A/N: Hello all you happy people! Well, probably not-so-happy, since this chapter came out SO late… it's not my fault! We just moved to a new house which had like NO internet! Sigh, oh well, I apologize on behalf of the landlord! So here's the next sequence of events of the game so far… again, THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS! Now, onwards mateys!
Chapter Four- Pregnancies and Farmhouses
9: 55 p.m.
"They always play that, although I don't quite see the reason why, what with Alice seeing the future and everything. You really thought they were going to physically fight, didn't you?" Edward grinned widely at me, and I scowled.
"Excuse me for getting all worked up for nothing," I muttered. "Come on Jasper, it's your turn."
"You should've seen your face, Bella," Jasper said laughingly, sitting himself back in his chair and giving the game wheel a twist.
"One for the book," agreed Alice, and then turned to Edward. "I only see who wins if the person decides beforehand what sign to make. Otherwise, when it's a spur-of-moment decision, I can't see anything."
Edward rolled his eyes. "That should only give the players about half a second's advantage."
"Book of what," I demanded of Alice, "my most embarrassing facial expressions?"
"Yep," she answered proudly.
I sighed. "I swear, mark my words, once I become a vampire, I'm getting back at all of you. I'm going to start on my own book: 'How to Demean the Cullens'."
"Ah darn, that's going to be a bestseller here in Forks," remarked Emmett with a frown. "Do you know how many people want to see us thrown to the dogs?"
"Yeah, let's go '6'!" exclaimed Jasper, grabbing his car and moving it along the path.
"What are you talking about?" I asked Emmett incredulously. "Everyone in school wants to be you guys!"
"Once they read your book, they will be us. Ergo, dispose of the originals." Emmett nodded his head in self-satisfaction.
Jasper let out a long groan. "My taxes are due! So… how much do I pay exactly?"
"Check your career card," I told him.
"Ah…" He swiftly grabbed his Career card and peered at it. "Darn. Here Bella, thirty-five thousand dollars…"
"Ouch," said Emmett in amusement, as Jasper handed the money to me.
"Just be happy no one's the accountant, otherwise the money would go to him or her," I pointed out.
"It went to you," mumbled Jasper, leaning backwards against his chair.
"To the bank," I corrected. "I'm just the banker. See, Emmett, how in the world can I have control of my marriage with Edward when I don't even have much money as the banker? No, wait, I'm more like the messenger; I'm the postbox between society and the bank!"
"A very pretty postbox," murmured Edward in a seductively husky tone. I tried to glare at him, but was instead overcome by yet another blush.
"Trust Edward to turn something like a postbox into an object of beauty," remarked Alice with a toss of her head.
"Turn the wheel please," I told Edward through clenched teeth.
9:57 p.m.
Edward smiled and dexterously sent the game wheel into a perfect spin. It stopped on '3', and I picked up our blue car to move it along the path.
"And now we're visiting a museum," Edward said thoughtfully, selecting a LIFE tile. "Bella, I hope this trip makes you happy. Seeing objects as old as you are preserved in a glass case isn't very uplifting."
I bit my lip to prevent myself from laughing. "Hey, there's some fun in that. You could be like, to an ancient vase or something, 'I knew you when you were just a brand new and useless piece of clay'."
"Believe me, I've been through that," Alice said gloomily.
"Seriously? I was kidding!"
"When we were in England," began Edward, "the girls and I visited this very small, unknown museum–"
"More like an over-furnished room," sneered Rosalie.
"–yes, that would be more fitting. Anyway, they were displaying a collection of cloths from different centuries, and I happened to see a particular piece… which belonged to Alice."
I frowned. "Belonged as in…?"
"They stole my personalized handkerchief!" wailed Alice. "I lost it a few weeks after it was made, and then years later there it was, nicely displayed for all to see, as a belonging of King Henry the Eighth! King Henry! My handkerchief had my first name's initial on it!"
"Maybe they thought it belonged to one of King Henry's mistresses," I suggested with a giggle.
"Ergo, it belonged to King Henry," finished Emmett with a quick nod.
"You like to say 'ergo' a lot, don't you?" I inclined my head and grinned at him.
"Well, in any case, I took it back," said Alice triumphantly. I snapped my focus back to her with my mouth open in shock, and she shrugged. "What? It was mine!"
"You stole it?"
"That was fifteen years ago. And we're still wanted in that part of England," said Edward cheerfully.
I stared at Alice in disbelief, and then squinted at Edward. "You lead a very interesting life," I said in mock seriousness.
Alice folded her arms together and smiled. "Yeah, and then I lost it again. Who knows, it'll probably turn up in a museum in Egypt, as a cloth used by a servant of Queen Nefertiti."
Rosalie reached out a hand and twisted the game wheel. "You know, Bella, that handkerchief wasn't the only thing she stole in her lifetime."
Alice groaned. "Don't tell you're still on the whole Clifford thing?"
The wheel stopped on '6', and Rosalie moved her car along. "Fifty thousand dollars, if you please Bella. I won the lottery." As I handed her the money, she shot her sister a cold glare. "Did you think I'd ever forgive you for that?" she hissed.
"For what, for what?" demanded Emmett. "I'm more intrigued by this conversation than the whole lottery thing!"
At once Rosalie shut her mouth, eyeing her husband warily. Alice noticed this and broke into a smug grin.
"For stealing her first boyfriend," she sang, "the one who almost got her pregnant!"
"ALICE!" shrieked Rosalie, jumping to her feet.
"WHAT?" cried each of the rest of the Cullens.
"Someone other than me tried to get you to home run?" gasped Emmett incredulously. To my surprise, there was a hint of amusement in his voice, and not of anger, as I expected.
"I was young!" exclaimed Rosalie defensively. She clutched Emmett's hand. "Darling, this was before I was turned into a vampire!"
"How old were you?" asked Edward.
"Fourteen, fourteen!" trilled Alice.
"My pride was just wounded," moaned Emmett. "This guy took your virginity at fourteen? My first was at fifteen!"
Rosalie rolled her eyes and retrieved her hand. "I was the one fourteen. He was eighteen."
"Oh… then that's okay… I think…"
"You could've had an illegitimate child, Emmett!" cried Alice.
"How come you never mentioned this, Rosalie?" said Esme, her face riddled with both concern and hurt, as she leaned forward and delicately spun the game wheel.
Rosalie threw Alice a murderous look. "It wasn't meant to be a big deal!"
"Oh yes, I heard pregnancy is negligible," quipped Jasper.
"How did you find out that you weren't pregnant?" asked Edward curiously.
Rosalie inhaled a deep breath. "My period came late," she said tonelessly.
"Blech, periods…" muttered Emmett in disgust. "I pity you women. At least all we men have to go through is circumcision. One moment of pain and that's it. You have to go through periods, pregnancy and menopause! Don't you burst from all that?"
Something that hadn't occurred to me before came creeping into my mind at Emmett's words. "Do you even get your periods?" I asked Rosalie. "I mean, as a vampire?"
"Of course," she said haughtily, "it's only natural. The systems in our bodies don't change when we are turned. One thing, though, is we secrete venom as well as dirty blood."
My eyes widened in fascination. There were so many interesting aspects to being a vampire…
"Did your family know?" asked Esme suddenly. "About the incident?"
Rosalie uttered a 'humph' of indignation. "I can't believe I'm the object of interrogation when Alice here committed the crime of stealing him from me!" At once she whisked around to face Emmett again. "Not that I still harbor feelings for him, he's nothing but an insignificant lowlife to me now! You are all I need."
Before Emmett could reply, there was a grunt from Alice.
"I didn't steal him," she retorted. "He practically ran to me!"
I held up a hand. "Hang on a tick here. I don't get it. If this was before you were turned into a vampire, Rosalie, then how come you knew Alice back then?"
"We didn't know each other per se," said Alice.
"That would actually be the first time we met," muttered Rosalie, seating herself back down. "And then when I met her again after she was turned, I didn't know it was her until a few years later when she spoke of stealing a high class boyfriend."
Alice let out a high-pitched laugh. "Oh, that was so unexpected I swear… and FYI, I didn't really want him as a boyfriend. Come on, I was only like what, twelve? I just wanted a nice rich playmate."
"Bella…" called out Carlisle, and I looked up, noticing that their car had landed on the red space 'STOP. You may BUY A HOUSE. Draw Deed'.
"Ah, here's a fun part," I said, picking up a pile of cards I had kept aside. I fanned the cards out before Carlisle, face down. "To choose your house, pick two cards, and then decide between the two."
Carlisle nodded in understanding, and drew out two cards from either end of the fan.
"When did the government get so strict? We only get to look at two houses for our future use!" remarked Emmett with a dramatic flourish.
"To teach us not to be picky with material items?" suggested Jasper with a shrug.
"Alright," said Carlisle, tilting his head towards Esme, "so what do you want dear, a Dutch Colonial or a farmhouse?"
Esme raised a fine eyebrow and peered at the two cards. "Dutch Colonial, a 'wooden shoe realty: eight spacious rooms with study, den. Solar-heated, wood-burning stoves, solid oak floors'," she read aloud. "A hundred and twenty thousand dollars?"
Emmett let out a low whistle. "Think of it this way, Esme. For eight rooms, a hundred and twenty thousand dollars is a pretty good bargain. Plus, you can accommodate the rest of us and other guests! It's a whole inn! Ooh, we can call it–!"
"Let me see the other choice first," said Esme with a small grin, "before you start suggesting ridiculous names again. So farmhouse… a hundred and sixty thousand dollars? Dear me, why spend so much on a farmhouse? Although, farmhouses are ideal for a life of seclusion and solitude…"
"What's it have?" asked Alice eagerly.
"Well, it says… 'Euell B. Milken realty' –whoever that is– 'located on fifty rolling acres. Garbanzo bean crops, prizewinning pigs and dairy cows'."
"Well, there you go, that's how you get your money back," I said brightly, "put up those pigs and cows in contests and let them do their thing."
Carlisle grinned. "Well, darling, at least we won't have to go out to hunt so often. We'll have food right in our backyard!"
I propped up an elbow on the table and rested my chin upon my hand. "If I didn't know better, that statement would've sounded just about right…"
Esme's face fell into a pretty frown. "Hmm, it would be nice to change our meals for once… I'm quite tired of eating bear all the time."
"Don't you ever get bothered by all the fur?" I asked curiously.
Esme laughed. "Not if you know how to smoothen it out properly," she said with a wink. "Carlisle, let's go with the Dutch Colonial."
As Carlisle handed me the farmhouse card and a hundred and twenty thousand dollars, I felt I couldn't resist myself; and the question I had been anxious to ask for quite some time came spewing out: "What's your favorite kind of bear?"
Esme looked shocked for a moment, and then she recovered with a small chuckle. "Oh… I have no favorite, dear."
"That's not what you said when you tried Chinese pandas," said Alice in a reproving tone.
It was my turn to be caught by surprise. "Chinese pandas? Those cute, little black-and-white bears? You ate them?"
Perhaps my expression held more dismay than I thought, for Esme then cringed.
"I'm sorry, Bella! If it's any consolation to you, I didn't eat that many. We only stayed in Beijing for a week or so."
"Because the pandas were on the brink of extinction due to lack of food," remarked Jasper seriously.
"Yeah, ours," laughed Emmett.
Edward leaned sideways. "Do you still want to become a vampire?" he asked me quietly.
I pinched his arm, which most probably caused him no pain. "Of course I do!" I said heatedly. "I'm just… overwhelmed by my possible menu…"
"Ooh, then look out for black panthers," said Alice, motioning for Carlisle to spin the wheel again. When he did, it stopped on '8'.
"Look, Carlisle!" exclaimed Esme suddenly, pointing at a particular space –eight spaces away from where their car was now, I noticed after counting mentally– that said 'Twins! LIFE'. "We have twins!"
Carlisle sniffed exaggeratedly. "I'm so happy. I'm a father again! What say you to one of each, darling?"
Grinning, I handed them a LIFE tile and two people pegs, one blue and one pink. "And here, new father, are your babies! What are you going to name them?"
"I call godfather!" yelled Emmett, one hand shooting into the air.
"You're the uncle, idiot," said Jasper.
"How about Alison and Alex?" suggested Alice with a furtive smile. "Aunt Alice will teach them everything they need to know about everything!"
"See, now I think that Dutch Colonial was worth it," declared Esme with a laugh. "We have more than enough space to accommodate the twins!"
I joined in with Esme's laughter, although not so heartily –I knew that Esme had lost a child before, and I couldn't help but feel a rush of pity for her. But then again, who was I to say she was still grieving? Time might have healed her.
10:04 p.m.
"Okay, Auntie Alice's turn!" cried Alice, giving the wheel a twist so hard that I heard its pivot ring. It stopped on '1', on which Jasper thrust out a hand towards Alice.
"You spun a '1', which means you bought my art!" he said gleefully. "Pay up, ten thousand dollars!"
"Why do I have to buy your art?" whined Alice, reluctantly plucking a ten-thousand-dollar note from her disorganized pile of money and giving it to her husband. "I live with you and your paintings… hey!" She twisted her body to face the game board directly and, with two fingers, retrieved two ten-thousand-dollar notes from underneath it. "I didn't have to take that loan after all! I had money here! Aargh… Bella! Can I pay off the loan now? "
"You have to pay it off with interest," I told her rather apologetically, "five thousand dollars with every twenty-five thousand."
Alice frowned and bent her head to count her money. "Let's see, now I have thirty thousand dollars… so should I risk giving up twenty-five, or should I wait until I have more money?" She looked down at the game board. "AARGH! And now I have to pay twenty thousand to go to night school? I don't want to play anymore!"
"Alice, Alice! It's a blue space. That means it's optional," I explained. "You don't have to go to night school."
"Well, there goes our job as a teacher," remarked Carlisle amusedly.
"What do you even learn at night school?" I asked, turning to Edward.
"Well, I suppose anything and everything, whatever you need to know."
"Or whatever your real school can't teach you," declared Alice.
"Or won't teach you," murmured Rosalie.
Emmett shook his head sadly. "They should really have a class that teaches different positions for s–"
"Emmett," said Carlisle in a warning tone. Emmett lowered his head sheepishly.
An idea came to mind, and I straightened. "Do you think there's a night school for vampires?" I asked brightly.
"For… vampires?" Edward repeated slowly.
"Yeah, you know, to teach newborns how to be a perfect vampire, like with proper vampire etiquette or… or vampire anatomy! 'How a vampire body works' or something like that… or maybe night school just to pass the time! You don't sleep right?"
"We have a night school right here," said Emmett, flicking the game wheel into a spin. "Forks: the ultimate educational experience for the young vampire! The nights are long and always quiet, except when it rains. Want to teach your child some table manners? There are more than enough bears to go around!"
"That's like a really twisted ad," I remarked with a grin.
"Yeah well… hey! I finally get married! Again!" He promptly placed his car on the red space, and grabbed a LIFE tile and a pink peg. "I would like to take this opportunity to point at each and every one of you and laugh maniacally because today I have wedded the most beautiful woman the immortal world has ever seen, so ha ha to you…" He grinned and planted a deep kiss on Rosalie's lips, then spun the wheel again.
"I beg to differ," said Edward, lifting an eyebrow. "My Bella is the most beautiful woman." He winked at me very slowly, thus sending my stomach into a whirlpool of butterflies.
"OW!" yelped Jasper suddenly, rubbing his thigh –by the sound of it– and glaring at Alice, whose face wore a rather suggestive frown. "You know I believe you're the most beautiful woman in the entire world! You just heard me think it!"
"But I wanted you to say it," said Alice simply.
"Ah, fudge..." groaned Emmett, handing me a ten-thousand-dollar note. "Here Bella, I had a car accident."
"Probably too anxious to get to your honeymoon," commented Carlisle smilingly.
"Fudge?" repeated Jasper curiously.
Emmett shrugged. "What? I'm trying to cut back on cursing. I was told off by some dude at school… probably a monastery hopeful… anyway I felt guilty enough."
"And you think blaspheming food will help you…"
"How about shoe?" I suggested. "If you're on food, might as well try other material items too. Like, 'oh shoe'!"
Emmett regarded me thoughtfully. "Hmm, that might work, but it sounds like 'shoot' without the 't'… and that might drive me nuts… it's like you shout out 'OH SHOE…!' I don't know; you just have to finish the sentence! I'm sorry, but 'oh shoot' just sounds more fulfilling in life. "
"Fulfilling?" I echoed in amusement.
"Yuh-huh."
"Because of the 't'."
"Yep."
"… Whatever floats your boat, big guy."
10:08 p.m.
"You two would make an interesting debate team." With a shake of his head, Jasper sent the game wheel into a short spin, after which it stopped on '2'. "'Visit in-laws'," he read aloud. He gave Alice a wistful glance. "Wait, who's visiting whose in-laws?"
As I threw Jasper a LIFE tile, Alice answered: "Well, seeing as I don't remember my parents, I think we should visit yours!"
Jasper frowned. "But now we have the same in-laws, so… well, here we are!"
I cocked my head to one side. "You really don't remember anything at all, Alice?" I asked sympathetically.
"Nope. Although, I do fantasize. I believe my parents were geniuses, scientists who aspired to make evolution yesterday's news!"
I grinned. "For all you know, your dad could've been Frankenstein."
"Isn't he that dude with the bad skin disease and corks in his neck?" asked Emmett, confused.
"That was Frankenstein's monster," corrected Edward in a disapproving tone. "And they were metal bolts, not corks."
"Ah, same screwed-up thing…"
"Don't in-laws include brothers and sisters?" spoke up Esme amusedly.
"Great," said Jasper sarcastically, "I'm related to a corpse powered by lightning. Hey, Frank Junior, let's go play basketball. Oh, sorry, it's not raining."
"I wouldn't bring him to Forks then," murmured Alice.
A/N: Hmm, I myself don't find this chapter too funny –not as much as the previous one, but I do like the whole cursing conversation… it's actually a recap of a similar conversation I had with my sister, but we were talking about someone's name… I won't say it lest it offends someone… heehee!
Another by the by, did you notice the whole Alice and the loan thing? Yeah, apparently, when I read through my notes, I realized that I made a mistake in calculating the amount of money Alice had… so I tried to correct my mistake as subtly as possible by making her find two of her ten-thousand-dollar notes hidden underneath the board… I wonder if you got that… oh well again! Heehee!
Pretty long author's note… sorry! So anyhoo anyhoo, SPECIAL THANKS to… for the suggestions of the secrets! So anyone else have anything, PLEASE tell me! I'd get on my knees and serenade you in your dreams! You'll have to excuse my off-key singing, though… anyhoo, see you next chapter! Ooh, don't forget to vote on the poll too, if you haven't yet!