Author's Note: I do NOT own any of the characters in this story! They all belong to Mr. Julian Fellowes.

Also:

Oh…My…Goodness.

I never thought I would finish this chapter. I had extreme writer's block in the beginning, not knowing how to start it and how to really get into it. Eventually, I did, and it ended up practically writing itself, even though it took forever.

Now, this chapter is really really really long. EVEN THOUGH I don't even have everything that I wanted to have in this chapter. My original plan was to end the Christmas Special in this chapter, but after seeing how long it was already, I decided to end it where I did. I might put the other little Anna scenes from the end of the CS into the next chapter, but I'm not sure yet. I might just proceed into series 3. Maybe you could let me know how you think I should do it. ;p

Either way, I am pretty proud of this chapter, and I hope you like it. Again, feedback and reviews are always appreciated, welcomed, and encouraged, so let me know what you think!

Much Love! xoxo

When she woke up the next morning, Anna felt even more exhausted than she had when she went to bed. She only spent an hour in the ballroom the previous night, and had been asleep by one. She didn't understand it, but she didn't dwell on it either.

She got ready for the day, did her morning cleaning routine with the younger maids, had breakfast, and then carried on with the rest of her daily duties like she would on any other occasion. She found herself to be walking a bit easier, seeing as how her feet were beginning to heal. Her legs weren't as sore, but she knew that was only because she hadn't been dancing as much in the past few days. Once she picked it up again, they would start aching again. That, she knew from growing up dancing.

On top of everything going on with John, she also had to deal with some drama going on below stairs. Lord Grantham's sister, Lady Rosamund, had been staying at Downton for a while, and along with her, she brought her maid, Miss Shore. Every time Anna came in contact with Miss Shore, she seemed to be conjuring some sort of trouble, whether it be between Daisy and Mrs. Patmore, or Lady Rosamund and her beau, Lord Hepworth. In fact, Anna was almost positive there was something more going on with Miss Shore and Lord Hepworth, but she didn't want to say anything if it wasn't true, and she was just reading too much into the situation.

However, that morning, her suspicions seemed to have been confirmed when she had yet another encounter with the two in an upstairs hallway. This time, when she approached them they had been laughing and flirting with each other. They had also been standing especially close to each other. As soon as Hepworth had seen Anna, he turned and retreated back into his room, without another word. Anna continued down the hall, and Miss Shore tagged along saying, "He's still on at me to press his case with the mistress."

Anna had a feeling that it wasn't entirely Hepworth's doing. Something told her that Miss Shore was just as much to blame, maybe even more. "He's very tenacious, I must say."

"You know men." Miss Shore opened a door and proceeded through, after flashing a smile at Anna.

She didn't fall for Miss Shore's smirk and arched her eyebrows at Miss Shore's feeble attempts to fool her. "And I know women, too."

She followed through the door, but tried her best to avoid the maid for the rest of the morning. With John's impending sentencing hanging in the balance, Anna didn't have the patience to deal with her shenanigans, not to mention the fact that Anna didn't really care at that point.

That afternoon, Anna found some solace as she sat alone in the servants' hall, polishing a piece of Lady Mary's jewelry. She tried to concentrate on the task at hand, but thoughts of John kept flooding her mind. They were still waiting to hear from Mr. Murray about John's sentencing. It was all she could think about.

Why is it taking so long? Will he be killed or not? I can't take not knowing for much longer. I wonder what he's doing right now. I wonder what he's thinking about. Oh, how I wish I could be with him…hold him, kiss him.

As she began to clean up her mess, she heard very quick footsteps approaching the room from behind her. As they got closer, she turned around to see Mrs. Hughes enter the room, closely followed by Mr. Carson. They were both panting as if they had been running.

As Mr. Carson stayed by the door, catching his breath, Mrs. Hughes approached Anna at the table, "Anna!"

Anna stood with a confused look on her face. She didn't know what was going on. "Yes? What is it? What's going on?" She looked at Mrs. Hughes and then looked behind the housekeeper to Mr. Carson. He was having a hard time controlling his breathing.

She looked back to Mrs. Hughes. "His Lordship's had a telegram…from Mr. Murray."

Anna's eyes widened in shock at Mrs. Hughes' statement. It wasn't what she expected to hear. She had just been thinking about why it was taking so long to get an answer, but little did she know, the answer had already arrived. She looked back at Mr. Carson, and he nodded.

She was suddenly aware that her hands and her entire body were shaking. As the meaning of Mrs. Hughes' words began to sink in, so did Anna's anxiety. This was the moment they had been waiting for, and it could either be the worst news of her life, or some of the best. She didn't know what to think and her mind was reeling. Anna opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came.

Seeing this, Mrs. Hughes took a step closer to Anna and put a hand on her shoulder. "His Lordship, Her Ladyship, and Lady Mary are all waiting in the library."

Anna nodded in response, still not able to formulate a coherent sentence. Mrs. Hughes gestured for Anna to follow Mr. Carson. He led her out of the room, with the housekeeper following. As they made their way up the stairs and through the hall, Anna's head was spinning.

What's going to happen? Will John be killed? Will he live? Oh, please don't let him be killed. He's innocent. Please, Lord, let this be good news. I couldn't bear the worst. What is Lord Grantham going to say? Does Mrs. Hughes or Mr. Carson know already? Neither of them looked particularly upset or happy.

Oh Lord, I can't do this.
I can't lose him.
I can't lose my John.

Please, Lord, don't take him away from me.

As they made their way into the library, Anna could feel the tears already building behind her eyes. They were tears of fear. She was so scared. She was terrified of what Lord Grantham was going to say to her. Her hands were shaking and she felt as though her knees were going to fail her. She continued her silent prayers, begging and hoping for good news.

They entered the room and Lady Mary walked directly over to Anna, grasping her hand, and leading her over to stand in front of Lord and Lady Grantham, as well as Lady Edith, with Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes coming up behind them. As they stood there, Anna felt Mary's other hand on her back, and felt extreme comfort in the gesture. Anna moved her other hand to her stomach, her breathing becoming erratic as she began to feel more and more nauseated with dread.

She looked to Lord Grantham, and she saw a smile spread across his face as he said, "He's been reprieved. Mr. Bates' sentence has been commuted to life imprisonment."

Anna didn't know what to say. A wave of immense relief washed over her. She let out a shaky sigh, and Lady Mary squeezed Anna's hand in support.

He's not going to die.

Lord Grantham continued, "The home secretary finds that many details call into question the case for premeditation. The point is…he will not hang."

As Lord Grantham spoke, the relief that Anna had felt was washed away again, just as quickly as it had come, and another feeling of dread became evident once more. Life imprisonment.

Of course, Anna was ever-so happy that John was not going to be killed. However, those two words rang through her ears.

He'll be in prison for the rest of his life. I will never be able to hug or kiss him again. I'll never be able to make love to him. We'll never have children. We'll never have our own home. His home is now a prison cell.

Somehow, Anna found some courage and she was able to formulate words again. "But it's still life imprisonment…" Even she couldn't tell if she was making a statement or asking a question. The words just came out of her mouth as if she were thinking out loud.

She felt another squeeze of her hand from Lady Mary, as well as a comforting rub on her shoulder. "Don't dwell on that, not now. It's life, not death. That's all we need to think about."

Anna looked to Mary as she spoke and nodded, trying to grasp what she was saying. Not only was she trying to understand, she was also trying to obey and do what Mary had said: don't dwell.

"We've a task ahead of us, it's true. Bates will live and he is innocent. In time, we'll prove it, and he will be free."

Lord Grantham's words echoed in her ears. She listened, but didn't hear. She only had one thing on her mind now.

John.

"I must go and see him...today. They'll let me, won't they?" She looked to Mary first, then to Lord Grantham, the tears building once more.

"I can't believe they won't. I'll get Pratt to run you into York."

Anna nodded at his words. Then the tears began to fall. For the first time since the entire ordeal had started, since John had been arrested, her tears were not falling because of sadness. They weren't exactly happy tears, but they weren't ones of fear or pain or depression either. In a way, they were relief. John was alive, and he was going to stay alive. And she was going to see him.

All she wanted was to see him.

As the prison guard led her into the visitation room, she couldn't help but feel the flutter of butterflies in her stomach. The entire drive into York was maddening for her. As she watched out the window, the passing scenery seemed to blur into the image of John's face, and the hum of the car's engine somehow morphed into the sound of his voice. Her heart was aching. She longed to see him more than ever before.

The last time she saw him, she had said what she thought would be her final goodbyes. As the car sped towards the prison, she wanted nothing more than the feeling of knowing that she was wrong. She was seeing him again. She was going to talk to him again. She didn't have to say goodbye.

When the car stopped in front of the stone building, Anna had nearly leaped out of the back seat. She basically ran to the door where she was greeted by the guard.

Now, as they walked through the door to the visitation room, she only wished the guard would move faster. Eventually, they made it through and he moved aside, to reveal John sitting in the middle of the long table. He looked up at her as she came in, and he smiled.

Anna couldn't help but smile back, and sighed in relief at the sight of him. She made her way around the table, and sat directly opposite him.

As she pulled her chair in, she felt their knees graze one another's underneath the table. It sent a jolt through her body, and she felt John's leg move closer to hers, their feet now touching. He moved his foot softly against hers, letting her know he was right there. She moved hers slowly as well, aching for some sort of physical contact between them. She silently thanked the lord that her foot had been healing. Otherwise, this small form of communication would have been unbearable to her, even though she needed it so badly.

For quite a while, the two of them just stared at each other, not saying a word. It was as if their eyes were doing all the talking. John seemed to be understanding everything she wanted to say through her eyes, and in his she could see just how relieved and thankful he was. They had always been able to communicate like this, and in that moment, Anna was grateful for it, because she did not know what to say or where to even begin.

Her heart was pounding in her chest as she looked at him. She could smell his familiar scent from across the table, and she found it comforting. They both had their hands placed on the table in front of them, outwardly mirroring each other. There were only a few inches between their fingers. Anna couldn't help but notice this small amount of space and how she longed to close the gap. However, she knew that she couldn't and she fought hard against the urge, even though she could feel the heat coming off of his hands.

Eventually, Anna couldn't handle the silence anymore, and she had to hear his voice. She said the first thing that came to her mind, asking him, "How do you feel"

He chuckled in response and smiled back at her. She loved his smile and the way his eyes crinkled when he did so. She realized now that that was one of the main things she would have missed, had things gone the other way. "I feel…Well, mainly I feel relieved. I'm grateful that I'm not going to die, but at the same time, I'm not looking forward to spending the rest of my life in here."

He didn't sound angry as he said this, but Anna couldn't put her finger on what emotion it was. He sounded exhausted. "Have you been sleeping?"

He chuckled and smiled again. He raised his eyebrows saying, "Have you?"

At this, Anna felt herself blush, knowing he had a point. He could obviously still see the dark circles under her eyes, even though they had been lightening up recently. She smiled back at him, loving how he knew her so well.

Then, there seemed to be a shift in the atmosphere as Bates' smile faded from his face and he said, "Well, at least now I can catch up on my sleep, since I have nothing better to do in here." He glanced around the room, with a frown on his face.

Anna furrowed her brow at him. She hated when he said things like that, feeling sorry for himself. She wanted him to feel optimistic. She needed him to feel optimistic, otherwise she would lose all her fight as well. "His Lordship means to work with Mr. Murray."

John turned his attention back to her. "Will you stay at Downton now?"

She nodded. "Of course. I'm sorry to let Lady Mary down, but I think I should. And there may be some way I can help them to overturn the conviction. I don't know what I can do, but there may be something."

"I don't deserve you." A hint of a smile played on his lips, but the full thing never showed itself.

"Because we will overturn it…I won't rest until we have you out." Anna could feel her own confidence building as she spoke.

"But it may take years…That's if you ever manage it. So, there's one thing I must ask."

Anna just stared at him, her confidence falling once again. She had no idea what was coming, and she didn't even attempt to predict it. Knowing him, she assumed it was going to be something gallant and selfless that he would ask of her. When he spoke again, she found her assumptions to be confirmed.

"I can't have you…grey faced and in perpetual mourning. Promise me…you'll make friends, have fun, live life."

At his words, she felt somewhat uncomfortable. He had to know that she could not agree to that promise. He had to see that it would be impossible for her. He was her life, and as long as he was in prison, she was going to spend her time trying to find a way to get him out, not making friends. She felt like he was attempting to get her to move on without him, and that was something that she could never do, even if she wanted to.

She hated lying to him, but she didn't want him to be angry with her. Nor did she want him to think that she was going to disobey his wishes entirely. In all honesty, she was going to try to do only half of what he said. She was going to try not to be depressed, or be in perpetual mourning, as he put it. However, that was all she felt she could do. Therefore, in her mind, that was all she was agreeing to when she softly smiled and said, "I'll try…I promise."

As she left the prison after their visit, his words and wishes rang in her ears. Through the entire ride home, she thought about her promise. The more and more she thought about it, the more she worried. Would she be able to keep herself from becoming depressed? Would she be able to try and be happy, even though her husband was still in jail? Somehow, the prospect alone felt like it would take a lot of work, and she didn't know if she would be able to handle it. Either way, she would try. And maybe, with the help of her dancing, she would be able to hold her head high with confidence, and support both herself and her husband through this difficult time.

Then again, maybe not.