DISCLAIMER - I own nothing! Except for a box of teabags. Tea is awesome.
Rated 'M' for sexual situations and lemons, very bad language and eventual violence.
Thanks to Mynxi for teaching me about Colorado, putting a smile on my face and for being a great Beta.
Thanks to bloodofbeckie for further teaching about America, about men and about sentence structure. She's an awesome Beta and a close friend, I love her.
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I wanna blow you away,
be with you every night.
Am I squeezing you too tight?
- Avril Lavigne - Things I'll Never Say
Bella's POV
Rosalie drove me home in her red BMV convertible, and I had to admit, it mirrored her personality perfectly- vibrant, stunning and a little intimidating.
The two of us plotted dares and pranks as she navigated the roads of Forks, with ideas ranging from making Jasper wrestle a mountain lion one handed and painting Emmett's Jeep bright pink. We settled into each other's company quickly, but despite the laughter, it still seemed a little shallow, like there were much more pressing and blatant things we needed to discuss.
I would not be the one to bring them up.
She pulled up outside my house and turned off the engine before turning to me and handing me something black and small.
"Here's my old cell phone. All of our numbers are programmed into it and we were able to get you onto our unlimited contract." I tried to protest but she spoke over me.
"Don't argue with me, Bella. You're going to take this whether you want it or not. It's completely ridiculous that an eighteen year old girl would not be in possession of a cell phone," she chided, placing it in my lap before I could push it away.
"Rosalie," I whined, rolling my eyes. "You know how I am about gifts, I hate them. I could buy my own if I needed one."
" Stop talking, Bella. I'm guessing that a certain someone will be trying to keep you away from us now, but we won't have that. Now you don't have to go through Swollen Headward to speak to us, you can do it on your own terms."
"Swollen Headward?" I repeated dumbly, raising an eyebrow.
She nodded gravely, but I could see the humor glinting in her eyes. "Yes. He has a very swollen head due to his massive ego and self-righteousness. And it may have sustained a tiny bit of damage when Jasper dropped him." She grinned mischievously and I couldn't help but to smile back, so pleased that we were getting along for once.
An awkward silence came over the two of us as we looked at each other and our smiles faded away until Rosalie spoke. "Bella, it was really nice getting to know you a little better today. All I ever saw of you was Edward's shadow and I don't want you to let yourself be pushed around by him."
I nodded, staring down into my lap, unsure of what to say in response to the sorrow in her voice.
"Bella?" she asked and I looked up at her face, ethereal in its angelic beauty. Her eyes seemed caring for once, and they focused on mine. "Do me a favor, okay? Don't let him push you around."
I nodded once more, too stunned to speak. In just one day, Rosalie had gone from hating my guts to giving me advice and telling me to stick up for myself. I couldn't hold in the questions anymore.
"Rosalie, why do you hate me so much? I don't know what I did wrong."
She smiled with a knowing look in her eye. "I don't hate you, Bella, and I especially don't hate you now. I'm really sorry for how I acted. I just watched you make choices, choices that I wouldn't make and I worry for you. I worry for my family, More specifically, I used to worry about the effect you could have on my family. You had the ability to tear us apart or to expose of us for what we are, whether intentionally or by accident, and I felt that you were a threat."
"Rosalie, I would never endanger your family like that. They're my family, too. You all are, and I love you all so much. I just want to spend forever with you all, if you all want me, because this is where I finally feel like I belong. I mean, I know you don't want me, but Alice, Emmett, Carlisle, Esme and Jasper-" Jasper. Jasper's vote had been a yes, "they all voted yes..." my voice drifted off and I suddenly felt incredibly awkward, unable to form a thought coherent enough to continue.
Bella, I have absolutely no aversion to you becoming my sister; I just have an aversion to you throwing away your humanity to become like us, to become frozen. Don't you see all the things you'll throw away? All the things you'll lose?" she said, her voice becoming more and more frantic.
"I want Edward."The amount of times that I had said the words had finally made them involuntary, and I gritted my teeth against the sudden throbbing in my stomach, the aching pull of longing for something that I could not place.
Her perfectly shaped eyebrows knitted together as she frowned and turned to look ahead, lost in thought.
"Bella, I think it's time that you hear my story, the story of how I came to be this way. You heard Jasper's last night. He spoke about how 'life throws stones at us all', right?"
I nodded, waiting with bated breath to hear her story, my stomach twisting in knots. This was something I had wanted to know from the very first time I had caught her glares.
"As a human, I was one of the people that life threw rocks at in the form of jewels—of gold, emeralds, and sapphires. I had everything until it was ripped away. I want the chance to tell you why I think you should stay human."
As she told me her story, I remained silent, listening to her soft lament for her human life, for her friend Vera and for her beautiful baby, Henry. She told me how jealous she was of Vera for her child and how strange it was to experience such an emotion after having been given everything by her family, after having been blessed with such glorious beauty.
She spoke of how much she yearned for a little baby of her own, how she wanted a husband to love her, and how she wished for a family.
The wistful tone in her voice suddenly twisted into one of bitterness, darkness tingeing her voice as she described Royce King and the courtship and engagement she had with him, the rich son of a bank owner. The harshness in her voice contrasted deeply with her words of how she thought it was a fairytale.
She told me of how she had left Vera's, who she had envied so before she had met Royce. She described how on the way home she ran into a drunken Royce on the way home. She spoke of the men leering at her, trapping her, ripping her jacket from her body, tearing her hat off her head, assaulting her before they slammed her on her back into the cobbled street, their monstrous perverted laughter and raucous shouts of joy contrasting with her screams of pain and fear, of her sobs.
"They raped me," she said finally, her melodic voice only slightly louder than a whisper as her golden eyes fixed a point in my backyard through the rain-splattered windshield.
I hadn't realized what had been happening until she said the words, and my eyes filled with tears for her. I could not have imagined anything more terrible, and I wanted to do anything I could to make it better. I reached my arm out to her and whispered, "I'm so sorry."
She remained unmoving, a pale and beautiful statue frozen in time. She finally sank back in the driver's seat with her arms folded across her chest as if they could protect her from the memories. When she finally did speak again, her voice was still the same bitter tone but threaded with satisfaction and complacency.
She told me how she hunted the men, torturing them; saving Royce for last so he'd know she was on her way. She mentioned how her record of tasting human blood was clean and that she had killed these men in cold blood, the only justice she could serve for the loss of her humanity. She explained how she met Emmett and how she loved him, but regretted that they would never sit on a front porch somewhere watching their children play on the lawn.
"I know you're stubborn, Bella, but please think over my words. I don't want you to have to suffer like I do. I want you to make the most of what you have, and what you have is possibilities stretching out to a horizon decades away, even if you can't recognize it now. Don't throw it away," she pleaded and she reached out for my hand, squeezing it and smiling, a melancholy look in her eye.
"I'll think about it," I conceded. I knew for a fact that my resolve would not falter but I didn't want to damage this new friendship.
She thanked and looked at the house. "Charlie's coming out, Bella."
"Shit. How do we explain you being here? You're meant to be at Dartmouth! I'm meant to be grounded!" I said, suddenly very worried as I could see him walking towards us.
"I'll handle this." She winked at me and got out of the car to go and greet him. She waved at Charlie, batting her eyelashes and giving him a dazzling smile. "Hello, Sir! I just came to drop Bella off. I'm Rosalie, Carlisle's daughter."
Jesus, she was laying it on thick. I watched as before my eyes he became putty in her hands, just as he had with Alice.
"Hello, Rosalie. It's nice to meet you. Your father is a wonderful man. Aren't you supposed to be at college?" he asked, intuitive as ever. I waited, frozen to see what she would come up with; praying Charlie wouldn't notice my blush. I was not a good liar.
"Jasper, Emmett and I are taking the semester off to do some volunteer work in Seattle, so we decided to come home a semester early, seen as everyone else is home now too," she explained, the same stunning smile on her face.
Charlie cleared his throat and straightened up a little, in Chief of Police mode now. "Well, you three be careful out there. Seattle is getting to be pretty dangerous at the moment."
"Oh, Dad. Leave the big cities alone; what did they ever do to you?" I complained, finally stepping out of the car and making my way to Rosalie's side.
"No, Bella, your dad's right," she chided with a mocking look in her eye as she glanced at me. I felt the urge to stick my tongue out at her as she turned back to Charlie. "Of course we'll be careful, sir."
"Please, call me Charlie," he said, smiling, his eyes crinkling around the edges. "Would you like to stay for dinner, Rosalie?"
I sighed internally, fighting to roll my eyes. Funny how he adores Rosalie and Alice yet hates Edward. I wondered dimly what he'd think of Jasper. Jasper was the perfect gentleman and would probably not averse to watching sports on television with Charlie, as I had seen him do several times with Emmett.
"No thank you, Charlie, I've got to get back home. I promised everyone I'd cook tonight," she explained as I stifled a snort. Cooking in the Cullen household did not happen unless I was there.
"That's fine, completely understandable. Come over again soon, Rosalie, and say hello to your father for me."
"I will," she said, leaving with that smile as she walked back towards her ostentatious car, climbing in and rolling the window down, despite the ever present threat of rain.
"Smooth, Rosalie," I said quietly, raising an eyebrow at her.
She laughed, a beautiful bell sound spilling from her throat. "Bella," she said, looking at me with a grin, "The family calls me Rose." With that, she drove off back to the Cullen house.
The vampires' lair, I thought wryly, although inside I was overjoyed that she had finally accepted me as part of her family, something I never thought would be quite possible.
I smiled to myself, walking back to where Charlie stood, with his arms folded looking at me sternly. My face fell as I took in his expression. Uh oh.
"You're supposed to be grounded, Bella. Grounded does not constitute as going to the Cullen's house. Did we not already discuss this?" he said, frowning at me.
"I'm sorry, Dad. I just found out that Rosalie, Jasper and Emmett were back and I guess I just got really excited," I explained, knowing my excuse would fall on deaf ears. I waited for the onslaught.
"Was Edward with you today?"
"No, Dad. He went hiking with Emmett. I spent some time getting to know Rosalie," this time probably a little more convincing as I was half telling the truth.
Charlie sighed, and motioned for me to follow him into the house. I sat on the couch and he plopped onto his chair. "Bella, you broke my trust. Again."
I blushed and bit my bottom lip, deciding to opt for the truth. "Dad, I'm sorry, truly I am, but I've been such a zombie for the past few months. I guess I really just wanted some time to just feel and to just enjoy life."
I wasn't lying. I had missed looking forward to something, laughing and feeling it in my belly, closer to a smile than a tear. Any tear I would have cried this afternoon would have been out of sheer untainted happiness. The afternoon I spent with Jasper, Emmett and Rose could have gone on forever and I would have been happy.
Something in his angry face softened and he looked sad, haunted by the memories of my zombie-state. Maybe it had been a cheap shot but I wasn't lying - it was so good to feel alive again.
"Bells, I just wanted you to get some distance from Edward. I just would like you to gain some independence. Frankly, I'm not very good at the whole punishment thing, so maybe we can overlook this grounding if you make me a promise."
"Anything," I said eagerly.
"Promise me if I agree to this ungrounding, you'll try to see other people. Go see Jacob. Or Jessica Stanley. Don't stand in Edward's shadow looking only for him, stand with him so you can look to others too." Charlie was a man of few words so I knew he had worked himself up for this.
And this was not the first time today someone had described me as in Edward's shadow. As I nodded to Charlie and walked to the kitchen to start on dinner, I thought about what the others had said to me. Was I really that far in Edward's shadow? Was I really as flimsy as people stated? Was I truly as timid and hidden as people seemed to think?
The answer must have been yes, or else when Edward left, I would not have been so broken. It was egotistical and self- centred to believe that I mustlove Edward truly more than anyone has ever loved anyone, because how could I know? It had felt like I did, but ever since he had come back, things felt a little like they were changing. Everything I did with Edward felt...forced.
His consistent rejection of me, constantly leaving me heated up and hanging on to him was enough of a sign that I was not in control of this relationship in any way, shape or form.
Relationships fall apart all the time and frequently, one half of a couple was still in love with the other, but they did not go into a catatonic and broken state. They picked up their lives and moved on. They didn't die inside. Sometimes, it may hurt terribly but people have enough self confidence to feel happy in themselves again.
I had been the opposite, so reliant on Edward Cullen. I barely saw my old friends except for when Edward went on hunting trips.
After dinner, I excused myself to have a shower and work on some homework to no avail, still thinking through my relationship with Edward.
It just wasn't normal to be so dependent on him. If he hadn't wanted me, why wasn't I strong enough after a month of being apart, to flip him the bird, say "fuck you" and walk away? Was it because I somehow loved him in such a devastating, heartbreakingly strong way that our hearts could not be separated? Or was it because I was too dependent on him?
No man should be able to demand me to come and stand near him from across a room, a room full of his family and tell me it is for my own safety.
Well, except maybe Charlie when I was a young child and on Christmas, his Uncle George would wander around drunkenly, telling stories of limbless soldiers wandering round the battlefields of World War 2.
Even then, Charlie never shouted at me or spoke down to me. And that was my father. Why should my boyfriend be able to speak to me that way?
As I settled into bed a few hours later, I knew that Edward would be out there; watching my room, protecting me from the terrors of my yellow lace curtains and of Charlie's snores. I snorted at the thought.
In any case, he did not come into my bedroom that night and surprisingly, this did not bother me as much as I thought it would.
I awoke in the morning with a start at the sound of the phone ringing downstairs. I dragged myself out of bed and went to pick it up, pissed off that I'd been woken up, and wondering why Charlie hadn't picked it up. I cursed him in seven different ways before I remembered he'd taken the Sunday shift at work.
"Hello?" I said, my voice scratchy from disuse during the night.
"Bella?" a familiar voice asked.
"Jake? Oh my God, Jake! I'm so sorry! I've been trying to call but your dad said you were out! Please don't be mad at me! Please! Lifetime of servitude up for grabs if you forgive me!"
"Calm down, Bells," he said in his throaty voice, laughing. "Are you busy today? Can I come and see you?"
"Yes!" I shrieked, bouncing up and down with excitement.
"Good!" he said, clearly joyous over my positive reaction. "I'll run over if you like."
"Jake, actually, could you bring the Rabbit? I could really do with a drive and a chat," I did not want to be within earshot of any eavesdropping vampires in the vicinity of the house.
"Sure," he said, the shrug evident in his voice.
"See you soon!"
I got dressed quickly, noticing vaguely that I must have left my jacket at the Cullens. I opted for a dark blue sweater and some jeans and went downstairs to wait for Jacob.
He pulled up half an hour later, in his little Red Rabbit, smiling my favorite sunny smile and as I ran out to meet him, he pulled me into a warm hug against his muscle shirt.
"Missed you, Bells."
"Missed you too," I breathed, soaking in his warmth.
We got in the car and he drove north. It was silent for a while, neither of us wanting to speak first about the elephant in the room...or car.
"Bella, I imprinted yesterday," he said simply.
"What?" I asked, not hiding my shock.
"You sound as surprised as I felt," he commented smugly, a smile on his face.
"Who is she? Where's she from? What's she like?"
"She's from Port Angeles. I was out in Seattle yesterday, looking for car parts and she was the shop assistant. Her name is Beckie and well, Bells, she's beautiful," he explained, his smile radiant now.
I did not expect to feel as happy for him as I did right now. I once feared this moment but all I could feel right now was joy. "That's awesome, Jacob! Are you gonna see her soon?"
" Uh huh," he said, obviously pleased that I was so happy for him. "I'm taking her out on a date on Tuesday. I think she likes me."
"She's a very lucky girl," I said sincerely, happy that Jacob Black was on his way to his happy ending.
"So, why did you drag me all the way out here in the car? I presume it's to get away from Mister Glitter, right?" I rolled my eyes at him. What was it with everyone and their nicknames for Edward? "Tell me, Bells."
"Jacob, if I ask you a serious question, do you swear not to mock me and to take it seriously?" I asked, staring straight ahead, not wanting to see how he'd react.
"I promise, you know I do."
"Do you think I let Edward control me too much? Do you think I live in his shadow?"
His face fell into a morose expression and he spoke solemnly. "Bells, you know I do."
"Oh," I said and my voice sounded hurt but I had not expected him to be so blunt.
"I don't mean to sound awful, Bells, really I don't. You're my best friend, but you need to remember that I watched you go through everything, that I tried to help you get through it. If I had one chance to make that leech-" he spat the word out, "-pay for what he did to you, I would torture him to the ends of the earth. Even when you were with him, when you came to La Push, you were dimmer than you had been when we were kids. I put that down to you being unhappy that you moved here but later I figured out that it was him."
I waited and stared out of the window at the green flashing past us.
"What's wrong? Did I upset you?" he asked, glancing at me.
"No, it's just," I took a deep breath. "I'm just starting to wonder if you might be right."
He swerved as he drove, gasping in shock before righting the car. I yelped and clutched my seat.
"What? You need to tell me what happened, right the fuck now!" he shouted.
"Well, he left me at his house the other night, so I stayed over and hung out with Jasper, Rose, and Emmett. Anyway, he came back yesterday afternoon and started shouting at me that I wasn't safe with Jasper and tried to make me walk literally twenty feet to him or something because he wanted me safe and dry," I explained, running over the day's events in my mind.
"Dry?" Jacob asked, dubiously.
"Don't ask. Anyway, he kept saying it was all Jasper's fault that I was disobeying him and kept ordering me to walk over to him."
"And did you? What happened?" Jacob seemed genuinely interested now, glancing at me sideways.
"No. I stayed with Jasper. Jasper got mad and grabbed Edward by the throat, calling Edward a pussy boy. I think he was sick of it," I said, a thrill in my stomach as I remembered how the muscles in Jasper's arm had tensed as he lifted Edward off the ground like he weighed nothing more than a sack of flour.
Bad Bella! This is not the time to be thinking these thoughts! I reprimanded myself internally. Hell, I should not be thinking those thoughts about Jasper at any time!
"Nice," Jacob said appreciatively. "For a bloodsucker anyway. Someone's gotta sort that douchebag out."
I laughed and he told me how the wolves were doing, telling me how Quil had finally made the pack and how despite all the pack's qualms, Quil loved it, loved being part of things.
He turned at some point and we drove back to Forks, pulling up my driveway. I got out of the car and Jacob was by my side in an instant. I internally grumbled about how everyone was so much quicker than me.
"Bella, there's a vampire through those trees," Jacob murmured next to my ear, tensing, his senses urging him into a flight or fight reaction.
I looked expectantly to where his chin was pointing and saw Jasper walk onto my front lawn.
He was breathtaking. He wore a turtleneck ivory sweater through which you could see how defined his muscles were and jeans that hung lose off his hips. He was smiling a little and he stayed a good distance away, probably so as not to aggravate Jake. He was carrying my jacket on his forearm.
"I'm not here to cause trouble. You left your jacket at my house, Bella, and I wanted to give it back," he explained, ever the perfect gentleman.
"Thank you," I said, smiling warmly, my stomach pulling and doing back flips as he walked towards me, handing it to me and looking down at me with tawny eyes.
Jacob cleared his throat uncomfortably and I snapped out of my daze. "Oh, sorry. Jasper, this is Jacob Black, werewolf and mechanic extraordinaire. He rebuilt that Volkswagen Rabbit and he rebuilt my Chevy's engine. Jacob, this is Jasper. He was born in Texas and was the youngest Major in the Confederate Army of the Civil War." I sounded like a proud mother, bragging about their best feats, trying desperately to forge some kind of a friendship.
"What, so you're like a cowboy?" Jacob asked, the icy tone in his voice marred by incredulity.
"I guess so." Jasper's answering smile was far too polite for the clear animosity in Jacob's tone.
"Huh, well seeing as how I'm an Indian, I guess we're on opposing sides there too, then," Jacob joked, however the ice had almost totally melted in his tone and they both laughed heartily.
"Jacob, could Jasper maybe hang out with us for a while?" I asked, glancing between him and Jasper. Jacob looked doubtful. "C'mon, please! Think of how much it would annoy Edward," I pleaded, trying to make light out of the situation.
"I promise, Jacob. If I was even half the ass my brother is, I would be too embarrassed to leave the house," Jasper promised, a reserved smile on his face.
"That makes two of us then."
They both grinned and we went inside, laughing and joking. As it turned out, the boys got along quite well after the "leech" and "dog" jokes. Jasper was always incredibly warm, willing to make jokes but not at Jacob's expense. He was so charismatic, so likeable but then again, that was how he rose through the ranks in the Confederate Army.
He was gorgeous, rugged, and chiseled as he sat on my couch. Edward was good looking in a refined sort of way like Adonis. Jasper was all man, clearly a warrior, Ares in all his glory.
I kept catching myself when I stared at him too much, silently reprimanding myself when I thought back to my dream and wondered if what was in his pants was as big as my head had made it out to be.
Stop it! Boyfriend's brother. Boyfriend's brother. Boyfriend's brother. I thought after I caught myself glancing a little south of where was appropriate.
Yes, but he's an extremely hot sex god cowboy soldier boy, I thought, almost licking my lips. He was hot as hell, his mouth turned up at one side in an impish smile as he recollected calling Edward a pussy boy to Jacob, who grinned back.
After about an hour, Jacob stood up. "I better be off, someone's gotta go and check that the old man hasn't rolled down a hill and fallen into the Pacific Ocean."
We all laughed and he made his way out shouting, "See you guys later! Nice meeting you, Jasper!"
"Bye!" we both shouted.
There was an awkward silence between Jasper and I then as we both stared at each other, an odd tension hanging over us. I walked to the front door, locking it after Jacob's exit, turning to see Jasper standing in front of me.
"Everyone's so much faster than me!" I complained, pouting. Jasper chuckled, exuding light with his honey coloured eyes and blond hair, summer emanating from him. I loved the summer.
"Bella, I just wanted to apologize." The sweet smile remained on his lips.
"Why?" I asked, puzzled. He had nothing to apologize for aside from featuring in a very vivid sex dream of mine the other night and making me do far too much thinking ever since. Even then, that was only inadvertently him.
"Don't be confused. I want to apologize for presuming you needed protecting yesterday when Edward was there. I know you said you could handle yourself and I know you can but I didn't like him speaking to you like that," he explained, his brow furrowing.
Damn, he was handsome. Focus, Bella!
"I really appreciated you sticking up for me like that. It was nice knowing someone supported me and had my back. I'm glad someone listens to me and cares about my opinion too. No one ever seems to. I feel like I fade into the background a little, so I curl into a shell and hide," I admitted, sighing. He was so easy to talk to.
"Bella, never feel unimportant. Ever," he said suddenly, coming closer to me and I felt my stomach flip at his close proximity. His hand reached up to cup my chin, his cool fingertips gracing my skin.
The pull in my stomach that I had been feeling settled as he came within inches from my face and I suddenly realized that the pull had not been coming from Edward and it wasn't just some new kind of anxiety. The pull was to Jasper!
"Why?" I breathed, enthralled by him as his eyes took me in. He looked at me, his eyes aflame with passion, just like they had been in my dream.
"Because you're important to me," he said and his eyes shut as he leaned forward and I followed suit.
A/N: I hope none of you are mad! I gave you sort of fluffy and then a cliffhanger. ;) This was important for the plot though. Do you guys want me to update in two days with the next chapter? Let me know. :)