I never done good things
I never done bad things
I never did anything out of the blue
–David Bowie
Hatter hurried home, eager to tell Alice about the events of the evening. The success of the evening, to be honest. The others at the club explained that he wasn't making a permanent decision by doing the show, that in fact if he were to go to Las Vegas, get on the television show and be good, then when he came back to the city, he could probably get paid more money, and get even more popular. On the other hand, if he were wildly successful, he might become famous, and that would lead to more shows and much more money, and possibly the need to relocate with Alice to Las Vegas.
Which suited Hatter just fine, as long as the plans involved him and Alice, together.
Alice had waited up for him, as always. She was curled up on the couch with a book, her shapely legs bent beneath her. When he bounded into their apartment, she looked up with an expression half fearful and half anticipation. "Well?" she cried immediately.
"It was an audition! The con is named Harry the Hat and he's putting together talent for a show. Jerry told him to come up to watch me, and the old con offered me a spot in his show!" He vaulted over a chair and landed almost on top of her, grabbing her face with both hands and kissing her passionately. "He wants to put me on the noisy box, Alice."
"On television? Oh my god, Hatter!" Alice squealed and kissed him back hard. "Oh my god," she repeated. "I remember Harry the Hat from TV when I was a kid. He had his own show for a while. He's hugely famous, Hatter. He really liked you?"
"He did. I showed him the story trick, and he thinks I should use it."
Alice blinked. "Wow. You know, that's one I don't think any other magician would be able to figure out. You must have impressed him." She looked up at Hatter, and pride and admiration shone in her eyes. It made a hot spot start deep in Hatter's chest. Even more important to Hatter than keeping and succeeding at his job was making his Alice happy. He threw himself backwards on the couch, pulling her on top of him to press kissed down her cheek and neck, and along her collarbone as she giggled. His hands started to work their way under her tank top. "Hatter!" she laughed, wriggling against him, which only made him moan appreciatively.
"C'mon Alice, we should celebrate," he told her huskily, already wanting her. He reached one hand down to trace the inside curve of her thigh. He reveled in her breathy sigh.
"When is it going to happen?" She asked distractedly, rewarding his explorations with nibbles along his ear.
"Next month, in Las Vegas," he answered between licks along the column of her throat.
"In Vegas!" Alice pushed against him, leveraging herself up and away from his busy mouth. "You have to go to Vegas?"
Hatter blinked, surprised by the sudden concern and dismay that colored her voice. "Yeah. But he said you could come too. I'm supposed to call someone, and they'll make all the arrangements." Now he got suspicious. "Why? What's the big deal? How far is it to Las Vegas?"
Alice sat up, fixing her top. "Hatter, Las Vegas is more than half the country away."
"So?"
"So! We got most of the way across Wonderland in a day. It would take us like three days to drive to Vegas, maybe more!" Hatter never quite understood the vastness of the country where they lived. He certainly didn't understand the vastness of the world they were on. Their glib explanation to friends and her family that he was from England and had no-one else here but her was easily understood, given the time and expense of travel, but Hatter never quite internalized the distances or difficulties involved. "Oh god, they're going to want you to fly there."
He brightened. "A Scarab? Excellent, that makes it so much easier."
"Not a scarab, you nut, a plane. An airplane. And in this world, you'll need identification to get on a plane. Identification you don't have!" Alice began to pace. "This is impossible. You're not going to be able to fly, but I don't know if I can get the kind of vacation time from work we'll need to drive there and back. It depends on how long they might need you to film the show."
Hatter frowned at her, confused. "What sort of identification?"
Alice threw her hands about. "Like a drivers license or something. In your case, probably a passport, or proof of British citizenship, and maybe a visa of some sort, saying you're here legally, and … jeez, I don't know. I'll have to look it up."
"Well, wait, will these do?" He retrieved his hat from the floor, and pulled apart the lining to remove a small burgundy folder, containing documents attesting that David Hatter had dual citizenship, with US and UK passports, plus a Social Security Number and a resident enhanced photo ID instead of a drivers license, which allowed him in and out of Canada at will, all of which bore the insolently grinning visage of Hatter himself. Before leaving Wonderland, King Jack had impressed upon him the sovereign importance of these documents, obtained for Hatter at great cost, so Hatter never foolishly left them someplace obvious, like in a pocket or a wallet, when such were easily picked. On every hat he owned, he pulled loose a section of lining to secret these important papers.
Alice gaped at the items in his hand. She took them and stared, flipping through them. Her eyes grew larger and larger, until finally she looked back up at Hatter, speechless. He waited until she found her voice again. "Where did you get these, Hatter?"
"Jack got 'em for me, before I came through the Glass. Said I'd need 'em on this side." He cocked his head in confusion. "Will they do for getting on the plane?"
She sat, hard, in their battered armchair. "You've had these all along?"
"Yeah."
She shook her head. "I thought…. I mean, I just assumed that you didn't…."
Hatter sat up straight. "You mean… all this time, you thought I didn't have this paperwork? But, Alice, I had to show them this stuff when I took the job at the bookstore. How do you think I got that job?"
She flushed. "I figured you…. conned your way in. Or forged a Social."
Hatter was not pleased. He rose to stand over her, an expression of disappointment on his face. "So, all this time, after I promised you I'd gone straight to be with you here in your world, you just assumed that I'd been crooked all along. And you never once said anything to me." He sighed heavily. "That's what you think of me, is it? Is it?" When Alice just shook her head, still unable to speak, he grumbled. "Well, that's just ducky, isn't it? You still don't trust me." Her eyes flew up to his, shocked. He couldn't hold back the hurt in his voice. "Alice…. I thought you trusted me. I made you a promise, and I've always kept my promises to you." He turned and walked away, unable to be with her in that moment. Her lack of trust, her assumption that he'd broken his promises, really cut him to the quick.
"Hatter, wait –"
"No, just give me a minute here," he snapped back, retreating to the kitchen. Trying to find some calm, he went through his regular routine of preparing tea, heating the kettle, selecting a blend, then rinsing the teapot with heated water before filling it and setting the leaves to steep. He gathered sugar and cream, and sat at their tiny kitchenette, and waited for the tea, his head supported on his hands, fingers buried in his hair. He just tried to not think for a while. If he thought, then he might start to be angry with Alice, and that's the last thing he wanted.
He could hear her in the living room, moving slightly. He poured himself a cuppa, added sugar and cream, and took one long drink. It was then he heard an unexpected sound.
The soft hiccupping sound of Alice crying.
He left his teacup and peeked around the edge of the kitchen doorway. Alice was bent over her knees in the armchair, crying quietly into her hands. Hatter wanted to go to her – the urge to rush to her and dry her tears, reassure her that he loved her and that all would be well almost overwhelmed him. But the knowledge that her opinion of him was so low, even though she claimed to love him, hurt him more than he ever thought it would. Looking back over their year together, he realized that in her subtle way, she'd always believed him to be crooked. The apartment, all their utilities, everything was in her name. He'd always handed over his pay and let her manage it, all those ridiculous pieces of paper her world required and relied upon. He'd thought it was because she preferred that level of control, that it made her feel safer to manage everything herself, and he wanted her to feel safe. He didn't realize she'd assumed everything he did was under the table.
Almost worse than the realization that she didn't really trust him, was the feeling of betrayal. That she didn't think as well of him as he'd thought she did. And if she didn't think well of him, then who's to say she'd stay loyal to him? He'd given up his world, his life for her. What more could he do to prove himself? Here he'd thought they were a team. Partners. Equals. But clearly he was mistaken.
Tears sprang to his own eyes as the thought occurred to him that if she really didn't trust him, didn't believe in him, then her love was a lie. Their relationship was a lie. She could abandon him at any time. In that moment, he wanted nothing more than to gather his things, and go home to Wonderland, away from stupid Oysters and their damned pieces of paper and their messy phony emotions.
He closed his eyes to will away the tears, but all that did was make the tears run down his face. When he opened them again, Alice was staring at him. Their gazes met, and he let her see just how much she had hurt him by the expression on his face.
Alice came to him then. She crossed the room to stand before him, their bodies half separated by the frame of the kitchen doorway. Her hand shook as she reached out to brush the tears from his face, and he let her, feeling so listless now he couldn't have stopped her if he'd wanted to. She watched him for a reaction, but he just looked at her, his face set into sad and disappointed lines. She let her hand fall. For a long moment, they could only stand there, letting this betrayal of trust and love hang between them.
"I am sorry, Hatter. I should have guessed that you'd taken care of everything. You always have." Her voice was soft and contrite, thick with the tears she'd shed. "I should have known you'd keep your promise. You've always kept them. I'm sorry."
"You hurt me." It didn't even sound like his own voice to him. It sounded small, wounded, like a child's voice, almost accusing in its pain.
"I know. Please, please forgive me. I'm so sorry. It'll never happen again." More tears stained her face as she begged for his forgiveness.
Misery and frustration rose up in him. "What do I have to do, Alice? What?"
She instinctively understood what he asked. "Nothing, Hatter! You've done everything. You're … wonderful. It's me. It's always me." Regret colored her eyes, made them stormy and sad.
"I thought you–"
"I do trust you, Hatter! I do. I love you." This time, her hand sought his, tentative, then clinging.
He dropped his eyes, taking in the way her pale soft hand looked entwined with his darker rougher one. So many times, they'd held hands, from that very first moment when her fear of heights had paralyzed her, to now.
Now he was the one paralyzed, suddenly fearful, suddenly feeling like the world was not at all solid under his feet, because she'd pulled the ground out from under him with her lack of trust, that old hang up he'd thought well and truly behind them.
"Hatter." She sounded just as small and broken as he did. "Please. Please forgive me."
Looking back at her, he could see fear in her eyes as well. Only her fear was of him, that he wouldn't give her another chance, that he'd turn away because of this, that old terror of abandonment. He realized then that he could break her just as easily as she broke him. And that was one thing Hatter could never do, because he loved her with everything he had.
"Alright," he said with a heavy sigh, trying to let go of the hurt. "Alright." He steeled himself, then stepped away from the false protection of the doorway, so that they were face to face, not separated in any way. He took her other hand in his free one, making them one unit. "I forgive you, Alice." She nodded thankfully, more tears escaping in relief. He tugged on her hands, pulling her close enough to wrap her in his arms. They hugged for a long time, waiting for the grief and sorrow to ebb away. Finally, he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I love you, Alice," he whispered into her hair.
"I love you too, Hatter." She didn't repeat her apologies; he could hear them all in her voice.
He only hoped this would make them stronger instead of weaker.
to be continued