Thank you for the kind notes. I always love hearing what you have to say – it's so interesting! Sorry for not hitting back, I was writing…
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Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy.
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Intermission
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The bed dipped and Bella burrowed more into the pillow.
To the sound of whispering sheets and quiet breaths, a big body curled around her, swaddling her with warmth. Her bare toes went lazily in search of the comforting grounding of a familiar calf.
With scruffing callouses, a big hand skimmed over the bare skin of her arm until it was diving between the mattress and her side and its arm was soundly wrapped around her.
"Mmm," Bella sighed softly, nestling back into the solid heat.
Dreams continued to skitter and swirl over consciousness like skipping stones until she floated up and broke the surface.
Heavy lids blinked open to the intimate light of pre-dawn.
As sleep evaporated away from awareness, she basked for a moment in the quiet space between dream and all the worries of reality. Sam's breath was even and slow, leaching moist hot air into her hair. He always slept with his face pressed into the nape of her neck but she didn't usually have the luxury of waking up to him. By morning he was always gone.
Bella stole a few more moments of it and relished the feel of being engulfed in heat, a heavy arm draped over her side and anchored firmly by the hand under her ribs.
He'd left their bed to run patrols at midnight when a long haunting howl had slithered through the darkness. He must have just come back to steal an hour of sleep before the day began. It just happened to coincide with the perfect trough in her sleep cycle to rouse her.
But unfortunately, as slumber fell away, her a lethargic body also woke to the way it was feeling these days in the morning. Bella's stomach primed itself with a few bucks before it turned over, sending a wave of nausea rushing up her throat.
Clapping her hand over her mouth, Bella tried to shimmy free, but that heavy arm didn't budge an inch. With another desperate wiggle Sam woke enough to release her and she was scooting off the bed.
Slamming the door behind her, she dove for the toilet and wretched a rather unimpressive trickle of liquid. Collapsing on the cold tile, while her stomach continued to complain and spasm, she propped one forearm against the porcelain while she fumbled with her hair.
She'd been lucky, she supposed. She had left her first trimester blissfully without any problems with morning sickness, but every day of this 14th week she'd woken up feeling queasy.
The pregnancy was starting to become impossible to ignore.
The regular symptoms of sensitive breasts, fatigue and bloating were similar enough to PMS that she could write them off, but being thin to begin with, she was really starting to show now. She couldn't button or zip her jeans anymore and none of her bras fit.
It was a little bit frightening.
Unlike most first-time mothers, Bella didn't borrow books or troll mommy websites or spend hours shopping online - she tried her hardest to keep everything "business as usual." There'd been so little of this precious calm and predictability over the last six years.
Oh, she made sure she ate well and went to the doctor, but other than that, for two days shy of four months she had valiantly procrastinated having to deal with the fact that she was pregnant.
That she was pregnant with their Alpha's child.
Jake and Mal, Ange and Emb, Kim and Jare – all her close friends took her cue, and didn't ask how she was feeling or blab about everything baby, but she'd catch their worried glances and subtle attempts to get her to rest. She'd barely seen the rest of the Pack over the last few weeks or so. Actually – truth be told – she avoided them like the plague.
Because it was getting ridiculous.
At first she'd thought those uncomfortable silences and covert stares from under bowed heads were the results of behind-the-back whispers and sanctimonious judgment, but both Jacob and Embry had assured her – on several occasions – that they weren't.
Apparently she now smelled like the Alpha's mate and no matter how the human saw her, the wolf saw her as second in command. Add in that she now smelled like the very pregnant Alpha's mate, and it was safe to say that Bella singlehandedly threw the entire Pack into instinctual pandemonium.
The combination of rank and jacked-up lupine protective overdrive made things volatile and uncomfortable for them all in human skin. They all wanted to protect her, to touch her and particularly the younger wolves - with raw instinct and juvenile control - didn't handle it well. They'd break out in fights over something stupid like holding the door or follow her around like puppies in the grocery store, smother her in exuberant hugs or pull her into their laps when she was passing by. With each week it just intensified until Bella simply avoided them all together.
It wasn't very easy to feign "business as usual" when it was nothing but.
Gasping, Bella let her head flop back as she flushed the toilet and took a moment to gather herself. Bracing her hands against the basin, she pushed up to her feet and stumbled to the sink and turned the water on.
She twisted her hair back and splashed her face, then watching the water run, she numbly brushed her teeth while she tried to let her stomach settle.
Rinsing out her mouth, she put the toothbrush back in the cabinet. But as she closed the door, she caught her reflection in the mirror.
It made her pause.
Two days shy of four months ago, she'd looked into this mirror and there was little similarity between the two reflections.
The woman staring back at her looked healthy now. Maybe even settled. She looked a little tired, but her face was no longer gaunt and there was a healthy glow to her skin. She knew that other people noticed too. Every time her father saw her he said something – he was so ecstatic that she'd left Paul, he didn't ask her once why she was living with Sam. He could see that she was healthier. That she was better.
It seemed unfair that just as she was getting her feet on the ground, the rug was going to be ripped back out from under her.
But it was, and she needed to face it.
"You're pregnant," she whispered to the woman staring back. "In five months you're going to have a baby."
She watched her own eyes unconsciously widen at just hearing the words out loud.
Bella was scared.
She knew Angela and Malia had been dying to jump in with advice and support and that Kim would be happy to hang out and tell her exactly what to expect, being only two weeks from giving birth herself. Like a champ, Jacob had taken her to her two first trimester appointments and she knew Malia would happily tag along to her upcoming ultrasound.
But it wasn't the same.
Bella had always imagined doing this with someone. Someone like the baby's father.
Like all the supernatural noses in the Pack, Sam had known before she did, but he hadn't said a word about the pregnancy. He barely said anything anyway.
Over the last four months they'd maintained the same routine: silent dinner and dishes and then sultry nights with maybe a passionate whispered word or two. Sometimes they would sit down on the couch in front of the fire after dinner. She'd lean her head on his thigh and read her kindle while he stared silently into the flames. But other than that they had separate lives.
Sam had said she could choose how she wanted to live. More and more Bella was trying to decide. But before she could answer that questions she needed to ask another. And it was a prospect even more terrifying than this pregnancy.
Bella hung her head for a moment and her eyes naturally fell down to her belly just starting to bulge against her oversized sleep shirt. She brought a palm to her stomach and then smoothed the material down over the growing swell below her navel.
With a sniff, she rested the heels of her hands on each hipbone and then closed her fingers over the solid bump between them, cradling it.
Her baby.
Sam's baby.
A wash adrenaline made her heart skip a beat.
Slipping a palm down under her belly, Bella opened the bathroom door while she tried swim through the surrealism of it to some kind of solid ground. Her eyes unabashedly washed over her stomach as she walked out into the room – really trying to let it all sink in.
The first blush of dawn gave the room a soft rosy glow and Bella's eyes swept up to the window-…
And froze.
Her hands slipped to her sides as her eyes cut to the surprising figure in her periphery. Sam was sitting on the edge of the mattress with his forearms propped on each thigh.
Watching her.
Bella pulled her lip into her mouth uncomfortably and those silent eyes slipped down to the floor between his feet.
He was always gone before dawn.
Confused, she wrapped her arms around herself and watched him for a moment. He was dressed only in cutoffs and his hair hung in a shiny braid over one broad shoulder like he was on his way out to… wherever he went.
But his posture was thoughtful, almost melancholy. Head tipped down to the ground, he was braced over his lap and staring at the carpet, his fingers resting together between his knees.
Bella licked her lips. "I didn't expect you to be here," she whispered. "Did everything go okay last night?"
Sam nodded imperceptibly to the floor.
Bella worried her lip for a moment; the silence was awkward. She had no idea what to say to him outside of their everyday routine.
Drawing in a brusque breath, she turned toward the window and started toward it, distracting herself with the dawn. "Are you on your way out?" she asked breezily.
Stopping at the sill, she peered out over the woods. Mist was just starting to rise and it hung, moody and ethereal, over the lawn catching the early light.
When he didn't answer, she turned over her shoulder.
To find him watching her.
Bella raised a prompting brow.
Sam drew in an audible breath and slowly sat back. "Do you want me to leave?" That soft bass was the perfect soundtrack for the dawn outside.
For a second she was distracted by his hypnotic voice – she loved the sound of it – but the words finally hit her ear. That innocent little question was the root of many things and it promptly turned her world upside down and shook it hard.
What did she want?
Flustered, Bella blinked at him for a moment before she shifted on her feet. "Um, I-," she stammered. "I want you to leave if you want to -…"
Sam tipped his head, watching her from behind that stoic mask. "That's not what I asked."
Bella felt like a deer in headlights – she had no idea what to say. Stress burst out in a defensive show of temper.
"I guess it depends," she cocked her head saucily. "Are you going to turn into a pumpkin or something at dawn?" She threw a glance at the window. "I wouldn't know because you're never here. Hell, I don't even know what you do all day," she snorted. "Maybe you have another life across town?"
Her inference was clear… and Sam didn't confirm or deny it with even a hint of a reaction. It made insecurity soar.
She stomped a step toward him as hormones and heartache and years of turmoil conspired against her.
"At least I knew where I stood with Paul," she laughed bitterly. "You eat my food, fuck me all night and then you're gone!"
Sam hadn't moved a muscle but those intense eyes darted rapidly back and forth between her own while her ears finally caught up with her mouth.
She slapped her palms over her face in humiliation. What was wrong with her? Never in her life had she used that word.
"I don't fuck you."
Sam's calm deep voice snapped her face back up. He was now sitting ramrod straight with his shoulders pulled back.
"What is it then?" she rasped. Each day that passed and her belly grew, she needed to know more.
Sam silently returned her stare with shuttered eyes and clearly no answer he was willing to share.
It was infuriating.
"What is it, Sam?!" Bella cried, fear and desperation exploding in an embarrassing display. "What is it! Because Jake said you're an animal more than a man! Jared said you've been watching me forever and Paul said all this time you've just wanted 'my ass,'" she quoted venomously then her hand flew to her stomach. "I'm carrying your child and I don't know who you are!"
Bella gasped in a breath, straightening from where she'd leaned forward as she vomited out her heart. She blinked back to the present… and the dangerous man across the room.
Sam hadn't moved, but every muscle was taut and straining against his skin. That impervious mask now looked like it had been cast in iron, tense and brittle and bulging from the fire that flickered behind those eyes.
Bella took a few cautionary steps toward the door. "What is it," she hissed, dropping her voice in appeasement, but already in way too deep to go back now. "A dominance thing? Contest? Getting him back for something?"
This was the question she'd been agonizing over and asking it was like ripping off a band-aid. Her heart was bleeding freely along with tears from her eyes.
With controlled power making the movement crisp, Sam unfolded to his feet.
Bella backed up so hastily that she hit the door.
He froze, a crease jumping between his brows. "I told you you were safe," he whispered and then promptly turned his back.
Sam rubbed his face with brusque hands and then cracked his neck and Bella forced herself to take a deep breath. She might not know who he was, but she knew who he wasn't.
This man was not Paul.
Her body, however still didn't believe her and had gone on high alert - her heart was racing so fast she was dizzy. Releasing it in a long stream through pursed lips, she tottered to the dresser and steadied herself.
Sam prowled toward the rocking chair with that panther's gait. Ducking gracefully under the eve, he stopped in front of the window and stared out over the wakening day.
For several minutes only fledgling birdsong filled the spaces between them. Then she heard his soft intake of breath.
"Everything I do is for the good of my Pack," he said evenly in that imperious bass. "When the Council asked me to find you in the woods, I knew I was being offered a chance to redeem my failures. I took it – an Alpha must have the confidence of his people to balance the fear." Hands clasped behind his back, his spine was straight and voice impassive like he was reciting a speech. "You were a human, injured by our sworn enemy and I felt protective as is our nature."
Bella was still feeling woozy so she pulled herself up on the dresser and hung her feet over the side.
"You were close with Ephraim's heir and we monitored you as we did Jacob," he drew in a deep breath and settled his shoulders back. "Then Paul imprinted." He paused and it sounded like he licked his lips. "It was my duty to do whatever I could to stabilize him. He was the Pack's best offensive." Sam turned over his shoulder. "After me."
Bella had wrapped her arms protectively around her middle at the unbidden memories that flooded from those days.
Sam seemed to take stock and then turned back around. "When it became clear that Paul's flaws went beyond the scope of an imprint to fix, it was too late." His hand lifted to the window and he dragged an absent finger over the sash. "Though it is my duty to enforce justice, it would have been a poor decision to interfere – as Jacob wanted. Especially with an imprint involved."
Sam's hand fell back to his side. "You would have gone back. Stayed longer." He released a long sigh and his voice dropped low. "You would have seen me as the enemy."
Bella swallowed thickly while she processed. He was right – when Jacob and Embry tried to intervene, it just made her withdraw more into the relationship.
"When you were ready to listen," Sam continued in a quiet silky bass. "I offered you an alternative arrangement, you accepted." He paused and clasped his hands behind his back again while he squared his jaw. "It met your needs and mine and prevented him from coming back."
Bella gaped after him, waiting for more.
Sam gazed out over the lawn and into the breaking day, obviously finished.
Sitting back, she closed her mouth with the click of teeth. It all made perfect sense. Rational, reasonable sense: a contract based on need. So why did it feel so wrong?
And what the hell was she doing feeling anyway?
Closing her eyes, Bella bowed her head as she massaged her temples. And this right here was the crux of the problem: she did have feelings.
She had feelings for Sam.
She missed him, looked forward to seeing him, yearned for his touch - was it all just a product of hormones and desperation? Bella suddenly realized just why she had been so terrified of asking this question: she'd hoped-…
She looked up to find him standing at the foot of the bed, silent and watching.
He was always watching.
Bella's swallow crinkled in her throat. "That's it? There's nothing more?"
Sam's gaze darted between hers. "What more do you want?" he asked quietly.
Again he threw it back. Her eyes darted off to the side for a moment, as she shook her head in dismay.
"What do you want, Sam?" she returned her gaze to his. Her nose was prickling with the threat of tears. She'd started daring to hope… she'd started fooling herself…
"I've already told you," he murmured.
Burning tears surged into her eyes and she tried to push them back. "Everything for the good of the Pack," she barked a soggy laugh with a roll of her eyes.
"What do you want, Bella?"
Gulping down a sob, her watery eyes met his. "Conversation," she hiccupped. "Friendship... feelings...?"
Sam's eyes lingered on her a moment longer and then they slipped to the floor, tipping his chin down with them.
"Jacob was right," he whispered. "I-I've forgotten-..."
The stutter was what got her attention - the first imperfect chink she'd seen in an impermeable armor. And it told her there was something else underneath.
Bella blinked her eyes free of tears so she could study him closer, just to make sure. Chin tipped down slightly, his face was a blank slate and his eyes rested on the floor. They were unfocused, maybe just a little bit confused.
Sniffling Bella wiped her nose with the back of her hand. "You've forgotten?" she asked, watching him carefully.
Sam looked up, his eyes snapping into focus like he'd forgotten she was there. "Yes."
Bella tipped her head with a thoughtful purse of her lips. And then she slipped down to the floor.
Sam watched her approach with impassive eyes but he subtly squared that proud jaw when she stopped in front of him, tipping her head all the way back.
He stood still and silent while she took her time, blatantly studying him. Golden light was warming the room now and she realized it was one of the few times she'd seen him since this began in full-on day.
Bella cocked her head with a thoughtful furrow to her brow. The sun glinted off those hard eyes, deepened the stalwart lines of his face, slicked down an ebony braid to burnish the unforgiving cut of his musculature making him look like he was cast in bronze. His body was always held at taut attention - a fierce and formidable warrior perpetually lodged in the starting blocks of war. All humanity and emotion had been shucked away from feral power, uncompromising dominion and stone-cold duty.
Without a doubt, Sam was the spitting image of what an Alpha should be.
But yet…
He slept with his face pressed in the nape of her neck. His hands were gentle even in the white-hot throes of passion, his mouth tender.
Watching him, Bella's hands lifted the hem of her shirt and slowly lifted it up, pulling it over her head and shaking out her hair.
She let it drop to the ground beside her. "Touch me."
Sam's brows had raised in surprise.
"Sometimes words don't mean anything," she told him quietly.
She saw the recognition in his eyes.
"Sam, touch me," she whispered.
His hand raised brusquely, as if merely complying with the request, but the single finger that stroked down her cheek was as soft as a whisper.
Eyes locked with hers, he ghosted it over her cheekbone and then followed the line of her face to her jaw. His gaze darted down to his hand as his calloused fingertip slipped up to her mouth and slowly traced the fullness of her lips.
Bella held immaculately still and watched the battle raging in his eyes – by the morning light it was as clear as day. They darted over her face taking an almost frantic inventory while he brushed the backs of his knuckles over her cheek in a contrasting lazy caress.
Like he'd been holding his breath the whole time, suddenly a huff of air burst over his lips and he sat heavily on the bed.
Bella took a step between his knees, watching him.
Both hands slipped up to cup her jaw while his agitated eyes flitted over her face. Suddenly she understood: he'd been fighting for a long time.
Drawing in a breath through his teeth, Sam smoothed her hair back from her face, his gaze doggedly following his hands. He exhaled, long and steady, through his nose and then brushed her long locks over her shoulders, tucking it behind first one ear and then the other.
His eyes caressed over her breasts first, and then a lazy finger followed after. Drawing a wake of chill bumps behind it, it skimmed along the full curve of one side, to her solar plexus. Sam's eyes dropped from his hand and slipped down to her stomach. As if in slow motion, one palm smoothed down her side and then settled over the swell between her hip bones.
And stayed there. One breath. Two.
Bella reached up and brushed her fingertips over his brow and then molded her palm to his cheek.
His eyes pointedly ignored and his hands slipped heavily back to his thighs.
"Sam," she whispered.
He pressed his lips together for a moment and then slowly looked up.
Even set in stone as they were, they were oozing and raw. The pain in them took her breath away.
She gently cupped his jaw in her palms while she cradled his gaze with all the tenderness in her being. He was so strong, so fiercely competent and committed.
So lost.
She smiled sadly. "See," she whispered. "You remember."
Sam's eyes volleyed between hers for several heartbeats. Then he drew her into his arms, slowly lowering his forehead to her shoulder.
Bella's arms encircled those strong shoulders and then rubbed her jaw deliberately back and forth against his in that primal lupine way they seemed to crave, trying to comfort him. In response, a subtle rumble, almost too low for her ear, rose up under hand as she smoothed it between his shoulder blades. It made her happy.
After a moment, Sam drew in a long breath that lifted his shoulders then raised his head. His hands smoothed up her back under her hair and then around to cup her jaw as he leaned in.
Inches away, he paused for several slow breaths, staring first into one eye and then the other. Then he pulled her into him…
And he kissed her.
Sumptuous, luxuriant, it was the press of undeniable tenderness - the lazy, caring caress between lovers tangled up in one another in the morning light.
Reeling, Bella's hands slipped up to either side of his head to try to ground herself. She rode the gentle rock and sway as he tipped his head from one side to the other, assertively siphoning her breath, her taste and scent - all he wanted from her lips.
Bella released it willingly while in her heart, each breath stoked a heat that consumed her heart in a slow burn. It was an aching that went much deeper than the sharp bite of the imprint that crouched like a parasite over her heart.
Finally, with a gasp Sam pulled back, his eyes wide and searching in flagrant contrast to the unshakable confidence of that kiss.
Breathless, Bella stared back at him, with probably much the same expression. She'd wondered over the weeks what his kisses would feel like during the day and now she knew.
And it was frightening.
That pucker jumped between his brows and his eyes darted to where his thumb brushed over her cheek, smearing cool salty wetness across her skin.
Bella pulled back with a sniffle and embarrassed slap against the tears.
He didn't let her go far. Sam's hands slipped down to her hips and urged her around with slow coaxing strokes that made her turn without even knowing it while tears hitched at her breath.
His arms wound around her front, swaddling her against his chest. "Shh," he whispered, leaning up into her ear, his hot breath billowing in her hair. And then he lay back, pulling her down with him.
Startled, Bella's hands snapped to his bulky forearms, but he held her tight as he scooted back onto the bed with several brusque lurches.
Now splayed out over his big body, head pillowed back against his shoulder and legs resting between his, his arms incrementally loosened their hold. Bella stared up at the ceiling and rode the placid balanced rise and fall of his breath. Each wave lulled her anxiety away a little more.
As she relaxed, Sam's hands began brushing over her body, skimming over her breasts and tickling nipples, down her stomach to smooth over the swell of her abdomen, then hips to thighs and up again.
Again and again he ran his hands attentively over her body, soothing her worries, melting away her fear.
With a long sigh, Bella reached up over her head to his face. The first pass found a disoriented finger catching his nostril and he sniffled with a brisk shake of his head. A giggled pounced free as Bella caressed over his face to his silky hair and then tucked her fingers behind the nape of his neck.
Sam's hands smoothed happily up to her full breasts, his big palm cupping them gently.
"Mmm," his human hum dissolved into that low rumble that she could feel more than hear. Then his hands began their rounds again.
Bella closed her eyes to the morning light, forgoing questions and anything else that got in the way of relishing a precious moment of contentment. It was such a gift.
She didn't know how long she lay like this, lost in hypnotic caress of his touch, lulled by his breath, soothed by that low lupine rumble. But the sun had risen high enough that it was peeking through the trees and casting warmth like a shadow over her leg when Sam's hands finally stilled.
"The wolf has always loved your scent," he breathed, the consonants crisp and intimate in her ear. "Ever since that night we found you."
Bella's eyes blinked open, but she didn't dare move lest she break the spell.
"We watched, waited," he continued in that same spider web voice. "For you to heal, for us to get stronger. Then Jacob Phased and I saw everything." His hands gradually restarted their ministrations. "The man wanted you too."
But this time, there was a subtle coiling tension that quivered in his hands. Her arms came warily down from behind his head.
"Paul-…" his breath shattered and he sucked the pieces back in back in and swallowed them down.
"I had to watch him take what was mine and break it," the whisper cracked and sizzled into a hiss. "Over and over again."
His body temperature had jumped at least ten degrees and now his hands were trembling and jerking.
"And I couldn't kill him," he ground the words into meal with his molars.
Bella caught a big wrist in each hand.
Sam hashed a breath through his teeth as she brought them down over her stomach and then caressed over the backs of his to thread her fingers with his. His hands curled into fists, capturing them.
For long minutes his breath lurched under her, struggling to find its rhythm again.
While Bella closed her eyes and tried to relax - she tried not to think, not to venture or deduce. She just focused on the warm sun and birdsong, gone from ecstatic to nonchalant as they became acquainted with the day.
Slowly Sam settled enough that his muscles were still but taut but his breath was controlled and even once more. Gradually his fists unfurled and spread over her stomach. He gently bumped her head with his jaw.
Bella opened her eyes as her hands caressed up over his muscular forearms and clung there.
She heard him lick his lips. "I'm a wolf, Bella," the words were barely audible and caught in her hair. His hands started smoothing over her curves again, in unhurried gentle strokes. Her own settled on the bed and she tucked her thumbs in the waistband of his shorts.
"And a wolf is simple," he whispered in cool inky velvet. "We don't share. We take what we want and keep it." His hands smoothed down her hips and then up her inner thighs raising chill bumps.
"We wait for the right time," the words were tranquil and intimate like a lover's whisper.
"And go for the throat every time."
Bella swallowed thickly as her hands left his shorts and lifted again to find his human face – just to make contact. They slipped to either side of his neck, feeling his jumping pulse under her palms.
Sam's hands traveled again to her breasts, taking advantage of the position.
"I told you what I wanted that first night," he murmured, gently kneading their heavy shape and making her nipples bead so hard it pinched. "I want you." he intoned quietly.
He sucked in a long breath through his teeth as one palm slipped down over to mold to the swell of her belly.
"I want you pregnant," he whispered in her ear. "With my power, with my scent, with my child every second of every day so they know you're mine."
Bella's breath caught in her throat. Her mind fruitlessly tried to rebel, but her body reacted with a rushing wildfire of want that effortlessly incinerated the pain. Their bodies - their instincts... they understood each other much better.
Sam leaned his face into her hair and drew in a long luxuriant breath. "Mmm," he hummed indolently as that rumble awoke in his chest. He carefully slid her off his body, the drag of her skin making her eyes roll in her head.
Settling her on the mattress with strong hands, he rolled over onto his side.
Bella blinked heavy lids open to see his eyes. Black and intense, they gulped her down in one fell blink as he leaned over and pressed his lips to hers.
"I have what I want," he whispered over them. A hand caressed over her breast and rolled a sensitive nipple between gentle fingers.
Bella sucked in his breath with her gasp.
Humming his pleasure, he kissed her again, sweet and slow.
With a delicate smack the kiss popped and spilled her hitching breaths between them.
"If you want him," Sam mouthed the words so close that his lips bushed hers. "You're going to have to find the man."
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