This is a Goodbye, My Love
"You imprinted Jacob?! I can't believe this!"
"Bella, it's not something I control. You think I wanted this?"
"I don't know what to think any more, Jake" I could hear no one but myself, yelling, screaming and accusing Jacob. For hours now, I have been walking around the room trying to get my head straight.
He imprinted. Oh my God!
I always knew this was going to happen! How could I have let myself become so vulnerable?
Jake sat on the double bed, which we normally would be lying on, together. Normally, we would be lying, holding each other, he would be kissing every part of me, and I, tracing his body. We would be eager, but nervous. Normally, we would be telling each other how much we belong together, how much this was meant to happen.
Not this time.
This time, we were arguing, we never argue! It was all because we rushed this bloody honeymoon!
I know we should've waited. We could've gotten here tomorrow and none of this would've happened.
"Look Bells, I wont do it. I'll resist her. No one has ever tried, but I'm sure I can."
What? You're prepared to do that?
"Jake, I don't think that will work. I know you'll try, but you imprinting is destiny."
"Don't say that." Jacob shook his head. He was fighting with himself. I knew that right now, instead of being with me, he would much rather be holding her; and loving her. He could be walking with her, along a beach, as both of them threw rocks into the water. Then they would sit under a tree and talk. He would learn everything about her. He would tell her about the imprinting and him being a werewolf, but she wouldn't be frightened. She wouldn't scream and run, because the love and affection he offered would be enough to supply the whole of America.
I cringed. That was meant to be me. She was going to replace me. I use to be the one walking on the beach with Jacob, but not anymore. Being with him was impossible now.
Jacob loving me was impossible now.
Do it, Bella. Just say it's ok.
He is meant for her, he will live a fulfilling life with her and they will grow old together.
She will make him happy.
I slowly approached him, almost as if he didn't want to be close to me anymore. I sat next to him and lay my heavy head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of me head.
"I love you, Bells, you and only you."
"No, don't put that on us. You know that we can no longer be together." I choked on the last half, "I want you to be with her; I want you to be happy."
"Bella…"
"Please, stop."
"But, Bella…"
"Please!" Out of no where I was yelling at him again. Before I wanted him to stay, I couldn't bare the thought of being without him, but now it was different. Now I didn't want him near me. I wouldn't be able to stand being in the shadows; wishing that when he was holding me, that he actually wanted me. I would know what he was thinking, he'd much rather her, he'd much rather stare, for hours at a time, at her angelic face; then take a single glance at mine. "Please, leave Jacob."
"What? Why can't we talk about this?"
"There's nothing to talk about. We can never be, now. You love her more dearly than you can ever love me. You have to leave."
I didn't look at his face. I didn't want to see the tears swell up and run from his eyes. I didn't want to see his body go limp and his big, gentle hands catch his head. I didn't want to see him give up; give up on everything that we had gone through together; everything that we had done for each other. I didn't look at my love, my reason, my husband.
Then he sniffed and cleared his throat in attempt to pull himself together.
"If that's really what you want."
"It's not what I want; it's what needs to be done. You know that, don't put this on me."
"As you wish."
At that moment, he grabbed my face in his grasp and kissed me. It was desperate, the most loving way I had ever been touched. I kissed him back; I tangled my hands in his hair as I too started to cry. Our tears fell together, dampening the bed sheets beneath us. We both cried for pain; we cried for misery. We cried for our love.
Then he was gone.