnel… a few more steps, to heaven or hell and to the happiness that all girls dreamed off… so please…'

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Don't give up

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She wished that Finnel can understand, can summon that last bit of courage to step forward and to decide her own fate.

Even if it may be impossible, even if it might not be the ending she wanted… it would end, her suffering will end then…

'I won't give up…'

She softly spoke to her relief but Cocona added on hurriedly before she got too ahead of herself.

'It might not be what you want… Finnel-chan…. But you'll know the answer that you do not know now… and then you'll find the courage to continue on… with him, or without him.'

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Cocona closed her eyes as she helped her up, pressing her forehead against hers as she repeated herself.

'With or without him, Finnel-chan… you'll never regret it… that I can promise you.'

She looked up to see Finnel smiling doubtfully but she nonetheless gave her a smile back.

'Cocona…'

'Yes, Finnel-chan?'

'… H-how… how do you know all this?'

The answer came more quicker and with less pain than she had imagined as she answered softly.

'I found my answer, Finnel… I found the answer that I wanted to know for so long.'

Author's Notes: I so wanna play Neptunia~~~