This seems as good a place and time as any to mention that I feel a little uncertain with my grasp of Starfire's dialogue. If anyone has any tips or suggestions along those lines, feel free to speak your mind. I'm not scared to edit chapters. In fact, I've replaced every chapter so far (including this one, heh), correcting minor spacing errors and whatnot. Also, if any of you have sources for Tamaranian phrases, I could so use some.

Chapter 4: Loss

Initial fury and grief had, after a few hours of crying, subsided into deep depression. She clutched Silkie in her arms, rocking back and forth on her bed slightly, and tried so hard not think, but thoughts came anyway.

She'd been stupid to think Robin cared for her the way she did for him. He'd never really been comfortable expressing himself around her... and now he had Raven. Raven, who was so much more like him than she was! Dark and secretive! They even shared the five-letter names of birds starting with the letter R. She had been so very idiotic to have never seen it before. She remembered the hug Raven and Robin had shared back when they defeated Trigon... the way they looked at each other... she had thought nothing of it at the time, but now she knew what it all had meant.

"Oh, my little bumgorf, how could they do this to me," she whispered lifelessly to Silkie, craddling him as though he were the only thing left in the world to love. And maybe he was. "I hate them. They are treacherous and not worthy of being called friends... I hate them so much..."

But no, that wasn't true. She knew it wasn't true even as she spoke the words. She loved them both, Raven as a sister and Robin as a wonderful, handsome, intelligent man, and there was nothing she could do to make herself stop caring for them. They'd been through too much together, they were like a family. That was why it hurt so much. Running away was tempting, but it was the coward's way out. She'd tried that before, several times, and it never really worked out. No, she had learned from those experiences. It wouldn't take an encounter with a Cironielian Chrysalis Eater to bring her wisdom this time. She knew deep in her heart that the only thing to do was to do the most painful thing of all. To accept the pain, to live with it, and to forgive her friends and let them be happy together.

Yes, that was the only thing to do.

She sniffled, blew her nose on a thousandth tissue, and wiped her face. She would go now and find Raven or Robin, and tell them she understood and that she would not stand between them.

She would go to Raven first. She'd ran off so quickly,without even a word... she must be drowning in guilt, Starfire surmised. Good friends didn't let each other feel bad. She would tell Raven it was okay, that Robin belonged to no one but who he wished to belong to, and then they would share a hug and cry together.

No, on second thought, Raven crying would be, to use the Earth expression, just plain freaky. They would just meditate together or do some other quiet activity to bond.

It wasn't even necessarily a bad thing, this happening... no, it could be the start of a whole new joyous growing process and deepening friendship with her teammates. That was what she told herself, over and over, as she walked through the tower halls, acutely aware that she could not bring herself to flutter in the air even as much as a darflingian krugax at blorspurten.

She stopped at Raven's door and stared at it, straightening her hair nervously. Raven always retreated to her room when she felt vulnerable. She said the solitude was soothing. But friends had to help soothe too. Friends were important. More important than boyfriends, much more.

She rapped gingerly at the door. The doorway to the afterlife itself did not look much scarier, at the moment.

"Whoever's there, come in but be quiet about it," Raven called, sounding tired.

So she stepped into Raven's room, reluctantly letting the door close behind her. The lighting was dim with the door shut, and the shadows cast by random unindentifiable objects were positively frightful.

Raven was sitting in front of her dresser, building a small pyramid from playing cards with slow, careful movements. She'd only gotten as far as the second level. Starfire wondered why she felt the need to do such a thing.

"What..."

"After the rabbit ordeal with Mumbo, I became a little curious about parlor and stage magic," Raven explained without looking away from the cards. "Card tricks and common illusions." Two more cards were placed precariously on top. "All junk... not real... mostly suggestions in presentation. But... good for focusing thoughts... and passing time. I, I can't seem to clear my mind to meditate today. So I thought I'd try this instead. It's a beginner's exercise... to develop hand-eye coordination."

The stammer was small but noticeable. Raven never stammered, or hesitated, or fumbled her words. Starfire's heart surged out to the girl, her sister in spirit if not in blood. Raven had to be hurting, too.

"Remind me to throw Beast Boy into the ocean sometime today," Raven went on idly. "I keep finding the word 'trickster' scribbled over the joker cards in green ink. No one else has that kind of sloppy handwriting. It's a stupid idea for a joke, though. Even for him."

Another card was placed, but it was the last one, for the pyramid promptly collapsed under the weight. Raven lowered her head with a sigh.

"That always happens," she muttered, drawing her hood up over her head.

"You seem most sad today," Starfire said gently, trying to lead slowly into That Which Should Not Be Talked About But Had To Be Talked About.

Raven finally turned to face her, eyes peering from beneath the shadows of her hood. "I'm fine. What's up?"

Starfire winced. Raven wasn't going to make this easy. Well, okay, she'd just have to come out and say it then. She took a deep breath in preparation.

"I was unaware that you and Robin had 'the thing' for each other. I am sorry to have gotten in the way and wish you to be happy together, and for us all to remain friends."

Raven's only visible change in expression was a blink. "What are you talking about?"

Why was she making this so hard?! It was difficult enough as it was! Raven had to face up to things too, it couldn't all be her burden! Starfire's teeth clenched involuntarily in frustrated anger before she made her jaw relax.

"Please, Raven, there is no need to hide it any longer. I saw you and Robin making the out. I understand and accept this and wish you to know I hold no ill feelings towards either of you for it."

"Starfire, I don't know what you think you saw, but I've barely even talked to Robin today. And I'm pretty sure I haven't touched him in a week. And I've definitely never, ever made out with him."

It wasn't fair! Here she was, trying to do the right thing, and this, this... she hadn't even a word for her... was trying to pretend like nothing had even happened! Was she so ashamed of it that she couldn't even admit to the truth?! Righteous fury welled up deep inside, and her eyes illuminated the room in green while her throat suddenly tasted of bile.

"No!" she shouted emphatically, pushed to her limit. "No more of the lying! No more of the hiding! I know what I saw and you will not pretend that it did not happen! I may be often confused by this planet, but despite what you are apparently thinking, I am not stupid!" Tears almost as hot as her starbolts flowed down her cheeks, and she didn't even bother to wipe them. She couldn't even if she'd wanted to, anyway, her hands were glowing now too. She tried to talk more, but the words wouldn't come through her choked throat, so she ran out the door and away, ignoring the sounds of telekinetic chaos coming from Raven's room. So she'd finally upset Raven after all. Good. She deserved it. She hoped Raven's out of control emotions were tearing apart every book and statuette and strange magical device in the room.

Robin wouldn't be so cruel, Robin knew when to confess to mistakes. Robin would understand, and admonish Raven for being so foolish and hurtful. She would go to Robin and talk to him and everything would make some sort of sense again.

She was too blinded by tears to even notice Cyborg before she bumped into him, but she kept on walking.

"Whoa! Hey, Star, careful there!" he called out to her back. "Hey! Hey, is something the matter? Star? Didn't you like the bandaid I gave you?!" he hollered out as she was almost beyond hearing.

"I do not know what band of aid you are speaking of!" she yelled back, too self-involved to take the time to figure out what he was talking about or tell him what was going on. He could find out later. From someone else. Maybe Raven would tell her. That four-eyed treacherous, spread-legged, witchy clorbag varblernelk...

Oh, X'Hal, she hated and loved Raven at the same time.

It took her much longer to find Robin, and her tiring legs didn't help her temper. Finally she crossed paths with him while he was rushing through the halls in a similar frantic fashion, apparently doing the same thing she was, looking for someone to talk to about the whole thing.

"Robin! It is good to see you. We have things we must speak of," she said with careful formality. There was no need to take out all her extra anger on Robin. Or any anger at all, really. That would just make it worse. Nevertheless, she couldn't quite help the hard bite to her words.

"Star! I'm so glad I've found you, I've been looking for you everywhere! I don't know what-"

"Please stop," Starfire interrupted him evenly. "I have attempted to do the talking with Raven, but she pretends that what clearly happened did not happen. But I know you will not lie to me, Robin. I saw you two together making the out, and I wish you both happiness together, but please do not tell me it did not happen." There, that wasn't so bad. She didn't even cry.

"Star, I swear I don't know how it happened, it was just out of nowhere! It was like being jumped by a lion or something! What do you mean she said it didn't happen, though?"

She felt an unusual sliver of emotion, a tiny tendril of disgust towards Robin for trying to play innocent of his part in it. She'd seen what had happened, Robin had been pleased and doing things with his hands, too! It wouldn't be so hard, well, it would be less hard, if they both just admitted it, but, no, they both had to evade guilt like cowards.

"I mean what I said. She says it did not happen," Starfire growled, closing her eyes and trying to force herself into being calmer so her eyes wouldn't glow.

For a bit, there was quiet.

"Of course..." Robin said with the voice of one undergoing an epiphany. "I understand now. It all makes sense! Raven was acting so strange... but now I get it! IT WAS SLADE!"

Starfire's lids flew up so fast they probably broke the speed of light.

"Are you broke in your head?" she demanded incredulously. "You are saying that Slade was the one doing the making out with you?!"

"No, Star, hear me out! Raven was acting completely out of character! And doing things to fragment the team! But it obviously wasn't Raven, because she would never act that way! So it must have been one of Slade's robots! He can make robots that look enough like real human beings to fool anyone. He just made a very specialized model this time. This is completely his M.O."

"And I suppose this robot was made to feel like a person too as well as look like one, Robin?" she asked, eyes narrowed. He stammered and paused at that, clearly caught in the idiocy of his transparent, feeble excuse. "Or did you do the making out with a person that felt like cold metal? Right before this cold metal person flew through the floor without use of the dark magic?"

"N-now look, Star, I know it may seem far-fetched, but Slade is the most underhanded and cunning villain we've ever faced and he's still at large, we can't understimate-"

"The only thing I have underestimated is your lack of honor," Starfire hissed at him, overcome with revulsion. Suddenly she couldn't stand to look at him, and wheeled around, walking aimlessly, anywhere was a better place than being close to him.

"Star, wait, Star, please-"

She turned a corner blindly, and found herself face to face with a dozen black and orange steel masks.

She barely had time to mutter half of a Tamaranian curse in surprise, before one of them reached out with a sparking, humming hand, and sent waves of irresistable, jolting pain through her body, causing it to jerk helplessly like a puppet on arguing strings. By the time she collapsed to the floor she couldn't even feel the sensation of the fall.

She heard Robin scream her name, and then simply scream.

And then the dark came.