Fix You by Coldplay
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Dean didn't know how he was driving the Impala without crashing but he did know there as no way in hell he was stopping. Tears blurred his vision, his eyes swollen and red from fighting the sobs that wanted to break him down. But he had to get home, he had to get back to him.
He looked at the road signs as he passed, his determination growing with every mile that went by. Only 30 more miles to go…20….10…
Dean pulled the Impala into the rough gravel road that lead to Rufus's cabin, the home base for the Winchesters for a while now. Things weren't going well and this had been the best solution for them even if it was a little rougher then they were used to. Even if Sam complained about the lack of Wifi…Oh God Sammy…
"Almost there, almost there." Dean chanted the mantra to himself as he pushed the car even harder then he had been. The engine revved angrily and his baby started to complain about the abuse. Running his hand lovingly over her dash Dean apologized to the car that was his first love. She was a good girl, having taken him from one side of this country to another with his brother in the passenger seat. There were knicks, dents, scratches, broken panels and squeaking springs but she was his.
Finally he saw it, the cabin with candles in the window. Dean knew they would be there, he had promised to leave a light on for him at all times so that he would find his way home. Dean shook his head at how literal he was some times.
Dean pulled the Impala into the drive and slammed on the brakes. Gravel flew and Dean was throwing open the door as soon as she stopped. He didn't even get his feet on the porch when the cabin door opened and there he was.
"Dean?" Cas's voice was low and stoney like it always was but Dean didn't take the time to think about how it affected him right now. Instead he threw himself into the ex-angels arms and let the sobs come. He broke down like a child and let Cas hold him while all the pain and exhaustion came pouring out. And Cas just held him.
"Its ok Dean, its ok, I'm here. I'm here for is it Dean? Whats happened?" Cas whispered against his hair as Dean crumpled in his arms. He let Dean pull him down to the deck and held him in his lap while he cried.
"I…I can't Cas, I can't…" Dean whimpered out between wails. Cas ran his hand in circles on Dean's leather clad back and held his head to his chest.
"Its ok Dean, I'm here. I've got you." Cas soothed him.
"No, its not ok Cas, its never ok!" Dean yelled but he didn't push Castiel away. He needed the comfort that the man gave him, even if he wasn't ready to think about why.
"Tell me what happened Dean." Cas begged pulling up his chin so that he could look into the red rimmed green eyes he loved so much. Dean tried to hold his gaze, he really did. He wanted nothing more then to get lost in Cas's angel blue eyes but he couldn't, not now.
"Where's Sam Dean?" Cas asked him quietly even though the thought he already knew the answer.
"Sam…Sam's dead Cas. And this time he's not coming back." Dean whispered as fresh tears escaped his lids.
"Oh Dean." Cas's voice hitched and that started a new wave of sobs from the boy in his arms. Cas gathered Dean close and let him cry. Soon Dean had exhausted himself to the point of passing out and Castiel picked him up and carried him into the cabin. A clean bed was waiting in his room and he slid Dean inside. Pulling up the blanket Cas turned to leave but Dean's arm shot out and grabbed him.
"No, can't be alone…not alone." Dean begged Cas and with a nod Cas sat down on the edge of the bed. Dean closed his eyes again and in seconds was gone again. Grief radiated from him in waves and Castiel let his own tears come.
Castiel wasn't an angel any more, his grace was gone and he was empty. But he swore on his Father's name that he would not let Dean do this alone. Never alone. If it took him the rest of this human life he didn't care. He would fix Dean Winchester.