Miguel Castillo

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I was sitting at the coffee shop near the university trying to focus on my term paper, but I kept replaying my interaction with Ali that morning over and over in my mind. Why did I keep messing up with her whenever it came to Ryan Rivera? Sometimes I wished I could just go back in time and shut my big mouth. Still, I wished Rivera would just disappear from my, and Ali's, lives. But why?

"Hey buddy!" Ethan startled me out of my thoughts. He pulled a chair over to my table, turned it around and leaned over the back of the chair, facing me.

"What's up, man?" I moved my laptop and books aside to give him some room. "Don't worry, I left your dirty dishes in the sink. Didn't want you to miss out."

"Very funny. So what's goin' on? What did I miss while I was gone? You get some 'quality time' with Roni?" he winked at me.

"Not as much as I would have liked. Ali kinda had to take refuge on our couch last night."

Ethan raised an eyebrow. "What happened? Your dad can be a little scary sometimes, but when it comes to Ali…"

"When it comes to Ryan Rivera he's not very agreeable."

"Oh shit… Rivera? What happened?"

"They're dating! That's what parents are freaking out, and Ali's not backing down… she made me go over to try and smooth things over with my dad last night, but I dunno, man. I don't fully trust Rivera."

"You know I've never understood the whole Miguel/Rivera hatred. What''s your deal with him?"

"Are you kidding? I don't trust him one bit. Did you know he started hanging around her while he was dating Alicia Ballard? She's been hurt too damn much, Ethan. She needs to be careful." I shook my head and ran my fingers through my hair. "Besides, you weren't here when all this started."

But I was there and I remembered. I remembered every detail of that day, of the events that lead up to Ali's attack. And although it was nearly four years after the fact, I still acted as though it were Ryan who caused Ali to storm out of the house that day to her doom. But the truth was, I still went to bed every night blaming myself. And I'd probably do that for the rest of my life.

September 16, 2006

The day Ali was attacked, I had been the last one to leave the music room at Miami Beach Senior High after orchestra rehearsal. Lately the conflict between Ali and Alicia Ballard and Britt Wheeler was coming to a head, and somehow I got dragged into it too. Alicia's brother Jake had bullied me since we were kids, so that was really nothing new, but I still worried about Ali. It wasn't like her to get into fights. That day I was in no hurry to leave and risk running into any of Jake Ballard's friends leaving football practice, so instead I sat meticulously wiping the rosin off the strings on my violin and organizing my sheet music.

"Hi Miguel, you still here?" The music director, Mr. Tyler, was surprised to see me still there so long after the bell.

"Oh, yeah, I just had to wrap up a few things."

"No problem. Hey, maybe go over your solo before the next rehearsal? You seemed a little off today, that's unusual for you." He paused a moment, as if he were deciding whether or not to ask a question. "I heard your sister was fighting with Alicia Ballard the other day. Is everything okay at home?"

"Yeah, she's doing alright I guess." I was annoyed that my distraction was so obvious and I sure didn't feel like pouring my heart out to my teacher. I had been playing this particular solo for so long, I could probably play it with my eyes closed. Normally music was the only thing that allowed me to forget my troubles, but this time it seemed nothing would. Carefully I loosened my bow and placed it with my violin in their case. "I'll see you later, Mr. Tyler."

I was relieved to find the hallway empty as I exited the room. Maybe everyone else really had gone home? I breathed a sigh of relief until I turned a corner and found myself faced with Jake Ballard who was flanked by two of his varsity letter jacket-wearing football buddies, Brandon Smith and Todd Davis. "Going somewhere, Miguel?" Jake asked while his two stupid friends snickered.

I knew this situation could get very bad very fast.. My father had taught me to defend myself, but I was seriously outnumbered here. I took a step back and held my hands up in front of myself. "I don't want any trouble, Jake."

Jake made a mock-sympathetic face at me. "Aw, you don't want any trouble?" He approached me threateningly. "I'm doing you a favor! I just thought you should know that your little sister is the biggest tramp in this school."

That was too much for me. Where did Jake get off saying stuff like that about Ali? Especially when everyone knew how much Alicia got around. I shoved Jake backward. "Don't talk about Ali like that!"

Jake came back at me full force. The wind was knocked out of me as he grabbed me by the shirt collar and shoved me against a locker. "You lay another hand on me and my brother will lock you up so fast not even Mommy and Daddy will be able to rescue you!" He growled through gritted teeth.

Brandon laughed in the background. "They'd love a pretty boy like him in jail!"

Jake laughed and nodded while I angrily struggled to loosen Jake's grip on my neck. "You know what your problem is, Castillo? You think you're so damn smart, but you can't even recognize a fact when you hear one. Do you know what happened today? Your bitch of a sister slapped me for no reason, then cut fifth AND sixth period to go mess around with a 21 year old guy!" Jake maintained his strong hold on Miguel but turned to his friend. "And Todd, what is the word for a 14 year old girl who messes around with 21 year old men?"

"Well Jake, I believe the correct word is 'slut'," Todd replied.

"Correct, Todd! Too bad they don't teach important stuff like that in those fancy classes you take." Jake paused a moment and a cruel smile spread across his face. "I guess being a whore just runs in the family, your sister must get it from your mom."

I was completely blinded by fury. "You liar!" I shouted furiously. I used all my strength to push Jake off him and shove him to the ground. Jake struggled to fight back, swinging his fist at me.

"Hey, break it up!" Mr. Tyler called, coming down the hall, and pulling me away. Jake and his friends scurried away like rats. "Miguel, your family's got enough going on. Don't let those guys get to you." Mr. Tyler patted me on his shoulder. "Besides, if you break your hand on that guy's hard head, I'll lose my first violinist!"

I looked down and forced a half smile. "Thanks, Mr. Tyler."

I turned to walk home and a horrible thought entered my mind. What if Jake was right about Ali? Was she seeing some 21 year old guy? She had been awfully secretive lately. Trudging down street toward home in the oppressive afternoon sun, I tried to push aside my encounter with Jake, but inside I still seethed with anger. After today, I was ready to get in the door and relax in front of some trashy reality TV for a little while before starting homework.

But as I approached the house, something seemed off. With two undercover police officers for parents, I was taught from an early age to be keenly aware of my surroundings. There was a strange black Trans Am parked in front of the house. Nobody I knew drove something like that, and certainly not my parents who were probably still at work. None of Ali's friends could drive, could they? Jake's words continued to nag at me as I walked up gravel driveway toward the house.

I picked up the pace of my steps and quickly turned my key in the front door. I could hear the TV in the living room and as I stood in the foyer, I caught sight of my sister sitting on the couch with some strange guy. And I couldn't tell for certain from where I stood, but if he owned the car in front, he had to be quite a bit older. My heart began to pound as I hung up my backpack and set down my violin case in front of the winding spiral staircase. I could just imagine my parents arriving home at that moment to find their precious princess sitting around with some older guy. And guess who would catch hell for that one?

Ali had been different ever since starting high school this year. The week before, I had overheard her telling Roni how she had snuck out to go to some club, and now she had been skipping class. I wondered how much of this my parents knew. I suspected not much, and I didn't want to get Ali in trouble, but I also didn't want to see my little sister get hurt. As Ali and the other kids at school constantly reminded me, I was fairly inexperienced in the dating world. But I was wise enough to know that a 21 year old man dating a fourteen year old girl was a recipe for disaster.

Slowly, I walked into the living room. "Ali?" She and this mystery man were sitting on the couch, their backs to me, but Allison spun around as soon as she heard my voice.

"Hey big brother!" She greeted me in her usual chipper voice.

My eyes shifted from Alison to the guy, back to Alison. I didn't recognize him from school, and from the looks of things, he was much older than Ali. Maybe even past high school age. "What's going on, Ali? Who is this?"

"Oh, Miguel, this is Ryan Rivera. Ryan, this is my brother Miguel," Alison casually introduced us, as if she brought older guys to their house every day.

"What's up?" Ryan greeted him. He stood and held his hand out to me, while I stood staring with my mouth open and arms crossed in front of my chest, as if I had something to say but couldn't force out the words.

So Jake was right? My mind was racing. I didn't even want to think about what my father and mother would do and say if they saw this little scene play out. I knew I had to get this guy out of the house before that had a chance to happen.

I ignored Ryan's hand which was still outstretched and instead turned back to my sister, taking an accusatory stance. "Alison, did you cut class today?"

Her smile faded and she looked down at her hands. "Yeah. Jake was really bugging me, calling me names. It's gotten worse ever since that day in gym with Britt Wheeler. I couldn't stand to look at him for another two classes."

"Ali, you know the rules. If mom and dad saw this…." I gestured to Ryan.

Alison rolled her eyes. "Oh come on, they made that stupid rule so YOU wouldn't mess around with a girl while they were at work!" She paused and smirked at me. "Not that they have anything to worry about anyway with you. Besides, Ryan and I are just friends!"

Ryan chimed in. "Yeah man, don't worry, we're just hanging out. Ali is a nice girl, she just needed a friend to talk to."

"She has plenty of 'friends,' she doesn't need a grown man like you. I know exactly what's on your mind,"

"Stop it, Miguel!" Alison warned.

I felt my face grow red hot with anger. I could only hope my sister would listen before I really lost it. "Ali, he has to leave NOW."

"What are you, my keeper? You're not Dad, you have no right to tell me what to do!" Alison stood up and faced me. Ali was so damn stubborn, there was no backing down now.

Ryan stood up and walked toward me threateningly. "Ali, you want me to deal with this guy? If he's upsetting you…"

Who did Rivera think he was? Just showing up in my house, breaking my parents' rules, threatening me? I stepped even closer to Ryan, fists clenched at my side and my face only inches from Ryan's, almost daring him to hit me. "Why don't you get out of my house and mind your own damn business?"

Ali sensed that the situation between Ryan and I was escalating to a dangerous level. She put a hand on Ryan's shoulder and gently led him away. "Don't worry Ryan, I'll deal with him. My brother just needs to learn some manners. I'll see you later, okay?"

Ryan was hesitant, and eyed me suspiciously. "Alright, call me later, okay Ali?" Ryan made his exit, purposely bumping into my shoulder on his way to the door.

As soon as the door clicked shut, I lost it. I wanted to grab Ali and shake some sense into her, but I held back. "What is going on with you? First you're sneaking out, then cutting class, now bringing home 21 year old MEN! What's next, Ali?"

Alison walked up to me, getting up close to my face, shoving me so hard I nearly lost my balance. "Who the hell do you think you are?"

I held my ground. "I'm in charge when Mom and Dad aren't home, don't forget that I'm older!"

"Oh yeah, two years older! You were probably still in diapers when I was born!" Alison shot back sarcastically.

I could feel the situation spiraling out of control, but both of us seemed helpless to stop it. My volume increased. "Ali, do you know what would happen if Dad came home and saw Ryan here? And do you think Princess Ali would be the one who gets a lecture? Of course not, it would be me, just like always."

Ali crossed her arms. "That's bullshit and you know it. You know mom and dad think you're perfect and you're just afraid to ruin that. Ryan and I are just friends, I told you! Nothing was going on!"

"Ali, I hate to break it to you, but when a guy that age is alone with a girl, he only has one thing on his mind."

Ali smirked at her me. "Oh yeah? And how would you know? Miguel, you are such a bore, I bet you don't ever have those things on YOUR mind. You're sixteen years old! Have you even kissed a girl? Ever? The way things are going, you'll be a virgin forever."

My mouth dropped open. Sure Ali teased me for not having much of a social life outside school and orchestra, but she had never been hurtful before. And she clearly didn't care if she got me in trouble with Mom and Dad. She had pushed me too far this time. "You know, maybe Jake is right. You are a promiscuous little tramp! What kind of 14 year old hangs around 21 year old men, Alison?"

She froze in place staring at me, fiery rage burning in her eyes, burning right through me. Shoving me aside, she ran out of the living room, grabbing her shoes and purse from the front closet.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" I shouted, stomping after her.

"What do you care? Fuck off, Miguel!" she screamed, running out the front door.

My heart was still pounding. Some little voice in the back of my mind said that my parents were going to murder me if I let her run off, but at that moment I didn't care and another side of me took over. I stood on the front porch and shouted at her as she ran down the driveway. "Hey if something happens don't come crying to me! You're going to get whatever you deserve!" he angrily shouted out the front door after her. As soon as the words left my mouth, I wished I could take them back. I'd live to regret those words the rest of my life.