*BIANCA*

Torn

Bianca closed her eyes, going over the day in her mind once more.

It had been great. Lena had been so sweet and attentive in helping her and everyone had showed up being excited and in a good mood. Well, at least most of them were. She did notice the gloomy mood passing through JR and something was off with Maggie, too.

She sighed and rolled on her back. She wondered what was bothering Maggie. Maybe it still was the matter of the house. They had perfectly avoided talking about it again. But then again there really was no time to go over it. Maggie had pushed moving to the apartment next door and was busy with that and her studies while she had been looking for furniture with Lena which would arrive in the next few days.

And then there was Jamie. Maggie acted somehow weird when she was with him. Always so...over-cheery and goofy. It made Bianca feel apprehensive. This was not Maggie. She was fun and could be goofy, yes, but not in that weird way. Then again maybe that was just how they were together. It could be...love.

Was she being jealous? Maggie had kissed her not long ago and she still had no clue what it meant. A mistake. Sure. Accidentally! Yeah. Weird that she never got accidentally kissed before. She would have been happy if anyone had. She did already suspect to have a barren spell on her.

Anyway, Maggie could tell her what she wanted. She had seen that look in her eyes, that look, expecting her to do something, hoping to get a response. Just what response had she searched for when in the next second she slept with a guy?

Bianca punched her pillow. She was over that. No more worries about Maggie. She had Lena anyway and things were looking up. Lena cared for her, Lena loved her, Lena wanted her. They just had to take a little time to get things going again.

Once she settled into her life with Miranda, she was sure she would be ready to take steps forward. Through Miranda she would find out more about herself, find the person she really was. And once she was done with that she would be ready for the person who she really wanted and needed with her, who would spend her life with them.

At least that's how she imagined it.

She swayed slowly back and forth, sitting in the swing on the porch of her house.

Lena had been right. This was a fantastic place to relax, watching people walk the street, water their front garden or coming home. She just missed the many kids her gir-, Lena had mentioned.

She yawned.

God, she felt tired today. It was weird really, because it was still early and she did just take a nap.

She stretched herself, her bones cracking in more places than she could count with one hand. She reached for her now hurting back, rubbing it. They never cracked...

Her eyes found a loose thread clinging to the blanket which was slung around her legs and waist. When she reached her hand out to pull it off of the yellow fabric, she halted suddenly.

Her eyes widened taking in her hand.

Her skin it was so...so droopy and and...thin and...wrinkly.

She suppressed a shriek.

Sure, she wanted to grow old, but...not that fast!

She jumped up from the swing – correct that, wanted to jump up from the swing, instead she struggled clumsily to her feet, needing way too much effort for her taste.

With a slightly hunched back she crept back into the house, supporting herself anywhere she could – the frame of the swing, the walls of the house, the door knob.

She entered her house in search for a mirror. This just couldn't be.

Instead she found two persons lounging in her living room. One lay on her stomach on the shorter couch, her legs crossed on her ankles. She leaned on her elbows, her nose stuck in a thick book laying under her. The other woman sat with crossed legs on the other couch, opposite from the first couch. She sat with a straight back, skimming through some magazine. They did not pay attention to her, looking as if this situation was natural to them.

As she stepped nearer she recognized them as being...

"Maggie? Lena?" She furrowed her brows. "What are you doing here? What is going on?"

Better question, why were they still their young sexy selves?

Maggie glanced up from her book.

"Oh, hi Bianca," she said disinterested before turning back to the page which she had been intently studying before.

"Oh, hi?" She repeated puzzled looking at Maggie, feeling like being fooled.

When she got no reaction she turned to Lena, nudging her shoulder, "Hello?"

"Oh, Bianca, do you want to sit with us today, yes?" Lena asked, looking up at her briefly, motioning to an armchair that stood to the side, between the two couches.

"I, I would like to know what is going on," She demanded, not moving an inch.

"What do you mean?" Lena asked unworried, turning a page in her magazine, her eyes scanning over the pictures.

"I mean I am old! And you're sitting there like you don't see it and like, like you don't care."

Lena looked up at her, raising an hurt eyebrow, "You know I care about you."

"Yes, of course, but..."

"What is wrong with you today?" Lena wondered, her magazine fell closed, while her eyes surveyed her. "Don't you want to sit with us?"

"What is wrong with me? What is wrong with you!" she exclaimed.

She turned away, wanting to run over to Maggie and shake her, question her about what was going on. But she forgot she could not run anymore. She miscalculated her step and rolled her ankle, falling over.

In a flash Maggie, who had seemed so indifferent before, jumped up from the couch and caught her before she could crash to the ground.

"What did you do?" Maggie shouted enraged at Lena, while holding her up.

Lena pushed herself off of the couch. "I didn't do anything! She just fell."

"Sure," Maggie said doubtfully. "Would you help me now or what?"

The two women carried her to the armchair that Lena had pointed out before, letting her gently down into it before kneeling down to her height.

"What is going on?" she questioned again, watching the two fuss over her.

"What do you mean?" Maggie asked, her face turning worried. She grasped her wrist, her fingers searching along her pulse point, "Are you not feeling well?"

She pulled her arm away from Maggie.

"No, I'm fine. Just tell me what is going on. Maggie, I'm old and what are you two doing here in my living room?"

"We're always here," Maggie said bewildered, tilting her head.

The door got pushed open and a mid-thirty-ish women stepped inside, carrying a bag. The smell of nice warm spicy food filled the room.

The newly arrived brunette rushed inside.

She felt a kiss being pressed to the back of her head, accompanied by a cheery, "Hi!"

Puzzled she looked after the brunette, watching her place the bag on the counter of the kitchen.

"I would stay, but you know how it is with the kids in the car," the unknown woman bubbled already on her way back. "So I brought you the food and I'll call you tonight."

The brunette gave her a wink, clasping the knob of the open standing door. "Hi, Maggie, Lena," she quickly greeted with a smile, glancing to the other women before pulling the door closed.

"Who was that?"

Maggie and Lena shared a worried glance before saying in union, "Miranda?"

"What?" she asked, looking back to the door, stretching her neck, willing it to open again.

"I think she doesn't remember," Maggie whispered to Lena, the polish women giving her a mildly offended look that said, 'That much I got, too."

"What don't I remember?" she asked, giving them a glare when they did not answer immediately.

Lena sighed and pulled her hand into her own. "We've been here for years, Bianca."

"What do you mean?"

"We've been here..." Maggie murmured while busying her hands with playing at the hem of her shirt, paying attention to not look at her, "waiting for you."

"Waiting for me?"

This all made no sense.

"Yes," Lena spoke, rubbing her thumb over the back of her hand. "To decide for one of us."

Her brows furrowed. "To decide?"

What was there to decide? She loved them both. Maggie was her best friend and Lena offered her everything she wanted.

"You never could commit your feelings, Bianca," Lena told her. "You never could decide who to let go."

"So we just waited," Maggie shrugged. "I could not leave you."

"Neither of us could," Lena made sure to point out.

She stared at them for a moment.

"But I decided..." She glanced at Maggie, paraphrasing for her sake, "I mean, we," she looked at Lena. "We were going to be together, steady...e-eventually. Probably."

Lena dropped her hand. "You love her," she shrugged, rubbing her palms over her jeans. "I know that."

She glanced at Maggie, gazing at her averted eyes. "What do you want?" she asked desperately wishing she would just look at her.

"You fear me and Lena can give you more," Maggie stated sadly.

No... No! She wanted to stomp her feet. What was that for an answer?

"You can't make up your mind, can you?" Maggie asked suddenly looking up at her with tear glistening eyes. "It hurts. Please decide."

Her eyes began to burn as tears formed from looking at that pleading gaze of a caught woman.

This...this was plaguing her, too. Those feelings for them. It was tearing at her.

"Bianca, let her go, please." Lena pushed herself up on her knees, trying to get her attention. "I can give you what you want."

"She can't trust you," Maggie bit, grasping her hand. "But she can come to me anytime."

"You would not recognize love if it was painted on a billboard," Lena spat back. "You are hurting her by your ambiguous actions."

Maggie gaped at Lena when the polish woman underlined her statement by giving her a shove.

"You expect too much and she always has to mind what to say when speaking about him because you put on all the guilt. It's stressing her out," Maggie stated and pushed Lena back.

"You broke her heart!" Lena exclaimed.

"You may never even be able to!" Maggie yelled back.

They stood up glaring at each other.

"You hurt her," Maggie growled.

"You may never stop," Lena snarled.

A second ticked by before they jumped at each other, fighting for the upper hand. A collective of, "You hurt her. YOU hurt her. YOU hurt her!" flying left and right.

She clasped her hands in front of her eyes, trying to block them out.

They had to stop this. They would never hurt her.

She heard things breaking, groans and puffs of air, hits connecting with skin.

She felt like spiraling. It got dark. She lifted up, hearing the voices become further away.

She felt dizzy and queasy.

"Bianca!"

When her name was called she opened her eyes again, seeing Maggie and Lena under her in the collapsing house.

She had to save them, get them out of there.

She leaned forward, reaching for them.

"Take me," they both said.

She had to choose someone, she could not take both.

But she could not choose!

She closed her eyes.

In her sleep, Bianca reached her hand out, her face twitching in distress.

With her outstretched hand she closed around the arm she first found and pulled.

Her fingers curled around an arm, her features relaxing in relieve to have found someone.

She hold on to whoever it was, hoping them to be the right choice.

Bianca pressed herself close to the person with her, the feel of warm skin against hers feeling reassuring.