Act 3: The MOCK Clash on the Big Bridge
"Hey, Zidane..."
"What is it, Bartz?"
"What are we doing here..." Bartz said while they were hanging up in the tree in the mansion of Illyasviel.
"Yeah, couldn't imagine that this would happen." Zidane exasperatedly replied.
"Good thing your genome tail made it handy."
"The hell you would toy my tail, oaf." Zidane berated Bartz on holding his tail. "Maybe my tail is good to use."
"Hey, what happened to Squall?"
"Squall's inside playing tag with a Warty Giant." Zidane said while he point his finger to Squall, who did ran away from Illya's servant, Berserker because of his REALLY REALLY MADDENING Behavior, Screaming into his lungs for help:
"I DIDN'T THINK THIS GUY WAS OMEGA WEAPON FROM ULTIMECIA'S CASTLE, BUT THIS GUY FROM ILLYA'S MANSION WAS STRONGER THAN OMEGA! HELP!"
"Mada mada dane." Zidane and Bartz sweatdropped.
Zidane and Bartz came down from the tree and having a chit-chat over the garden.
"I heard the news about Cloud's crystal had appeared at nighttime during his battle against Sephiroth." Bartz continued "Also the healing rain appeared in the sky causing to revive all of the dead, right?"
"Surely it is, But why Sephiroth came in the first place?"
"I didn't think Chaos ordered his minions to go this place and wreak havoc against this city, Even Emperor Mateus proclaimed himself Emperor as the Premier of this country has booted out or has disposed off literally."
"Really, I didn't know Mateus was so tyrant after all these years." Zidane reacted in his manner.
While they were walking on the surroundings, Exdeath came from nowhere.
"Exdeath!? What are you doing here!?" Bartz exclaimed.
"Well, well, well... if it isn't Bartz and the genome monkey from Terra."
"WHO'RE YOU CALLIN' ME A MONKEY!" Zidane yelled like an idiot.
"BWAHAHAHAHAAAA! You are so pitiful for you guys to fight me in that mansion of a spoiled brat, well I would like to meet this guy you fought many times." Exdeath guffawed while he summoned the Black Gilgamesh in an instant. Meanwhile, Illya came and she saw four... I mean five guys were fighting. It was Bartz and Zidane battle with the Black version of Gilgamesh which he has four arms capable of carrying the legendary swords in his hand.
"Hey... you are one of the roster of the Cosmos summons, right?" Bartz said.
"Uh-huh" Gilgamesh (of Final Fantasy Five and not on that golden servant) agreed.
"But why are you working against my enemy?"
"Whoops, I picked up the wrong master!" and in his one forceful swipe of his Excalibur, Exdeath was ganged up by these three, forcing him to concede in a funny way. What they did not know he was a clone of Exdeath. They were sweatdropped.
"What the... heck?"
While they walk on the surroundings to inspect, Kuja came with his silver dragon. Zidane came in an aghast manner.
"What the heck are you doing, Mr. Shakespeare in a thong-guy?"
"Why Zidane, you do not have the sense of fashion don't you?"
"Oh really, some papparazzi knew you when you wear bikinis during your fights against us, heroes of Cosmos."
"Oh hush, Zidane. you would wish to fight me even at your expense." Kuja said while dancing in an awful way exposing his pink underwear with a teddy bear on his front.
"BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" Bartz guffaws then laughs loudly.
"What's so funny?"
"You... have... wore a girl's bikini!" Bartz could not stop laughing.
"That was Kuja all the time! First, he wore a White hello Melody bikini then he wore Illya's underwear!" Zidane burst out laughing.
Kuja's face became a tomato blushing with embarrassment and anger when he cast Flare Star, suddenly Squall came in a flash while he was 'playing' with Berserker while he wave his Nine Lives hitting Kuja in the process. Zidane and Bartz watched what happened to Kuja in disbelief.
"Hey Zidane, who's that whacko over there chasing over Squall?"
"I dunno but he gave a powerful punch over an ants in my underpants."
"Hey Squall, got water?"
Squall gave Bartz and Zidane a Blasting Zone from hell in anger that freaked out these two. Suddenly Illya came approaching to Berserker.
"Okay, nice servant. Did you enjoy playing with these guys?"
"NICE SERVANT!?" Squall, Zidane and Bartz's jaws dropped in annoyance.
"Alright girl, we were almost got killed by this guy already!" Zidane yelled blatantly.
"We've ran out of Phoenix Downs completely and you said that he 'played' all along with us, that was MURDER IN THE FIRST DEGREE!" Bartz exclaimed while clenching his fist upward.
"This is madness!" Squall yelled also like an idiot.
"Man, I should use my Grand Lethal on this guy!" Zidane retorts at Berserker but restrained by Bartz and Squall.
Inside of Illya's house, They had a chit-chat over the crystal fiasco and the Great Conflict which it will became a full-scale Ragnarok between The Good forces of Cosmos and The Evil Hordes of Chaos. While they were chatting or having a conversation, Zidane was binging over the tea cakes which he ate.
"I didn't think that the Fifth Holy Grail War was the true prelude to The Great Crystal War where the heroes from the other world will came and wage war against each other. Squall, is there any possibility that we will join forces for Cosmos against these baddies out there?" Illya asked Squall.
"There is a connection between these two, since Cosmos will wage war against Chaos in this world, we should gather crystals and new teams will fight until this city, the world will destroyed by the ebb of darkness." Squall said " The example will be Cloud, Shirou and Saber whose teamwork paid off by defeating Sephiroth at Ryuudouji Temple. His Crystal appeared on him after the battle and holy rain occured, reviving the dead in an instant."
"That was a miracle by a crystal, but what about the Great Battle?"
"After the gathering of ten crystals, the war will ensue."
"That means Berserker and all of the servants are involved in this war?"
"Only the Warrior of Light agrees. Berserker's fighting skill is really frightening but it will be a great help."
"About the Crystal you mentioned, is there a Divine Crystal? I heard that it was a catalyst of creating a Holy Grail."
"The Divine Crystal is one of Cosmos' Crystal. If all of the ten crystals are formed, it will power the crystal making it the Cosmos Weapon." Squall continued "I wonder who will wield it?"
Zidane and Bartz were fooling around but they saw a Golden Knight, walking while cursing the Spiky, Blond guy with a Big Sword. Entering to Illya's house, banging on the doors and panting for a fight. Bartz and Zidane did nothing to do but shaken with fear.
"Um mister... is something wrong?" Zidane said shakingly.
"I am gonna kill that spiky blond guy with a big sword with my Noble Phantasm." Gilgamesh grunted "hey, are you the ones?"
Zidane gulped in a really worst situation.
"Oh my... god... this alleyway jack breathes anger..." Zidane said "Hey... you know Cloud, right?"
Gilgy give him an evil glare and summoned his weapons forcing Zidane to dance. But thanks to his dual mage mashers that deflected every weapons in his sight. He transformed into his Trance state and pounced the Alleyway Jack into an air attack. Gilgamesh summoned Enkidu and smashed Zidane a bit but countered with Grand Lethal and blasted Gilgamesh a bit. Zidane twirls his thief blades preceding the fight.
"Had enough, Alleyway Jack?"
Suddenly a thick smoke revealed that he is alive then, using Merodach and Durandal as his projectiles, but deflected it successfully and Gilgy charges a sword enabling himself to use the Lethal Enuma Elish on Zidane, leaving him off-guard, but someone who use the Holy on Gilgamesh's eyes and blinded him a little.
"Ack... my eyes! I can't see!" Gilgamesh screamed in pain.
It was Bartz all the time blinding his eyes that gave him time to escape to the Fuyuki Bridge and to regroup.
"I'm gonna get the hell of you!" Gilgamesh yelled while holding his blinding left eye.
While they were running from Illya's mansion to the Bridge. The Bad news is Gilgamesh came first and unleashes his fury of Gate of Babylon on these two.
"Ack! This Alleyway Jack is just like your summon, teleporting to the Interdimensional Rift to Bridge!" Zidane shouted as Bartz is having a hard time choosing the heroes' weapons.
"Think... Think... THINK!" Bartz exasperatingly choose something which is better.
"It's time for you to meet your doom!"
"Think... must be at the field with flowers"
"BARTZ, YOU DON'T HAVE TIME YET!" Zidane yelled desperately.
"You'll gonna die!" Gilgamesh screamed at the top of his lungs as the Enuma Elish will splatter these two. A spiky blonde guy with a Fenrir as his steed er... motorcycle kissed Gilgamesh with a front wheel and smacked him in process. The spiky guy took off from his Fenrir, removed his helmet and bring his main blade in battle mode to the battle.
"Hey... is this..." Zidane cannot help but to look at the guy.
"The one who bestow the power of the crystal during the battle at Ryuudouji Temple..." Bartz's eyes popped.
"No wonder you are the one who defeat me instead of Saber. I shall crush you!" Gilgamesh gritted his teeth in anger.
The spiky blond guy with the big sword came prepared.
"It was Cloud Strife all the time!" both were exclaimed at the right time.
"Well, is it me or I have met you at the park and squished you with my Meteorain." Cloud said calmly to that Golden Alleyway Jack.
"Well if you insists me, this is what the battle made his signature music for... The Clash on the Big Bridge." Bartz replied "anyway me and Zidane will cooperate you since that so-called king of heroes is very annoying."
"Well, what did you do to him?" Cloud asked.
"I think I gave a Holy blast on his left eye." Bartz pointed out.
"And some Meo Twister and Grand Lethal or something." Zidane snapped his fingers on his knowledge.
"Well, I might say this what the weapon he used was not Ea, Enuma Elish or whatever you called, it was Excalipur."
The crows on the sky cawing as it said like "aho!"
(Aho means moron or dumbass or idiot in Japanese. This is used in Naruto as a nonsensical story)
"Huh, what did you say, Cloud?" Gilgamesh reacted.
"Excalipur is one of Gilgamesh's weapons that has a really pathetic one point damage." Cloud continued. "That means you don't have any worry about hitting you with his noble phantasm anymore."
"One point damage, now that's a pathetic way on beating us in bloody pulp." Zidane said in a monotonous tone while working with his knuckles. "Alleyway Jack, you're mine!"
"Woohoo! Brave Blade is at work, amigos!" Bartz was excited when he saw the weapons of the heroes appeared at the time. There were The Warrior's Crystal Sword, Guy's Axe, Luneth's Onion Sword, Cecil's Kain Lance, Cloud's Buster Sword, Squall's Revolver, Zidane's Dual Mage Mashers and Tidus' Brotherhood. "If you have the Gate of Babylon, then my trump card will be Mahouken Nitouryu: Juunin Crystal no Eiyuutachi!"
(Mahouken Nitouryuu: Juunin Crystal no Eiyuutachi may roughly means: Dual-wielding Magical Swords: Heroes of ten crystals.)
"Gack! Their attacks are unlimited! I might take cover." Gilgamesh ran away from them but he was traipsing from the bridge to the sea he dropped literally, waddling at the surface as if he cannot swim.
"TASUKETE!!!" Gilgamesh screamed like a lady who cannot swim. "SAVE ME PLEASE!"
But the heroes went on the other way as if nothing happened.
"Mada mada dane." The three said while Zidane wave his hand in a blank manner.
While striding to Illya's mansion by Cloud's Fenrir, They told the story.
"Actually, I know that part where that Golden Gilgamesh was thrown at the bay with King Galuf, but HE was the one who has thrown." Bartz pointed out. "He was an idiot!"
Zidane agreed but Cloud pointed out that he was still alive.
"Huh, still alive? Cloud, what we will do now?" Zidane questioned.
"Just give him Boco Kick, Rocket Punch or Falcon punch, if necessary" Cloud insisted and they laughed at the same time.
While on the bay, Gilgamesh was struggling to swim back but to no avail.
"Tasuke... BLUB BLUB BLUB... Aghh... Help m... BLUB BLUB BLUB... me!"
Zidane and Bartz went out form Fenrir to the mansion and coincidentally, Shirou and Saber, as well as Luneth and Terra came to the mansion, while carrying their groceries on how to prepare sukiyaki.
"I didn't think you came here first, Cloud." Luneth retorted.
"You were as fast as a bunny, Cloud" Terra said calmly.
"Did something matter to you, Cloud?" Saber asked him.
"Long story made it short: The Mock Clash on the Big Bridge."
"Man, that Goldilocks Boy made my behind kicked" Bartz said.
"It was your fault on casting Holy on that Alleyway Jack's eyes!" Zidane retorted.
"Well it was your fault on made him pissed off!"
"Really, really, really really really!?"
"BRING IT ON!" Bartz prepared his dual wield weapons on Zidane These two will fight in a comically way.
Cloud saw these two fighting and gave a chuckle on them while these two growled on him.
"Sorry, Not interested in fighting with you guys." Cloud said with his smile and they give a laughter at the end.
Somewhere in the moon, Exdeath went to Golbez to join him at the Chaos Throne.
"Hey Golbez, will you join with us, you are the one who's absent during the Chaos meeting" Exdeath said while he had difficulty in breathing Carbon Dioxide.
(Trees needed Carbon Dioxide so does Humans and animals needed oxygen. Hence, Exdeath is a tree! a TAIJUU!)
"Sorry, I'll pass" Golbez countered "But if you help me find my brother."
"You will have to encounter him, right? I know that you will not disappoint Chaos from now on."
"I'm going to find my brother to settle the score." Golbez continued "After my brother, it will be you or Chaos that I would kill" And Golbez dismissed Exdeath.
Exdeath had stammered in rage and he said in his mind:
"Tch, such words from Judas, I would not tolerate his complacency and betray his master." He laughed in a monstrous way.
To be continued
A young man who embrace both darkness and light but preferred light for truth.
A young man who longed for freedom and justice thrashing tyranny aside.
A young man who kicked the blitzball on Shinji Mato's face!
The Rose, The Moon and the Haze
OMAKE-DA KONOYAROU!
Luneth came to the room with his secret package from Ramza Beoulve when suddenly he saw Shirou and Saber were kissing at the room where Luneth had slept. He was frightened and made an excuse.
"Whoops, sorry, I thought it was a Love-a-palooza in Fuyuki." Luneth said frustratingly and he went away.
"hehehehe... I have the video of Fuyuki scandal!"
Zidane came to Luneth and said:
"Hey, can I borrow that CD?"
"Ack, NO!!!!!!"
And the CD has gone to the fishes, poor Luneth.
JUST THE FACTS!
1. Mada Mada Dane was the famous speech for Ryoma Echizen in Prince of tennis.
2. Hello Melody is a combination of Hello Kitty and My Melody hence Sanrio authorized the characters.
3. Alleyway Jack is the monicker which Zidane called Gilgamesh for.
4. Bartz beating the Golden Servant was truly known for Hoshi Souichirou and Seki Tomokazu character rivalries (The same as Strike vesus Duel where Yzak's eyes were damaged, all thanks for Kira Yamato's coordinating skills)
5. The reference where Gilgamesh and King Galuf will drown at the sea after the Xezat ship raid. Too bad, Gilgamesh cannot swim! Galuf was saved by a flying dragon.
DISCLAIMER:
I don't own these characters and... that's all.