Warning: To those readers that do not want to read a sex scene, please skip this chapter. Be advised that certain gaps of the last chapter will be explained in this one. So either skip entirely or skim if you don't want to read the M rated stuff.
Make You Feel My Love-Part 4
When they were teens, Tara always struggled to get Jax to do certain things she enjoyed. Riding the ferris wheel, staying in school, taking bubble baths. The list was endless...She would have to coax him to do such things by promising sex.
When she returned to Charming, she knew he would still give her hell for some of the things she wanted to do together as a couple. He couldn't risk looking like a "pussy" if Samcro ever found out that he sometimes would join Tara in the bathtub while she took a bubble bath. Not that he would ever admit it but Tara knew that teenage Jax and adult Jax found bubble baths to be soothing.
When they moved to Connecticut, it surprised Tara when Jax insisted in buying a house with a massive jacuzzi in the master bathroom. Of course, at the time he played it off by stating that the jacuzzi was solely for her benefit so she could take long baths after a long day at work. As time passed and Jax became more comfortable in his new skin as a former outlaw, he slowly started embracing bathing with his wife.
She disrobed and checked the temperature of the water before getting into the jacuzzi. She leaned in against his strong chest and sighed when she felt his arms wrap around her torso. How she missed him for the past week.
She closed her eyes and allowed her body to relax for the first time in weeks. She inhaled the smell of the bath salts she has put inside the water and the expensive aromatherapy candles that softly lit her bathroom. She felt his lips against her neck and she moaned as his hands wandered to her breast squeezing them softly.
"I miss you so Goddamn much, Tara," he whispered against her neck. She felt his erection on her lower back and she felt the moisture pooling in between the apex of her thighs.
Its been over two months since they made love and every part of her missed his manhood terribly.
She shift so she could face him. She quickly straddled him and Jax didn't waste anytime in attacking her mouth, his tongue seeking entrance to her mouth. They kissed passionately her fingers weaving thru his short hair. God, how she missed him.
She lifted slightly and felt the tip of his penis edging inside her. Jax looked into her eyes as she slowly slid down his shaft engulfing him in her warmth.
"Is it okay for us to?" he asked tentatively, his fingers finding one of her scars.
"Its been over two months, baby. The doctors gave me the clear three days ago." She rocked her hips against his. Jax moaned and leaned his head back as he allowed her to take control of their love making.
She slowly made love to Jax as they whispered their love to one another. She noticed that his fingers would find their way to her scars as if he could make them disappear. With each movement of her hips, she saw how slowly but surely she was repairing a part of Jax that had been broken since Gemma's attack.
As she felt the pressure building in her spine, she rocked her hips harder, her moans echoing in their bathroom. Jax met each thrust perfectly, their bodies so in synced to one another after so many years of making love. She heard his grunts and heard the water hitting the floor as they created waves around the jacuzzi.
"Baby, I am so closed," she moaned as she threw her head back and felt her body losing control as Jax touched the bundle of nerves in between her thighs.
Jax wrapped his arms around her as they both reached their peak at the same time. She felt the tremors all around her body and felt his seed spilling inside her. She continued rocking her hips until she felt herself land back on Earth.
"Wow," he whispered as she rested her head on his shoulder, his hands forming some sort of pattern on her back.
"Wow," she whispered back.
/
One of the things she missed about her early days with Jax was the fact that he slept in the nude. Now that Abel and Thomas were older, Jax had taken on the habit of sleeping with at least boxers or sweats on. As much as she hated it, she understood that at any given point, her boys could walk in and see their Daddy naked. This would result in questions that neither she nor Jax would be ready to answer anytime soon.
As she watched her husband shrug on some old sweats, she knew that they had a lot to discuss. Although they had started the night in a high note with their passionate sexual reunion, she could sense that he still had the weight of the world on his shoulders.
She sat on the edge of the bed and waited for him to join her in their beautiful bedroom. She hoped that Sadie would remain sleeping for at least an hour so she and Jax could start a dialogue of what has happened in the past two months.
"Baby?"
He looked up at her and gave her a sad smile. She patted the bed and motioned for him to come sit down next to her. When he joined her, she gave him a small kiss and looked into his eyes. She could feel the guilt radiating out of him.
"What happened here with Gemma is not your fault, Jackson. You know that right?"
He shook his head and looked down at his hands. "Of course it is. If Gemma wouldn't be so hell bent in keeping me in Charming, she would had never come after you. She nearly killed you and Sadie."
Tara tilted his face so he would look at her. "Gemma is psychotic and selfish. She has been looking for an excuse to keep us apart since we were kids, baby. She would had found away to come after me even if you would had stay in Charming. She has been wanting me dead since we were teenagers."
"Tara, she attacked you with a carving fork. You don't know how it was to see you that thing sticking out of your belly. When the doctors told me you might not make it, I just..." his voice cracked.
He rubbed his eyes with his hands pushing back the tears the were threatening to spill over. Tara pushed his hands away from his face.
"Please don't hide away from me, Jax," she whispered.
He looked at her his eyes brimming with tears. "I'm so sorry, babe. I'm so sorry."
Tara held onto him as he cried.
She closed her eyes and tried to remember as much from that day as possible. She remembers kicking Gemma and trying to stand up. She remembers throwing one of the toys that Thomas had left around, a firetruck or something, at Gemma, trying to deter the woman she once considered to be a mother. All she wanted to do was protect her baby from the madwoman that was Gemma Morrow-Teller.
She felt the piercings in her abdomen but she continued to fight. Her arms wailed and she knew she got some good hits in. All her fighting and screaming eventually alerted some concern neighbors who rushed over and pulled Gemma way from Tara. By the time the police got there, Tara had lost consciousness and the baby was in massive distress.
From what she was told, Tara had lost a lot of blood from the multiple stab wounds inflicted by Gemma and she was rushed to the hospital. Luckily for her, Jax had heard all the commotion when she pocket dialed him and he rushed to Connecticut, alerting the town's lawmen as he jumped into the nearest cab, making it just in time to the hospital. As they wheeled her into surgery, one of the doctors gave Jax an ultimatum- either save their daughter or save his wife, a decision he was not ready to make. And one he refuse to make it.
Tara kissed Jax's temple as he continued to cry onto her chest. "I love you, Jax," she whispered as she felt a massive lump forming in her throat.
Given Tara's reputation as a gifted surgeon and devoted mother, Jax was allowed to look from a window as they performed an emergency Caesarean section on her. The doctors worried that Sadie had not received enough oxygen while she was in distress. From what the doctors told her afterwards, Sadie was born blue and did not cry when they took her out of Tara's belly. She could just imagine what it was like for Jax. Feeling so helpless in such a situation.
"Why don't you tell me about Sadie's birth?" she asked when she noted that his sobs had subsided.
Jax lifted his head and looked into her eyes. She wiped away the tears as she waited for him to speak.
"It all happened so fast, babe." Jax laid back pulling her to his chest. "She was struggling to breathe. The docs did everything so fast and she was so blue. I thought she was..." Jax shut his eyes. He let out a ragged breath. "I thought she was dead and everything inside me just turned cold. There you were with a tube down your throat, a carving fork sticking out of your stomach, blood dripping everywhere and our baby girl wasn't crying. They took her and put her in this table and I couldn't see what they were doing, so I kept banging against the window, screaming for them to let me in."
Tara felt the tears streaming down her face.
"A nurse came into that room and told me to calm down or they would kick me out of the prep room but I couldn't calm down, Tara. I didn't know if that was going to be the last time I would ever see you or ever see my baby."
Tara wiped her tears as she looked at her husband. "Go on," she encouraged.
"Then she cried. It was the most beautiful sound I ever heard, babe. I never heard Abel's first cry or Thomas's either. It was at that moment that I knew I had to be strong for her... for our boys...for us."
Tara nodded.
"They put her in one of those toasters things and wheeled her out of the OR so fast. The nurse told me they were going to take her to the NICU to make sure everything was okay and I couldn't help but to notice the similarities between her birth and Abel's. Two out of our three kids born and rushed to the damn NICU."
She stroked his bare chest as she looked at his face.
"That same nurse encouraged for me to leave the prep-room while they operated on you. She said that you might not make it given the extensiveness of your injuries. She said that I shouldn't be there just in case..." he trained off. "Just in case you died on the table. She said I should be with our baby girl instead. She called Sadie our miracle baby. At the time, I didn't understand what she meant. Later on the docs explained it to me. If Gemma would had struck a couple of inches down, she would had killed Sadie."
Tara felt the anger spreading thru her. There was once a time when she loved Gemma like a mother. Now, she absolutely loathed the woman. "I fucking hate her, Jax," she whispered as Jax stroked her head.
"No more than me, babe."
Tara kissed his Abel tattoo and listened to the rhythm of his heart. "Please, go on. I need to hear it from you, Jax."
She felt his deep sigh. "I waited for too Goddamn long in the waiting room. I don't know how much time passed before they let me see her, babe. She was so beautiful, wrapped in once of those hospital issued blankets and she had this tube thing sticking out of her nose. One of the nurses told me it was to help her breathe. When they put her in my arms, Tara, I lost it. I cried so much because I didn't think I would be able to hold her. Then I thought of you and how Sadie might not have had the chance to meet her beautiful mother. Then I thought of our boys and how you are the only one who could make them the perfectly shaped motorcycle pancakes they love so much."
Tara cried as Jax relived one of the worst days of his life. How he sat in one of the rocking chairs, crying and holding their daughter for hours. How he had one of the nurses call in to check on the boys, who were scared and staying with a generous neighbor. How he hated himself for bringing so much darkness into her world when she didn't deserve it. He went on and told her about how much he regretted not leaving Charming as soon as he turned eighteen.
He stayed with Sadie until the surgeons came in and told him that Tara was put into a medically induced coma. She had lost so much blood from the attack and the emergency C-section. He was told that she coded at one point and how the doctors did everything in their power to keep her alive, which they did.
The doctors also told him that Tara might not be able to have any other children, given the punctures of the carving fork into her womb, ovaries and the stress of Sadie's emergency delivery. They told him that Tara's survival rate was a little less that 50% given the stress of the injuries and the surgeries. Jax told her that it was a good thing he had settled Sadie down before the doctors told him all that news cause shortly after he collapsed to the floor, his screaming prompting for one of the doctors to call a nurse for a sedative.
Jax told her, how when he wasn't with Sadie, he was with her in her room. For a whole week, he stayed in the hospital, switching back and forth between the nursery and her room. He would have their neighbor bring in the boys, so he could spend time with all three of his kids. How at night, Abel and Thomas would cry whenever it was time to go.
When Sadie was cleared to be discharged, Jax took their daughter home. By the time he pulled up on their driveway, both the boys were waiting with Marta, a nurse he had hired to take care of Sadie and the boys whenever he had to be in the hospital.
He told Tara, how he cried the first night while he fed Sadie and afterwards because he always dreamed of them being inside their home together, to welcome their daughter.
He took a leave of absence from work and focused on keeping his family whole for nearly a month, his hope for her awakening fueling his desire to be a better father and husband than before.
By the time, he finished with that part, they were both sobbing and Sadie was stirring in her room given her soft cries. Jax took a couple of ragged breaths to calm down and wiped his tears with the back of his left hand.
"I got her," Jax stood from their bed and padded outside their bedroom to retrieve their daughter. As she waited for Jax to return, she lifted up her nightgown and looked at her flabby stomach. She saw the red, angry-looking scars that spread all across her stomach. They came in pairs, each one looking worse than the other one as she trailed her fingers across her stomach. She came so close to death right when her world was finally making sense.
A couple of minutes later, Jax came in whispering to their daughter as he held onto her warm bottle. She smiled despite her tears as she saw the devotion in Jax's eyes as he fed their precious little gift.
"Sadie is the perfect name for her," she stated as Jax sat next to her. "She is your little princess, isn't she." Luckily, a few weeks before the attack, she and Jax had sat down and narrowed the names down to a few that they liked. They couldn't agree on a name so they decided to wait until the baby was born to make a final decision. At the end, it was Jax who chose Sadie Isabelle Teller-Knowles, given that he had to sign the birth certificate.
"Yea," smiled Jax as Sadie sucked profusely on her bottle, her blue eyes focused solely on her father. The baby was only two months old and she had Jax wrapped around her finger.
Tara watched as father and daughter bonded over a simple feeding. One of the things she regretted about this birth was the fact that by the time she woke up from her coma, Sadie had been fed by formulas. She and Sadie would never experience the bond that came with breast-feeding. Now, feedings was something that belong to Jax and Sadie, since he insisted in giving his daughter her bottles everyday for the first month of her life. The week and a half that Jax had gone to California proved to be hell for Tara since Sadie became fussy each time she tried to fed her. She missed Jax and Tara couldn't help but feel happy to see her daughter reuniting with her Daddy.
Tara cuddled next to Jax as she watched Sadie finished her bottle. Jax placed her on his bare shoulder and slowly burped her as Tara rubbed her tiny head. Within a couple of minutes, Sadie was burped and had fallen asleep against Jax's shoulder.
Tara stood and rolled the bassinet closer to their bed. Jax carefully placed Sadie inside and returned to bed. He pulled Tara close to him and kissed her head. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"For giving me the best family a man could ask for." He kissed her lips.
Tara looked into his eyes and knew that they had to finish the conversation that was started earlier.
"Speaking of families," she cleared her throat. "How did it go in Charming and when you went to see Gemma?"
Jax shifted and laid on his side, facing Tara. She did the same and wedged one of her legs in between his.
"I wanted to kill her. She nearly killed you. Sadie almost died. I knew she was fucked up but I didn't think she would do that specially to me."
Tara rubbed his back. "What did she say?"
"That she just wanted me home. That she lost it. Like if that could justify all her lies and her manipulations."
She didn't expect anything less from Gemma. Gemma had the nasty habit of blaming everyone but herself for all her mistakes.
"Are you really going to testify against her?"
"Yes. It's time she paid for her mistakes."
"And Charming?" she asked with dread.
"Bobby and Chibs agreed to the plan. But I couldn't do it, Tara," he shifted his eyes down and grabbed her formally injured hand. He started twirling her wedding band. "I thought I would be able to but at the moment, I couldn't. I don't understand it? After all the shit Clay and Gemma did, why couldn't I just kill him?"
She kissed the tip of his nose. "Cause you are not an outlaw have been liberated from that life and by killing Clay, you would go back to square one."
Jax nodded. "Yea, I guess so."
Tara grabbed is face. "Jackson, you aren't that man anymore. We have three kids together, you are a fantastic husband and even greater father. The kids you mentor, look up to you. I think you did the right thing. Not killing Clay. But Jax, we have to be careful. He is going to want retribution for Gem..."
"You don't got to worry about that. Chibs killed Clay."
She gasped. "Chibs? Why?"
Jax shrugged as he slipped one of his hands under her nightgown. "Cause he loves me. He and Bobby are one of the few good things that came out of Samcro, babe. Them, me, Op, and Piney."
"And Half-Sack," she whispered
"And Half-Sack."
They remained silent for a while both lost in their own thoughts.
"Where do we go from here?"
"In a couple of months, I'll testify against Gemma, she goes away. Bobby and Chibs are taking over Samcro. They promised there wouldn't be any blowback. Uncle Jury also agreed to keep the Sons on the West Coast. All three agreed to cover for me. Members won't know I had a part in Clay's demise. Chibs said they would blame it on a bad relationship with the Irish. No charter would ever go against the Irish."
"Ok." She snuggled closer to him and closed her eyes.
He kissed her forehead as his finger played with her belly button.
"You know that when you go back to work, I am going to want you dead," she teased.
Jax chuckled. "Why is that?"
"You spoiled Sadie. She only wants her Daddy to give her the bottle."
Jax lifted his head and looked at the bassinet. "What can I say, she is my little girl."
"Easy for you to say. You won't be here when she starts screaming her head off when you aren't around."
"Shows her personality. Headstrong and feisty like her Momma."
Tara swatted his arm. "I am not headstrong. Don't make me hit you."
Jax rolled on top of her.
"Jax," she squealed as he started tickling her. "You are going to wake the baby!" She laughed harder as he continued as if he didn't hear her.
She tried to wiggle herself from under him. "Jax!"
"Beg for mercy my fairest dame."
"Ok..." she gasped. "Ok, you win."
Jax laughed. "Don't I always? I got you, didn't I?"
"Yea, you did Teller."
They kissed tenderly.
"Jax," she whispered when they pulled apart.
"Yea?"
"Make love to me."