BPOV
I really didn't want to tote a large ball to the park. Most of the time, they forgot we even brought it until it was time to leave.
I was more than a little surprised when they not only remembered we had brought it along, but that it was so soon after arriving. I'm a glad that they did. Far more glad than I should be.
I chose an empty blue bench facing the play equipment, it was in partial shade from the large oak that was planted just behind it. I sat in the sun. I missed it. It was one of the many things I missed about Phoenix. I cried myself to sleep for a week after Jake told me about his transfer. He was excited, he always hated the heat, and this was a good opportunity for him to advance. Which meant it would be good for our family.
I put on a happy face for the boys, telling them it would be a fun adventure, and that as long as we were together, everything would be okay, but inside, I was heartbroken. My mother was there, my life and my friends. Jake really didn't have any attachments to the area since both of his parents had passed away. He didn't have any friends other than coworkers, so the move was inconsequential to him. I wish I could be as emotionally unattached as he was, my life would be far easier.
I wanted to fly "home" for a while to visit my mom. The kids missed grandma, but I knew a flight wouldn't be financially feasible for some time. I also feared that if I went to visit, it would be too difficult to go back to Seattle.
The boys had made their rounds, going from the swings to the monkey bars and down all the slides, Josh attempting to keep up with Adrien, but stumbling behind. They came over and grabbed the ball from our big canvas bag, going out a few feet and pitching it to one another.
I figured it might be a good time to pull out my book. It was dogeared on at least thirty pages, and had some water damage, but I still loved the copy. I'd had it since I was in high school, and I hadn't had the heart to replace it. I had read it countless times, even though it was completely different than the books I was reading now. It was a classic, and it was mine.
I was flipping through the pages, trying to remember where I had left off during this read through, when I saw a blur out of the corner of my eye. I glanced up, placing my book beside me. It was a person. A man, who looked extremely startled and confused. I've always been pretty oblivious to anything going on around me, especially acts of random people, but I couldn't help but notice his odd behavior. He had run into the park like he was racing to something, then, he collapsed into the bench about twenty feet away form me. Dressed in a button down shirt, slacks, and dress shoes. He looked slightly out of place for the park. His long fingers ran tracks through his messy bronze and copper hair. He was seemingly distraught. I had to fight the instinct to run over and comfort him.
Why did I feel the need to console a complete stranger?
His face perked up, and I gasped. His features seemed inexplicably familiar to me. A strong jaw, his full bottom lip in a slight pout, and the most intense sapphire eyes I had ever seen. I sighed in spite of myself.
"Gorgeous." I said no louder than a whisper.
My cheeks heated. I couldn't believe I was ogling this strange man. I had no right to. Normally, I never gave a second look to anyone, let alone men, but I was just... transfixed. Part of me was ashamed, but a larger part of me was too entranced to dwell on it. He started to look around, my head immediately went down. I racked my brain for an answer to his identity. I knew him obscurely from somewhere, but the how wasn't readily available.
"Mommy!" I heard Josh call.
Kids had the best sense of timing.
I looked up at him and smiled. He came closer, holding the ball under his slender arm.
"You wanna play Mommy?" He asked very quietly. He looked at me hopefully.
"Maybe in a minute. Okay, Honey?" I smiled. I wasn't ready to give up my sun filled seat, and I had a new reason to stay.
I had to be one of the worst mothers on the planet. Refusing my son's invitation to play so I could continue to play detective and place my mystery man.
Bad mommy.
Josh nodded and ran between the two benches with Adrien. Their throws were becoming more and more silly with each pass. I smiled at them, briefly glimpsing the man again. His head had just turned in the opposite direction, when the familiar green ball smacked him in the face.
My hand clasped over my mouth. I didn't know if it was to stop a snicker or a gasp.
It was pretty funny, albeit very embarrassing. It would have to be one of my boys that hit the handsome, well dressed man.
The ball fell to his feet. He picked it off the ground, eyeing it momentarily before smiling at the boys, who had run close to me.
My breath left me.
That smile should come with a warning label.
Whoa. Juvenile much?
He had since walked over and given the ball to Josh.
"No harm done." I heard him say.
Gorgeous and good natured. Wonder what woman had snagged him?
Lucky Bitch.
I sighed.
Married Bella. Remember?
I told the boys to go and play further out. He might not be so forgiving if the ball made another bounce
off his amazing face.
Sheesh. Cool it woman.
I apologized to him for the boys. I was pretty sure he was alright, but it would be rude not to ask.
He didn't respond though. He looked completely distracted, off in his own world. I tried again.
"Sir?"
He stumbled in his response, making a joke about being able to survive being hit with a ball. He smiled again.
Again my breath stopped. This time my heart stuttered.
What the hell Bella? Breathe. He's not that attractive.
I needed to distract myself. This was getting ridiculous.
"Which one is yours?" I asked trying to regulate my breathing. I hadn't seen a child with him, but figured it a safe topic considering our location.
He immediately tensed, his eyes darkening to near blackness before he told me he didn't have any children. I became frightened of him.
"Oh..." was all I could squeak.
Multiple scenarios went through my head. Was he some kind of child predator? Was he lost? Maybe he couldn't have children. There was so much sadness radiating from him. I again, had to resist the overwhelming urge to comfort him. Whatever his reason for being there, he didn't seem happy about it.
His phone rang then. He walked a few feet away to answer it.
I figured our conversation over and pulled my book up again. I began to finger through it, on the hunt for the page I wanted. I peeked at him. I couldn't help it. I couldn't find the damn page anyhow, and this may be the last time I saw him.
May be? Would be. Definitely.
His back was towards me. I couldn't hear his end of the conversation, but his body language looked as though he felt defeated. My eyes were taking in all I could. He was just too much. Even his backside was sexy as hell. And his ass was just...
Of for the love of Pete and Mary Jane! Paging sixteen year old Bella. Can you please remember that your a mother, a wife, and no longer have the hormones of a teenager?
I felt incredibly flustered and forced my eyes to return to the safety of my book. I couldn't pretend to read any of it. I had to calm down. I had mentally undressed my mystery man and I didn't feel nearly as bad about it as I should have.
My eyes had landed on page thirty-two when I heard him speak again.
"So, is it just Bronte you like or British lit in general?"
I looked into his eyes. They trapped mine. I searched for anything that might make his identity come forward, but it wouldn't reveal itself. I was too far in the depths of them. I had to pull back, I was forgetting how to form coherent words.
"I have a few favorites, but I mostly read the current Bestsellers." I managed to choke out.
I swear he started to laugh at me. What was so bad about reading Bestsellers? Lots of people only took time to read those. I supposed his tastes were more sophisticated than mine. Snob.
Gorgeous snob.
Shut up!
He asked if he could sit, and I just nodded. Trying not to be offended by my assumed reason for
his almost laugh, but failing.
When he sat, I tried not to stare, keeping my nose in my book. The energy changed. I suddenly felt a pressure, like little electrical pulses that surrounded my skin. I thought for a minute that my legs were falling asleep, but it spread into my arms, and torso. It wasn't an uncomfortable sensation, more invigorating than anything. I brushed it off. When I glanced over, his eyes were fixated on his now grubby shoes. He seemed upset again. I wondered if I should say anything more, but I desperately wanted to keep the conversation going.
"Do you read?" I asked him folding down my book to try to catch his eyes one more time.
They were masking something. Clouds of slate and azure were now muting the brilliant sapphire. He responded that his sister was a reader and that's who he was meeting with, along with her son.
He was staying. I was too happy about that. I relaxed tremendously.
"Oh! How old is he?" I asked of his nephew, the little miracle that was keeping the mystery man around longer for me.
"He's uh, four and a half."
Yes! Playmate for Josh.
Okay, you are way too excited.
"That's about the same age as Josh," I said with more jubilation than warranted.
He repeated his name back to me. I confirmed it and told him Adrien's as well. His eyes filled with confusion, but it evaporated as quick as it had come.
"Those are nice names," he said emphatically. I smiled. I'd loved those names for as long as I could remember, but had no idea why. He smiled back at me. My heart wildly spasmed again.
It should come with a warning label...and a defibrillator.
Our eyes locked. The depths of them were sweeping and readily drawing me in. I felt inexplicably pulled, like I was drowning in the glittering pools. I didn't want to be saved.
"Uncle E!"
I was back in reality again.
A little boy barreled across the yard and onto mystery man's lap. Followed closely by a short, dark haired woman.
He greeted them both. His voice light.
"Sorry it took us so long, you wouldn't believe how dangerous the crosswalks are! We almost
got hit." The woman said.
I frowned at her statement, but before I could agree, the voice of the little boy spoke up again.
"Hi! I'm Nate! What's your name?" What a personable child. So cute.
"Nice to meet you, Nate. I'm Bella." I smiled, and shook his little hand.
His sister Alice also introduced herself. I liked her immediately. She made me feel more comfortable and less like a basket case in his presence.
Nate had asked Alice to go play. He was so excited, he could barely sit still on his uncle's lap.
Alice told him yes, giving him the standard mom warning.
"Thanks Mom! Bye Uncle E!"
"Uncle E? That's so cute!" I giggled out. Apparently, I was six, and had heard a knock- knock joke.
"Edward can be a bit of a mouthful... for a four year old." he responded.
If I wasn't completely struck by hearing his name for the first time. I would have laughed harder.
Edward. It didn't sound familiar at all.
His sex appeal just went up twenty points though.
Thought I told you to shut up?
"So can Isabella." I said giggling like a child yet again "Even for adults."
Can we turn off the giggle faucet now?Please!
"Pleasure to meet you Isabella." he said stretching out his hand. His tone pierced me. It burrowed straight into my rapidly beating heart and pulsed along with the uneven rhythm. It was impassioned, sultry and beyond alluring. It caressed my name and infused it with his own meaning. It would never sound the same falling from anyone else's lips.
You're not breathing
"You too, Edward," I replied in the only voice I could find.
I placed my hand in his, the electrical pulses that had made themselves known earlier were steadily growing more rapid. They jolted up my arm. I was just going to shake his hand and pull away as quickly as I could, but he didn't let go. He had grasped my fingers with his own. My brain stopped functioning. The park, the people, the sun had all disappeared. I was drifting in the calm blue ocean of his eyes. I could feel them delving back into mine. The intensity of the exchange heightened by sparks that flew from the trailing of his thumb across my fingers.
I still hadn't taken a breath. I was dizzy when his thumb stopped abruptly.
We both looked down. There were my wedding rings sitting tormentingly on my left hand. I was marked. I belonged to somebody else. I couldn't allow this to continue. I quickly pulled my hand away my heart lurched. My eyes eagerly searched for the boys. I needed to focus on anything, but what had just happened.
It did happen right? I hadn't just imagined it.
Focus Bella.
The boys had added Nate to their game of ball. I didn't know if I was excited or horrified that my boys had begun to make friends with Nate.
Alice had started to make small talk. Thank God for Alice.
We commiserated about how all the boys looked like their father's, but that they were still cute regardless. The subject drifted to school, and when they started.
I mentioned taking a class on decorating to fill up my free time. Alice looked ecstatic and proceeded to inform me that she was the proprietor of an interior design company. She asked for my help.
I thought about what she had asked, but it didn't make any sense to me. I wouldn't be any help to her. I didn't know the first thing about design. In addition to that, I didn't think it was a good idea to get any more involved than necessary. Seeing as I could barely look at her brother without becoming a blithering mess.
"I don't know anything about design Alice, which is why I need the class." I bit my lip, hoping she would drop it.
She offered me some pointers, if I could file and organize the office. She even offered the hope for a full time position, providing I could stand her. I didn't think that would be a problem, as long as Edward didn't come by too much. I may be able to handle it. The opportunity to do something for myself was beginning to sound too good to pass up.
Of course, this all hinged on what Jake said, but I didn't think he'd mind. It was extra money coming in, and he wasn't home during the day anyway. I took her card, telling her I would call her.
"Wow, it's clouding up quick. So much for the sun." I started to pack up my book and the few toys and snacks the boys had forgotten to eat.
I pretended not to notice, but it looked as if Alice and Edward were having a fairly heated exchange over something. I wondered if he had been upset over Alice's job offer. I shook my head trying to stay unattached. A startlingly angry "No!" had come up between them. I stared at them both, shocked that he would become so riled in a matter of seconds. Alice tapped his shoulder, and his eyes immediately fixated on me. He looked ashamed.
"Guess that sibling rivalry never goes way." I said lamely trying to ease the tension "Good to know." I added. What was I thinking getting involved in their spat? I had known these people for all of five minutes. It was beyond rude. I turned back to the task at hand trying to ignore them, but Alice spoke up again.
"Sorry Bella. Edward and I were just discussing out favorite poem. He wants to argue with me about how it ends."
A poem? That's what they were fighting over? I suppose I was only accustomed to siblings fighting over attention or toys. Being an only child, I had no idea what grown siblings bickered over.
"Are you familiar with Thomas Lovell Beddoes?"
Not only were they fiercely disagreeing over a poem, but it was by no one I had ever heard of. Fantastic.
I could only respond with "Sorry."
Way to expose the limited scope of your education Bella.
She persisted. She gave me a brief synopsis of his life. Saying he had once try to prove that the soul lived on after the death of the physical body. Many of the books I had been reading lately all revolved around that in some form or another. Interesting.
Alice then threw a curveball at me, asking me if maybe I remembered the end of this particular work. I told her I was unfamiliar, but she pressed even more.
"Sometimes, the oddest things stick with us." she said.
I supposed that was true. I remembered all kinds of things that I had no use for. My memory was kind of all encompassing. Half of the things I knew, I was never sure how I knew them. I'd never been a stellar student nor did I have the time to study anything lately.
I decided it wouldn't hurt to try. I expected her to start, but when she asked Edward to do it. I panicked. Here was this man, I had met only minutes before, who I had an insane attraction to, that I was desperately trying to ignore, and he was going to start reciting poetry. I felt my the joints of my knees become weak.
He had run his fingers through his hair again. His features seemed to be contorted with pain, his beautiful eyes had darkened to onyx. The words tripped out of his mouth slowly. Each of them seemed to magnify his pain exponentially.
"How many times do... I love again? Tell me how many... beads there are in a silver chain of evening rain."
Despite his obvious aversion to the recital, his words caused my heart to flitter around in my chest. I innocently imagined that the lines had some hidden meaning designed only for me. I banished the thought quickly.
His words circled and circled again in my mind. There was familiarity. I had heard them somewhere before. Even though the beginning seemed to fall into place, the ending seemed obscured, some of the words were slowly coming together, but only pieces. They wouldn't meld into their proper places. I looked down at Edward, he was cradling his head in his hand.
He appeared shattered by my inability to put the seemingly meaningless words together. My heart was aching from the weight of his radiating pain. I could barely breathe. I felt as if the invisible heartache that he was somehow transmitting, would cause us both to crumble. His pain was consuming me, I had to make it stop.
Make it stop, Bella.
A voice I didn't recognize was begging me.
The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could knew where they had materialized from.
"Unraveled from the tumbling main, and threading the eye of the yellow star, so many times do I love again."
I smiled at the relief I felt. The small gesture, recalling three simple lines of an unknown poem, had lifted a thousand pounds of weight off my shoulders that I hadn't realized I was carrying until just then.
I felt, free.
"I thought...I thought you wouldn't know it," Edward said, disbelief and awe laced his words.
"I honestly, don't know how I do." I replied laughing at the sheer insanity of the whole encounter and the total recall I seemed to posses. "I guess Alice is right. Some things just stick with you." I was completely serious, looking at him intently.
I knew our meeting, though I was only with him for a short while, would stick with me for my entire life.
He appeared torn, as if he wanted to say something to me. Before I could ask him what, a raindrop fell on the top of his head, his ear, then as if the flood gates of the sky had opened up, it began to pour mercilessly. The smell of rain engulfed the little park and the unceasing drops smattered everywhere. The boys were clinging to me in seconds. I wanted to tell Edward goodbye, but I could barely see, and I didn't want the boys to get soaked. I heard Alice yelling for me to call her, remembering the card in my pocket, I darted off to the car with the boys and placed them inside. It was so hard to walk away, but the boys needed me, and they would always come first.
After I shut Adrien's door. I looked to see if he had made it out of the rain. He hadn't. He was standing there, his form all but swallowed the the rivers of flowing water. He just stood starting at me. I waved to him. I felt compelled to do so much more, but I had no idea what that should be. I reluctantly pulled open my door and got in, an unfamiliar ache started to throb in my chest. As I drove away, it became increasingly worse.
-ER-
"I think you should definitely do it Bells. Sounds like a good opportunity. " Jake told me in between bites of dinner that night. I was relieved. I assumed he would be indifferent about my job offer from Alice, but he was actually encouraging it.
"I thought so. It'd be some extra money for us too," I said pouring some more milk for Adrien.
Jake frowned at me.
"Bells, were fine." he said flatly, "but I think you should do it for yourself. It'll get you out of the house for a while."
I nodded. "So then, I'm going to call her tomorrow morning?" I asked. Phrasing it almost like a warning to Jake. Giving him a chance for him to change his mind.
"Great." he said taking another helping of the lasagna I had made.
I smiled at the simplicity of the exchange. I was excited to get the opportunity to expand my horizons, but I couldn't help the little snippet of guilt that accompanied it.
-ER-
I could practically feel Alice's excitement when I called the following morning. I had examined the card and the information on it, more times than necessary.
She gushed about how great it was going to be to finally have some help, and that I was going to be a perfect fit. I hadn't spent more than five minutes with this woman, yet she seem so sure of our compatibility. I had to admit that I had a strong feeling she was right.
The week went by in a blur. Getting the boys ready for school was time consuming. Especially Josh. This would be his first time away from me. Adrien and I had helped him pick out a little Spiderman backpack and matching lunch pouch. I dropped them both in front of the school. Josh gave me a little sad wave before Adrien had walked with him inside and up to his classroom. A tear ran down my cheek as I returned to the car. My last baby was starting school. I was so thankful that I had something to distract me.
I drove downtown. Thinking about Josh and hoping he was doing better with the separation than I was. They usually do. I was a complete mess when I took Adrien to school for the first time. I cried the whole way home, and half the day, but his teacher said he barely noticed I had been gone.
I parked on the curb, a few doors down from Alice's, or rather Foresight Designs. It was a metered spot, but I didn't care. I just wanted to start doing something that took my mind off everything. Including Edward. I had dreamed of him twice in the past week. I was so grateful that Jake preferred to sleep on the couch, otherwise, I couldn't imagine what he might have heard me say. Or whose name I might have inadvertently moaned out.
Damn my uncensored mouth.
It wasn't that Jake was bad in bed, per say, but even on our best night, it wasn't nearly as inciting as my first dream of Edward. Even though I had never smoked a day in my life, I could have had one after that dream, and no one would had faulted me for it. The second dream was even worse. Or better. I was leaning towards the latter.
I attempted to revive myself from the reminiscing of my post coital dreams, before I opened the door, but I was still dazed as I stood in the entry way looking around. The floor was a black marble. The walls of the large room were the original brick, but painted grey. Exposed columns were positioned on either side of the entrance. Two seating areas with overstuffed couches and ottomans were at opposing ends. Fabric and paint swatches seemed to clutter up the two art deco tables that completed the sitting spaces. A small door in the back of the large space opened wildly, Alice rushed out to me.
"Hi Bella!"
"Hey Alice," I replied timidly walking across the floor is measured steps. " Thank you for the opportunity." I stuck my hand out hoping to appear as professional as possible. Instead of reciprocating, she pulled me into a tight, and somewhat awkward hug.
"You're family now, Bella," she responded as a matter of fact. "And I am a hugger."
She laughed pulling away from me. I smiled at her trying to reign in my uneasiness with what she had said.
She spent a few moments showing me her small, cramped office in the back. The three different filing cabinets took up a lot of her space. Most of the drawers filled with receipts, sketches, blue prints, and other miscellaneous items. It was hard to believe Alice had been running this business for over a year, yet she had no type of filing system in place. I briefly wondered how she managed to find anything at all. Her desk had similar problems. The only thing that looked to be in it's proper place, was her name plaque that displayed "Alice Hale" in gold letters against a black backing.
She walked me around the showroom. Large pictures of some of the rooms she had designed were placed prominently on the back wall of the studio. They were amazing, bold designs. A small "before" picture was placed in each corner. Some of the work she had accomplished had been quite an undertaking.
I was in awe of them. I had never really done much in terms of a career. I had worked retail for while when Adrien was a baby, but it was only a job at the time. Never a calling. Just a means to an end. Other than being a mother, I never had discovered anything that had truly impassioned me. It was inspiring to me how Alice had managed to find a balance between her work and her child.
At lunch, she insisted on taking me to the sandwich shop across the street. She said they had the best tuna melt in the city. I just nodded and followed her. We laughed hysterically when the clerk asked us what kind of bread we preferred and we both responded in stereo with "Sourdough."
We made small talk. Most of the time, I couldn't do that to save my life, but with Alice, I felt immediately at ease. I gushed about the boys and how difficult it had been to see Josh off.
"I am not looking forward to that next year. Nate is with me almost constantly. I'll miss it." She said sadly.
I smiled. "All a part of raising children. Learning how to let them go a little bit at a time."
She nodded, taking another bite of her sandwich. My phone beeped from inside my purse. I had to riffle around in there for a few minutes before my hand grasped it.
A message from Jake. I slid my phone open to view it.
Hi Bells, Looks like I won't be home tonight until very late-like 11. So just go ahead and eat without me. Tell the boys I love them and that I hope they had a great first day!
After several attempts to get my lousy functioning qwerty keyboard to type, I wrote him back.
K Jake, Will do- cu you later.
I put the phone back in my purse and looked outside. It was completely overcast without a ray of sun to be had. The boys would be disappointed that their dad wasn't coming home until long after they were asleep.
"Bella?" Alice asked hesitantly. "Something wrong?"
"Oh. Nothing. Jake isn't going to be home till late. The boys will be kind of bummed," I responded.
She pursed her lips. It looked as if she was completely gone. Her eyes were slightly closed.
"Alice?" She didn't move. Or blink.
Ali...ce?"
She started coming around.
"Are you alright?" I asked, fear seeped into my voice.
"Oh, uh huh. Fine."
She looked far from "fine".
"You were completely out of it..."
"Sorry," she said nonchalantly, "Sometimes when I'm thinking, I just completely space out."
I nodded, but her words didn't comfort me. I wondered if I looked that possessed when I was lost in thought too.
"Why don't you bring the boys over to my place tonight?" she asked hurriedly.
"Your place?"
"Yes! Bella, the boys will have so much fun together! We can get some take out for us, pizza for the boys. It'll be like a first day of school celebration for them." A wide expectant grin stretched across her face.
It took a minute to think of a tactful way to decline her overly nice invitation.
"Thank you so much for the offer Alice, but we couldn't take advantage of you like that."
She rolled her eyes.
"Bella! How is you coming over at my invitation taking advantage of me? Don't you ...like me?"
Her lips dropped into a pout.
"Oh Alice, of course I like you!" I said reassuringly. "And the boys really like Nate, but..."
"So then it's settled! We'll see you at around six!" Her green eyes bright with excitement.
I realized two things right then. Alice was better manipulator than any one I had ever met and she always got her way. She proceeded to write her address on the back of one of her cards slipping it into my purse.
I left Alice a few hours later to go get the boys. They were both in good spirits. Their day went very well, Josh said he was a brave boy. He reguiled me the whole way home with stories about his new classroom, and his new best friends. It was adorable. Adrien said second grade was fun, and his teacher told lots of jokes.
"I can't wait to tell dad!" Josh sang out as we got out of the car.
My heart grew heavy.
"Honey, dad's not going to be home until after you both go to bed tonight."
He slumped a bit as we made our way into the house.
"I'm sorry. He told me to tell you he loves you and he hoped you had a good first day." I said helping him take his pack off.
He nodded sadly and started to sulk off to his room.
"I have a surprise for you both though!" I said hoping Alice's invitation would be my ace in the hole.
Their heads both perked up and their dark eyes were wide.
"Remember Nate? From the park?"
They nodded
"I like him!" Josh boomed excitedly.
"Well, we're going to go have pizza at his place tonight. So you can play together."
They both jumped up and down, starting to yell and pump their fists into the air.
Whew. Saved by Alice.
We pulled into the driveway of an immaculate three story townhouse at a little after six. It had just begun to sprinkle.
I would have been right on time, but I couldn't figure out what to wear, not that I was dressed up, but I didn't want to look frumpy. I decided on my blue boat-necked sweater and dark washed jeans.
Blue had only recently become my favorite color.
I rang the bell and the door opened quickly. A tall blonde man stood in the doorway. He looked like an older version of Nate.
"Hi, you must be Bella." He smiled and motioned for us to come inside. Josh held my hand and Adrien was close behind.
"And you must be Adrien and Josh." he said pointing at each of the boys respectfully.
They nodded.
"I'm Jasper. Nate's Dad."
"Very nice to meet you." I said.
He smiled warmly. "Likewise."
The boys shyly looked around.
"Do you guys like Wii? That's what Nate is doing, and I think he might need some help." Jasper said winking at them. "That is, if you're mom says it's okay?"
They both looked up at me. Their big brown eyes pleading with me. Adrien even had his fingers wrapped together like he was praying. I laughed and told them go have fun, but to be nice and share.
"Alice is in the kitchen, Bella," Jasper called as he followed the boys upstairs.
I walked slowly into the kitchen, taking in all the décor. It definitely had Alice's handwriting all over it. The kitchen alone was three times the size of my dining room and kitchen put together. Hers belonged on the front cover of Better Homes and Gardens. Mine would be considered "functional" at best.
Oh, well. It was neat to see how others lived.
Our kitchen worked for us, and our house was smaller, but we had all the space we needed. Maybe with Alice's pointers, our house could start feeling like a home.
She was standing with her back to me gathering a pile of plates from the cupboard.
"Bella?" She asked without seeing me "would you mind getting a few of the plastic cups down from the cupboard next to mine."
"Sure." I said sprinting across the kitchen.
I collected a few of the multi colored tumblers and sat them on the island next to the plates. She folded her arms eyeing me. Her lips upturned in half a smile.
Great. I must have dressed down too much. Here I was at my new bosses house and I had already committed some fashion faux pa.
"Dressing up for someone tonight?" She she asked giving me a quizzical look.
I shook my head.
"No, just myself. Tired of wearing my mom 'uniform'." I replied dumbfounded.
She thought I looked too nice then?
"Uh huh." She rolled her eyes.
Why would she even remotely think I was dressing up for someone ? It was only her, Jasper and the kids tonight who else could...
I knew the answer before I finished the thought. He was coming.
This is a joke right? Damn.
Stupid, Stupid, Stupid Bella.
How could I have been so absent minded to not at least find out if he was going to be here. He could have been living there for all I knew.
I shook my head. I had to get out of there, but I couldn't just take the kids away from their fun. I was an adult. I had to learn to deal with adult situations. It was definitely one of those times, I wished I was still a child.
I took a deep breath and helped Alice set the table. Sure enough, there were seven places set by the time we were finished. I swallowed and tried to breathe normally.
Just pretend that the last week didn't happen Bella.
You haven't even met him yet. He's going to be a stranger.
A really hot stranger.
I rolled my eyes at my lack of mental constraint.
"I hope you like Sushi?" Alice asked, pulling me back into the kitchen.
I nodded. "It's my favorite, actually."
"I knew we were going to be great friends." She wrapped her arm around my shoulders which relaxed me. I could make it through. I didn't want to ignore a potentially great friendship because I couldn't manage to get my mind out of the gutter.
Just keep remembering that you and Jake are married. Edward is just eye candy.
I heard footsteps coming into the kitchen then. I felt like I had melted into the wall, I was pressed so hard against it. He was wearing a fitted, light gray, collared shirt and charcoal slacks. He looked so put together.
And yummy. Don't forget insanely, deliciously, yummy.
It was going to be a difficult night.
Edward dropped the pizza box on the counter, next to two large white bags.
"I'll go get Jasper and the boys," I offered, grateful for the excuse to leave the room. Alice's voice stopped me before I'd made it three steps.
"That's alright, Bella. I'll get them. Why don't you start grabbing whatever type of pizza your boys like. We ordered a half cheese and half pepperoni. I hope they like one of those?"
I nodded. They both liked plain cheese. Alice smiled and went upstairs.
The room grew frigid. Taking the boys plates with me and walking as slow as I possibly could to the island, landed me mere inches from him.
"Bella," He mumbled cooly. It didn't hold anything that it had for me a week ago. Was it even there a week ago? He seemed so foreign now. Distant.
I shivered.
"Edward," I replied, matching his tone.
We worked in silence. Him unpacking and plating the sushi, me dishing up the boys overly cheesed pizza. I took a glance at him before I left the kitchen. Why was his inattentiveness suddenly annoying?
This is a good thing Bella. It will make it easier to be friends with Alice.
I smiled confidently and strode to the table. Everyone came down the steps at that moment, their footfalls sounded like thunder on the stairs. The boys quickly found their places and started eating.
The four adults started to divide the sushi. Flitters of light conversation started to pass around the table. I snatched up a few pieces of Sashimi and a California roll with my chopsticks and began eating.
"You can use those things too huh?" Jasper asked eyeing my hand.
"What? These? I asked looking at my simple wooden sticks.
He nodded.
"Guess, I'm the odd man out here." Jasper said displaying his fork. Both Alice and Edward were using chopsticks also.
"It's okay honey, I'll teach you." Alice said blowing him an air kiss.
Edward didn't look up.
"I wanna learn too," Josh said, taking a bite.
"I'll show you sometime." Edward offered, looking at Josh with kind eyes.
I almost choked on my bite when he spoke. How dare he offer to teach my son something.
He didn't even ask me.
Calm down Bella. It's no big deal.
So, it was just me that he had taken a disliking to. Fine, I could live with that. I guess part of being an adult was dealing with people who you didn't get along with.
My irritation was starting to grow, but I kept in in check as much as I could.
"Can I have another slice please?" Nate asked.
Before Alice could move, Edward was up grabbing his plate and heading to the kitchen. I suddenly felt the urge to figure out how I had offended him.
I quickly leaned across the table to Alice.
"Why is Edward so angry with me?" I asked in a hushed, hurried voice.
Alice glanced at Jasper quickly.
"He's not mad at you Bella, not at all. He's just in one of those temperamental moods. Writers get that way sometime."
He's a writer. Why did that make him seem even more familiar?
The pieces of information were stretching to touch but not quite connecting.
"Oh? He looks awfully familiar Alice." I said honestly. "What's his last name? Maybe he's written something I've read?" I continued casually.
She swallowed hard. "He has two titles on the NYT Bestseller list right now, Bella."
I quickly devoured the information, but it hadn't helped.
"Our family surname is Cullen," she said in a whisper. "His pen name though, is E.A. Masen."
I could barely breathe. All the information I had, made me feel as if I had just hit the bottom of the rabbit hole. I knew I had seen him somewhere before. It had been a while since I had gone to the bookstore, but I had at least six of his last ten titles cluttering up my nightstand. How did I not make the connection? I was beyond clueless. I had devoured every word. They struck me internally, the romantic fiction was like my own brand of heroin. I couldn't count how many times I had taken hits off each one.
It wasn't happening. I wasn't there with the author I had a one sided obsession with. With the man I had an extreme attraction to.
Who was behaving as if I didn't exist.
It had to be a dream. Within seconds, I would glance at the clock on my night stand and it would read six am and I would feel extreme relief. I was still stranded in my waves of panic when he walked back into the room.
His eyes caught mine and I quickly had to look away. The room felt as if it was becoming smaller and smaller, and everyone's attention was focused on me. I needed some space.
I rose too fast and almost collapsed back into my seat, I gripped the table and stood.
All eyes were now on me. The panic rising steadily.
"I just um, need some air. I'll... be right back." I said so quietly I didn't think anyone had heard me.
I stumbled across the kitchen and made a bee line for the front door, ripping it open, but closing it as quietly as I could.
I took in a fresh breath, allowing the particles of rain to assault my nose, then collapsed into the wet front steps. I was close to hyperventilating.
What the hell was I doing here?
I shouldn't be anywhere near these people. They were both professionals, and here I was, this mousy housewife that hadn't accomplished one damn thing. I must look like a charity case to them.
Why did it have to be him? She couldn't have anyone else for a brother. Why was I completely losing my mind over some author I barely knew?
Because of the way his words affected you.
They weren't meant for me. He was just writing what he knew people would read.
It didn't come from a real place.
I felt like I had been duped in the worse possible way. By my own imagination.
Like when I was little girl and discovered that Santa wasn't real. The comparison was so asinine, I smiled at my lunacy. I had my notion of him on such a high pedestal. The fact that he was no longer hidden by his pseudonym or lack of personal encounter hadn't changed his ability to touch my soul. It made it more real, and therefore, much more disconcerting that I would have to be in the same room with him again shortly.
The rain had been pummeling me steadily for the last few minutes. My hair was soaked along with my jacket.
Great.
I get to go back into the pristine house with the gorgeous and successful author, his entrepreneurial sister, and presumably her equally accomplished husband, looking like a drowned rat.
I just needed to gather up the boys, say thank you, and get the hell out of there.
Ten minutes tops Bella.
"Are you trying to drown yourself out here?" His voice came out the darkness behind me.
I jumped and clutched my chest.
"Damn it, Edward! You scared the fuck out of me!" I yelped. My mouth running on pure adrenaline. I could feel my cheeks warming uncomfortably. I had just managed to cuss out a man who had the literary skills of a Renaissance poet. I rolled my eyes under my lids.
Brilliant, Bella. With one sentence you have displayed the depths of your language skills to a tee.
I heard him chuckle, his steps moving towards me followed.
"I'm truly sorry. I didn't mean to." He took the narrow seat next to me on the steps.
Why was he being nice again to me suddenly? His emotions were more flippant than the wind.
I shivered.
He immediately started taking off his coat and attempted to wrap it around me. I tried to shrug out of it.
"I'm okay. Thanks though," I said shivering again, looking up at him. His eyes flashed with a fiery resolve.
His face was instantly too close to mine. His lips at my ear.
"You're acting as if you have a choice in this Isabella." His dominant affirmation made my breath hitch. The coat was around me before I could form another word. They way he said my name, unraveled me.
His face was still dangerously close. I had to coerce every breath. My heartbeat was so rapid I could hear it thundering in my ears. The rain was falling even harder. His blazing sapphire eyes were intent on burning right through mine. Tips of his copper hair were starting to glisten, the drops from his damp strands slowly running down his face. I resisted the impulse to catch the droplet on his chin, but I couldn't tear my eyes way.
He reached his hand down and cupped my face. Involuntarily, I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch. Every facet of where his hand was making contact was a live wire.
You need to stop this.
His thumb swept across my lips removing the single drop of rain that had fallen on them. My body erupted in fire. The flames lapping every space they could reach. I tenderly sucked the moisture off his thumb. It was a sating blend of bliss and sin.
Now Bella.
I placed my hand over his pressing it tighter to my face. I opened my eyes and gazed at him.
"Why do you hate me?" I asked weakly Not only to him, but to God for putting me through this hell.
"I don't hate you, Bella. I just thought... it would be better if I... kept my distance." He exhaled loudly.
I nodded and took my hand away from his, placing it in my lap.
His hand dropped away reluctantly. The lack of contact devastated my senses and I looked away, out into the camouflaging darkness.
"Why did you run outside? When you found out...who I am?" he asked gravely.
My cheeks heated. I was incredibly thankful it was so dark, though I still felt the need to shield my face with my hand.
"It's complex." I said hoping not to expire from the embarrassment. I felt even more like a child. "and I don't come off very well."
He gently pulled my shielding hand away from my face. I eyed him incredulously. His brazenness was still surprising to me.
His lips were wearing a wicked smile, his eyes filled with a joyful mischief.
What was his deal now?
"Let me guess. You haven't read anything I've written and were certain I'd be horribly offended that you had never heard of me."
I smiled slightly, and shook my head.
He sounded like he was toying with me.
"Okay. You have heard of me, but hated my books. You think I'm an arrogant jerk that gets too much attention for subpar, repetitious tomes."
He leaned to the side to look me fully in the face. In response, I busted up laughing.
"No."
A beaming smile spread across his face, touching his eyes.
Definitely toying with you.
"Okay. Okay. I 've got one more hypothesis, then I'm taking you in the house." He said. The wicked smiled returned.
I nodded.
He was right next to me again. The frivolity had all but evaporated.
"Could it possibly be..." he began slowly. "that you've actually read a book of mine? And you liked it?"
I could feel at least fourteen shades of red blossoming their way across my cheeks.
"Fine, you caught me. I like your writing. Okay?" I said with mock irritation. I had to keep up my pretense of being annoyed. "Are you done playing quiz master now?"
He eyed me for a minute. He pursed his lips, placing a finger over them. It would be sexy, if I wasn't totally annoyed.
I rolled my eyes.
"What now?" I asked. Real irritation creeping in.
"Why would you run from the room?" he asked seriously.
The fading shades once again stained my cheeks.
"I really don't feel like discussing that right now." I replied turning my face away.
"I bet I can guess." He said smugly.
I was thoroughly pissed at his inability to let it go. I was trying to salvage some of my dignity, and he wasn't allowing me to do it. My anger boiled over into my brain and the words flowed out unhindered.
"This isn't twenty questions, Edward!" I yelled at him. "I'm not a child. I don't play games."
I rose to my feet and turned to go up the steps. He stood up swiftly behind me grabbing my shoulder and pushed my back gently to the wall of the house.
I can't believe I just said that to him.
"I'm not asking you to play games, Bella," he replied fiercely. "I asked you a question that you refused to answer."
"So? What's it to you?"
"Everything. It's everything, Bella. Everything you do has me insanely curious and I can't help it!" he responded seething. He ran his hand through his damp hair, slicking it sideways.
He had no right to be curious.
What would make him so curious about me?
All the energy I'd been trying to subdue from the moment he arrived on the porch, suddenly overtook my brain.
"God, Edward! Do you really need your ego stroked so badly? You don't have enough people doing that on a daily basis?"
His eyes flickered then swam with anger. They were pitch black and his breaths came in huffs.
"I don't give a fuck what anyone else does or doesn't say about me, Bella. The only thing I care about, at this moment, is why you ran away from me!" He exclaimed loudly.
His entire body leaned over me, his face seconds away. The sheer blackness of his eyes were more terrifying than I could have imagined. I was trapped inside of his arms, pinned against the siding. I held my composure as much as I could.
"Fine. Since your so desperate to expose me, I'll tell you." His stand relaxed a bit, but his arms didn't move.
"I w-w-as in shock," I stammered. My voice evened out as my words slowly gained clarity. "I kind of have an unhealthy, um, attachment, to what you've written."
I was looking down at my feet trying to think of what else to say.
"I've read through the books I have, so many times, I've lost count." My cheeks were on fire. I was not having this confessional here with him. I stupidly continued.
"I'd often wondered how divine your life must be in order to write, how, and what you do. Where were you drawing the inspiration for such idyllic scenarios?" I looked up at him, biting my lip. "I know it's ludicrous, but part of me, a very naïve and delusional part of me, thought the plots sounded, almost... familiar."
I smiled at him, but couldn't quite look him in the eye. He opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off.
"So, when I realized that the man who touched my soul, in ways I could never understand, was you...I..."
I didn't get a chance to finish. His mouth was all over mine, kissing me frantically. His lips were commanding, but soft and inviting. My breath was faltering. Along with my conscience. I could feel myself slipping into him. My mouth started to move against his.
What are you doing Bella?
What was he doing?
He pushed me further into the wall. I was running on pure adrenaline for a second time. I desperately wanted to reach my fingers into his damp, dark hair and pull his body, as close to mine as possible. I needed him to touch me. I needed him to keep kissing me. I needed so much more.
Reality struck me. I didn't want to need what I could never have.
I snapped. I was suddenly enraged and hurt. His passion was taunting me. Giving me a taste of what would always be out of reach.
I pulled away quickly, slapping him across the face as I did.
He instantly pulled back, touching the offended cheek. He carefully moved his jaw around, like he was trying to readjust it.
Jesus. What had I just done?
I instantly started sobbing. My heart lurched and I stopped breathing. I felt like I was the one who had been slapped.
"Bella, I'm...I'm so sorry." He took several steps back.
I cried harder.
I shook my head. "No, I'm sor...ry." I sputtered out over tears.
Why was I so upset? I was married. He had no right to kiss me like that. This was his fault.
He took a few steps towards forward. Looking at me hesitantly. Probably wondering if I was going to sock him if he came any closer.
"I was completely out of line. I shouldn't have just kissed you like that."
I shook my head. I couldn't speak yet, but the tears were slowing. As was the rain.
"I should probably, get you inside." He wouldn't look at me, though refused to look at me.
"I'm sorry I hit you." I said in a small voice.
"I shouldn't have..."
"No you shouldn't have...but it doesn't mean I didn't want you to." I said quietly.
His eyes caught mine again. They were teaming with a mixture of emotions, but I couldn't decipher one of them.
"It didn't seem that way," he replied, dejected.
"I was taken by surprise. I couldn't believe how much I wanted your lips on me. I feel incredibly guilty about wanting... " I started, but couldn't finish. Fresh tears were forming again in my already overworked eyes.
It was too painful to even think the words, let alone say them out loud.
Why was this so hard?
You're happy, you have a nice husband, and two wonderful children.
You're blessed. Why are you even upset? You barely know him.
He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to him. I buried my face in his chest.
Why did this feel so right? Why did he have to smell so intoxicating? Why did every nerve ending in my body endeavor to betray me?
I had to get some control. As much as I wanted to savor the moment for as long as I could. I knew it was going to cause me too much pain later on.
I took another hit of him before I pulled away, inhaling deeply. I had to bite my lip to keep from moaning.
"I'm sorry, I lost my composure," I said wiping the last of the tears from my eyes. "I just felt guilty about... hurting you."
Among numerous other things.
"So, you were crying, not because you don't want me or are upset with me, but... because you slapped me?" he questioned.
I nodded.
"I had it coming," he said sweeping a stand of hair out of my face.
I bit my lip. His hand was touching me again. All the the little electrical pulses were firing up.
You need to go in the house now.
I peeked at his face, his eyes were a lifeless blue. His cheek was still slightly red. His pain tore at my heart.
How could I have done that?
I reached up, and caressed his injured face. Another tear escaped and he wiped it away. I wished he could wipe away all my suffering away with it.