Chapter 3.) Lie in the Sound

"Thanks for coming Dr. Parish," Martha said as Lanie stood in the doorway of the apartment the following day.

"Of course," said Lanie making her way inside while Martha shut the door behind her. "Where is she?"

"In the bedroom," Martha replied.

Lanie made her way to the door of the bedroom and opened it. She watched as her best friend sat broken on the floor, her back leaning against the bed. It pained her see Kate this way. She had heard from Esposito that she had taken the day off and called in sick. Javi had been adamant to leave Beckett alone but Lanie hadn't planned on doing that.

"It's all my fault, Lanie," Beckett said when Lanie sat down on her right side.

"What happened?" Lanie asked.

"I went to his grave after work yesterday. I just really needed him. It's all my fault," she said again.

"Don't do this to yourself Kate," said Lanie. "Castle knew what he was getting into when he signed on six years ago."

Beckett shook her head, not caring about the tears streaming down her face. "I treated him like any other cop. I treated him like my partner."

"Honey he was your partner, for better or for worse. It's what he wanted."

"It wasn't supposed to be this way Lanie. For so long I had been trying to get the nerve to tell him but I waited too long and now he's gone."

"Tell him what?"

Lanie knew the answer to the question. She had known from the moment Beckett had gotten sick at the crime scene but she decided it was best for her friend to let it out rather than being the one to say anything.

"Lanie, I'm pregnant."

"Oh honey," she said reaching over to hug her best friend.

Life had been so unfair to Kate Beckett. Having lost her mother at 19, now Kate was dealing with a situation that seemed more than she could handle. Now her own child would be faced to grow up without a parent. Hadn't Beckett sacrificed enough?

"It should have been me Lanie," Beckett cried into her friend's arms.

"Shh, it's going to be okay Kate."

"I need him Lanie," she confessed. "I need him so much."

Lanie softly ran her hands over Beckett's hair. "I know honey, I know. I'll help you get through this, we all will." Lanie took Beckett's hand and led her to the side of the bed. "Come here, what do you say to rest a little while and I'll see about getting you something to eat?"

"I'm not hungry."

"You may not be but at least take care of yourself for my niece or nephew though I'm really hoping for a niece."

Beckett only nodded and got into the bed. Lanie then left the room closing the door behind her.

"How's my mom?" Alexis asked.

"Beckett's always been tough," said Lanie. "She'll get through this."

"You really think so," asked Alexis. "It was one thing for her to lose her mom but now she's lost my dad. Can she ever come back from something like that?"

"It will take time," said Lanie, "but the good thing is she's got a family now. She doesn't have to go through any of this alone. How are you two doing," she asked.

Alexis looked at her grandmother and the two of them sighed. As hard as things were for Beckett things were also hard on them but they were handling it not so much as easier but differently. It had only been over a week since Castle's death and often times it hit them both in waves but never constant waves the way they seemed to be pounding Kate.

"Some days are better than others," Alexis confided. "I never really understood what my mom had to go through until now. It really sucks sometimes."

Martha patted Alexis' hand. "That it does kiddo. And no parent ever wants to outlive their child but no parent wants to die before they get the chance to really watch their kid grow up either." Martha looked at Lanie, "but you understand."

Lanie nodded, "The fine line between life and death. I see it more than I'd like."

"But you do it anyways," said Alexis. "Why?"

"Same reason Kate became a cop: she speaks for the victims, I speak for the dead who have lost their voice."

The three women remained silent for a moment until Lanie broke the silence.

"Martha, would you mind if I cooked? I told Beckett I would get her something to eat."

"Sure dear by all means. We all have to look after her, after each other."

"Can I help?" Alexis asked.

"I'd like that," Lanie replied.

The two of them began making their way around the kitchen mainly in another silence. About halfway through words were being spoken again.

"Do you think she'll keep the baby?"

"It's Castle's baby," said Lanie, "So I don't see how she couldn't."

"Yeah I know it's just that with dad gone… I don't know I just thought…."

"That I could change my mind?" Beckett asked.

Lanie, Alexis, and Martha all turned to see Beckett standing near the stairs. Alexis felt bad that she had even brought up the subject of the baby.

"You should be resting," said Lanie.

"It's kind of hard to do that when I'm starving," Beckett admitted.

"Well," said Martha coming to Beckett's side and cautiously ushering her toward the dining table. "At least let's get you off your feet."

"Martha I'm not that pregnant yet. My ankles aren't even swollen."

"Still can never be too cautious especially early on," the older woman replied.

Beckett took a seat.

"Alexis come here," she said to her step-daughter. Alexis walked over and took a seat next to Beckett. She then reached for her step-daughter's hands. "I want you to know something; I'm not going to terminate this pregnancy. It is going to be hard and I wish more than anything that Castle were here. He all ready has…had, more experience with raising a baby than I have and it would be so much easier if he were around but the unfortunate thing is he's not and it does suck for all of us but this life inside of me is part of him. It's part of your dad, it's part of Martha's son, it's part of my husband so there's no way I would be able to let that go okay?"

Alexis was smiling through her tears as she heard Beckett's words.

"Come here," Beckett said. Alexis went to Beckett and held onto her tightly. Now it was her turn to do the comforting, to be the mom that Alexis needed.

Beckett wasn't sure how but the family would get through this. In less than ten minutes she was certain of it. Less than ten minutes was all it had taken for her to make her decision though there was never any questioning on her part. Her friend had been right years ago when she accused her of wanting to make little Castle babies and now that she had despite the circumstances, she wasn't going to give that up.