Okay, so I'm slow. I apologize. It's school and stuff that's taking my time XD. No, really, guess you could just call me lazy. And I'm not as rabid a death note fangirl as I used to be.

Anyways, end excuses. Here goes nothing!

Disclaimer: don't own.

Warnings: guess Light is OOC. Some cursing.

My messenger from hell

chapter four

Light awoke to birds singing and his mother joining in while she were making breakfast in the kitchen.

Well, no, he didn't. He wished he had. He could remember when he had used to do just that. But he was too high up to hear any birds and besides, it was too cold for them now. And his mother wasn't here. No. But someone else was.

Light got out of bed and it finally occurred to him what that sound he had been hearing up til now actually was. Fingers on a keyboard. L by his computer. That he hadn't realized it, when it was so obvious.

He couldn't remember falling asleep yesterday. He must have been really tired, to let his guard down around creepy L. The room had just one bed, but since L barely ever slept, he supposed it hadn't mattered. He couldn't recall any weird actions from the detective's side anyway.

When he had gotten dressed – after taking a shower, of course, and after having a hard time to accept that he would have to wear the same clothes as yesterday. - he walked out into the room where L was seated. Light noticed that the eccentric genius looked more tired than usual. Perhaps he had gotten even less sleep than normally, since someone was occupying his bed the entire night.

"Good morning, Light-kun," Ryuzaki greeted. He didn't even look up but kept his eyes firmly set on the screen in front of him. "Your cellphone was ringing this morning, and it just wouldn't stop, so I took the liberty of turning it off. You wouldn't wake up – you must have been very tired indeed."

"I wasn't," Light protested, though he didn't really know why he was denying it.

It was just... a sign of weakness, was all. Perfect people weren't weak. He was perfect. Simple logic: he wasn't weak.

He was getting sick of this whole pretending game by now. It wasn't fun to play when you hadn't volunteered.

"I should probably be getting home, then," he muttered.

"Aren't you gonna eat anything?" L asked.

Nothing in his tone to betray his thoughts, but Light knew what he was thinking.

"I've already eaten," he said, a little too quick, even though it was obvious he hadn't, since he just woke up.

"You have?" L could have raised an eyebrow – his hair was in the way, so Light couldn't really tell. "You can't have. Why don't you join me? If so, you can always throw it up later. Refusing is just plain rude."

"I don't do that."

"What?"

"I don't throw it up. I'm not bulimic. Do you know what that does to your teeth?"

"So that is why you do not eat at all?"

"I do! You have nothing to do with it. Asshole."

L sighed, resigned, as in 'Okay, it's your problem.' Just because he was imagining things...

Light tried to ignore the burning ache in his stomach; it wasn't proof of anything, anyway. Whenever it appeared, it seemed to have something to do with him being nervous or angry or anxious. It wasn't the lack of food or anything as stupid as that. It was the whereabout of his strongest emotions.

Maybe it was his lack of sleep – the shadows under his eyes seemed to have grew deeper – but L wasn't that persistent today.

"You might want to check your phone," he reminded the younger boy, and then he turned back to his computer.

There was something about him that made Light slightly uneasy. He had a sort of resignation on his face, as if he had given something up. He had a darkness in his eyes that wasn't just the color of black, but the feelings of shadows.

"I might," Light sneered and flipped his phone open.

All this worrying and doubting made him irritated. It was like the detective was only doing it to mock him. Caring about him, playing the part of a worried parent, or an older friend. Not that he wasn't older, but... They were equals, and as such, there was no reason for L to treat him like some stupid child. Why had he come here,anyway?

And besides, L was the strongest person he knew, especially when it came to dedication; he would give nothing up before doomsday.

When he had turned his phone back on, Light was surprised to find nothing less than twenty one missed calls, despite what he had been told by L. Thirteen from his mother, one from Sayu, and seven from his father. Wow. He hadn't believed his absence would cause such a great deal of worry from his family.

He dialed the number to his mother and she answered immediately.

"Light!" she yelled, so loud L no doubt could hear her.

Light felt the blush color his cheeks, probably to some bright, ugly tomato red that so did not go with his hair.

"Mom..." he began, in an attempt to start explaining.

"Where were you?! Light, everyone has been so worried about you! You didn't pick up! Where are you?!"

Light gave L an angry look. And that bastard couldn't even answer and say 'yes, your son is okay, no need to get hysterical.' To his avail, at least he didn't look amused. In fact, he didn't even raise his gaze from the screen, the source of the only light in his eyes, and he clearly didn't feel or at least didn't mind being stared at.

"I'm with L," Light said, a quiver in his voice, from what he couldn't tell. "It's okay... I... just needed to get away for a while. I slept here, so it's..."

"In the middle of the night? You slept where?!" his mother interrupted. "Where are you?"

"Please calm down, mother." Light would usually curse his good manners – those that forced him to put up with people's shit, and that L seemed to be the only one to change – since they left him no choice but to be polite, but for once, he was actually grateful for having them. Good manners were a quality indeed when you couldn't figure out anything meaningful to say. "I am okay. I am sorry for worrying you, it was just... I needed some time for myself. And then L helped me out by lending me a hotel room."

Not that he had actually done that; Light was more of an intruder. But whatever, his mother deserved the prettiest lies.

"That's... good, then." She sounded a little bit calmer now. At least she kept her voice down, so that L didn't have to overhear the entire conversation. "Can you come home, now? We need to talk."

Ugh. A 'need to talk'... and that meant what? 'You're grounded, young man'?

"Okay then." Light did his best faked smile and turned away from L, so that he didn't have to see it. "I'm coming now. I am sorry, mom."

"Okay. Bye."

He hung up.

L had closed his laptop now... when did that happen? And he was looking straight at the brown haired boy, questioning him with his eyes.

"Will Light-kun be going?" he asked.

"Yes." Light sighed. "Well, thank you. I... needed this."

"Light-kun is less foul mouthed today," L said.

The teen then turned to leave. He couldn't stand those eyes. Fucking eyes. Silent questions were the worst.

"Good day to you, Lawliet."

After receiving a lecture from his worried – to – death parents, Light went to his room. He lay down on the bed and rested his weary head. His weary soul. Was he just miserable? And powerless, and bored, and tired. Nothing new to you there, no. Nothing he hadn't thought before. No change.

Could you die from boredom? You sure as hell could kill from it.

Light raised a hand in front of his eyes and watched it. Just watched it, to see if something about it had changed. The skin was as delicate as ever; the fingers slender. A perfect hand. But was it thinner? No, it couldn't be. To be too thin wasn't beautiful, anyway. And he ate. Sure he did.

He just couldn't remember the last time he'd done it voluntarily.

Now he was just being stupid. Why starve yourself to death when you already were everything you needed to be? He ate. He ate. When was the last time? 'Stop asking yourself stupid questions, dumb and smart and faulty and perfect Light. It's not normal.'

When was the last time?

The voice in his head just wouldn't shut up. Convinced that it was L – L the almighty, who had in an unknown manner placed a part of himself inside a poor confused boy's aching head. - that was actually talking, Light sat up to scan his surroundings, just to make sure. It was L's voice in his head. Couldn't that jackass keep it for himself? This was stupid. This was stupid.

He ate.

The next day, when he had gotten out from school at last, when all the time he spent with idiots had made his head spin round and round, he found L waiting for him outside.

Opposite the school gates, with an ice cream in his left hand, and a lollipop in the other. It looked like he took turns licking them. The ice cream was melting: L didn't seem to care about it dripping from his long, white fingers. Out in the sun, and surrounded by cheerful people glad to finally have a warm day again, he looked completely out of place. It was just something with the words 'outside' and 'L' that did not harmonize with one another.

People were staring at him, too: Light tried to come up with arguments not to turn and run in embarrassment. 'Oh yes, this freak is a friend of mine.'

"Light- kun!" L waved at him and started towards him.

That's what you get, when you hesitate. He got a chance to see you. He even called your name.

Light hastily checked for people he knew and walked faster. 'Let's get you away from here, mr Circus freak.'

Together, they began walking in the direction of Light's house. L was quiet, apart from the little sounds he made when licking his ice cream, and he kept up with Light's paste, that really was faster than need be.

Light was thinking of how to best hide his face if he happened upon somebody who knew him, and didn't pay L the least of attention, until the detective almost hit a passer by with his lollipop.

"Stop waving that thing around!" he demanded, and L's only response was a blank look. "Why did you come to see me anyway?"

"I figured Light-kun needed to be walked safely home from school," L said. "What with all his disappearances to unknown locations."

"No, seriously?"

"I wanted to see you," L said. "To tell you I am leaving."

Light stopped dead in his tracks. He stared at the other man with a look of total incomprehension.

"You're what, leaving Japan?" he asked, not sure why this meant so much to him.

"Yes. What an impact this seems to have made on Light-kun." L cocked his head. "You knew I could not stay here forever. I have a work to do and it is important for this world."

"Yes."

That was all Light could say, really. One meaningless word. What had he expected, that L would permanently move to Japan? Start living here for no reason whatsoever?

"Don't be sad, Light-kun," L said silently.

Light didn't care to say any of the things L had probably expected to hear, like 'Why would I?' or 'I'm not gonna be!' Instead, the one thing he said was a question:

"When are you leaving?"

He couldn't do this anymore. What was this feeling? Hopelessness. Was that what you called it? Even being depressed got old at some point.

"Tomorrow," L simply replied.

"Oh... okay." Light frowned. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I didn't know before. This was not planned, but there is a murderer on the loose in Chicago and it is such a special case, it caught my interest."

"So you're going to Chicago," Light said.

Maybe he was a doll of some kind, created to deliver the same lame lines over and over. L had finished his ice cream, and he had somehow got rid of the remains without Light noticing it.

"So you're going to Chicago," he repeated, just because he wasn't sure he had said it out loud the first time. It didn't sound right. "So you're going to Chicago?"

There, that was better. A question, so L could actually say no if he had gotten it all wrong.

"Light-kun, I will see you tomorrow." L nodded his head in a peculiar way, almost as in bowing it. "Right now I have some arrangements to see to before I am off. I will come and say good bye tomorrow." He took Light's hand, but Light pulled it out of his grip, with a hissed 'Don't touch me!'. "Goodbye for now, Light-kun."

"Sure, bye for now." Light held his hand as if it had been burned by the other's touch, and he could feel the tears rising in his eyes. He held them back.

The detective turned his back on the teen and started to walk away.

"Goodbye for now," Light whispered. "Goodbye forever."

Feeling like a melodramatic idiot, he watched the black haired man go, and wondered why he had thought that he could be the reason for anyone staying anywhere.

Um, okay. XD too short, I guess, and not that good, but it turned out better than I had expected, at least. I had to end it there. And I say it's probably just one more chap to go, but I guess that showed. Haha, I think it was sad, but I'm the writer, so I really shouldn't say anything XD. I want your opinions on my out of character Light's and my weird pervert L's conversation. Please review!

And I can't promise anything, but I'll do my best to get the last chapter up soon.

Thanks for reading. You guys are the best I have. I really appreciate all your reviews:) and favs and alerts!

...hope it's not too hasty...