Disclaimer: I do not own anything in relation to Star Trek. New or Old.
AN: So… yay, I finally updated! It's been quite a while since I sat down and devoted a bit of time towards writing. I hope this chapter is up good, inspiration just kind of hit me before and while writing it up. I'd love to hear what you guys think!
Enjoy!
If there was one thing that the Captain of the Enterprise hated, it was being left in the dark.
Figuratively speaking, being naïve or ignorant about something, anything really, was more then he could stand. The very reason that he enjoyed his job was that he could discover and learn new things at any moment. He wasn't subjected to the same routine for the rest of his life. If his first years were anything to reflect upon, his schedule had been filled with alien invasions, wars and enough injuries to allow him a sufficient amount of respect for his body's immune system.
Training to become a cadet had been interesting for the first year or so. It had been new, alluring and with the constant promise of danger and adventure. However, by the time his second round of tests had come around, he had lost that flare of interest, that passion in the unknown. It had taken him a while, when he was studying through the night, to fathom just what being a cadet could mean, what his future could be. His favourite classes had been those with the rare simulation in them, an exciting break from the otherwise monotonous daily grind.
His interest in the unknown was the very reason why, half an hour after ending his daily shift, he was sitting at the computer, researching. Constantly, the thought of his ignorance had plagued him, insulting his intellect by the small differences that would crop up unannounced. Even the most mundane of conversations contained that ever-prevailing theme of the unknown. It was a feeling of being completely and utterly ignorant.
Staring at the article, published twenty years ago in a scientific journal, Kirk rubbed a hand over his eyes. The headline, being the only part of the article in bold, screamed at him: The Physiology of the Vulcan.
Leaning back in his chair, he allowed his hands to rest stationary over the keyboard as he stared at the blank wall on the other side of the room. His eyes actually hurt from being so tired, his back ached from being sedentary all day and his skull felt like the hands of a particularly pissed off Klingon were squeezing it.
Suddenly the doors to his room slid open and Kirk rapidly closed the screen that he was viewing.
His subject of study had entered the research lab.
"I hope I did not disturb you, Captain," said Spoke, his face expressionless as usual but with one eyebrow patronizingly raised.
Kirk cleared his throat as he tried to relax in his chair, "Of course not Spock, I was just doing a bit of reading."
"It was discussed that within reasonable hours, I was permitted to enter your room without announcement."
"Yes, yes. I remember, I just wasn't expecting you."
"Understood."
A strange silence filled the room and Kirk saw the Vulcan's eyes travel quickly to the computer and back to his face. He was thankful that he had closed the window he had been viewing, the half alien was sure to concoct some plan to see what he had been reading if he wanted to.
"So… what's the problem?"
The Vulcan's chin lifted as he was addressed, "A transmission has been sent from Starfleet."
"Is it urgent?"
"It does not appear to be, but it would be advisable for the transmission to be received within the near future."
Sighing, Kirk ran a hand through his hair. It wasn't often that he received transmissions from Starfleet and more often then not, they were to inform him of some code that he had broken or mission that he had severely jeopardised. However, he was overdue for some praise, he had been fault free for quite a while… at least a few months.
"Thanks for the notice. Just send it through to my personal computer and I'll get onto it by my next shift," Spock nodded and Kirk continued with a grin, "Besides that, don't you have more important duties to concern yourself with then being an errand boy?"
He nearly laughed at the height the Vulcan's eyes reached as his statement was absorbed. A silence descended as he thought of a reply and for a moment, Kirk wondered if he had calculated the situation wrong.
"With respect to the ship, Captain, no, there are no other important duties to concern myself with."
Kirk passed a hand over his mouth to hide the large grin that threatened to spill over his face.
"If it would be convenient, I will reprogram the ships transmission system to send Starfleet messages directly to your private computer as well as the bridge's."
"I would appreciate that."
"Then I will take my leave."
"Don't work to hard."
Sometimes, it was as if his imagination had conjured up the beginning of a smile on Spock's face.
After the doors to his private quarters had slid shut again, Kirk allowed his smile to escape its confines. Looking down at his computer, he opened up the window once more and continued to read through the article about a very relevant issue.
An advanced race, the Vulcan's believe emotion to be compromising and unnecessary within social situations. It is widely acknowledged that the unsuppressed emotional range of a Vulcan is significantly higher then a humans, sometimes resulting in an overwhelming feeling of anger, depression or exuberance. The unpredictability of the Vulcan has resulted in a conforming motion of suppression and control over emotions, most individuals preferring an attitude of neutrality….
Frowning, Kirk thought back to Spock's behaviour towards the destruction of his home planet. It had often unnerved him that, despite his painful (literally) outburst of physical and emotional anger, the half alien had never once shown emotion towards the event. He knew that Spock made conscience efforts to spare time for meditation and was often seen in the ships gymnasium, running tirelessly after his shifts. He approved of his focus on exercise, in the past, running had helped him deal with a lot of his own issues. Running home from school had temporarily blocked out the condescending sound of the school counsellor: Do you feel anger towards your father, for leaving you behind?
Shifting in his seat, Kirk allowed his head to drop into his hands and massaged his temples wearily.
A beep sounded from his computer and he looked up, blinking against the light of the screen.
One new message.
He smiled.
"No, I don't think so."
"Are you sure you don't want it? I've already got one."
"…. Okay. But only if you don't want it."
"Well I wouldn't be offering it to you if I actually wanted it."
"True…. And you haven't, meddled with it or anything? I'm not going to die if I eat this am I?"
"Jim, if I wanted to kill you, I would do it a bit more extravagantly then through a dinner roll."
"… hmm, true."
Kirk grabbed the delicious morsel from Bones plate.
"So, how is this 'research' going?"
Glaring at the man in between bites of his dinner, Kirk replied, "Good actually. Wouldn't have guessed half the stuff that I've read up on. Maybe you should do a bit of research."
"I'm a doctor, Jim. I know how a Vulcan functions. I shouldn't be on this ship if I didn't know about its crew."
"I'm not talking about a Vulcan's body or anything, I'm talking about how they used to live, what they do for fun. What kind of person is respected… that sort of thing."
"Has this actually helped you out with that hob-goblin yet? That was the point of this wasn't it?"
"Well, it has a little bit. It's hard to accommodate for someone who doesn't reveal enough to be accommodated for. If that made any sense at all…"
"I kind of get what you are trying to say… though I doubt doing a few nights worth of research on Vulcans is going to help you out with –"
"Shut up, Bones, he's coming over!"
"What is this highschool?"
"Shh!"
The figure of Spock had appeared in the lunch line, his form temporarily pausing for a moment as if he had heard something or was thinking deeply. Having collected his usual lunch of greenery, he was stoically making his way over to the two men.
Kirk was attempting to stealthily appear at ease within a lengthy conversation, "… So I didn't get her number, but you should have seen her face!"
Bones rolled his eyes.
Standing at the observation deck, a week later, Kirk gazed out at the expanse of stars.
The deck was empty, silent, undisturbed. His favourite way to relax was to stare into the symphony of stars, feel their presence and immerse himself in the empty forest of light that extended itself to him. For the moment, he was their master and they were his to be conquered. Until they revealed themselves in all of their majesty, he would content with viewing them from afar.
The sliding of the door and quick, efficient steps towards him broke the silence.
A presence made itself known next to him. He could feel the warmth from the body and distractedly, he spoke, "How is it that you always know were I am?"
"You've frequented this particular observation deck enough times for it to be logical for you to be found here."
"Ah."
A silence descended once more over them. To Kirk, it was refreshing to be able to stand in silence with someone. Other then with his mother, he had never been able to bear silence when with another person. He had always filled the air with ridiculous blabber and conversation.
Kirk smiled, "I'm sure you are aware of what I have been doing in my spare time."
Spock gazed ahead at the stars as he spoke, "I would be willing to spare any details that you wish."
"I don't want you to be 'willing' to talk about your people with me. I'd like for you to be glad."
He could see Spock's eye flick to him for a moment, "In your… research… you have most likely read that despite all outside appearances, Vulcan's are not emotionless."
"Indeed I have."
"You would have also read that we adopt an emotionless state to lessen the occurrences of emotional outbursts."
"Yes."
"Then I will reveal this for the sake of your research… It is still painful."
Kirk looked at him suddenly, stunned at this revelation from the secretive man. He could see that the edges of the Vulcan's eyes were tight with tension and emotion. The surest sign of distress he had seen since his physical attack.
He asked hesitantly, "Do you need to talk about it?"
The Vulcan shook his head once, "No, it is not in my nature to do so," he glanced at the disappointed look upon the Captain's face, "however, it is an ease on my mind to know that you have freely offered assistance."
Biting his lip, Kirk spoke, "I'm a human so… I don't understand how you can act as you do. But I hope you know that I care about my crew and about my first officer. If anything were to happen to me, my ship is in your hands. I need to know that you are alright."
The Vulcan looked down, "I am not alright. In time, I will regain more of my former self. However, until then, I will attempt to find peace through my work."
Kirk shook his head, "Don't try to find peace through your work. Try to find peace through us, your friends… Uhura, Bones, Chekov, Sulu, Scotty, me…. We all think of you as our friend."
He could see the edges of the Vulcan's eyes relax, as if a great tension had been broken and replaced with a sense of relief.
Kirk continued, "…and if you would allow it, I'd like to know more about your people, about were you came from. What's the point in reading an article if I have a book next to me?"
He grinned, attempting to lighten Spock's feeling's. He was glad at the small turn of his mouth that was the start of a smile.
"I would be… glad… to assist you in your research."
"I'm glad."
He smirked at the deadpan look that screamed, 'not funny,' by Spock.
Turning to the Vulcan he exclaimed loudly, "I think I need a drink."
"Captain, Alcoholic substances are prohibited aboard the Starship."
"Mr. Spock, while you may have a few things to teach me about Vulcans, I have a few things I need to teach you about the Engineering department."
AN: Hope you guys liked this update! I would really like some reviews…. And suggestions. I'd be curious to hear what you guys would like to happen next!
Thanks!