Chapter 4: Zombie Boyfriend

After a few hours of sleep, I feel more awake. Restless, too, but there's nowhere I need to be.

It feels so weird to be here alone. We have a big old house, and I'm the only one here. Which was perfectly normal, before. Sure, Nora practically lives here (Dad technically does, too, but he's gone so much he hardly counts) but it's not like she was with me 24/7. But today, the house just seems so… empty.

I keep thinking of things, and looking around for R, to share them with him.

Thankfully, Nora comes over after dinner, pulling me into a big hug as soon as I answer the door. I smile, a real smile. "Hey."

"You have to tell me everything," is the first thing she says to me.

"I was planning to," I reply, drawing her inside. I can't tell dad but I can't not tell my best friend. At least most of it. We head up to my bedroom and wind up sitting on my bed.

"So… what happened?"

"I… made a new friend."

Her eyes widen. "Seriously? There's another survivor out there? Why didn't they come back to the city with you?"

"Yes, seriously, but… not another survivor." Not the way she means it, anyway. "And I didn't bring him back because Dad would have shot him."

She laughs. "No, really."

"Yeah, really. The zombie who dragged me out of that lab? He saved my life. A couple of times. I was with him. His name is R."

Her face scrunches up in confusion. "Your dad said... you escaped."

"Nope. I mean, I tried, a couple of times, but… no. R took me back to his place." Wined and dined me, too, I think with a small grin, if beer and cold canned food counts. "I spent three days with him. He was… nice." I blink a few times, thinking of how lonely he had been. How lonely he'd be again, now. "And then he helped me come home."

"You're kidding… right?" She's looking at me like I've lost my mind.

"Listen, he's not what you think." I know this is crazy, but I want her to understand. "He's different, nothing like what I expected from a corpse." And he wasn't the only one, either – there was the guy who drove the truck, the crowd that let us walk right through… "Maybe we never even properly understood them to start with."

She's frowning, stretching her arms into her lap, not looking at me.

"No, I'm serious, Nora! I mean, 'corpse' is just… just a stupid name - that we came up with - for a state of being we don't understand."

"Yeah," Nora says in a completely unconvinced tone, and I realize how crazy I sound.

"Oh, my God." Corpses eat people, Julie. Remember that, when you get to feeling too sympathetic. I cover my face in my hands. "What is wrong with me?"

Okay, so maybe corpses in general are exactly what we think they are. But R is different, he really is. I know she probably won't take this too well, but it's been building up all day. "Okay, I…" I look at Nora, warily. "I've got to tell you something. This is kind of weird," I warn. "Please do not freak out." I couldn't take it; I've lost one friend already today.

She shakes her head. "No."

I still almost can't believe it myself, but… looking down again, I gather my breath and my nerve. "But… I actually… miss him."

She takes a deep breath, then lowers her chin at me, looking much more serious. "You… you miss… him."

My hands come up again, all on their own. "I know, that's so stupid."

"Like, like you're attracted to him?" she continues, trying to follow my reasoning, maybe so I can see where it ends up.

"No, I don't…" That's not what I mean. Is it? I mean, he is really cute, in an undead sort of way.

Nora continues, relentless. "Like… he could be your boyfriend?"

I look at her, kind of shocked to realize how nice that sounds.

"Your zom… zombie boyfriend?" She smiles, holding her hands out in front of her, reaching out towards me, trying really hard to appear sympathetic.

I shake my head, looking away. I know this is impossible. She doesn't have to tell me that.

"I mean, I know it's really hard to… meet guys right now, with the apocalypse and stuff, trust me…. and look, I know that you miss Perry, okay." she adds softly. "But Julie, this is weird. Like, I wish the Internet was still working, so I could just look up whatever it is that's wrong with you."

I throw a pillow at her, smiling. "Shut up."

She laughs, and I know things are going to be okay. "Alright." Still, I think I'm ready to be done with this conversation.

Maybe she is, too, because she gets up off the bed, holding the bedpost for leverage.

"Okay, I'm getting ready for bed," I say.

Nora stops and wraps herself around the bedpost. "Hey," she says, smiling softly at me. "I'm glad you're back."

I sigh, but make myself smile. I'm not certain I'm glad I'm back, but… "Yeah."

She starts backing away, a smile playing around her lips. "Have sweet dreams about your zombie," she teases.

I roll my eyes. "Alright." I pull my knees up to my chest, laughing softly. Then she's gone. And I'm still restless. I just woke up a couple of hours ago, do I really think I'm going to be able to sleep again so soon?

My zombie boyfriend?

Honestly, I never thought of him in those terms until Nora said it, but now I kind of wish… I mean, it did feel like we had some sort of connection. I just. .. enjoyed spending time with him. He wasn't much of a conversationalist, true, but he communicated a lot without words. I wasn't lonely, when I was with him.

He killed Perry, I remind myself, then get more brutally specific. He *ate* Perry.

What choice did he have? That's just what he was. Although, I have to admit, that argument has a glaring weakness. It was only minutes later that he made a different choice – he saved me. I mean, he had been staring at me before he encountered Perry. He was… attracted to me?

Perry, on the other hand, had probably shot him, and could have killed him. At that point, it was self-defense, right?

I threw a knife at him, sure, but that was no big deal, obviously, and then I was all out of weapons. No threat to him.

And if I'm right… about the memory transfer thing… he'd just seen some of Perry's memories of me. Maybe… maybe that's why he saved me. Maybe Perry dying saved my life. It fits. R wasn't hungry when he met me, and on top of his own prior reaction to me, he had just stolen some warm fuzzy feelings. He knew my name. Knowing someone's name turns them from an object into a person, it makes a difference.

It makes sense. In a weird way, I think Perry would have been… satisfied with the result. He didn't want to live anymore, anyway. And that was probably the only way he could have saved me that day. There were too many of them attacking; we were losing, badly.

That makes me feel a little better, but really it doesn't matter. I'm never going to see R again. No more salvage missions; I can't take that chance. Yeah, he changed, but without me there… I just don't know what might happen. Can't expect a guy to starve himself to death over an impossible dream.

Not to mention the fact that I snuck away without even saying goodbye. Three times, I ran away from him. I blink, thinking of how he must have felt when he realized I was gone…

Quietly, I walk across the room and open the door that leads out to the balcony. Maybe some fresh air will help. The door creaks a little, but maybe Nora won't hear it. I wander to the side, looking out across the wall, and sit on the balustrade. Yeah, okay, I miss R. I miss the way he listened, the way he 'spoke' with expressions and music, the way he said my name.

"Julie."

Yeah just like that. Wait.

"Julie."

That wasn't in my head.

Holy shit.

"Oh my god." I turn to look, and there he is, right there in my front yard looking up at me hopefully. "R?" I move to the side closer to him, leaning out, tucking my hair behind my ears. "What are you doing here?"

"Came to see you," he says, pretty fluently.

Panic battles with pleasure. "R…" Panic wins as I realize I can see him clearly in the street lights. "You can't just do that! It's dangerous!" A smile creeps over my face just the same. He came to see me!

"Grigio! Shut up!" I hear Nora yell from inside, and I turn towards the door. "I'm trying to sleep!"

She can't know he's here. "Uh, sorry!" I call back, then return my attention to R.

"Are you crazy?" I ask him, panic getting the upper hand again. "The people here, they're not like me! If they see you, you will get killed." His expression turns more serious. "Do you understand that?" Even as I ask, I know the answer.

He looks down for a minute, then back up to face me. "Yes."

He risked his life… existence… whatever… just to come see me.

"Are you talking to yourself?" Nora asks from inside the house.

Is she coming closer? Shit. Panic flares up again. "No!"

The door creaks open. "Okay, like, what is going on out here, Julie?"

I have time to glance back at R's concerned face, opening my mouth briefly, but with nothing to say.

I look at Nora. "Um…" Still nothing to say.

Nora comes to stand next to me, and follows my gaze down to the yard. She takes a huge breath, backing against the house in shock. "Oh my god," she breathes. "Is that him?"

"Yeah." I turn to check, and yep, he's still there. I think he might be just as panicked as I am, even if he doesn't show it as much.

He jerks a hand up and down in a parody of a wave, and manages a little grunt. Yep, he's panicked.

Nora just stares unhappily for a second, then manages to return the wave. "S'up."

At least she's not screaming. Or running for her gun. Yet. I hold out a placating hand towards her and look down at R again. "Hang on a second, I'll come down and let you in."

He nods, and looks around. Thank God the street is quiet tonight.

I push Nora gently ahead of me back into the house. She goes quietly at first, then stops dead in her tracks, swinging around to face me. "Julie, what are you doing?" Great, she's panicking, too.

"I am going to let my friend in before someone sees him."

Her eyes are wide and she's whispering. "He's a zombie, Julie! He'll attack you!"

"I spent three days with him," I remind her, impatiently. "It's fine."

She frowns. "He'll attack me!"

"No, he won't," I reply, certain now despite my earlier doubts. "But you can hide in your room if you want to. I'm going downstairs." I step around her and head down the stairs.

I take a deep breath before opening the door. He's there, standing on the porch looking anxious. "I'm sorry," he says, sincerely.

I move closer, searching his eyes. "I know. I'm sorry, too."

He looks down, then peeks back up and smiles nervously, and it's the most adorable thing I've ever seen. Almost before I realize it, I'm hugging him, my cheek against his bare neck.

He's stock still for a second, probably shocked, then his arms close gently around me. It feels wonderful.

"I actually missed you," I say.

It makes a lot more sense to me now than it did ten minutes ago.

"Me, too." He hugs me a tiny bit tighter, his chin on my shoulder.

"It's funny," I say, my eyes wanting to close, to savor the moment. "You feel warmer than I remember."

He nuzzles a bit closer to me. I never want to move. In the distance, though, I hear a siren, and it brings me back to reality. I pull my head back a bit. "That's the patrol." We both look towards the source of the sound. I step backwards, tugging him along with me. My turn to keep him safe. "Come on, we better get you inside."

He steps past me as I close the door, and I turn to see him standing still, looking around. "Come on." I grab him by the arm, not quite daring to hold his hand as I lead him forward. "You're lucky my dad got pulled into some emergency thing." I let go of him as we start up the stairs. "You're safe here tonight, R, but after that… I don't know what we're going to do." He follows me, but more slowly, looking around.

I glance around, too. We've got almost as much stuff piled up around here as he does in his plane. Although our stuff is more practical; ammo and emergency rations. No snow globes. "So how did you find me?"

He stops on the landing, looking nervous again. "Remember… when you took Perry to see his dad?"

I blink. That was when we took that secret route past the wall…

"He… he did, too."

"Oh."

Okay, then. I guess that confirms the memory transfer thing. And apparently it's not that temporary.

Moving on...

"Yeah, that. I wish I hadn't."

He looks down.

"Not because of you, R! I'm… glad you're here." I admit, shyly. "It's just, well, after what happened that day… with his dad…"

R meets my eyes, understanding. Sympathizing without words. Words are overrated.

"He was never the same after that." I sigh, then decide I need to share this, to confess, to reassure him. "Part of him died that day, when I shot his dad. His dad's corpse." I glance upwards, making sure Nora's not in sight, then add quietly, "You're not the only one who killed him." I can't look at him, so I head up the second flight of steps. After a moment, I hear him following.

My bedroom door is open. I stop, waiting for him to catch up, then wave him towards my room. He catches hold of my sleeve, and I turn to look up at him.

Wow, when he's not slouching he's really tall.

He stares down at me. "Thank you," he says quietly.

I nod. Maybe I'm imagining it, but it seems like he's letting go of some of the guilt. That's good. I don't want him to think he's not good enough for me, or something stupid like that.

Wait, what?

He's not my boyfriend, he can't be my boyfriend, no matter what happened with Perry. I have to remember that. Damn Nora for putting the idea into my head.

"Come on," I say, tilting my head towards my room. He follows me in.

Not sure if I'm happy or not when I see Nora's still there. She's fidgeting, standing by the couch, still kind of freaked out. I smile. Nice to see she trusts me. "Nora, this is my friend R. R, this is Nora."

He kind of ducks his head in acknowledgement. He's gotten a lot better at talking, but he's still uncomfortable around her. That needs to change, if they're going to be in the same room. I lead R over to the couch and motion for him to sit down. "You two need to get acquainted," I announce. Nora sits gingerly on the ottoman, facing him.

Then I abandon them there, under pretense of checking that the balcony door is properly closed. I need a little space from him, after that conversation, and she deserves it.

There's a moment of charged silence, then Nora plunges in, leaning forward and asking, "How'd you die?"

Of course she would start with that. I lean against my desk, just watching.

"I don't… remember," R answers, uneasily.

"How old are you?"

He shrugs, watching her warily.

"Because you could be twenty-something, but you could also be a teenager, you know, you have one of those faces?"

"Oh, my god." Okay, this was a bad idea.

"And I can't even smell… you don't smell rot-" she turns towards me, "He doesn't smell rotten!"

Okay, now R is the one freaked out, murmuring something indistinct.

She leans in to examine him again. "Amazing!"

"Nora, he didn't come here for an interview! Stop!" I cross the room to sit on the couch next to R. I draw up one knee in front of me as I turn sideways to face him.

He's still watching Nora like she's going to attack him.

"Why did you come here, R?"

He turns towards me, his expression lightening. "To show… everyone," he starts, smiling a little.

"Show them what?"

He looks so hopeful. "That we can change."

I sigh, wishing it was that easy. "R, no one here is ever going to buy that!" I hate to burst his bubble, but he needs to understand. "Not that we could get you even close enough to tell them."

I can see his hope fading, and it's a terrible feeling.

"As soon as they saw you, they would blow your head to bits."

He turns to look at Nora, the closest "they" at hand.

She nods, sad but sympathetic. Maybe embarrassed, too. The only reason she's not blowing his head to bits is that she trusts me.

"Wait a minute, did you say we?"

He nods. "Lots of us… changing." He pauses and smiles. "Dreaming."

I take a deep breath. "That's kind of a big deal."

Understate much, Julie?

Yeah, I guess he really was asleep this morning, after all. It hadn't really registered, at the time, how strange that was. Shit, now what do we do?

"We h-have to move fast," he continues, his face getting more serious.

"What do you mean?"

"Bonies… chasing me." He leans in a little, for emphasis. "Chasing us."

Great. And we're both… in the city, which means... I turn to Nora. "Okay, we have to go to my dad."

She frowns. "No, that is a very bad idea."

"No, Nora, he was a reasonable guy once."

"No, no, I think you are confused. It was your mom, that was the reasonable one. It was your dad that grounded you for a year for stealing peach schnapps!"

I lean back, covering my face as I realize she's right.

"Are you serious? It's your dad who likes to…" she falters a bit and turns, pointing to R. "shoot corpses in the head."

He sits back, alarmed.

I sit forward again. "What other choice do we have, Nora?" I look at R. I need him to be safe. We can't defend ourselves properly, and Dad needs to know what's going on.

I deflate then, remembering. "Still, we'd have to get him through the city." He managed to get here, yeah, but Dad's headquarters is in a densely populated area. "Someone would definitely see you."

"There isn't much time," R says.

We might have to risk it. Maybe I could go see Dad by myself? Not that I want to leave R.

"We could fix him up," Nora says into the sudden silence.

R and I both turn to stare at her. "What?"

She's staring thoughtfully at R's face. "I have some makeup that I've been saving for a special occasion that obviously isn't going to happen."

"Yeah, yeah, we could," I agree, hope blooming again. I inspect him. "We could put on a little bit of foundation… maybe a little blush…" I turn to smile at Nora. "Probably a lot of blush."

R may have forgotten his entire life, but he obviously remembers enough to know that guys don't wear makeup. He looks vaguely horrified at the suggestion.

"No way," he stammers.

My grin widens. This is going to be fun. "Yeah, way."

A/N: Thanks Brigid1318 and Alana-kittychan for reviewing! J Don't worry, there's more… should be seven chapters, total. And apparently the further along we get the more original stuff I'm adding in… just my personal interpretation of how things were going when the camera wasn't looking. Hopefully it's pretty seamless.

Special thanks to NotMarge for the editing suggestions – as you've no doubt noticed, I took some but not others – I like using actions and inner monolog as dialog tags, otherwise I can't keep track of who's saying what. But there were parts where I think you improved it, so, thanks bunches! All mistakes are my own…