Love from jealousy – part 4
By Fishiexy
Kyle's thoughts in italics
After dinner that evening, the Trager household had all gone their separate ways. Stephen was in the lounge on the computer, Josh was in his bedroom playing video games, Nicole was in her office doing paperwork and Kyle had gone out. Lori was lying on her bed listening to music, just staring at the ceiling, her mind wandering. But wherever it wandered to, it always seemed to come back to Kyle. And more specifically, to Kyle in the shower this morning. She may have only been in the bathroom for a few seconds, but that image of his naked body was indelibly imprinted upon her brain. And once again her mind replayed the images for her…
His tall muscular frame glistened as water dripped off his body and formed small puddles on the floor. The normally pale skin of his back and chest now had a delicate pink flush to it where he had been standing for too long under the hot water. And he must have be warm because his circulation had dilated and she could see the veins standing out over his forearms and the on the back of his hands and feet. His body was still just as hairless as it had been over a year ago and his abdomen just as weird with no belly button marring his perfect skin. His eyelashes were once again wet but unlike the last time, when she had seen him in tears at school, there was nothing vulnerable looking about him now.
His dark messy hair, his little round face and chin that became pointed when he smiled, his long, straight nose, those beautiful, amazing colored eyes, his muscular chest and contoured shoulders and arms, his flat abdomen with its 'six pack' rectus muscles, his gorgeous long legs with their powerful quadriceps and hanging between them: his penis…
Back in her room she felt herself blushing again and put her hands over her cheeks feeling the warmth there. What was the matter with her? It was only a cock for God's sake and it wasn't like she hadn't seen one before. So why was she getting so embarrassed, so flustered, so excited? She put her pillow over her face and tried to think about something else. But her mind kept returning to Kyle just standing there, naked and perfect.
This wasn't the first time that Lori had seen Kyle naked. During the first few days he had come to live with them, Nicole had found out that Kyle loved having a bath. Bath time to him was play time. Every evening Nicole would help him off with his clothes until he learnt how to work the zips and buttons and laces himself and he would sit in the tub and kick and splash around and play with the foam bubble bath, squeezing it between his hands and then submerge himself, occasionally for worrying lengths of time, eyes open, looking upwards through the bath water at them all.
The whole family would sometimes be in the bathroom with him, ostensibly to keep an eye on him but really just enjoying watching him play and have fun. And then Nicole would tell him it was time to get out and he would stand up, dark hair plastered to his head, a huge grin on his face, with water and foam bubbles dripping from his body onto the floor. He had no idea of the concept of modesty and the first time this had happened, the whole family had been shocked into silence at his lack of self consciousness over his nudity. But then Josh had started laughing and pointing at him and then made a crude comment about the size of his penis which Lori totally agreed with, because it was way larger than anything she had ever seen. And that had been the end of it. Nicole had shooed them both out and forbade them to come in again when Kyle was getting his clothes on or off.
The next time she had seen him naked was also in the bathroom. He was getting out of the shower after she was supposed to have taken him to work with her, but she had lost her job and she had gone with Hillary to spy on Declan and had left Kyle behind. His ability to talk and his vocabulary had improved markedly compared to his first few days with them but his understanding of social niceties was still lacking. He called down to her for some clothes and when she brought them up to him he was standing butt naked in the middle of the bathroom. She remembered smiling and backing out of the room and telling him that it was time that he learnt about modesty, but not before getting a good look once more at his penis. It was just as thick and long as she had remembered it and this time she noticed that he was uncircumcised.
But this time it was different. Today his body had changed. When she had seen him a year ago, he looked like a teenager. His shoulders and chest were narrow, the muscles in his arms were lithe but there was no bulk there and his limbs were thin and gangly. He was all elbows and knees. It was like he hadn't yet grown into his body.
But this morning, in the shower, she saw his chest had broadened, his shoulders and arms had bulked out, the muscles of his abdomen were taught and well defined and his thighs were strong and powerful. He no longer looked coltish. He had grown into his limbs and his body had filled out. Now he looked like a man and Lori couldn't get him out of her mind.
Lori went downstairs and stood outside Kyle's room just watching him. He was sitting at his desk doing his homework. It seemed such a menial task for someone so gifted. She recognised the physics textbook from that afternoon. She could see the intense look of concentration on his face as he scribbled away answer after answer, not stopping once to refer to any notes or look up any formulae. She knew he was different, special, but to her he had always just been Kyle, her clueless and strange foster-brother, who was annoying and would cramp her style and was always trying to tag along and fit in. But now, she felt a new respect for him, a sense of wonderment and admiration in witnessing his abilities, so far beyond anything that she or anyone else around her could ever hope do. It had taken her ages to finish that assignment and he had done in five minutes, in front of her very eyes.
'Hi Lori!' Kyle's deep slow voice startled her. He swivelled around on his chair to face her.
'What are you doing?'
'Thinking!' She said quickly leaning against his door hoping that she looked at ease, as though standing here watching him was a natural occurrence, a thing she did every night.
'What about?' He asked.
'You!' She wanted to say. 'About how amazing you are and what it would be like to touch you!' She looked at him: Thick dark hair, pale flawless skin, full lips, eyes, huge and black in the subdued lighting of his desk lamp. She didn't know why she hadn't noticed before just how beautiful he was. She saw the curiosity on his face and realized he was still waiting for an answer.
She sighed and looked down. She wasn't going to be able to keep up the pretence of her cool exterior.
'Nothing really, I guess I just wanted some company. I feel…' She paused, trying to put into words the emotions she had been experiencing lately.
'Adrift?'
She looked up at the sound of Kyle's voice to see him staring at her.
Yes! That was it! How did he know that that was exactly how she felt?
'How do you do that?' She asked him, baffled.
'Do what?'
'Know how I feel.'
'Because I think I feel it too.' He told her gently.
'When Amanda told me that she didn't want to talk to me any more I felt lost. I used to look forward every day to seeing her in school because she was a good friend and it made me feel wanted and special and now that I can see her but can't approach her it makes me sad and I feel lonely. I thought that maybe you felt the same way about Declan.'
He was so perceptive. She nodded at him, feeling tears prick at the back of her eyes. There was a lump in her throat and she didn't trust herself to speak.
'Maybe we could spend some time together and that way we wouldn't be so lonely. He smiled shyly at her.
'I'd like that Kyle.' She said gratefully and walked into his room.
'How's the guitar playing going?' He asked.
'Good! I think I might actually be able to play a whole song soon!' She came and stood next to him.
'Although, I'm never going to be able to play like you! You are just so annoying sometimes, you know that right?' She said sarcastically and nudged him in the shoulder.
'I'm sorry, I don't mean to be.' He said timidly, lifting his head to look at her.
And there it was again: the look of uncertainty, anxiety. She sighed.
'I'm kidding, Kyle! Can't you tell yet?'
He smiled, but the relief that he hadn't really upset her was evident on his face once more.
He was so sweet, so sensitive, so desirable. She stared at him, unblinking. Even if she had wanted to, it suddenly became impossible to look anywhere else. His eyes were mesmerizing. Their color was incredible. She started to feel dizzy. She couldn't seem to get enough air into her lungs. She felt like she was drowning. Oh God! He was so beautiful…
She took a ragged breath in and tore her gaze away, trying to get herself back under some semblance of control. She saw his art supplies and a stack of his drawings piled haphazardly on the desk. She focused her mind on them and in that way she didn't have to look at him. Because if she did, she'd want to touch him and once she did that, she knew there'd be no stopping her. And her relationship with him, her friendship, was just too important to her to ruin by doing anything that could make him feel in the slightest bit uncomfortable even though she so desperately wanted him. She took another deep breath in and reached for the drawings.
She picked up each picture in turn noting the photo like quality and marvelling at the detail and colors in them before putting them carefully back on the desk. She knew he could draw, but she'd never really seen any of his pictures up close before. The first few were all of the forest that Kyle had been found in. The next few contained Amanda in various poses and positions. There was one of her family: Kyle must have done that when he was away and then one of them again when he first came back but it was the next one that held her attention, that she just couldn't stop looking at. It was a picture of Nicole.
'Kyle, this is amazing.'
She saw a small, pleased smile appear on his face.
'She looks beautiful!' Lori said astonished.
'She is!' He said, seemingly puzzled that she could possibly think that Nicole was anything else.
'I know!' She admitted.
'It's just that this picture…' She looked up at him, wonder in her eyes.
'There's so much feeling and emotion in it.'
Lori stared at the drawing of her mother again. She had a look of awe on her face, a look of amazement, reverence and admiration. Tears were sparkling in her eyes but they were tears of recognition, understanding and love.
'Who was she looking at?' Lori asked him.
'Me!' He whispered.
She wasn't surprised. Her mother had seen that Kyle was special from the beginning. She had protected him and cared for him from day one. It was only natural that if she was going to look like this for anyone it would be Kyle.
'She looks so proud of you and she's got that 'Kyle smile' on her face, the one where you've done something amazing but you don't realize what it is and just how amazing you are. Kyle! What did you do to make her look at you like this?'
'I saved someone's life!'
'Whose?' Lori's eyes widened.
'The girl in the fire.'
And before I knew it I had told her the truth. As Lori was talking about the picture I had been thinking back to that night. Nicole had seen me come rushing past her, my clothes burnt and smoking from having been on fire but my skin was unharmed and she had come to my room for an explanation. I couldn't tell her how I had done it but she knew I was different.
'I don't want to be different, Nicole, I just want to be ordinary', I told her and she looked at me, with sympathy and amazement and awe and love and told me that even if we could forget every amazing thing that I could do, my only instinct on seeing a girl in a burning building was to rush in a save her and there was nothing ordinary about that. And then I felt happy and thankful to Nicole for showing me that being different was nothing to be ashamed of and I knew at that moment that I was never going to be ordinary.
But then when Lori asked me, the truth just came out. It was bad enough that Nicole and Declan had seen me, I didn't want Lori knowing as well.
'Oh my God! That was you?'
'Well, I just went and called the fire service, so I guess that's not really saving someone's life.'
I tried to back-track and downplay my role.
'Kyle! Of course it is! Only Superman can go into a burning building and he's just a comic book hero. You're a real life hero!'
She smiled at me and squeezed my arm reassuringly. I felt terrible lying to her when she was being so kind to me but inexplicably and inordinately pleased at her praise. I didn't know why it was so important that Lori's opinion of me mattered, just that it did.
'Has Mom seen this picture?' She asked.
'No.'
'You should show it to her. She'd love it.'
Again he gave her the small, pleased smile. It was just delightful to watch. He was so adorable.
She put the picture down on the pile with the others and then she saw a portrait of her. She picked it up and studied it closely. From the looks of her hairstyle it must have been done very recently. It was drawn in the same stippling style that Kyle used to create all his pictures and it had the same quality and likeness as if he had taken a photo of her. However, it was nothing like the picture of Nicole.
'I look so miserable, so down, so sad.' She told him.
'I don't want to look like that. I don't want other people to see me like that. Can't you draw one of me like the picture of Mom?' She pleaded.
'I can only draw what my mind sees and tells me to draw. I'm sorry!'
'And that's how you see me?'
'It was yesterday.' He told her apologetically.
The day Declan didn't show up! She might have known! Even when he wasn't in the same ZIP code as her he caused her problems. It was all his fault that Kyle had drawn a crap picture of her, she thought morosely.
'Perfect!' She said sarcastically.
She put the picture back on the pile next to the one of Nicole.
'It's not fair!' She pouted.
'I want to look like Mom!'