of enchantments and pink flowers

by NiNA_eN

XxA Lover's RequiemxX

"Love is giving someone the power to destroy you…but trust them not to."

four.

confused love/own choice

All my life has been an elaborate plan, pieces of a carefully-designed puzzle, structured so so perfectly, each to its designated spot, not a single thing out of place.

Well, except Syaoron.

He was an exception, unplanned, a misfit, a randomly-thrown in piece. We should never have met yet against all odds, we fell in love.

But still there were so many restrictions, limits in the life of a princess. I never shared it with my father, my brother, his assistant or even my best friend, but I felt trapped. Walls as confining as my underclothes, sentiments as unreal as the faultless nobility I was seen as – all was just so very suffocating.

And then I lost my memories.

For some reason or other, they had taken the form of feathers and flown off to different universes. As selfish as it sounds, as much as I try to deny it (and didn't know why), there was this teeny tiny bit of me that was instantly and completely thrilled.

As we travelled to different worlds, met unique individuals (OK, maybe not), and learnt of new (and sometimes weird things), I actually felt free. For the first time in years, I felt truly free. Thrown in unexpected unplanned situations, I could act on impulse, say what I want, do what I want.

But then I realized. I wasn't free. Not really.

I didn't notice at first, distracted, disillusioned by sweet smiles, gentle caresses and kind words. But then it got to me, like a dripping tap.

Drip. Drip.

After so long, I finally realized. My life was still being mapped out, commandeered by others, by Syaoron, by my memories, by my feathers.

Unconsciously, Mokona was also into on it. Whenever he sensed it, wherever he felt it, we followed, like meek lambs after its master.

My memories may have been gone but they still dictated my life, my mind, my heart.

In my heart there was no space for anyone else.

Except…there was.

I'd met Fai. Another misfit, another unexpected piece. His impact was larger than anyone else I'd ever met (I didn't know at the time) and he (invisibly, mentally) completely threw me off.

All smiles, sunshine and happiness. Except it wasn't. It was completely fake, just like the ones at home. And yet I was drawn to it, to him, to his mask. I wanted to smooth out the invisible furrow between his pale brows, clear the unseen shadows around his darkened sky eyes.

"Sakura-chan, who do you love?"

Light, deceptive, a sweet voice, honeyed tones.

It's Syaoron, isn't it?

A question unasked, hanging in the air, tangible, dark. Weighing on my own tongue also.

"I…"

Blue eyes, piercing, questioning, demanding.

"I…"

It's…Syaoron, isn't it…?

A half nod, lips wet and parted as if in protest. Green eyes, soft, hesitant.

"Fai…san…?..."

A smile. A real one, full of warmth, compassion and silent understanding. Light blue eyes, full of light and…love?

I smile back, eyes closed, tears brimming.

Just this once.

I love you.

My own choice.

Edit* I. FINALLY FOUND MY LONGLOST HARDRIVE! -supergrin- I felt so bad not finishing this thing and now I'm finally able to! But, oh the angst and the unrequite love/-angst that just seems so long ago... My writing style, I hope, seems to have changed a lot haha!

Well, I hope you've all enjoyed this series, as short as each chapter was with its frustrating updating times and thank those who've stuck with me so long, though I've yet to answer any questions. Sorry for that, I'll do that soon enough.

Ja Ne! :D :)

FirestormAngelBlaze slash NiNA_eN