Note: "normal speech", "comm line"
Sweet Child o' Mine - Chapter 4.
Memories
Starscream sat beside Blackfoot on the rooftop of yet another abandoned warehouse that Cybertron seemed to sport in abundance these orns. They met again, this time without any of the Autobots being present and the Seeker lifted his son up there to be out of any prying optics. Since the first date he could hardly wait out the dozen orns that they agreed to be the minimum between two meetings, so as not to raise suspicions in either faction. Unfortunately there were even times when he couldn't come, when Megatron ordered them to another front to fight there and he couldn't leave without it being obvious. It wasn't easy to arrange these during the war that didn't care about their private lives.
"Tell me about Carrier. How did you meet him?"
Starscream looked at him at first, wondering about the question; Blackfoot might have known more about Swiftstrike than he. But the question clarified what the youngling wanted to know.
"I almost literally stumbled into him one day… but it wasn't as simple as that. It was at the beginning of the war…" – Starscream remembered that day vividly for many reasons. – "Those orns there were much more Neutral places and they were left alone by both sides. Well, more or less – unless a place had a strategic importance. But mostly they were fairly peaceful and many soldiers visited them from both sides for… I guess to unwind and have fun. There were less anger in most mechs, less hatred towards the other side. But actually we didn't meet in such neutral surroundings."
"I've often wondered about the two of you… you seemed so different, like… it was hard to imagine where you'd meet."
"Swiftstrike wasn't quite the peaceful and neutral mech that he acted later… back then he wanted to join us, only his Creator didn't let him."
"Ohh… I didn't know that. He never told me." – Blackfoot seemed quite surprised by the revelation. Apparently Swiftstrike showed him none of his wilder, more adventurous and snarky side, the one that attracted the Seeker so much back then. Of course, having to care for a sparkling while trying to live alone in the war-torn Cybertron must have meant a drastic change in his character.
"Those days Neutrals were more numerous but many of them had leanings to one side or the other. Swiftstrike's creator, Surefoot was, to express it nicely, an opportunist, one to deal with both factions, selling info and rumours to both, hoping to make profit from it. He forbade his creations to join either side, instead he trained them to be his spies, so to speak. Swiftstrike had Decepticon leanings so he was collecting info from us, from drunk soldiers and overheard conversations; sometimes even going as far as to snuck into a base. He was good at it too."
Starscream paused a bit, watching his son as he listened to the tale. Blackfoot was hanging on every word he said, apparently excited by his Carrier's past that he knew nothing about. He was faintly disapproving at the double game, but not even knowing Surefoot he didn't react strongly. But the wilder, darker side of his Carrier was apparently of great interest to him.
"I caught him one orn, as he was just leaving a Decepticon base when I came back, obviously not authorized to be there, looking guilty as Pit. I should have turned him in or even shot him… but he managed to escape and gave me a good chase for a grounder. Good insults too." - Starscream laughed softly – "At the end I let him go as I recognized him from his creator's house, so I knew that I could find him again easily. But the next time we met… well, it was on entirely different terms. I asked him once later if his creator told him to seduce me to avoid retribution, but he'd always denied it. I never pried deeper."
"He… he said when I asked that love is not a simple thing… I wasn't sure what he meant by it."
"He probably meant what I do; that our relationship might not have been the love of our lives, but on some level it was still love. Just not as deep, not as romantic as the datapad-stories tell about it. More of a deep liking and an easy friendship with a strong physical part."
"Ohh… I see…" – he was embarrassed too, as most creations would be when talking about their creators' love life. It was cute to see him wriggling and the shy smirks on his face, fighting with his awakening imagination and natural inhibitions about the subject. This close to his adult frame and with his inclination for any kind of a science, he had a quite exhausting intellectual knowledge about interfacing – but of course no physical experience and the emotional part was hazy too. Youngsters, as Starscream remembered, usually hated this period of their lives, because it caused them the most conflicting thoughts and feelings.
"We liked each other and it was easy to be with him; no responsibilities, no expectations, no hard decisions – only some easy talk, some interface and a drink or too. Especially after his creator was deactivated when he's gone too far with his double dealings. And no, I had nothing to do with that, he dig his own grave by being too greedy."
"What about Carrier's brother? What happened to him?"
"I don't know. He disappeared one orn after Surefoot's death. I think he might have joined the Autobots, as he was more on their side; but I'm not sure. Actually, I never met him and your Carrier didn't know – or tell me – anything about him later."
"Carrier didn't tell me about him either. When I asked him about his family he always got sad and I didn't want to pry."
"I think he wanted to put his family behind after you were sparked. After all, they both left him."
"So he was alone before I was sparked…"
"Yeah. We didn't exactly plan that either… umm, you know…" – Pit, now he was embarrassed too. Starscream didn't want to tell Blackfoot about this part, but it slipped and now he couldn't take it back. He desperately hoped that the youngling wouldn't take it that he was unwanted. – "I mean we both loved you when you emerged, but we didn't… couldn't plan to have a sparkling. I hope you understand why…"
"Yes. I do. I know how much trouble I caused just by existing…"
"You mustn't think that! Don't blame yourself for the problems." – Starscream's optics flashed ruby red with the emotions he tried to keep in check.
"It is still true…"
"Blackfoot. It is not your existence that caused the hardship we all went through. You must understand this. Blame the war, blame Megatron, blame my position and enemies, if you want to – but not yourself."
A deep sigh cycled through the youngling's vents, a servo hesitantly coming to rest on Starscream's bigger one, initiating the touch for the first time, igniting a special kind of quiet happiness in the Seeker.
"I… I think I'll always blame myself a bit. Carrier did that too, you know? I was… sometimes a bit angry that you came so rarely and let us alone so much; and he'd tell me that it was his fault, not yours. It was before I understood the reason for it, and I saw other younglings who had their Sires living with them and I felt… resentful."
"He blamed himself for the accident… that is, for your sparking?" – Starscream suddenly was exasperated. He never knew that Swiftstrike believed so as he never indicated it when they met. Of course they never really had time to discuss matters deeply when he visited them after Blackfoot was sparked and slowly things long forgotten all came out into the light now. The Seekers hoped that they would have no more such surprises from the past… the present was quite enough for him. – "Blackfoot, you must learn to take the blame only when what happened was really your mistake. If you do it all the time you'll end up lacking self-confidence - and besides you let the real culprit get away."
"I know…" – the sigh was sparkfelt from the youngling, like coming from experience. – "Like when Sideswipe did that prank with the glue and it accidentally went all bad and got Bumblebee injured. I was only doing a lookout, but when Prowl asked us, Sides' denied it and I got punished for the whole thing."
Starscream tried hard not to laugh at the sketched little story, so strange because it involved a famous Autobot warrior in the role of the prankster; not that Skywarp was all that different generally. Still, it was funny, even though he didn't particularly like the idea of the warrior twins as best friends for his youngling. It was interesting though that he kind of accepted that Prowl had the authority to deal justice to Blackfoot; not as an Autobot officer, but as a Caretaker for him. That avenue of thinking was something he didn't want to delve into just yet, so he forced his thoughts back to the subject.
"Something like that. " – he managed to say without the smirk in his voice. – "Unless something forces you, you should only take responsibility for your own actions."
"Forces…? Like what?"
"Like… I have a Trine. We are bonded on some level, caring for each other… you already know this part. But I'm their commander too. If they do something – like Skywarp does a stupid prank or fouls up a battle maneuver – I'm responsible for that too. Especially if it is Megatron demanding to know what happened…" – the Seeker added in a quiet voice. He started to notice a while ago that the warlord didn't particularly accept any mistakes in the ranks and tended to take the punishment out on the unit commanders, automatically expecting them to pass it on to their subordinates. Only… he could never punish his wingmates. Not that way, anyway. It has always been the Trine-leader's responsibility to deal with his wingmates – but Seeker society never practiced physical punishments and grounding was an anathema.
Blackfoot seemed to catch on his mood as it turned sadder and didn't ask any more questions. For all his inquisitiveness, the youngling was very much aware of the emotional currents that went on the processors of mechs around him and never intruded or pushed when he sensed turbulences in them. They sat for a few more kliks on the rooftop before the Seeker abruptly stood up and told him that he had to go. He hugged the youngling close, glad to have a convenient excuse to do so, activated his thrusters and they floated down to the street level. A little, hurried goodbye and the Seeker was gone, blasting off with full throttle, to catch up with his Trine on their patrol.
Cautious
Starscream and his Trine were taking no chances. They were all determined that this secret had to remain such and that absolutely nobody in the Decepticon army was going to have the chance of betraying them. They covered their tracks with the utmost caution, Thundercracker making sure that the more easygoing and forgetful Skywarp also observed the necessary precautions. They had the patrol routes worked out to perfection to allow Starscream to slip away unnoticed for the necessary few breems but rejoin them in time for a handy outpost or known reconnaissance station that could register him as being with his Trine. They never, ever talked anything about it, only through the Trine bond and Starscream taught his Trine-mates how to strengthen their mental shields so that not even Soundwave had a chance of spying on them – not that the telepath often concerned himself with the lower ranking Seekers, but still.
But they couldn't do anything about Starscream becoming more settled, calmer and despite of trying not to show it – apparently happier. When they realized it happening, Thundercracker and Skywarp cooked up and started to spread some rumours, according to what they used to have a long festering rift within the Trine, between Skywarp and Starscream, stemming from jealousy between the two, and that it was solved now, resulting in the positive changes in their Trine-leader. Starscream for his part played the secretly embarrassed superior who didn't want to confirm any such failing on his part, but at the same time giving off small signs that pointed to the story being true.
It seemed to work so far, only one of the Seekers, Sunstorm, who'd been courting Starscream a while back and therefore knew him as well as Skywarp a bit more intimately, was slightly suspicious about him still. But the mech was fortunately not one of those that their Commanders took much notice of; only one of the numerous Seekers in the army, deadly to approach because of the radiation his core produced, but since he couldn't use it as an attacking weapon, he was considered fairly useless. Sunstorm fretted and brooded a lot about it, trying to make himself noticed, to handle his special ability better, but he never achieved much. Since he had a lingering feeling, a ghost of an affection towards Starscream, he never joined his enemies actively, electing instead to remain neutral in the power-play of the Seeker ranks.
Still, it was a dangerous game that they had to play, as Starscream was acutely aware of. No matter the performance they were giving, he still had problems, matters that he was not sure of, that troubled him greatly. Like… in the last battle, he hesitated to fire on the red warrior, Sideswipe when he had an opportunity, for a whole nanoklik before he could get a grip on himself and force out a shot that was intentionally a near miss. Nobody noticed the hesitation, not even his wingmates – but would he always be so lucky? He knew why it was happening too and that was the worst of it, because it guaranteed to be repeated; the frontliner was Blackfoot's friend and he was hesitating to take that away from the youngling who never had any friends before.
In a way he thought it was fortunate that the tactician and the medic almost never appeared in the battles, and even then it was in the back lines, in a support role. Starscream was sure that he could never kill Prowl, not while he was the caretaker and only confidante of his youngster. How deep would it go, he wondered once or twice; so far the attitude included the two frontliners, Prowl and Ratchet, but it was inevitable that others would be involved too, in lesser roles – and he would be torn in hard decisions. He would not even dare to contemplate yet what would happen if Blackfoot chose to become an Autobot – it would be unbearable as well as impossible to hide or manage.
But he would have to do that soon, Starscream knew; the youngling definitely didn't come across as suitable Decepticon material; he was too intelligent, too sensitive and too compassionate for that. The best he could hope was if the youngster chose to remain Neutral – in that case Starscream might be able to continue meeting and protecting him as well, at least from afar. He definitely intended to teach him everything to be able to survive if that was going to be the case; from mental attitudes to suitable weapons and ability to fight Blackfoot would have everything.
Suspicious
The twins sat in their room, Sunstreaker trying to draw, while Sideswipe was fixing some sort of a device that he claimed to upgrade their distillery that produced the high-grade. The only problem was that Sunstreaker had, what made it near impossible to concentrate on his painting was that his twin was prattling incessantly all the time, feeling it necessary to tell him everything that happened while he was in med-bay for a whole orn. It bothered the golden warrior quite a bit that more than half of those stories included Blackfoot in some way, like the youngling occupied the best part of Sideswipe's life.
"Sides', shut up, you know that I'm not that enamored by Blackfoot as are. You only talk about him lately."
"I am NOT enamored by him, Sunny. We are friends… a concept you still fail to understand."
"I told you not to call me that!"
"Yeah, about six thousand times in this vorn."
"But the fact is that you seem blind about him."
"What do you mean?" – It was rare for the twins not to be on the same page about any subject. – "Are you envious, my favorite Sunshine?"
"Sideswipe, you are a glitch. Why would I envy you?"
"My good looks…?" – Sideswipe ducked laughing, without having to look at his twin's way; Sunstreaker's reaction was so expectable he could always prepare for it. Or maybe not always, he thought when the second flying paint can knocked a dent into his helm.
"Idiot. And don't try to sidetrack the topic."
"What is the topic?"
"That Blackfoot is a bit more than he looks to be."
"Funny you'd say that. I know he is more. You'd know it too if you weren't such a jerk. Blackfoot idolizes you."
"What?"
"He told me his secret, that's what I mean; and he'd 've told you too if you had just let him." – Sideswipe saw his twin totally bewildered and started to think that maybe they weren't talking about the same secrets.
"He did? He told you that he is a spy?"
"What? No! What do you mean a spy?"
"So you are blind… come on, think a bit, my idiot of a brother. He plays the youngling well, but the signs are all over the place. He is clearly a Con, he attached himself onto Prowl, a tactician who has clearance to basically everything, and last time we saw that he could hack the base alarm system. If he could do that, he can hack everything and Prowl's terminal is handily there where he can get into it. He also has access to everything the science geeks experiment with. And he goes out to play hide and seek among the ruins, able to get away from you for quite enough time to meet with a contact."
Sideswipe was sitting on the berth in their room with jaw hanging as his normally terse twin recited the arguments. And they were good ones, he had to admit this much; what Sunstreaker said were all facts, except the last one that was conjecture – and probably what could prove or disprove all the others. Still he couldn't imagine Blackfoot as a spy, he was far more honest and straightforward.
"Sunny… he is really a youngling. You'd know if you'd talk with him more. Ratchet would know if he wasn't."
"So what? We could be gladiators while younglings, why shouldn't he be a spy?"
"He doesn't behave like a spy…"
"Then he is a good one."
"Or he is not one."
The twins stared at each other, neither budging an inch from their opinions. Sideswipe admitted to himself that his twin's accusations were plausible from one point of view; but after the first shock was gone, he became even more sure that from another viewpoint they were totally innocent. Strange, mysterious, unusual – yeah, Blackfoot was all those, but besides he was innocent too. Sunstreaker simply didn't - because he couldn't - take into account the youngling's personality that coloured his mysterious circumstances into another light.
"What secret did he tell you?"
"Ask him. I won't tell."
"He'd lie."
"He told me, why would he lie to you?"
"I'll find out first what he's up to." – Sunstreaker was a tiny bit shaken in his conviction; he knew that Sideswipe would never keep a secret that would cover a spy; he was a prankster, but a loyal Autobot. Still, there was something in this that was definitely suspicious and he was determined to get to the bottom of it. He observed the youngling even closer after the conversation with his twin. He was sure that he saw Blackfoot disappear for a few breems at least once when a Seeker was also nearby – and a jet left after the youngling returned to the game, claiming he lost his way. If that was not suspicious, then he didn't know what was. Unfortunately he didn't see the Seeker close enough to recognize its colours, but he was sure that if his suspicion was true, he'd turn up again.
Memories II.
They had a bit more time on this meeting and Starscream intended to use it fully. He was ostensibly out trying to negotiate with a neutral to gain access to one of the Autobot supply routes and authorized to spend as much time with it as was necessary to secure the results. Since he did that in the first orn, the dealer not being difficult for once, he now had joors to spend with Blackfoot. Instead of the rooftop this time, they met inside one more or less whole building; the forecast promised some acid storms nearby and he didn't want that to disturb them either. Last time he promised a thorough explanation about his choice of faction; the youngling knew enough of history to have a solid background on which he could build. Still, he wasn't sure how or where to begin …
"Were you really a youngling still when you joined the Decepticon… well, back then they were rebels?"
"No. I was sparked by Vector Sigma, unlike you and that meant I've never really been a youngling. I joined Megatron's forces while under two hundred vorns, true, but I was an adult far before that. We had to grow up fast mentally."
"It must have been awful…"
"It was. I was sparked among the last Seekers, at the end of the so-called golden era. You know the history, right?"
"Yes. The golden era was ended by energon shortages and caste inequality breaking up the society."
"Succinct and true. It also brought about the disapproval of the war-builds who, like the Seekers used to defend Cybertron from invaders – but had nothing to do in the peaceful era. Grounders could make it into Enforcers, but we remained a problem for the Senate, especially as Vos was – like all the city-states, only even more so – independent and governed by the Winglord."
"Autobots have a rumor that you belonged to the Winglord's family… but if you were adultsparked, then it is impossible."
"I heard that rumor too…" – Starscream grinned slightly, as he didn't know it has spread to the Autobots as well. – "It originates from the elder trines. You see, they resented me being younger, faster and more intelligent and therefore nominated as Air Commander, without them being asked about it. They tried to overthrow me for a while, and when they couldn't, they started to spread this rumor that upon discovering my ancestry they decided not to act against me."
Blackfoot was laughing loud as his Sire told that tale. He could just about imagine the grumbling, screeching old Seekers trying to come up with something against the young Trine-leader surpassing them in everything - and failing in it.
"They tried to save face, right?"
"Exactly. It was almost funny to watch, at least if you ask Thundercracker about it, since he was really nobility, unlike me and Skywarp. He told me most things that I, as a lowly Seeker at the time couldn't know. Like… as I said Vos was fiercely independent and it caused many problems to the Senate. They tried to negotiate with the Winglord to have more influence in the Vosian government, but he was an experienced, cunning old Seeker and never let the Senate representatives gain any foothold in Vosian politics. Probably that's why he had a suspicious accident after a while… and he left his eldest creation, a youngling still, in power. Although there was a regent, the Trines didn't all accept his rule, they wanted an elder relative to take control as they all saw the troubles ahead."
"What were you doing then?"
"I wasn't in Vos for long and it was already when the young Winglord was mostly overruled by the Senate 'advisors', who made his rule a farce. They slowly wormed their way into Vos, until they had all the power and started to show their colours… I wanted to learn, but it was impossible by then, as they said that us, war-machines need no education and the Academy was destroyed. I got a scholarship to Iacon, but no other Seeker had that privilege as far as I know."
"They said you was brilliant but quarrelsome and belligerent…" – Blackfoot fiddled with his digits as he continued – "…and some said even worse things."
"Well, they tried to provoke me into leaving and showcase me as a token Seeker at the same time – while all I wanted to do was studying and let alone. If not for Skyfire, my partner, it would have been unbearable… and they accused me with his deactivation too on our first and last mission…" – Starscream fell silent… he hasn't told about Skyfire to anyone but his Trine-mates since it happened. – "I was ousted, returned to Vos, found no job whatsoever – by then everything was controlled by the Senate and I was a pariah. Those were the worst times in Vos, the energon shortage rearing its ugly head, the Senate oppression its strongest; it was no surprise when the situation reached the boiling point and erupted."
"And the rebellion started…"
"Yeah… because the Senate acted the same way in Kaon and every other city-state as well, hoping to suppress the problems instead of solving them. In Kaon they oppressed the miners and removed the old Kaonite royalty; in Tarn they tried to control the grounder war-builds who were part of the Cybertronian Defense Forces, just like the Seekers. One by one they took over in all the cities, except those, like Praxus whose ruling elite stood on their side unquestioningly."
"But these were no Autobots back then, right? And there were no Decepticons either."
"No, the faction names came a bit later. It was the Senate on one side and the Iacon elite… and on the other the Kaonite miners, the gladiators and the Tarn war-builds."
"And Megatron."
"He was the focus of it, yes… without him the Senate could have suppressed all rebelling groups one by one. He united them all."
"The Seekers too."
"The Seekers too… eventually. But at first the Trines didn't want to do anything with the miners, gladiators and all the rabble that was Megatron's first rebel group. We, Seekers have always considered ourselves above grounders and I guess there weren't a single noble-born Seeker who would've willingly kneeled to a former gladiator. Not before they had to…"
"What happened that changed this? So far as I knew the Seekers supported Megatron from the beginning – that's what all writings say."
"The Autobots probably doesn't know till this day how close they were to get the support of the Seekers. Their representative in Vos had a brilliant young aide who promised everything the Trines wanted in way of freedom, rights and independence, just to get them on the Senate's side again, seeing that they didn't want to make a common cause with a former gladiator. It might have worked… if not for Soundwave, who realized the danger, killed the mech and falsified a message from him to the Senate, claiming that Vos was declaring for the rebels and only an immediate attack could stop it. The Senate knew that out of all the rebel forces the Seekers were the most dangerous to them and acted quickly…"
"That was when Vos got… bombed…" – Blackfoot saw how painful the topic was to the elder Seeker. His instinctive reaction was to drop it and substitute a more neutral subject – but he didn't, as his thirst for answers, for truth overwhelmed his compassion. Starscream too wanted to continue, to make the youngling understand what really happened; no matter what they did afterwards, the causes that made mechs act in certain ways have always been crucial in decisions later.
"That act was probably the most atrocious thing Autobots did during the whole war ever since. I should be fair and say that it was still not an act of Autobots but the Senate; but they claimed to act in the Senate's name later so, I guess it is but a slight distinction. Megatron of course used it to collect all the remaining Seekers to his side and after the horror we lived through there, he had no problems to do so."
Blackfoot wanted to ask how he survived it, but he found that he couldn't. Starscream answered to the unasked question anyway, voice lowering until it was hard to even hear it.
"When I returned from Iacon, I was basically starving. No job to be found, no free energon, no medical care… nothing existed that before the occupation we took for granted. If not for finding Thundercracker, I wouldn't have survived there to take part in the rebellion. Actually, he found me, but by that time I trusted noone, so he had to work hard on it."
"What do you mean?"
"Uhh… you have no idea how trine-mates find each other, right?"
"No… but I'd like to know."
"Well, most Seekers believe that future Trine-mates are sparked close to each other and circumstances – or godly interference - throw them together so they have no problem to 'find' each other. Some others believe that wingmates find each other by spark-resonance, instinctly recognizing their future mates, but that they need to look for the other two. And a few believe that the whole spark-resonance is just a religious slag and arranged trine-bonds have as much chance to succeed as any. I was trained as a scientist and spark resonance has never been proved conclusively – so for a while I thought that TC just wanted a frag, like so many others; claiming resonance but leaving me once they got through the interface part." – the Seeker's voice was incredibly bitter while he recounted the story in a neutral, emotionless manner. It was harder to tell than the bombing of Vos, because it was way more personal, humiliating and painful. Blackfoot didn't say a word, didn't even move; it was his Sire's pain and it was way in the past, nothing could change it or make it any better… the youngster instinctly knew that this time it would be wrong to offer sympathy. He was glad though that Starscream considered him close enough to tell it; he was sure that the story was one that nobody else got to hear beside him.
"Anyway, when I finally believed that he meant it, the situation became much better; as I told you he was a noble and never had to worry about things material – only about my pride, as it wasn't easy to accept his help at first." – the dry voice acquired some of its earlier smirk and Blackfoot vented a bit easier too – "It was a strange arrangement for sure; he was rich and gave freely, I had nothing, but was his Trine leader and very-very touchy about accepting what I first considered as handouts. But we worked it out in time… thankfully he had enough patience for it…"
"And then the war came…"
"No, at first I enrolled in the Defense Forces. Also with Thundercracker's connections; by that time they stopped recruiting Seekers, but it was still the only place I could get in. Despite of being sparked as a war-build, I never before had any real fighting experience or training. In this Decepticon army, I wouldn't have survived an orn with how naïve and inexperienced I was back then. I tried to solve every problem with my considerable intelligence, but sometimes that simply doesn't work – and you have to learn to fight, to be hard, sometimes ruthless to survive. I learned it. I urge you too to learn at least some of that – survival these orns requires more than study a lot and trust that Primus will steer your life well. I do not mean to become ruthless – only to lose some of the naïveté. Autobots have their beliefs, agendas and goals just as we do – and a lone Seeker might have to go against a lot of prejudice. Especially with me as your Sire – it won't stay a secret forever, try as we might."
"I know… but I hope never have to use that kind of… knowledge… attitude… what you are telling me about."
"Blackfoot, I'll be the happiest Sire on Cybertron if you don't have to use it ever. But it should be there, ready to use if you need it. I can see that the Autobots are teaching you their way, their idealized way. But when all is said and done, you'll have real mechs around you, with real prejudices and hates and attitudes. Autobots are pretty hypocritical if you get to watch them from the outside. Not all of them, no… but many. Decepticons have a lot of failings but at least we are open about our nature, not lying to ourselves about living up to nonexistent ideals."
"But… but… I can't believe it…"
"I hope for your sake that you are right…"
"Okay. I'll try to consider it. But you still didn't tell me about the war, how you got into it. Can you stay a bit more to tell?"
"I can. Right. So, I was in the DF, when Vos got bombed and fortunate enough to survive it. It was sheer chaos, surviving Seekers trying to find their relatives, Trine-mates, sparklings, bondmates… it was sparkbreaking to watch. We tried to help wherever we could but the destructions was just… abominable. That was when Megatron made his move. He had made some advances into Seeker ranks before too, but they only took him seriously after this.
Starscream stared at his servos mutely for a few kliks, drawn into his memories of those orns.
"He was… I suppose believable was the correct term, back then. He wooed the elder Trines, the remaining ones who had the influence to make decisions, he made speeches in the refugee camps that played on our slights and injustices and he promised to set things right after we proved ourselves and won the war."
"Prove yourselves…?"
"That would be Praxus… I'm sure the facts about it are adequately covered in Autobot-written history-pads." – Starscream's dry voice let no emotion slip out from his control. – "That was partly our answer to the Senate for Vos, partly a strategical necessity to occupy the Praxian plains – and partly the Seekers' proof of commitment to Megatron and the newly minted Decepticon faction."
"I see… the history books tell that it was a pointless massacre, the first proof for Megatron's ruthlessness…"
"It was ruthless… but it was not pointless. Necessary is more like it. Yes, we went over the top with it… Vos was still a living horror in our processors and we didn't feel particularly merciful then. It was where I first excelled in a real battle and got noticed by Megatron. He was looking for a new Air Commander but he didn't really understand how Trines functioned or how Seeker politics worked. I was far too young and untested to be named as such, and I guess he did it to spite the squabbling older Seekers, who, I'm sure he knew, still looked down at him a bit. Although I did outperform any Seeker in the DF and in Vos, had a scientific training, no political standings, but a strong Trine; so I guess he was choosing the best really." – not really a shy one, Starscream has never been ashamed of his self-confidence that went to conceitedness often. He knew his worth and was of an opinion that his position was earned and he did his job excellently – and consequently he saw no reason to hide his pride in it.
"You have a name among the Autobots too, Sire!"
"I'm sure with some nasty adjectives attached to it…"
"No! Well, sometimes… but they still acknowledge that you are a worthy enemy."
"Glad to hear it." – Starscream was secretly preening a bit to hear that even the Autobots acknowledged his excellence, but he didn't want to show it. – "I'm afraid that's the end of our conversation this time… I must go and you'll be missed too."
"Ohh… I'm sorry. But I'm glad that you told me all this… I'll have a lot to think about."
Starscream grunted noncommittally as lifted them out to the roof and down to the ground, not really trusting that even his explanation did a lot of good against the Autobots' influence on the youngster. He was more or less fighting a loosing battle there, not the least because he couldn't make a real cause in the present, only for the past. – 'I'll see you next time."
Secret
Starscream took off fast as he did always, not trusting himself to make long goodbyes. He never looked back, not trusting himself not to return if he did. Blackfoot understood this but he had it better; he could watch his Sire to take off and disappear in the horizon, the roar of the jet engines lingering a klik more before the usual silence settled onto the acid-streaked ruins. Blackfoot sighed through his vents once when it did and turning away he started to leave the place and go back to Iacon. But after a few dozen steps, way before he reached the open road where he could transform he saw a figure stepping in front of him. He recognized the paint job before he could think of empties or neutrals and suddenly he knew that the coming confrontation won't be easy.
"Uhh.. hi, Sunstreaker…" – he mumbled to the clearly pissed off golden warrior, acutely conscious of the bigger mech's threatening body language. Of all times, he had to turn up now, when he had so much to think about, so many facts and emotions to deal with…
"Care to explain why you are out here?"
"I, uhh… came out to find something. I lost a datapad last time we came here with Sides."
"A datapad. It must have been an interesting one to read it on top of a building."
Blackfoot was starting to get worried. If Sunstreaker saw him on the roof, then he must have seen Starscream too and being a warrior, he couldn't have missed the jet's distinctive colouring. Or not? Blackfoot knew that the golden twin couldn't have been close to them, or their sensors would have notified them of his presence; he was not one to hide and sneak unnoticed – neither his colours nor his training made him good at it.
"Why not? It is stifling among the ruins, you know? Much better to have some clear space around one." – and it was perfectly true. Every flier preferred open spaces to enclosed or built-in ones.
"And what about your company?"
"He too prefers rooftops."
"Of course a Seeker would. A Con Seeker, I might add."
Blackfoot started to hope. If Sunny hasn't mentioned Starscream's designation yet, then he could hope that his Sire wasn't identified. It was still bad, but he has already told this part to Sideswipe and Prowl would back him up.
"Sunstreaker… yes, you saw a Decepticon Seeker. Yes, we talked. But you must understand the reason for it."
"That you are a spy?" – Sunstreaker was scowling angrily, still menacingly looming over the youngling, cutting off his routes for an escape. Blackfoot hasn't moved an inch since he confronted him; the youngling knew that he had no chance to get away, as the golden warrior was both stronger and faster than him. They were alone in the ruined, formerly trading district of Iacon and he would have to explain himself before Sunny did something rash. It was perfectly conceivable that the always more physical twin would just wrap him up or knock him out and deliver him to Red Alert's paranoid servos. Which of course would mean a whole lot of things coming to the light for everyone and Blackfoot knew that every mech more who got to know the secret, the danger grew.
"I'm not a spy. The Seeker is my Sire, he is a Decepticon, but it doesn't mean that I'm any sort of a secret agent or whatnot."
"Of course you'd deny it." – Sunstreaker didn't show it, but he was fairly much shocked by the youngling's confession. He seemed far too calm in the face of the serious accusation and Sunstreaker didn't take him for such an actor to pull it off in this situation. Blackfoot, if anything looked apprehensive of him physically, like afraid of the threat he represented but not the threat of the accusation. – "But you'll have to prove it a lot better than that to be believable."
"I knew he was my Sire but I'd never contacted him – it would have been dangerous for him. Prowl did it; he knows all about me and Ratchet needed help with a flier frame for me."
If it was a lie then Blackfoot was laying it on really thick. But Sunstreaker was less and less sure about it; what the youngling said could be checked easily with just a comm message to Prowl, which he was going to do straight away, just as he should. He retreated a step, letting Blackfoot a little more space, knowing how threatening he must have looked. He was not yet convinced, but willing to give the kid a chance for proving his claims – or rather Prowl to provide a clarification.
"Sunstreaker to Prowl. Sir, I have Blackfoot here, outside Iacon, claiming that you know about him meeting with a Decepticon Seeker who is his Sire. Is that true or should I arrest him?"
"Sunstreaker, Blackfoot is telling the truth. I suggest you both to come back – I suppose the Seeker is gone now? – and we can discuss the matter in detail."
"We'll do that, Sir."
Sunstreaker looked back to the patiently waiting youngling and marveled at his calm. One might argue that if he did nothing illegal then he would have no reason to be agitated, but then that someone probably never stood confronted by an angry Sunstreaker looming over him. It took a certain character to do that under the circumstances and Blackfoot was hardly even uncomfortable as he waited Sunstreaker to finish his comm conversation with Prowl.
"We should go back to the base and discuss it a bit more."
"Okay."
"Is it that secret that Sideswipe didn't want to tell me?"
"I guess so… I told him a few orns ago."
"You didn't tell me though."
"I… I wanted to… but I wasn't sure how you'd react."
"I see. Anyway, come on, we'll go back"
In their quarters, Prowl awaited them calmly, and explained Sunstreaker about Blackfoot's special circumstances and that they were acting with authorization – at which even Blackfoot lifter an orbital ridge, not knowing, only suspecting that part – but he left the Seeker's name out as he perceived that the warrior didn't recognize him and the youngling didn't say it either. He agreed silently with his assessment; that particular info would serve no particular purpose to disseminate but it would probably be too much for Sunstreaker.
At the end Sunstreaker was satisfied with the explanations, agreeing with his twin that Blackfoot meant no harm to anyone, even with a Con Sire, even with growing up to be a Seeker, the only one in Iacon, and even with meeting with said Sire sometimes. He couldn't help but wonder who the Seeker was, but he really didn't see the colours either time; he knew perfectly well how good the fliers' sensors were and how close he could approach them before being noticed. Unfortunately it made identification impossible, as the Seekers all had the same frame-type and he had his spark trace masked, like spec ops agents did on missions.
He realized how much it meant to the youngling that they didn't shed him, not even after knowing his background. Blackfoot had no other friends and he was worried about losing them for being a Con Seeker's creation. Of course it wasn't Sunstreaker himself going into such soul-searching by himself; Sideswipe enlightened him as to why the youngling was suddenly almost desperate to be around them in every breem of their free time. He assured his grumbling brother that the clinging would lessen once Blackfoot saw that they remained friends and their time together would be regular, like before.
Not even Sideswipe mentioned to anyone how glad he was to see Sunstreaker accepting the youngling as friend; it wasn't Blackfoot only who had no mech else as a friend or just accepting him for how he was. He knew better than anyone else how deeply it hurt Sunstreaker when he thought the kid to be a spy and had to accuse and follow him. Not that the glitch would ever admit it, he thought dryly, not even to him. Trust issues were always hard for them and for his brother especially. Perhaps it was good that they could learn about that from the youngling who also had a great number of mechs betraying his trust – and at the end still capable of giving it to new acquaintances, taking the chance of being burnt again, for the opportunity to have friends…