Chapter Three

-6 months ago-

"What do you mean you're not going to be here!?" was the first thing Tegan heard when she walked onto the tour bus. It was Sara, screeching into her phone like a woman possessed, hair mussed and face flushed.

"Babe, I'm sorry, but this thing's come up with work…"

"There's always something with work!" yelled Sara, tears forming in her eyes. She and Emy were about four months into their relationship, and it seemed to Tegan that the 'honeymoon phase' was over, i.e., Sara and Emy argued almost every time they talked. Granted, this was pretty serious, because Sara's birthday was in a week and she and Emy had been making plans for a month and now Emy wouldn't be able to come.

Still, Tegan could see things from Emy's point of view. Emy worked hard to be successful because she wanted to be good enough for Sara, who was, for those who didn't know, part of a pretty successful band. It made sense; Emy wanted to feel that the relationship was equal.

Still, that didn't stop Tegan from mentally screaming at Emy for being a bitch in her head. But that could've just been a sister thing.

The older twin was jolted from her reverie by the sound of Sara's phone snapping shut. "Hey," she said softly, wrapping her arms around her younger sister, "it'll be okay."

"I know I'm being selfish," mumbled Sara against Tegan's collarbone. "It's just… it's my fucking birthday, you know?"

"I know," Tegan reassured her, rubbing circles on her sister's back soothingly. The elder feels secretly thrilled by this close proximity, and she's feels like a sicko because of it. She's long since given up denying how she feels about her sister, but she knows she won't ever act on it, tells herself it won't stop her from being a good sister.

Looking back, Tegan doesn't really know how they started kissing. In her memory, it's like one second she was patting Sara on the back, and the next, her mouth was on her younger sister's, tongue sweeping against that pouty lower lip while Sara's tears dripped onto her nose.

She remembers Emy showing up after all, and Sara smiling so widely it looked like her face was going to split in half. She remembers her twin not mentioning anything about the incident.

She remembers a week later, when Emy has been gone a few days, Sara coming into her hotel room in the middle of the night and kissing her again, murmuring a soft 'please' against her lips.

And really, Tegan has always been powerless to resist Sara.

-Present Day-

"I don't see why it's a problem, Tegan," states Sara, looking impatient, "We agreed it would be like this. We decided there wouldn't be anything behind it."

Somewhere in the back of Tegan's mind, a small voice replies, 'No, you decided', but the elder doesn't really feel like starting an argument, so she just sighs and says, "Look, it's not that big of a deal. It's just…I want to know what it is that we have here."

Sara lets out a huff and flops back onto the ugly floral-printed couch in their hotel room, throwing an arm over her face. "Fuck, Tegan, what do you want me to tell you?" She sounds annoyed now, pestered. She brings her arm back down and stars steadily at Tegan. "I'm with Emy. You know I'm with Emy. I don't want to leave her."

"For me," Tegan clarifies from where she's leaning against the wall. "You don't want to leave her for me."

It's starting to unravel, this thing of theirs; it has been for weeks. Because Tegan can't hold back her emotions for any longer, and Sara can't seem to face what she's done.

And the younger twin looks angry now, and Tegan knows it's because her little dream world is coming crashing down around her, because Tegan is forcing reality into the picture, finally.

"You know Tegan," Sara suddenly speaks up with a sneer. She stands, striding towards her sister. "I didn't hear you complaining last night when you were kissing me." She's getting closer now. "Touching me," bringing her lips up to Tegan's ear, "Fucking me," she finishes in a whisper before pulling back.

"I'm not saying I never enjoyed it," Tegan replies quietly, a blush forming on her cheeks. "But this is wrong, and you know it. It's not fair to Emy."

Hearing her girlfriend's name seems to strike a chord with Sara, and she steps back, shoving Tegan like she's the one at fault.

"Shut up," states Sara, mad for sure now, shaking from head to toe. "You're the one that started it. You kissed me first."

She's out the door in seconds, leaving Tegan standing there alone, staring at a cigarette burn in the carpet.

It's a few minutes before a reply slips from her lips in a whisper, tears coursing down her cheeks.

"You kissed back."