A/N: I'M BACK!! Welcome to another OT5 story of mine. Please read and review
Summary: It wasn't his fault. It never was but one wrong turn destroyed everything. Love was never his forte. As he shields himself from the world, he found someone to hold onto...but will he be able to fight for this person against them, against the memory, against the desire...?
Disclaimer: I don't own POT...though I wish I did so that Ryoma and I can live happily ever after!!
PS: "" for dialogs, '' for thoughts, italics for flashbacks, dreams and memories and bold for foreign, wired or text conversations.
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(A/N: Time line is set two years later)
Ryoma slipped past the orange orchard to check on his newest project...a small apple plantation. Having given up tennis, he found another passion to vent up his frustrations on...farming. If anyone who knew him before heard that the Great Echizen Ryoma became a fruit farmer, they would've laughed their asses off. Not that he's ashamed of what he had become or something...he just loved the quietude it offered to him.
For two years he was busy going to Agriculture classes...vowing that he will be the heir to his parent's livelihood. Nanjiroh was adamant about it, still believing that Ryoma was the one to fulfill his dream in becoming the no. 1 tennis player in the world. The young Echizen solved the dilemma by getting Ryoga back into the family circulation...and so it was the older sibling who went pro and not him.
Ryoma smirked when he saw the yellow fences that he put up the other day. Having bought half a hectare from Xander, he went off to start on his little project. Sure, the Echizens were now known to be the best producer of oranges in Glasgow but Ryoma grew tired of its citrus color and its citrusy scent.
"Apples." Ryoma announced. This outburst made his parents look up to him in shock.
"Really Ryoma? That's a bit hard to grow in this kind of weather." Rinko told him.
Ryoma sat back and smirked. "That's why I want to try...I mean just imagine if we're able to grow the finest apples here in Glasgow."
Nanjiroh's eyes narrowed. "And if this fails?"
"It will not fail!" Ryoma snapped at him. "I will not fail. I just believe that I can do this. Please...give me more reason to..."
Rinko frowned at how distressed the young man was. "Ok fine...but where are you going to get the extra land? We have just expanded our orange orchard a few months ago."
Ryoma relaxed under his mother's concerned eyes. "Xander and I talked about this..."
Ryoma pushed back the wooden gate and stared at his masterpiece. About 10-15 seedlings were now about his waist's height. He stepped further to caress a healthy looking leaf.
'I told you I will not fail.' Ryoma smirked. His eyes wandered across the plantation. 'Why did I plunge into this madness?' His smirk was not replaced by a sad smile. 'It's supposed to be out 9th anniversary in two days...I guess I just needed something to help me forget...'
"RYOMA!!"
He sighed. He knew that voice...it had been the voice that kept him grounded...mostly out of near insanity.
"RYOMA!!"
Ryoma frowned. Xander has never sounded this distressed before. They played hide-and-seek a couple of times in the past since the redhead had taken his father's wish to heart and vowed himself to wooing the golden-eyed man however, there was something off from the redhead's voice.
Xander...he was the wealthy heir of Hawthorne Castle. With his parents banishing him for his sexual preferences, he settled in Glasgow where his eccentric uncle gave him all his wealth. It was from his Uncle that his father brought a large chunk of land to start his business. It was he who helped him get back on his feet.
It was he who offered Ryoma a new chance at love...a chance that he refused...
"RYOMA!!"
Another voice joined the latter and Ryoma recognized it as the voice of the butler of the Hawthorne Castle, Richard. He made a move towards the voices when something seized his heart which caused it to race.
Fear...anxiety...why?
Ryoma ran towards the voices calling him...something unknown started eating into his soul.
"Ryoma!!"
He stopped when he saw the familiar redhead a few meters away from him, panting and crying at the same time.
"What the hell is going on?" Ryoma demanded. Soon the old balding butler appeared next to his master, in no better condition.
"Ryoma..." The redhead wiped his tears away and rushed to grab the perturbed young man. "Ryoma please be strong." He muttered into his ear.
Ryoma tried to push Xander away, confusion overriding the turmoil of emotion in his chest right now. "W-what?! Wait, please calm down!"
Xander held onto him firmly, as if wanting to shield the young man from all the pain in the world. "Ryoma, I'm sorry."
Ryoma suddenly pushed back to gaze up into those teary, icy blue eyes.
"P-Papa Jiroh a-and M-Mama Rinko..." More tears escaped from those exquisite orbs. "T-They're dead..."
Somehow, in the stillness of the air, Ryoma forgot how to breathe...his chest ached. And the ache grew stronger as seconds passed by in an agonizing pace.
The citrus scent of the air he forgot...for nothing else would register in his head aside from the fact that his whole world came crashing down...again.
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Former-Tennis-Pro-turned-Successful-Entrepreneur and wife died in a massive vehicular accident
Ryoma tossed away the newspaper. It was like the night two years ago...the difference is, he's now saying goodbye to two of the most important persons in his life...his parents.
It had been two days after the accident and he shied away from the rest of the world, nursing his own pain.
"Ryoma, please be reasonable." Richard let out a sigh of frustration as he tried to grab the urns from the golden-eyed man's grip for the fifth time.
"NO!!" Ryoma stubbornly evaded him. "I'm not being reasonable today! I'm not going to think rationally! My parents are dead damn it! Please!" With tears spilling from his eyes, he tried to run out of the room but the considerably bigger form of Xander blocked his way.
"Ryoma, I won't let you scatter your parent's remains on the orchard." Icy-blue eyes narrowed in anger. "Not until your brother gets here. They need a proper—"
"What I'm doing is proper!!" Ryoma screamed at him. "They worked hard for the farm! They—"
A distinctive sound of flesh hitting flesh cut through the heavy tension that filled the room.
"You are not giving what your parents rightfully deserve!!" Xander hissed.
Ryoma's eyes were wide open in shock as he brought one hand to touch his stinging cheek.
Xander took deep breaths before he grabbed the young man and pulled him into a tight embrace. "Don't be selfish, please. I'm sure Papa Jiroh and Mama Rinko never wanted to see you like this."
Ryoma tried to break free from the redhead's arms but it seemed that all his strength left him.
"Wait for Ryoga. He'll know what to do." Xander muttered against his hair.
"Ryoma."
The golden-eyed man flinched at the soft voice that seemed to falter into the air.
"Ryoga told me about your deal earlier." A warm hand clasped his shoulder. Ryoma closed his eyes to savor the stability it offered him but he didn't linger on it. He shrugged the hand away.
"What about it?" He snapped.
Xander sighed and smiled at him. "I think it was a good idea."
Ryoma just stared back at him with blank golden eyes. "Are you happy now? Do you feel accomplished by making my life more miserable?"
Xander flinched inwardly. Who would've thought that words uttered with such lifelessness can cut deep?
"You know it's ok to show people how you really feel." He moved to stand next to him, overlooking the vast orange orchard. "I mean when my uncle died, I just—"
Ryoma spun around to grab his shirt. "What do you know about how I feel?!" He hissed at the redhead. Tears once again spilt out of his eyes. "How do you suppose I should feel?!" He pounded Xander's chest with his fist. 'First my lovers, then my parents?! What else would they take away from me?!'
A sad smile was plastered on his lips as he took every blow Ryoma gave him. 'It's ok...let it all out. I'm here.' He closed his eyes as he recalled a conversation with Nanjiroh.
"What happened to him?" Xander asked while watching Ryoma sulk in the orchard from the Echizen's veranda. "I supposed he should be elated when he arrived last week but how come he's acting all depressed?"
Nanjiroh sighed and turned his back from the scene. He leaned against the wooden railings. "I guess losing something so valuable to you really does take your will to live away."
Xander eyed the man warily. "I don't understand."
Nanjiroh smiled at him. "You will Xander...once you have found that thing that will give you the motive to live." He glanced back at his son who was sulking underneath an orange tree.
"In my son's case, it's love."
"Pain...I want you to feel pain and savor it, Ryoma." Xander muttered as the young man collapsed against his chest, exhausted form the ordeal. "I don't want you to hide from it. I want you to face it and accept it." His heart grew warm when he felt Ryoma cling to him as he sobbed his heart out against his chest. He gently tucked him in his embrace.
"And if you feel that you can't handle it on your own, share it with me." He leaned down and placed a kiss on Ryoma's temple. "And if you're sick with it, I'll carry the burden for you."
"I will not leave you...unlike those who became the reason for your pain."
will
"It is indeed unfortunate that one of the greatest personas in tennis passed—"
Tezuka jerked in annoyance when Atobe switched off the television. They were having a vacation in Jamaica, celebrating their 9th anniversary. Well, 2nd if Atobe insisted...their 2nd anniversary as a foursome.
"Keigo, why did you turn off the TV?" Sanada asked, emerging from the bathroom. "The news was on."
Atobe huffed and slid into the bed next to Tezuka. "I thought we promised not to entertain "distractions"? This time is allotted for ourselves and ourselves alone." He nuzzled against the bespectacled man. "Right, Mitsu?"
Tezuka grunted and held the diva in his arms. "Where's Syu?" He asked.
Sanada slid next to Atobe, sandwiching the diva between him and Tezuka. "He's in the shower...still recovering." A playful smirk grazed his lips.
"I heard that Gen!" Came an indignant protest from inside the shower.
Tezuka let a small smile graze his lips before he turned his focus on the chandelier above. 'Two years...where are you now, Ryoma?' He closed his eyes and a picture of the golden-eyed man popped before him. It made his heart ache with longing. He knew that we and his lovers were living in a farce for the past two years, acting like everything's back to normal.
'But nothing was back to normal.' Tezuka sighed inwardly. 'Every morning, for two years, I still wake up, longing to find Ryoma nuzzled in my arms like a little kitten. I still imagine him on the other side of the tennis court, smirking and enjoying tennis.' He closed his eyes, sensing the tears as his eyes warmed up.
'For two years, I've been secretly pinning for you. I still love you, Ryoma.'
He felt a playful nip at his neck. He opened his eyes and gazed upon obsidian orbs.
"Mitsu, you should pay attention to Ore-sama specially when Ore-sama is in the mood for sex."
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Ryoga had been pacing back and forth the castle hall for quite a while now. The sky was already a myriad of red and purple yet his impetuous brother was nowhere to be found. So his instinct led him to the familiar path towards the Hawthorne Castle.
"It's ok, Richard. Thank you." He forced a smile, hoping that the old butler would stop offering him tea. 'Well, tea's ok...but not if you're to have it for the 6th time. I think I'm going to be sick.'
The butler smiled back at him and set the tea pot down. "I'm glad that you seem to be taking everything maturely, Ryoga." He said.
The older Echizen sighed. "Well, someone's got to be in the family."
The elegant ivory doors opened and in strode Xander. He sent Ryoga an apologetic smile.
"I'm sorry if I wasn't able to send word to you about Ryoma. He just didn't want to go home yet and he passed out from exhaustion so I brought him here instead." The redhead sat across him.
"It's ok Alex." Ryoga sighed, calling the man with his preferred nickname. "I needed the break anyway. I was able to finalize the plan and tomorrow I will be flying back to Japan with my parents' ashes."
Xander took the tea offered to him by Richard. "About that, I think I was able to convince your brother to come...on some conditions." He took a sip, eyeing the older sibling.
Ryoga's eyebrow arched up. "Conditions?"
Xander sighed. "Yes. He said that he will come, given that you will be the only one who will make the public appearances. He will fly in and out of Japan, and witness the whole ceremony incognito."
Ryoga felt another bout of headache coming. "Oh hell." He slumped back against the seat.
Xander set the cup down. "What I'm worrying about is why your brother seemed to hate Japan so much."
Ryoga rubbed his face with his hands. "You don't know the half of it, Alex." He groaned.
Richard cleared his throat. "Please excuse my intrusion but I think we should let Ryoma have his way this time. He did exhibit a very unusual grieving mechanism. If we push it too much, he might snap and who knows what will happen."
Xander pondered on his words for a while, remembering how vulnerable Ryoma look in his arms when he carried the boy into his bedchamber. He then looked up to Ryoga with determination flashing in his eyes.
"If you're worried that you'd have to tend to him the whole time, don't worry. I have it covered."
It was Richard who gasped. "M-Master Alexander! What in heaven's name are you talking about?"
Xander smirked at them. "Ryoma and I will fly to Japan incognito. I will have my private jet ready. And I will look after him throughout the entire stay so that Ryoga can focus on his parent's funeral.'
"B-but isn't this too much, Alex? I mean, you have done so much for our family." Ryoga felt the guilt starting to eat at his soul.
Xander shrugged. "If it's Ryoma then I don't mind."
"And besides, I did promise Papa Jiroh that I will take care of him and I will stick to that promise until I die."
will
Fuji slipped out of their bed in the middle of the night to gaze up the star-filled sky.
"Syu?"
He didn't need to turned around to see who called out his name. He just stayed there, standing in the veranda while looking out to the millions on stars above him.
"Syu." He relaxed when he felt the strong arms of Sanada warped around him. "Are you ok?"
Fuji didn't say a thing as he leaned back against his warm chest. He knew that his silence will no fool his lover but if he spoke of how much he misses a certain golden-eyed man; he knew that he'd be hurting someone.
"I know what you're thinking." Sanada whispered into his ear.
Fuji sighed. "We're going home tomorrow...back to reality. We are going to fall into the same routine where we get up each morning and pretend that we're fine even though we're not."
Sanada tightened his arms around the tensai. "I know. I long for him too...so much."
Fuji looked up to the stars and smiled sadly. "Do you think Ryoma's looking up to the same sky we're gazing upon now, Gen?"
Sanada followed Fuji's gaze and let his self be dazed by the shimmering blanket above them. "Maybe yes...maybe no. but I secretly hope that he does."
"Do you still love him? Because I still do. I just can't say it out loud because I know that until now, Keigo is still hurting." Fuji turned to face the man. "It gnaws at my heart that it seemed almost unbearable sometimes."
Sanada leaned in until their forehead touched. "I do Syusuke. I still love our little kitten, with all my heart. At first I hoped that one day, I will wake up with a partial amnesia so that he would vanish from my head but then the ache is far too strong. His face is forever etched in my memory...as my love for him had scarred by heart for good." He sighed as he pulled back, sadness clouding his eyes.
"I think among all of us, Keigo's the one who's hurting the most. Unlike us, he's obviously struggling each day to fight the emptiness Ryoma's departure created in his heart." He caressed Fuji's face tenderly.
"I think I'm the only one who noticed how his guard falters every time he deemed no one is looking; how his smile fades away sensing that every second reminded him of a missing presence that his soul craves so much."
"If I'm not mistaken, he loves Ryoma more than he loves us individually."
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"If I'm not mistaken, he loves Ryoma more than he loves us individually."
Atobe swallowed hard as he tried to suppress the sob that wanted to escape his throat. It was painful, yes but it was nothing compared to the ache in his chest that Sanada's words created.
He closed his eyes, tears spilling from it uncontrollably. He shifted so that his back was facing Tezuka who was fast asleep. He doesn't want him, nor Fuji and Sanada how vulnerable he is right now.
'Yes...I love him so much and I am afraid to admit that he surpassed all three of you.' He gingerly wiped the tears away as he tried to calm down. 'And it hurts...Oh God it hurts to wake up everyday knowing that he's not there by my side so greet me using that atrocious nickname he created.'
'And this is the day that I am very much reminded of how much I need him back in my life.' He bit unto his fist hard, trying to null the pain in his chest.
'Oh Ryoma! Why did it have to end this way?'
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Tezuka's eyes snapped opened when his felt the body in his arms was shaking a bit. When he was finally able to focus, he realized that it was Atobe who was silently crying in his arms.
Warmth flooded in his heart. He wanted to take the man in his arms and soothe his troubles away and yet he knew that the latter hated having his vulnerability shown.
With a deep breath, he decided to follow his heart and pulled Atobe's close to him. The diva whimpered but succumbed to his embrace nonetheless, his sobs were becoming less restrained.
"Shhh Keigo, it's ok." Tezuka muttered into his hair. "We all feel the same. You're not alone in this."
"It's ok to admit that you still love Ryoma. We all do. It's just sad that we had to accept the verdict of destiny on our relationship."
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A/N: I don't feel well...I'm sick. This is the problem if you took a vacation in a cold place then you'd have to go back to the hot reality which is your house. I'm so not going back to Baguio because of this. I've been sick four days already so I don't trust the quality of this chapter.
Ok...I know that all of you are expecting a confrontation between the OT4 and Yukimura...patience my children, patience. It will not be a fiery one, like some of you might have expected but it's a confrontation nonetheless.
And I'm so building up Xander's rep ! So that it will be hard (if not very hard) for you to hate him. Ryoma and Nanjiroh call him Xander while Ryoga calls him Alex. Put it all together then call Richard.
And some of you are wondering that if there's an OC, how will it end up as an OT5 story? Hmmmm...must...not...reveal...plot...!
SO IF YOU WANT MORE,
PLEASE MAKE ME HAPPY AND REVIEW!!
Oh yeah, it's my grade slip distribution today so if i failed to upload in two weeks, it means i failed and I'm dead. Thanks!