The End Result
4. Split Ends
-x-
Sango frowned and only buried deeper into her chair when she heard the knock. Whoever was bothering her at this ungodly hour could wait till morning.
The knock grew more instant. She turned the page.
The knock sounded almost angry now. Thoroughly annoyed, Sango rose from her chair and flung open the door. "What the hell do you—?"
Inuyasha brushed past her, not saying a word. He collapsed into her comfy armchair and let his head fall back into air. "What did I do in my past life to deserve this?"
Sango shut the door with her foot. "Judging by the look on your face, many horrible things."
"This isn't funny, woman," he growled, but the corner of his mouth twitched.
"Sorry, Yasha, you're on my domain; humor and sarcasm are sacred deities in this realm."
He winced at the obvious nickname. "Understood."
"Now." Sango walked over to him and sat on his lap. "Spill."
His hand rested lightly on her back, and then circled around her waist, drawing her close. "I don't even know where to start."
"The beginning is always a good place."
"Too bad I have no idea where it's located."
"Well, what made you rush over here when it's nearly one in the morning?" she prompted.
"Kagome showed up at my doorstep tonight," he said bluntly.
Sango stiffened. "Oh?"
"She gave me some…disturbing news."
"She's moving."
"No…"
"She's found a new boyfriend." Please, let that be—
"No."
"She's pregnant," said Sango flatly.
Inuyasha flinched.
"Well, so what?" Sango said boldly. "She loves children … I don't see why she'd have any qualms about raising a kid—"
"She wants me to marry her."
Silence.
Then Sango said: "Well, that's selfish."
"And if I don't, she's going to abort it."
"The hell!" This wasn't the Kagome she knew.
"Don't judge her, Sango. She doesn't want to be a single, working mother who is scorned by her peers for 'sleeping around.' She can't afford to lose her reputation over a boyfriend mistake."
"So she's going to sacrifice your happiness in the process?"
"She promises I'll be happy," he said quietly.
"Yeah? What's her definition of 'happy'?"
"She said she'd do whatever it takes to please me." He buried his face in her shoulder. "I've screwed up bad, Sango."
"Yeah…"
"I don't want to fix it."
"So don't…"
"But I know I have to."
"You don't have to do anything."
"I may be a little confused, but I do have a sense of honor."
"What's that supposed to mean? You're going to marry Kagome?" She felt the heat rise in the back of her neck.
Inuyasha looked at her carefully. "Yes."
Sango climbed off his lap. "I see. I was being jerked around. Kagome is more important to you."
"I didn't say that."
"It's what you implied."
"How does 'I'm marrying Kagome out of honor' equate to 'she means more to me'?"
"Obviously if you're willing to marry the girl, she has a higher status!"
"Sango!" He grabbed her arms. "I didn't say I love her more. But if I got her pregnant—"
"Yeah? What happens if in a month or two I discover I'm expecting? What will you do, marry both of us? Does your honor condone polygamy?"
"I would stay true to Kagome," he said quietly, "because I wronged her first."
"So if I had the foresight to break the 'big news' to you before she had, I would've been the winner?"
"Sango, don't do this."
"Don't my feelings matter at all?"
"Don't mine?" he gritted, dropping her arms. "How do you think I feel, having to marry the woman I once loved, but whose appeal towards me is fading? How do you think I feel, knowing that I'm leaving the one I'm falling in love with behind—"
Sango pursed her lips. "You can't say that."
"Why not?"
"You don't even know what love is."
"Damned if I ever claimed I did." He took a step closer and rested his hand on her cheek. "But I sure know what it feels like."
She stopped him from kissing her. "Don't."
"Why can't life just ever go the way I want it to?" he murmured, running a thumb across her lips.
"Because that would be pretty selfish of you, wouldn't it?" she said lightly. "Maybe your version of a good world would make someone else miserable."
"Like you?" Inuyasha's eyes were boring into hers.
She swallowed. "Maybe."
Wordlessly, he pulled her into his arms and rocked her gently. She didn't protest, just closed her eyes and reveled the feeling of being in his arms. Perhaps for the last time.
-x-
Lies… lies… all lies…
"How could you?" the shadowy girl screamed. "I feel so betrayed!"
'I'm sorry…' whispered Sango. She was floating through a maze of lies, unable to tell what was truth and what was fiction.
A shadow floated in front of her. "Don't you trust me?"
"Not if you don't tell me who you are!"
The shadow consolidated until it formed Inuyasha, who was in a tux. Kagome appeared at his side a moment later, in a wedding gown.
'I'm sorry,' Inuyasha mouthed. He pulled a gun out of his pocket, leveled it towards her forehead and fired.
Sango bolted upright, breathing heavily. Bemused, she looked around her shadowy apartment, surprised to find herself on the couch. Beside her, Inuyasha was waking. She must have awoken him when she suddenly jerked out of his arms.
Breathing out slowly, she eased back down onto the couch, pulling her sweater more tightly around her. She was cold. And disturbed. She hated nightmares. Especially those that bordered so closely on the truth.
"S'matter?" mumbled Inuyasha.
"Bad dream." She nestled her head onto his shoulder, feeling the rough fabric of his shirt under her cheek. Something was nagging at her—something about her dream. What was it?
Yawning, she drifted back off to sleep…
And bolted upright for the second time. "Inuyasha!"
"Wha—!" His eyes snapped open. "What's wrong?"
"How do you know it's your baby?"
He stared at her, uncomprehending. "Huh?"
"How do you know it's your child Kagome's carrying? What if it's someone else's?"
Inuyasha rubbed his eyes wearily. "Sango. This is Kagome we're talking about. I was her first. There's no way it's someone else's baby."
"You're sure?"
"Positive." He gave her a look. "And you're her best friend. You know her well enough."
"I did," she muttered. "But what if she's lying?" she couldn't help but add.
"About what? Being pregnant?" Inuyasha sounded incredulous. "Kagome couldn't tell a lie to save her life. Much less do it in person with a straight face."
"Desperate times—"
"Sango…" He pulled her back down onto the couch, wrapping his arms around her. "I'm sorry."
"Not sorrier than I am…"
She was sickened that she actually found herself wishing that Kagome was lying… yet still sickened even more that their friendship was pretty much ruined at this point.
The age-old question: best friend or boyfriend?
Depends on which one ends up being less deceitful.
-x-
The next time Sango awoke, her apartment was completely light. She groaned and reached for the covers to pull them closer—
And instead tumbled off the couch.
"Ugh…" She grimaced as she sat up, rubbing her tailbone. Then a thought struck her. "Inuyasha…?"
A sinking feeling settled in the pit of her stomach. Please tell me he did not slink off in the middle of the night. A quick perusal of her apartment revealed that he indeed had left her—alone—without saying goodbye.
"If he's gone to see Kagome, I swear I will castrate the insensitive jerk…" Fuming, she stomped into her kitchen, needing a cup of coffee. Badly.
The bright rays of sunshine streaming through her window were not at all comforting to her. Their sole objective seemed to be blinding her.
Sango pushed the button on the coffee machine, rubbing her temples. Why did he leave without telling me?
Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a piece of white paper lying on the table. A note from Inuyasha!
She snatched it up, immediately disappointed by the meager explanation. Sorry to leave so soon—I've got some thinking to do. I'll call you later. Inuyasha.
Sango crumpled the paper in her hand and chucked it into the trash can.
At least she and Kagome had something in common now. She and Kikyou as well, for that matter.
They were all fools for love.
Maybe they should all gang up and eliminate Inuyasha from this world; that would at least take away the pain.
And take our hearts away with it.
-x-
Sango called in sick to work that day—not because of a broken heart, but because she'd been inspired. She took another swig of water from her glass and returned to furiously typing away on her computer. The sun was out and the curtains were blowing lightly in the breeze… it if wasn't for the roaring sound of the traffic below her window, Sango would've been able to forget where she was.
Nine pages in three hours—this was a record so far. If she kept writing at this pace, she'd be able to turn this installment in before the deadline… and then possibly get a head start on her next deadline.
If this is all it takes to become inspired, I should start dating more. Requirement: you must break my heart before every deadline. It was foolproof.
She recalled at three p.m. that she hadn't eaten any lunch and vaguely reminded herself to eat something… but she couldn't drag herself away from the story. Around 6 p.m., her stomach growled so loudly that it startled her out of her writing trance. She realized then that she hadn't eaten since breakfast that morning, and even that was only a few pieces of toast and some coffee. "Guess I'd better go get something to eat," she murmured to herself, saving the document and rising from her chair.
She swayed a little as fuzzy black spots filled her vision (Guess I stared at that computer screen too long, she thought) and made a quick search of her apartment for her purse before leaving her home and practically running down the staircase that led to the lobby. Now that she was aware of her hunger, she thought she was going to die if she didn't get food soon.
While she was running down the sidewalk, mentally perusing the various restaurants she could attend, she became aware of her attire. Living next to the business district of the city had its drawbacks sometimes; she was now pushing through crowds of power suits and briefcases in her gym shorts, tee-shirt, flip flops, and tote bag. Oops.
Sango passed The Bar (as it had become known in her mind—capital letters and all) quickly, with her head down, as if it would somehow lure her inside, seduce her to frequent its counters. Damn that place—I wouldn't be in this mess if it wasn't for it.
But then I wouldn't have ever known Inuyasha either.
Then again, is he worth it?
She forced herself not to answer that question.
Sango's eyes caught the familiar steel-grey letters that hung on the sign over the familiar café where she and Inuyasha had lunched so many times… and apparently restaurants could seduce, because she found herself moving toward the front door and into the diner. "One," she heard herself say to the waitress waiting expectantly at the counter. She felt her feet propelling her to the table, and her legs folding under herself as she sat down into her usual spot at the two-seater table.
Only this time, the seat across from her was empty.
Stop thinking about him, damn it! You were a single woman for so much more time than you were taken… well, sort-of-taken…
But you couldn't go home again.
It was funny how one experience could change one's outlook on life.
Sango ordered a water to start with and pulled out her pad of yellow paper from her tote bag. At least writing would keep her out of misery. She put her elbow on the table and rested her head on her fist, creating a comfortable position for writing. Her hair pooled onto the black-and-white plaid tablecloth, hiding her face from the rest of the restaurant.
She felt safe now. Safe from anyone who might possibly show up and ask to sit at her table—or a certain someone she wished would appear and sit down at her table—
There was movement across from her as someone lowered themself into the seat across from her. Sango's head shot up, as she hoped, wished—
Her jaw dropped slightly.
"Expecting someone else?" the person said.
"I— aren't you supposed to be working, or—?"
"I have something to tell you."
"About—"
"Just listen." Kikyou leaned back in her chair and regarded Sango with probing eyes. "Inuyasha said you'd be here tonight."
Sango felt her cheeks warm. "It's not like that, I haven't eaten since lunch and this place is close—"
"You don't need to provide me with excuses. I, too, have experienced the spell he casts over women."
"Hey, now—"
"You know it's true." Kikyou fiddled with the tip of her apron. "Inuyasha came to see me this morning."
Sango bit her lip. He left her without saying goodbye to go talk to… Kikyou?
"And he told me all about his little dilemma."
So confiding in me wasn't enough? You had to go tell your ex-ex-girlfriend too?
"He's… a very confused man right now," continued Kikyou. "I managed to gather from his rambling speech that he loves you, only Kagome's pregnant and he agreed to marry her because of his sense of honor even though he doesn't love her anymore and even though you could possibly be pregnant too…"
"I am not pregnant," Sango hissed.
"But you are sleeping with him," said Kikyou levelly.
Sango looked away.
"I thought so." Kikyou leaned forward, her elbows resting on the table. Even in an undignified position the woman seemed cool and composed. Completely unlike Inuyasha. Sango wondered how the two of them had ever dated. "But I think he really cares for you, Ishimoto-san. More than he ever did for me. Or Kagome, for that matter."
Sango flinched at the slight bitterness in Kikyou's tone. Well who can blame her? "Why do you say that?" she asked, forcing herself not to get her hopes up.
"Because he's actually worried. You think he stressed over how I felt when he started dating Kagome? 'Kikyou, I told you this wouldn't work out. You deserve better than me.' This morning it was, 'Sango's going to hate me now. I'm going to lose her—I don't deserve to be happy, but she doesn't deserve to be unhappy.'"
"Why are you telling me this?"
Kikyou's eyes narrowed a bit. "Because you deserve to know. You deserve to know how much he loves you even though he's going to marry Kagome."
Sango winced. "He won't."
"You think so? Then I advise you to open your eyes, Nakadeshi-san. You of all people should know the male psyche."
Sango nearly fell out of her chair. "What?"
"I've freelance edited a few of your novels—some of your newer ones. I go by Fukazawa Kei—my middle name—when editing. I used to edit full time until my husband opened this restaurant—he needed my help, so I figured it wouldn't hurt too much to go part-time."
Sango blinked. And blinked again. "Excuse me? Your what?"
"I got married shortly after Inuyasha dumped me. Rebound, you could say… but I really do love him." Sango could've sworn she saw a dreamy smile on the waitress's face.
"Well, that's…great, Fukazawa-san…" Just give me a few minutes to digest this…
"Sorry, I've digressed, haven't I? Excuse me. I really sat down to relay Inuyasha's message."
"Oh?"
"He said to tell you he's sorry but he's going to be absent from your life for the next few days… because he has to 'work some stuff out.' His words."
Sango clenched her fork within her fist. Bastard.
"But he also said not to worry about him because he's not worth it."
"Yeah, thanks, why doesn't he let me decide these things for myself?"
"I think he thinks he's doing you a favor." Kikyou sighed. "Like I said, he cares about you much more than he ever did me. That means something."
"Does it?" said Sango gloomily, absently tracing the lines of the tablecloth with her fork.
"Careful—you'll rip the tablecloth," Kikyou warned.
Sango ceased her drawing. "Sorry." Geez, at least let me brood in peace. "Do you… which choice do you think he'll make?"
Kikyou was quiet for a minute. "That all depends."
"On what?"
"On what he decides to be the decision that'll hurt the least amount of people."
Sango stared at her. "I wish him good luck."
"Luck has nothing to do with it." Kikyou stood. "It was nice talking to you, Nakadeshi-san. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news."
"It's okay." It's not. "Thanks." For nothing.
-x-
The bar hadn't lost its seductive appeal after Sango had finished her dinner and was walking home. The city had already fallen dark and the light that glowed in the dirty windows seemed to beckon her. What are the chances Inuyasha would seek comfort within his favorite bar?
She stood in the middle of the sidewalk, indecisive, for a few minutes. What if she went in? She had her yellow pad. She could write anywhere. And if he happened to come in…
Resolute, she strode into the bar, heading to her familiar table near the back.
-x-
For the better part of the night, Sango sat at the table, writing and jerking her head up whenever she saw someone enter the bar. Needless to say, she was rather distracted. Although she did manage to finish the chapter she'd been working on. At least I'll send an installment in on time. For once.
She was reluctant to leave the bar, having this awful feeling that the moment she left would be when Inuyasha would walk in. But when the clock hit eleven p.m., it was obvious he wasn't going to show up any time soon. I'm pathetic. Go home, Sango, stop pining over that loser.
Sango walked home slowly, savoring the balmy feel of the night, noticing the stars… wishing Inuyasha were there with her. "Stupid," she berated herself, unlocking the front door of her apartment building with her key. The five flights of stairs seemed unnaturally tall this evening… it took her twice as long to climb them.
She opened her apartment and kicked the door shut. The couch was calling to her. Flinging her flip-flops off, she collapsed onto the sofa… and shrieked when she hit something warm. "What the—!" Sango scrambled off the couch and fumbled for the light switch.
A just-woken-up Inuyasha blinked down at her. "Lord, woman, you nearly burst my eardrums."
"S-serves you right for scaring me like that!" Sango forced herself to breathe. "And what are you doing here? I waited for you in that bar for hours!"
"I thought you would."
"And you let me?"
"I needed time to think." He gave her a measuring look. "And I think you needed it too."
"Jerk."
"Stop complaining. I bet you got a whole chapter written."
Sango hid the pad of paper behind her back. "What are you talking about?"
"Liar." He joined her on the floor and pulled the pad out form behind her back. "Let's read it together, shall we? A little bedtime story."
"Inuyasha!" She made a grab for the pad, but he jerked it away, laughing.
"No, no," he said, "I think I'm going to enjoy this." He flipped to a random page an began to read. "It suddenly became hard to breathe. Keiko backed up slowly until she was pushed against the wall of the elevator.
"No! Inuyasha, you always chose the worst parts!" Sango made a grab for her paper again, but he held her back, using his foot to hold her down.
"'Stay away,' she warned. 'I mean it. You won't hurt me again—' Her words were cut off as Michio covered her mouth with his hand. 'Listen to me,' he said huskily.
"I-nu-ya-sha!"
"Yes, darling?" he said, grinning. "This is very interesting. 'I would never intentionally hurt you—but sometimes…sometimes unforeseen circumstances arise and… there's nothing you can do… even when you're so in love you that you feel more pain than joy…' Wow, this guy's pretty deep. 'Even though my actions say "I don't care" know that inside I do…' 'Yeah, well actions speak louder than words,' Keiko snarled." Inuyasha paused. "Bitter girl."
"Smart girl."
He looked down at her. "Is this how you feel about me?"
Sango looked away. "No."
"You don't lie very well." He slowly set aside the pad of paper and reached down for her, pulling her off the floor and into his arms. "This is hurting me too."
"It doesn't have to," she mumbled, burying her face in his shirt.
"Life hurts, Sango." He rubbed her back gently.
"You don't have to marry her. Does she really love you? You'll be miserable in less than a year. Perhaps she'll find someone else she loves better, and they can raise her child."
"Our child. I'm responsible too."
"You made a mistake."
"And I have to take responsibility for it."
You choose now of all times to develop a conscience! She pushed Inuyasha away. "I'm going to bed."
"No you're not." He pulled her back into his arms, but she punched him. Hard.
"Yes, I am," she said. She stalked off to her room, leaving him on the floor, sadly watching her leave.
He deserves it. He thinks he can tell me he loves me like that and then turn around and marry his ex-girlfriend because it's his "duty" to do so? She climbed into bed as she was, no shower, no pajamas—and no Inuyasha.
It took her a good two hours to fall asleep, all the time wondering if Inuyasha had left yet.
When she awoke in the morning, she tumbled out of bed and rushed into her living room, hoping, hoping that Inuyasha would miraculously somehow still be there.
He wasn't.
But he left a note on the couch, by her yellow notepad.
Dread sinking into the pit of her stomach, Sango slowly walked over to the couch and picked up the note.
I'm sorry. I wish it could be different too. I love you.
Sango stared at the note for a minute and then let it fall to the ground. Sometimes words just aren't enough. She sank to the ground and picked up the pen and paper, doodling Inuyasha's name around the border. She felt hollow without his presence… incomplete.
How can he marry a woman he doesn't love?
It didn't make sense.
Nothing made sense anymore.
Sango crossed out his name from the margins and got to her feet. She had a chapter to send in to her editor. She lingered at the window a little longer than usual, staring at Inuyasha's apartment building a few blocks away.
From the sidewalk, the said man stared up at her with a pained and longing expression on his face.
A/N: oh the angst. Yes, yes. I'm trying to make this as realistic as possible... how do you like it so far?