Author's Note: This episode isn't a favorite, and it didn't have any Bosco in it, but of course Jane would have been thinking and plotting through it. Hopefully this tag is something that could easily have happened after the episode!

Red Menace

Jane sauntered into the CBI, enjoying the effect his hat had on passersby. Who'd have thought a classic fedora would attract so much attention? He thought he'd make less of a stir with a stab wound.

Getting revenge for Felicia Guthrie helped him feel better about the case. He hated it when his work made a kid's life worse. Though he was sure Lucas Hodge's mother would find a pricey lawyer, and maybe they'd get the charge down to manslaughter, or perhaps an insanity plea. The kid could use some time in a therapist's office, Jane thought.

As he got off the elevator and started down the hall, he was pleased to see the lights still on in Lisbon's office. He couldn't wait to see her reaction to the hat. But as he got close, he realized she wasn't alone.

Bosco was sitting in her visitor's chair, leaning back and looking annoyingly at home. His relaxed posture suggested he'd been there a while and that they weren't discussing an open case.

This was one of those times Jane wished he was a wild animal. If he and Bosco were stags, they'd clash their horns in a magnificent display that would ring through the forest and impress the green-eyed doe watching nearby. But since they were humans, any open attempt Jane made to drive Bosco out of his territory would only piss Lisbon off. Come to think of it, she wasn't the least bit doe-like. More like a wolf, or maybe a jaguar.

"Good evening, Lisbon. Sam." Jane nodded to them to draw attention to the hat as he sauntered into the office.

Bosco's mouth fell open, which was gratifying, but Jane was far more interested in the way Lisbon's pupils dilated. "Where have you been?" she demanded.

"Out and about. There's a lamentable lack of millinery establishments in Sacramento, did you know that?"

Her eyes narrowed as she glared at him, forgetting Bosco's presence almost entirely. "What have you been up to?"

He grinned. "What makes you think I've been up to anything?"

"It's never a good sign when you start pulling out props," she replied. "Spill, Jane."

"I assure you it's nothing you'd disapprove of," he lied. "Just tying up some loose ends in the case. Anyway, I thought I'd celebrate with pastries. Want anything from Marie's?"

"Now you're scaring me. I'm not going to get a call from the AG or anything, am I?"

"Of course not. There will be no paperwork as a result of my evening. I'm merely in the mood for something sweet. I'll get you a latte and a bear claw," he decided. Then he turned to Bosco. "Would you like anything, Sam?"

"No thanks," he muttered.

"Are you sure? I could pick up a fruit cup to fit your diet. You know, so you won't feel like you're committing adultery."

Rage flared in Bosco's eyes, and he got slowly out of his chair, doing his best to loom over Jane. Lisbon sounded faintly alarmed as she reproved, "Jane."

"No?" Jane said to Bosco, pretending not to notice he'd infuriated the man. Really, it was laughably easy to do. "Okay. See you later."

"Jane!" Lisbon snapped in the tone that meant a reprimand would follow shortly. "Sit. Now."

Bosco smirked as he passed Jane, calling, "Night, Lisbon."

"Night, Bosco," she replied as the door swung shut behind him. "What the hell was that, Jane?"

"Lisbon," he protested, taking a seat, "all I did was offer to fetch tasty treats."

"And accuse Bosco of adultery!"

"I did no such thing. I merely alluded to a joke he made comparing a hot dog to adultery. Poor taste, I thought, but perhaps he was not so subtly pointing out that he has a wife to care about such things, whereas I no longer do."

Lisbon stared at him for a few seconds, mouth slightly open. It was rare he truly stunned her, but he was careful not to look like he was enjoying it. Did she really fail to realize Bosco had a cruel streak? No, she knew—she wasn't doubting his story. She merely tried not to think about it, he decided.

"I'm...sure he didn't mean it that way," she said, trying to sound like she believed it.

"Really? Since he went on to taunt me with what I said in the police interviews and then told me I wasn't a detective, I was a victim, I think it's not unreasonable to take it that way." He lounged in the chair, crossing one leg over his knee, to display complete unconcern with Bosco's opinions.

Lisbon's expression softened into compassion anyway. "That conversation went way worse than I thought. How come you didn't tell me this before? You passed it off with a joke."

Jane shrugged. "It doesn't involve you. At least, it didn't until you decided to scold me for not playing nice. At the risk of sounding childish, I didn't start it." For some reason, he wanted to make sure she knew that.

"No, you wanted something from him, so I'm sure you tried to be nice at first," she sighed. "I told you it was a waste of time, Jane. In Bosco's eyes, you're either a cop or you're not. There's no in between."

"His loss," Jane said.

"Yes, it is," she agreed. "I'd try talking to him if I thought it would do any good."

Jane shook his head. "Not your battle to fight, Lisbon. I'm a big boy; I'll sort out my own problems."

She gave a wry little half smile. "Uh huh. If you do it like you solve cases, at some point I'm going to need my gun."

He chuckled. "I'll try not to let it get out of hand. Bosco respects competence, so that's what I need to demonstrate."

"How are you going to do that?"

"Oh, I'm sure the opportunity will arise." He grinned at her as he stood up, then swept off his hat and leaned over to place it on her head. "Looks good. You should wear hats, Lisbon. They become you."

She made a face at him that he found adorable rather than intimidating as she tossed the hat back to him. "No thanks."

"Latte?" he offered.

"Decaf."

"Of course." He smiled at her as he opened the door.

There was no traffic this time of night, so it took hardly any time to run to Marie's and fetch her a decaf and bear claw, plus breakfast treats for himself and the team. He was pleased to find her office devoid of visitors when he returned, leaving his hat in the car this time.

"Your evening treat," he said, presenting the bag and cup.

She took them eagerly. "Thanks." The latte was first, and she closed her eyes as she sipped and hummed with pleasure. Then she looked at him, tilting her head a little. "How come you've never asked me if Bosco's updating me on the case?"

Jane was surprised. "I assumed you'd tell me if you knew something."

She was pleased with his answer, he could see. Then she looked suspicious. "Because I'm such a bad liar?"

"Because you're honest and loyal. And because you want to bring Red John to justice, and you know I can help with that." He settled into his chair with his tea and blueberry muffin.

She smiled, then took another sip. "Well, as it happens, Bosco hasn't talked to me about anything new. Just gone over some of the old stuff."

"Ah. He wanted to know how solid my alibi was for the first few murders." Jane tamped down his anger at the old conspiracy theory, which sprang up every now and then.

Lisbon grimaced. "Nobody thinks you're Red John."

"Just in league with him."

"No. Not even you are that good an actor," she said firmly.

"But Bosco isn't so sure."

Lisbon rolled her eyes. "I think I finally convinced him that even if I were blinded by your charm, Cho isn't."

"True. Cho is a utilitarian. He puts up with me because I catch bad guys. And because he secretly enjoys it when I deflate pompous people," Jane added thoughtfully.

"Only because he doesn't have to clean up the mess."

"So you told Bosco you're convinced of my innocence because you know me so well?" He found he liked that idea.

"Basically, yeah."

"I imagine that made him unhappy."

She shrugged. "Cops like evidence, not feelings."

In Bosco's case, he would definitely not like feelings entering into Lisbon's evaluation. Jane was struck with the realization that Bosco's sudden frequent visits were not about nostalgia, but about a fear that Lisbon was under her consultant's spell. He found he liked the man a tiny bit better for that realization, though Bosco's concern was likely not entirely unselfish.

But the truth was, he'd never thought Bosco was asking for Lisbon's take on things because Bosco was an arrogant, old school cop who could accept neither Jane's role in solving cases nor Lisbon's sound judgment in managing him. Still, pointing that out would leave Lisbon with a sense of insult, and Jane had no desire to disrupt their pleasant evening.

"You know," Lisbon said, "Bosco's not the only one impressed by competence. All we need to do is keep closing cases without making messes, and if Bosco's team doesn't make any progress, Minelli will give it back to us. We just need to buckle down and have a little patience."

"In case you haven't noticed, neither of those things are my specialty," he pointed out, choosing to be amused instead of frustrated.

She grinned at him. "And here I thought there was nothing you wouldn't do to achieve your goal."

He knew she was playing him a little, offering the perfect inducement to behave, but at the same time, she wasn't lying. Minelli was far more amenable to changing his mind than Bosco. Her strategy was worth thinking through. Not that he was prepared to admit it. "Meh. Faster to goad Bosco to punch me and get suspended."

"You think Minelli would fall for that? He knows how you operate. Besides, Bosco boxed when he was younger. You'll be in for surgery if you let him land one on your nose."

"Good to know." Jane couldn't help rubbing his nose protectively. He had no desire to incur pain unless it was absolutely necessary. And he had some other things to try first. "Happily married?"

"Bosco? Yes." Lisbon frowned in confusion. "Jane, stay away from Mandy, or I'll punch you myself."

So Lisbon liked Mrs. Bosco. Interesting, and more evidence she didn't see Bosco as more than a friend. "Lisbon, please. I assure you my intentions are honorable."

"I don't care. If you go behind Bosco's back and talk to his wife, not a cop in this building will lift a hand to stop him flattening you." Her expression was completely serious.

"Understandable." If one of his clients had ever approached Angela, he'd have cut them off immediately. Family was off limits. That was something he understood. "I have no intention of contacting her. Kids?"

"No."

"By choice?"

"I don't know. It's not something you can ask."

"Well, at least he doesn't have to worry about more than one hostage to fate," Jane said with conviction.

Lisbon raised her eyebrows. "You think Red John might go after Mandy?"

"As long as Bosco stays off TV, he should be okay. Unless he gets too close and Red John wants to distract him, but that seems unlikely."

As he planned, his nonchalance only increased Lisbon's alarm. "I'm sure he's thought of that."

Which meant he hadn't yet, but he would after she mentioned it to him. Good. Making the case undesirable so Bosco wasn't motivated to fight to keep it was important. "Yes, I'm sure. He has my example as a warning, after all." When Lisbon's eyes softened with sympathy, he quickly added, "He wouldn't want to become a victim and thus incapable of working at the CBI."

She rolled her eyes. "You're not going to scare him into giving up the case, Jane."

"Obviously not. But he should know what he's getting into."

"He does. He doesn't think Red John will play games with him the way he did with you."

Jane snorted. "On that, we agree." Bosco was not the kind of person Red John would find interesting. Jane had no doubt of that.

"Don't be arrogant. Bosco's a good cop. Maybe he'll find something."

"Red John doesn't leave clues. He lays traps. You know that, Lisbon."

She took a bite of the bear claw. "Sooner or later he'll mess up," she said after she swallowed. "Maybe shaking up the investigative team will throw him off stride."

"Yes, right after the Easter Bunny brings you a Faberge egg." Jane couldn't help the derision in his tone, but he regretted it as he saw her flinch almost imperceptibly.

"Faberge, huh? I think we had different Easter Bunnies growing up," she said. "Anyway, thanks for the snack. I'm heading out in a minute, so there's no need to hang around."

Jane decided to ignore the dismissal. "I've got nowhere pressing to be." He finished off his muffin and took a sip of tea, contemplating moving to the couch.

Lisbon sighed and put down her pen. "Just...let things play out for a while, Jane. Okay?"

"Okay."

She blinked. "Really?"

Jane chuckled. "Really. Lulling the mark's suspicions is a time honored part of the con. This seems like a good time."

"Great," she muttered, picking up her pen again.

Jane sipped his tea, smirking. When he finished, he got to his feet. "Well, that's it for me," he announced.

Lisbon didn't look up from her computer screen. "Good night."

"Seriously, Lisbon," he said in his most confidential tone.

Her gaze met his almost involuntarily. "What?"

"Hats. You look great in them."

Her pen hit the doorframe as he slipped through.