Trigger Warnings: Grief, rage, depression

Chapter 4: The hunt for Sanji

Three days had passed since the shit cook had been knocked overboard during the storm, and only one day since the storm itself had abated.

None of the crew had gotten much sleep in the last few days. After spending two days trying to survive one of the worst storms they'd encountered on their journeys (Nami had said that winter hurricanes were extremely rare), and now rushing around doing their part to get the ship repaired in order to begin searching for Sanji, the crew was on the verge of exhaustion. The needed repairs were extensive but mostly cosmetic. Franky assured the crew that none of the damage would require a stay at an island with a dry dock. If they worked hard, the most major repairs, replacing the spanker sail and a few cracked winches, would be completed before the day was out, and the minor repairs could be completed as they were back-tracking to search for Sanji.

While everyone was rushing about working to assist, there was still a shade of sorrow and anxiety washing over the crew. One of their precious nakama was missing, and they didn't know where he could be.

Zoro was walking past the open door of the infirmary on his way to help deliver some parts to Franky when he heard some quiet sobbing coming from inside the room. The swordsman peeked into the infirmary and found Chopper, his little body shaking quietly, with tiny sniffles and sobs escaping every so often. The blue-nosed reindeer was pulling out and counting the blood stores yet again, to make sure there would be enough spare blood on hand for the chef's return.

"Chopper," Zoro said gently, as he dropped his bundle of parts and swooped in to gather up the little doctor into his arms. "Hey kiddo."

"Oh Zoro!" Chopper cried holding the swordsman tightly with great stuttering sobs shaking his whole body. The fur on his face was matted with tears. "What if I don't have enough blood for Sanji? What if we get him back and he almost dies again like on Fishman Island, only this time he does die? I need my infirmary to have everything it needs to take care of him! We just got him back from Big Mom! What if we don't find him? What if he's really hurt and I'm not there to heal him? WHAT IF…"

Zoro hugged the tender-hearted reindeer close and started whispering, "Shhhhhh. Shush. Shush. Hey now. What's this? Crying over that idiot chef? Come on, we're pirates, right? You know him, he's too hard headed to stay hurt. And unless there are mermaids laying about where he is, he shouldn't have any blood loss issues, right?"

"Right!" the little doctor replied with a short hiccup and watery smile.

"Good. Besides, once he's back on board, he's going to have the best doctor in the world."

"Shut up, asshole! That doesn't make me feel better at all!" Chopper chirped and happily squirmed around in Zoro's arms. The swordsman grinned back.

"Now when you're done in here, Franky could probably use your heavy point with some of the repairs. And stop worrying about shitty cooks who are dumb enough to let themselves get knocked overboard. He'll be fine." The swordsman gave Chopper one last squeeze and set him down.

As he left the infirmary, Zoro started thinking about how they lost… no, misplaced the idiot eyebrows. Every time he closed his eyes, he could see the whole scene.

The wind was whipping and lashing while the storm was throwing heavy snow and ice upon them. Through the falling snow, he could barely see Nami's hair flung up around her head in an undulating halo as she was attempting to work her weather magic to calm the storm. Jinbe was next to her at the wheel doing his best to steady the Sunny amongst crashing waves that were reaching higher than the crow's nest at some points. Snow and ice had begun accumulating on deck, and the swordsman could see his fellow crew having some difficulties with slipping and stumbling as they tried to scramble to their stations.

Zoro had crawled up the main mast as quickly as he could, secured himself to the rigging, and had begun furling the main sail to tie it to the yard. His fingers were beginning to ache slightly in the biting cold, but not enough yet to hinder him from performing his duties. He had looked up as the Sunny lurched and saw the chef slip on the icy spar. The swordsman shouted Sanji's name and had tried to scramble as fast as he could over to the other man. But it wasn't fast enough. Zoro had watched in horror as Sanji had tried to grab for one of the securing lines hanging from the yardarm, fingers missing by less than an inch. Then the ship had lurched again, and the swordsman saw the spanker sail yard swing into Sanji's back and throw the chef into the sea.

The green haired man pulled himself from his reverie and found that he was standing next to Franky near the main mast. Got the directions correct on the first try! He'll get these soldier docking configurations memorized for sure!

"Yo, Zoro-bro, you back with us?" the cyborg shipwright said, peering curiously at the swordsman. "I asked if you could drop those parts right here for now. You alright? You've been standing there for about a minute."

"Yeah, yeah, Franky, I'm fine," Zoro responded and dropped the parts where Franky directed. "How long before we're done?"

"Should be less than an hour now. Just need to finish fastening the rigging to the spanker yard and we should be good to weigh anchor and set sail," Franky said, putting a hand on Zoro's shoulder. "We'll find chef-bro in no time, don't worry. He's SUPER strong."

"Che," replied Zoro, ducking away from the hand and began helping Robin fold up the torn spanker sail. "Who said I was worried about that shitty cook? The quicker we find him the quicker I can kick his ass for not securing himself to the rigging. Besides, the fucker made Chopper cry, he can get eaten by a sea king for all I care."

Zoro saw Robin and Franky share a quick knowing glance, but he just didn't give a fuck at that point. They were going to find that idiot cook and bring him back to the crew, and then he was going pummel the shithead into the deck. There was no other acceptable option.

Zoro stormed up into the crow's nest in a rage. "It's been ten days, Ussop! TEN FUCKING DAYS! Why haven't you seen any sign of him? How hard is it to spot those stupid eyebrows? Are you even trying to find him?"

"Z-z-zoro?" the sniper stammered and dropped his telescope as the swordsman loomed over him, killing intent washing across the room in waves.

"Have you been using your haki to sense him? Well, have you? Or are you useless? Do I need to ask Luffy to find us another sniper because the one we have can't do his fucking job?" Zoro asked with a calm lethality peppering every word. What the fuck was the point of having the best eyes in the world if the long-nosed liar wasn't going to try hard enough to find the shit cook? The green haired man glared balefully as Ussop edged slowly over to wall and cowered behind one of Zoro's weight racks next to the intercom, turning it on.

"N-n-nami, he's up here again and I think that if someone doesn't do something I might die soon. I mean, I'd take him on myself, but I'm starting to come down with a case of 'I-need-to-get-out-of-this-room-before-my-legs-get-ripped-off'-itis," Ussop rambled, and let out a little squeak as Zoro reached for him.

"Zoro! Stop terrorizing Ussop and get down to the galley immediately!" Nami's voice shouted over the intercom speaker.

"No!"

"Zoro, if you don't get down to the galley, I'm doubling your debt!"

"I don't care, witch. Do your worst!"

"Do you really want me to ask Luffy why his first mate is harassing the rest of the crew and keeping them from looking for His Chef!?"

"FUCK!" Zoro turned and punched his fist through a window, glass shattering out onto the deck and slicing up his arm. He then let out a frustrated grunt and left the crow's nest, dripping blood in his wake.

"Nami, would you tell Franky he needs to fix another window?" the swordsman could hear the sniper telling the navigator. "The last time I told him, my 'Coup-de-Vent-is-pointed-at-me' disease gave me hives. And let Chopper know that Zoro probably needs stitches. It was his fist this time."

"Fuck this shit!" he heard Nami respond. "We can't afford to have him keep damaging the ship like this. I'll try to get him to see reason….again."

Zoro knew he shouldn't be treating his nakama like this. Every time he interacted with one of his crew he'd come away with more anger and guilt, most of it self-directed. He knew that his nakama were doing all they could to find Sanji. And he knew they missed the chef as much, probably more, than he did. Not that he missed the idiot chef, he did not in any way.

The swordsman walked sullenly into the galley and sat down to wait for the barrage of vitriol he knew was coming. Nami came in and sat down at the table across from him.

"Zoro," the navigator said gently, surprising him. "we all miss him."

"I have no idea who you're talking about," Zoro huffed, refusing to meet her eyes and crossing his arms in front of his chest like a petulant child.

"Zoro, we are doing our best, every day. We want him back, too," she said, with a hitch in her voice. "And you're making it harder on all of us."

The swordsman looked up into Nami's sad teary eyes, and he broke a little bit inside. His nakama were suffering, and he'd been making it worse.

"Nami," he said softly, his voice absolutely not sounding cracked or strained in any way. And his watery eyes were from allergies, he was certain of it.

"You're supposed to be the unshakeable one, Zoro. Next to Luffy, you are the one who stands strong when all the rest of us fall. If you crumble, who can we lean on? Who can Luffy lean on?" Nami said quietly, tears continuing to roll down her face. "We know that you and Sanji have a very close relationship."

Zoro scoffed loudly at that.

"Hear me out, Zoro. You and Sanji understand each other better than anyone else on the crew. We can all see how you fight and hiss and growl at each other, that you challenge and irritate each other. It keeps you both sharp, levels you out, forces you to greater skill. You are each other's anchor, whether you like it or not, and I know you feel untethered while he's lost."

"Misplaced." Zoro huffed quietly.

"Zoro, I need you to listen. You have to stop attacking the crew. Find a better way to deal with this. I'm going to go back to my maps and keep charting a search pattern. Please take some time to think of something you can do to help the crew while we're working to find Sanji. We all need you to be with us, not against us. Luffy especially." Nami stood up, briefly gripping Zoro's shoulder on her way out of the galley.

Shit. Shit shit shit shit SHIT! What was he supposed to do? Put an enemy in front of the swordsman, and he could fight and conquer and ruin anything in his path. But there was nothing whatsoever he could do to help his nakama in this search, and it was driving him mad. When the chef had left for Whole Cake Island, at least then they knew where he had gone, but now they knew nothing. And now the swordsman was letting his crew down. Letting His Captain down.

"FUCK!" Zoro could feel all his rage and helplessness rising in him, and he wasn't able to contain it. He stood up and gripped the stool, pulling it out of the floor and throwing it across the room, breaking one of the light fixtures on the wall. That fucking shit cook, why did he leave? Why didn't he stay? Why was he so stupid that he didn't secure himself to the rigging? Didn't he know what this was doing to the crew? Didn't that fucker know what this was doing to Zoro? The swordsman continued breaking stools, smashing the table, throwing debris, and demolished everything in the dining area.

When there was nothing left to destroy in the dining area, he turned to the kitchen and stopped, heaving deep jagged breaths, tears streaking down his face. What had he done? Shit! FUCK! This was Sanji's precious domain, and he was ruining it! He leaned against a wall and let his knees buckle until he hit the floor. Putting his head in his hands, the swordsman sat there for a long while, deep wracking sobs staggering his entire body. Blood from his hand mingled with his tears as they dropped into his lap.

"Good morning, Swordsman-san. Do you need any help with breakfast?" Robin said sweetly as she sat down upon one of the new dining stools. Franky had outdone himself, and the shipwright had forced Zoro to assist as much as possible considering the swordsman was the one who had caused the damage. The new dining area looked fantastic, now with seating for twelve at the dining table. The chef was going to be so excited when he returned.

"I got it," the swordsman said, turning the final batch of pancakes out onto the last serving platter. "If you want to get the drinks set out, we can call the crew in."

The swordsman moved all the pancake platters and the accompanying toppings to the dining table.

"That apron suits you," Robin commented with a tinkling giggle as she set out the juice, milk, coffee and other beverages. "It brings out the color of your blushes."

Zoro felt his cheeks heat up as he scowled at her. He pulled the pink "kiss the cook" apron off over his head and threw it on the counter violently before stalking to the galley door.

"Shut up, evil woman." He mumbled as he leaned out and shouted, "Breakfast!"

The galley was soon filled by the clamor of all the crew hustling to defend their meal from their gluttonous captain. Squeals and shouts of "Yohoho! PANCAKES!" and "Mmmm! So good!" and "SUPER fluffy!" and "Pass the chocolate chips please!" could be heard interspersed among the clatter of plates and silverware throughout the meal, but he knew that his nakama were all putting on a good front for each other.

After Zoro had demolished the dining area, he had been able to finally get his emotions back under control. It hadn't been fair to his crew to behave like he was the only one suffering. The swordsman had decided that he was going to cook all the breakfasts in the meal rotation until they found that ridiculous jackass chef. It gave him some focus, to be able to at least feed his crewmates while they were working so hard. Hopefully they would find the chef soon, as he didn't know how much longer he could keep it up. Cooking even one meal a day for his ravenous captain was exhausting. His respect for Sanji's abilities in the kitchen had been increasing daily.

It had been twenty-three days now, and Zoro could see that all of the crew were slowly losing their hope. He tried to keep spirits up by cooking some of the simple breakfast recipes from Sanji's cookbooks and journals, but it wasn't the cook's food. As flavorful as the recipes were, everything had still tasted like ash these last couple weeks. It was getting harder and harder to find any motivation to train or do much of anything anymore. All he wanted was to sit and stare out at the sea in the hopes that he'd catch a glimpse of the stupid eyebrows and blonde hair.

After the meal was finished, he left the galley to Nami and Jinbe to tidy up as it was their turn on cleanup rotation. He should head up to the crow's nest and get in some training, but Zoro found himself in the aquarium bar staring at the fishes swimming by and thought about what Sanji had done for him the night before they'd lost the chef.

Zoro had felt so good waking up that morning after the memorial ritual for Kuina. Something had been knocked back into place inside him, like when Chopper knocked one of his vertebrae into place to help his back heal. What the shit cook had done for him, by joining in his ritual for Kuina, had opened up a festering wound, cleaned it out, and healed it. The swordsman had been carrying this weight for Kuina around for over half his life, and that particular weight was now gone.

He had slowly come awake after sleeping better than he had slept in years. His arms had been wrapped around a heavy weight that pressed on top of him, but it wasn't uncomfortable. It was warm and smelled faintly of cigarettes, barbequed meats, and freshly cut grass. When the weight started muttering things about "perfect" and "swordfish steaks", Zoro had opened his eye to peer down on a curtain of blonde hair. Sanji. That's right, the cook had insisted on falling asleep right there on the swordsman's chest, and Zoro had been too exhausted to argue.

When the girls had come in later with Chopper to ask about a shopping list, and for the little doctor to leave some medicine and a glass of water, Sanji's dream-state mutterings had become a little more coherent. The sleeping prince of stupid had apparently been taking down Nami and Robin's orders while arguing with something the idiot chef had called a "deliciously warm earthquake". Zoro had to squeeze the moron eyebrows several times to get him to stop wiggling and pressing on the swordsman's bladder.

Finally, after the ladies left, the sleeping chef had settled back into deeper slumber, giving Zoro some more time to think about what happened the night before. He was feeling so much gratitude. He'd always thought of the chef as a shallow idiot playboy who was a little too interested in either women or cooking to really pay much attention to the rest of his nakama. Easy to bait, fun to fight, reliable in battle, decent cook, but not much else. When the chef had stepped out on the deck that night, and started answering Zoro's forms, it skewed the swordsman's perceptions completely sideways. Sanji had understood this loss and grief, understood it so completely that it mirrored the swordsman's own. Zoro had never told anyone else on the crew about Kuina, and that night it had felt safe and right to tell Sanji. There were depths below those eyebrows that the chef didn't let anyone see, but he'd shown glimpses of them to the swordsman, and weirdly, Zoro wanted to see more. Sanji had spent the entire night listening, just listening. Anytime the swordsman had tried to ask after the chef's own experiences, the selfless bastard had simply turned the conversation back around to Zoro. How was Zoro to respond to that?

Upon seeing Sanji wake, Zoro had had to get the suddenly heaving idiot to the bucket, quickly. After making sure that the hungover love cook took Chopper's medicine, ate some onigiri, and made it to the washroom, Zoro had wanted to help more. He felt he had to give something in return for the gift that Sanji had given the night before. Zoro was an honorable man who did not like owing anyone a debt, and a debt of gratitude was still a debt. Not that the shit cook would actually accept any help or thanks, the stubborn swirly browed bastard. The swordsman had to be stealthy about it. He quietly cleaned the kitchen and dining area from top to bottom, while the chef showered. And since dartboard was still showering, Zoro decided to make the chef the same kind of fried egg sandwich that he used to make for Johnny and Yosaku when they'd drunk too much.

Fuck, that hurt to think about. That stupid argument over that stupid shitty sandwich was the last time he'd said anything to the shit cook. He'd been so fucking eager for the damned shit cook's approval of that simple sandwich he'd practically shoved it down Sanji's throat. Shit. He was beginning to believe that he was probably never going to see that bastard again. First Kuina, and now Sanji. The swordsman slumped over slightly at the grief that punched through his chest at that thought and began to weep quietly into his hands.

"Zoro," the swordsman heard a voice say directly next to his ear and promptly jumped about three feet into the air. "Ahahahahahahahaha! Zoro jumped so high!"

"LUFFY! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU SOME DAY!" Zoro shouted, as he tried to get his heartrate back under control and wiped the wetness from his face.

"Ahahahaha! That was really funny, Zoro!" the black-haired captain laughed, rolling around on the floor in glee. "Zoro looked so surprised!"

"Captain," Zoro growled. "What are you up here for?"

Luffy stopped laughing and sat next to Zoro on the aquarium bench with a small cheerful grin on his face. The smaller man hummed to himself quietly before speaking. "We're going to get Sanji back, Zoro."

"I know, Luffy. But it's taking a long time, longer than anyone thought it would, and every day the crew is starting to lose hope," the swordsman had let a little bit of his own weariness and despair slip into his voice.

Luffy smiled like all the sunshine in the world was right there in that room, "No, Zoro. We're going to get him back….right now. Cabbage called and said they know where Sanji is."

A/N Thank you to everyone for the favorites and reviews. There is still more to come. And I promise at the end of it all, there will be happiness, but it might be a more difficult road than our heroes have imagined.