Vivian

Three days passed. Father Petersburg made another good excuse to the abbess to excuse my absence of a fever. From the past short days I spent my entire time in bed, thinking thoroughly.

Oh what is wrong with me? Every time I think about it, I keep telling myself of how dangerous and insane the idea is. But for some reason, there's a temptation inside me of wanting to fulfill Mrs. Wikes promise. The only consequences are pretending to a vulnerable man and a troubled little girl, and also hiding from Andrew. Heavens, I doubt it'll get any harder for Andrew to find me if I suddenly transform to someone's wife.

I seen Captain Butler once, just looking at him for the first time tells me so much about him. His slender figure shows me how he punishes himself of refusing to eat and instead consume liquor and endless cigars. That room he traps himself in is another world, a prison he remains in of reminding himself of the great loss of his wife. Being in that room prevents him to think of his responsibilities, his daughter is definitely one of them...Can I be strong enough to approach the man and claim to him that I'm his long dead Scarlett? There is so much I don't know about him in person. His likes or dislikes. Or sweet memories of our marriage...The worst part is, what if he begs for forgiveness of the things he done to his wife. That's too much for me to take in.

But look at me now. Each day that passes my clothes always remain dark as the color of my past, my days remains the same with prayers and open bibles, and I see the same people who always remain quiet and refuse to speak of any social matters...The only time I can truly breath is stepping outside of this church. The life in town and other peoples' houses remind me that I was once those people. A wife of a dashing plantation owner. But the label of being a victim of a dangerous stalker unfortunately tells me who else I am.

There is no turning back on what decision I pick. If I choose to ignore the absurd idea of being Scarlett Butler, I'll have to remain here in this church until my very death. But if I choose to accept the promise I made to Mrs. Wikes, I'll have no choice but to risk leaving this church and return to the married life that I deeply miss...It's a decision that not every women are given. I'm not sure if I should be grateful or ashamed. But the more I think about it, the more I want to leave this room and inform Father Petersburg of my decision.

~ After the lunch hour, I snuck out of my room and headed to the service room. I veiled my face to cover my face. I found Father Petersburg in the front bench, praying with an open bible laid on both his hands. I slowly walked across the aisle and sat beside him.

I folded my hands together and whispered a silent prayer. With my hands still held together, I opened my eyes. I elbowed his arm. "Psst...Father.."

He opened one eyelid. He nodded when he saw me. He closed his eyes again and whispered silently. "What is it?"

"I made my decision...I must leave to see Mr. Wikes."

He slowly opened his eyes. He didn't turn his head to look at me. "So you made your decision at last?..I had a feeling you'll agree to it."

"I'm sorry, father."

"Don't, child. Well, I must go to inform the clergy..Go now. The mother abbess is not happy that I excused you a second time. I don't think she's convinced that you're ill. If she catches you, I won't be able to save you."

"Thank you, father. I'll see you again later." I unfolded my hands and stood up. I took his hand and gave it a kiss before leaving the church.

~ "Are you sure, sister?"

I nodded. "Yes, I'm certain..And please call me, Vivian. Soon I am no longer going to be a nun."

Mr. Wikes took a step back, overwhelmed of my decision. "B-But..But you are a nun. I am appalled of this decision you made. Are you sure you can betray your role as God's servant?"

"Mr. Wikes there's a lot of things you don't know about me. My faith in God kept me strong from my unfortunate past. I only vowed to be a nun because..."

How can I tell him? I know by now I have to be honest with him, since he'll be helping me along the way. But if I tell him it'll just make things complicated. And I also don't want to risk getting him involved with my problems, the man has a son to take care of after all. If Andrew gets his hands on Mr. Wikes, Beu will be an orphan and live a painful future with only his aunts to look after him.

"...because I was looking for who I am, and although walking away from the convent is a serious deal, I now realized that I don't belong in the church." I lied.

Mr. Wikes was too shocked to detect if I was lying, thank goodness. "...Well, there's going to be a lot for you to know about Rhett and the Scarlett you have to pretend to be."

"I know, Mr. Wikes. But I'm willing to learn."

"Ashley."

I arched an eyebrow, confused. "Pardon?"

"Ashley was what Scarlett called me by."

"Ashley..I can get use to it in time."

"Well, when are you leaving the church officially?"

"Hopefully by midnight. It takes long hours for me to be removed from the church."

Mr. Wikes nodded and suddenly took both my hands. "I will help you in every way I can, Vivian. Thank you for doing this. My wife would have appreciated it."