Eileen folded her arms over her chest and pursed her lips. One floor below and beyond the observation glass her daughter was struggling to the point of near tears. The determination on her face set Eileen's nerves on end – not because she wished Erza to be a better ballet dancer but because the instructor seemed to be utterly inept at speaking her learning language.
"There's a whole slew of early dance academies that would jump to take Erza on," Anna said quietly from the bench behind her.
"She likes this place. I don't want her to think it's her fault the class isn't good for her." The instructor signaled for a break and Eileen sighed. Erza moved to a corner of the room and slumped against the wall. It broke her heart to see her little girl so downhearted.
"I don't think it's a lack of skill," Anna leaned over her knees and mused with a critical expression Eileen recognized. "She knows the technique. She just she lacks self-confidence. Maybe…"
Anna trailed off when the door to the classroom opened and Jellal slipped in with along with a student instructor that couldn't have been more than nineteen. The student instructor moved to the barre but Jellal pursued Erza in the corner. He pulled a phone from his pocket and Erza peered at the face of it with an intense expression. When Jellal set aside the phone Erza eyed him skeptically but he pointed to his own chest with a confidence that drew a laugh from Anna.
"He's trying to convince her of something. It's cute."
Eileen's eyes narrowed when Jellal stood and pulled Erza to her feet. The student instructor knelt in front of them both and gesticulated with his hands a series of movements Eileen recognized. Of course. She felt ridiculous for not suggesting the concept herself. On one hand she wanted Erza to find her own confidence within herself but she also didn't see any harm in what was happening. Erza was a needy child in a way Eileen had never been. So what if she needed a partner to lean on?
Jellal grabbed his phone and handed it off to the student instructor. There was a lot of pointing and hand movements but Erza finally nodded and he walked both children through a very simple choreography. Erza seemed to feed off of Jellal's confidence and she spun around in a series of nearly perfect piqué turns. He barely touched her waist at all but Eileen thought it was more of a presence than a touch that closed the gap.
Anna stood and leaned into Eileen's side. Their fingers linked together briefly before Anna sighed.
"I think Erza is going to excel in the pas de deux one day," she said softly. "I've never seen her that steady even on the barre."
"It's not the barre," Eileen whispered. "It's the boy."
Erza and Jellal ran through the short routine twice more before she turned her eyes up toward the glass with a smile.
"When do you think I can start pointe work?" Erza asked casually from across the dinner table.
"Probably not until you're closer to thirteen," Eileen hedged. "Is that a thing you want?"
"Of course!"
"Erza, you don't have to do any of this if it's not what you want." Eileen watched as she picked at her food. She never liked to interrupt Erza's thought process. It was a thing her mother often did to her before her independent streak reared its head, and she wouldn't do that to Erza.
"Is this because of today?" she whispered. "I didn't mean to cry in class."
"I just worry you push yourself too much. At eight years old a lot of kids –"
"I can't be the best if I don't push." Erza's face hardened into something determined that warmed Eileen's heart over. "I want to do partner dance. I want to work with Jellal."
"I saw your piqués. They were very polished."
"I think maybe I don't like dancing alone."
"Does Jellal understand this commitment? Does he know how badly you want this?"
"Yeah."
Eileen leaned back in her chair and poked at the pool of sauce still on her plate with a fork. She didn't know why she bothered to ask if Jellal understood. In a lot of ways she thought Jellal understood commitment more than Erza. He wore his heart, however young and inexperienced, on his sleeve.
"There's a competition in August," Eileen began slowly. "You and Jellal will be nine and not restricted to the little ones. Do you think the two of you –"
"Yes!" Erza breathed. "I know we can!"
"I think with the right choreography and practice hours we could get you both into the mid-range level." Eileen suddenly stood and reached for Erza's empty plate. "I'll discuss it with Anna but –"
Before Eileen could finish her sentence Erza's chair fell over backwards. She'd vaulted herself out of it and took off for her bedroom. The excited squealing a moment later meant she'd already made a phone call. Eileen still wasn't completely sure about the competition circuit – her own mother deemed them to be beneath her talent – but Erza needed to find her own place. The first time Erza slid her little feet into a pair of ballet slippers Eileen decided to never be like her mother.
"It looks like the minimum requirement for the Juniors category is five hours of practice each week," Eileen muttered, her eyes scanning the wall of text in the most unreadable color and font she'd ever seen. The dance competition's website irritated her.
"Erza and Jellal sometimes crack seven," Anna said from the couch behind her.
"Mm." Eileen scrolled down further. "Their program can't exceed two minutes and fifteen seconds. That's… very short."
"It's pretty standard, I think. They're used to longer programs but I think something more condensed is well within their skillset."
Eileen sighed. "The problem will be securing a choreographer to work with them exclusively during the summer months. It's nearly April already. There isn't much time."
"I could do it," Anna offered lightly. "It's not a big deal."
"That's a lot of work, Anna. Where will you find the time? You're already at the very least amount of hours Crocus Ballet requires."
"Yeah," Anna drawled. "About that. I'm quitting." She paused and the ice in her cocktail glass tinkled as she laughed. "Retiring is a better word, I guess."
"What?" Eileen said, spinning around in Anna's desk chair. "Why?" The question slipped out but she already knew the answer.
"Because I'm tired of the rigidity. I love dance but I don't like all the rules. No staying up all night, no booze," Anna ticked off her reasons and held up her fingers. Eileen laughed and left the chair behind to join Anna on the couch.
"No junk food?"
"Well, that too." Anna's smile was brilliant even if slightly drunken. "You know I like my fried potatoes." She leaned in and pressed her lips to Eileen's in a quick kiss. "Will you still love me when I gain ten pounds right away?"
"I think," Eileen began, plucking Anna's glass out of her hand and setting it aside. "I'll love you more when you're not so grouchy for a snack all the time." She leaned in and Anna twisted to stretch out across the couch so Eileen could perch above her. "What will you do instead of ballet?"
"There's a business course at the city college I've got my eye on."
Eileen quirked an eyebrow. "Business?"
"It's only a two year degree but I think it'll be helpful when I finally do something with that old studio downtown." Anna curled a strand of Eileen's hair around her finger. "What do you think?"
"I think you can do anything you set your mind to do. Were you serious about the chorography for the kids?"
"I am. I can bow out of the troupe next Monday. Tomorrow, even. I don't care about it anymore. I want something that's mine."
"You deserve it, Anna," Eileen whispered.
"I'll make sure Erza and Jellal are ready come August."
Eileen watched her hair slip in and out of Anna's grasp. Her mind drifted back to her conversation with Erza about partnerships and commitment. Even now the two of them were working as a pair – if only playing a video game in his bedroom.
"Sometimes I wonder if Erza is the best partner for him," she whispered.
"Do you really think he'd work with another partner?" Anna asked with a slow smile. "The day Erza moves on to something else is the day he loses interest. Are you afraid of her leaning too heavily on him?" She paused and adjusted on the cushions to better see Eileen's face. "And I don't mean just in dance."
"I'm just thinking ahead. They're so close it sometimes worries me. What if –"
"What if she doesn't love him the same way he loves her?" Anna whispered.
"It'll come up one day. Erza isn't great with nuance or subtlety."
"She's eight, my love. They're still babies."
"You're right," Eileen said, smiling. "Of course you're right. I'm over thinking."
"You're her mother." Anna's thumb brushed over the apple of Eileen's cheek. "If they grow up and hurt one another, it won't be our mess to clean up. These are lessons they will need to learn on their own. Jellal is an intuitive boy. I think he would internalize anything he doesn't think is reciprocated – even to his own detriment."
"Is that healthy?"
"Maybe not. But love and friendship are priorities he needs to work out on his own. That's part of growing up."
Eileen smiled and relaxed against Anna's body. She hid her face in the curve of her neck and enjoyed the tug of Anna's fingers through her hair.
"I think you're better at this than me." She sighed and slid her arm across Anna's waist. "I never learned these things growing up. Only ballet."
"I don't know, I think you're doing okay now. And as far as friends to lovers goes, I wouldn't say you're inept at that either."
"That's good to know," Eileen murmured, pressing her lips to Anna's throat.
In hindsight, Eileen realized she'd been holding her cards too close to her chest. She had nothing to say when Anna walked out of the Crocus Ballet studio for the last time as a dancer. She watched with interest as Anna choreographed a two-minute dance that complimented Erza and Jellal both, and coached them through it over and over until they were perfect. And she uncharacteristically paced the length of the hotel dressing room while a professional stylist applied Erza's makeup and made sure Jellal's clothes fit properly. At the end of the day when names were called and places were announced, Eileen felt a dam break in her chest – and she cried.
Erza and Jellal were ecstatic with their win and filled the car ride home with nothing but excited chatter. Anna reached over and took Eileen's hand once they'd succumbed to exhaustion.
"What a day, huh?" Anna asked quietly. Eileen smiled at her briefly before returning her hand to the steering wheel of Anna's car.
"Are you surprised they scored so highly?"
"Not at all. They worked hard and it showed." Anna sighed and her eyes drifted beyond the windows and into the night. "Did you see the way Erza was watching those acro dancers, though?"
"I didn't." Eileen glanced over at her. "Are you excited about classes next month?"
"Yeah," Anna said, coming back to herself. "I am."
"Did your husband say anything about the change?"
"Not really. He listened to me when I gave him the run down and just said 'You'll excel at whatever you do, Anna.' and then went back to his office."
"Well, he's right. You will excel."
"It'll be nice to be amazing at something for once," Anna said with a sigh. "I'm tired of my sister and mother's shadows. Layla is touring this winter, did I tell you that?"
"You didn't. But, Anna, you are amazing at plenty of things."
"Sometimes I wonder if they're the right things."
Eileen frowned. "You aren't Layla or your mother. You're Anna and your life is your own. You made a huge decision for yourself and walked away from professional dance to go back to school! That's a big deal!"
Anna rolled her head to face Eileen in the driver's seat. "Is it really going back to school if I never went to college to begin with?"
"Call it what you want. That won't take away from your accomplishments."
"Sometimes I wonder if it was some kind of divine intervention that blew the old studio door open six years ago." Anna sighed and Eileen could feel her fatigue. They'd be back in the city in less than an hour but the day seemed to keep stretching. "You've made my life so much better."
"I don't want to think about how my life was on a fast track to nowhere before I met you," Eileen whispered. Her eyes flit over to Anna who'd fallen asleep.