The start of the school year brought change.

Brooke moved away, and Peyton cried when she lost that friend. They still talked or emailed every day, but it wasn't the same. Lucas said he'd fill the gap, but Peyton told him that he couldn't shop for underwear with her or teach her new cheers. He couldn't argue.

Lucas and Nathan started their senior year, talking of college and scouts and scholarships, and Peyton was merely trying to grasp english lit and math. She hadn't put much thought into college at all.

And she asked herself - though she didn't find an answer - which Scott boy she would follow if it came down to a choice between the two. It was a silly scenario that she thought up one night listening to an old Carole King record. If she were forced to choose between Lucas or Nathan, what would she do?

She stopped thinking about it when it got too hard.

Between Nathan and Lucas, Peyton's time was spent almost predominantly with a Scott. Or both Scotts. Larry was away more and more now that she was old enough to take care of herself, and Lucas, Keith, and Karen promised to look out for the girl. No one mentioned that he didn't say anything to Nathan about it.

Lucas got the feeling that part of taking care of Peyton, as far as Larry was concerned, included keeping an eye on Nathan. Lucas didn't mention that to Peyton. He knew it'd only cause fireworks.

But then, sometime in October, Lucas walked into her bedroom and she was laying on her side, on her bed, with that tattered teddy bear in her arms and tears in her eyes.

And he didn't know whether to be angry or devastated that the girl he'd convinced himself had always been his was crying over something. It didn't matter what.

"Peyton," he said softly, sitting next to her and brushing the hair from her face.

"Hi," she just barely whispered

"What's going on?"

She hiccuped, but it was a little bit like a sob, and he wondered how long she'd been laying there like that.

"I...I don't want to sleep with Nathan."

"What?" His voice was quiet, since he felt such a huge relief.

"He's my boyfriend, and I should want to, but...I'm...I don't want to," she admitted.

"OK," he said softly. He didn't know what other words to use.

"I don't love him," she said. She said it like it was something she just realized. Like she really thought she did, but it took the thought of sleeping with Nathan to realize that it wasn't true.

He didn't know until that moment that it was possible for someone's heart to break and still beat faster at the same time. He didn't want her to be going through it all, but if she didn't love Nathan, maybe someday she could love him.

But she was still only 15. 15, and she was in a very serious relationship that still wasn't serious enough for her to take that next step. She wasn't ready, and he was so proud of her for knowing that. He didn't care about that as far as himself or his own agenda was concerned. He didn't have an agenda. He just wanted her to be happy. If she had thought that was with Nathan, he'd step back like he'd been doing for months, and let her be. If not, he'd be the one next to her as she dealt with it all.

"I think we're breaking up," she said.

"Do you want to?"

"I don't know. I think so," she said softly. "I feel stupid."

"He didn't...pressure you, or..."

"No," she answered quickly. "No. It wasn't...It's not like that."

"OK," he whispered. He tried to smile, but he wasn't sure if she'd want him to.

He sat there with her for a bit in quiet, just running his hand over her hair and letting those quiet tears slip from her eyes. He wanted to tell her to stop crying, that it'd all be OK. He knew she wasn't the kind to believe those words right away, so she probably wouldn't want to hear them right away either.

"I'm sorry," she said after a while.

"Don't apologize," he said, shaking his head. "You don't have to say sorry to me."

"Yes I do," she insisted. She rolled onto her back and locked eyes with him, and she wove their fingers together. "I guess...I always thought it'd be you." He tried to look away, but she placed her hand over his wrist, and he was lost. "You were my first kiss, and my best kiss, and...I always thought it'd be you."

He hadn't realized until that moment that he'd wanted to be her first, too. That was why he'd been so angry with her when she first started dating Nathan. He didn't want anyone else to have her that way. He knew it wasn't really fair, since he'd been with someone else, but it was true. To hear those words from her made him feel absolutely...incredible.

"I don't...I don't know what to say."

"Can you just...Can you just lay down and hold my hand like you used to?" she asked in a small voice. He gave her a lopsided smile. "We haven't done that in a long time."

He didn't say anything. She just moved over and he took his place beside her. Their hands were joined between them, fingers laced together like they always used to do. It was so innocent and so nostalgic, but it suddenly felt like a lot more than that, too.

He kissed her temple, and she took a deep breath.

She wondered how that kiss felt so much better than any kiss Nathan ever gave her.

"Hey, Peyt?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"OK," she said softly.

He wasn't sure she'd remember that very same exchange from all those years ago. He'd found her the same way, crying and broken, and he didn't know what to say then, either. I'm sorry seemed to be just as fitting then as it did now.

And she realized that Lucas always apologized for the things that were out of his control. She never felt like he was just saying the words to fill the silence, either. She thought that maybe he was apologizing for not being able to give her that part of himself.

But since even she didn't know she'd been kind of saving herself for him, he really had nothing to be sorry for.

She moved a little closer to him and let go of his hand, and he opened his arm to her. She rest her head on his chest and he held her close, and then when her hand came to rest on his stomach, he intertwined their fingers again.

They'd never lay like that before.

----

Nathan and Peyton didn't break up until a few weeks after that day with Lucas in her bedroom. Lucas wasn't sure what she was hanging onto, but it wasn't really his place to judge. It was her life and her heart, and as much as he wanted a place in both of those things, he knew he couldn't force it.

Nathan went to him for advice, and Lucas didn't know what to say. Nathan insisted he was in love with the girl, and that he couldn't give up, and Lucas just nodded his head and said he understood. He did. He couldn't give her up, either. But Nathan stood back and let her do her thing. He didn't chase her or insist they were meant to be together. Lucas thought that probably showed that his brother really did love her.

When Nathan got into Duke, Peyton was the first person outside of his family that he told. She'd squealed excitedly and jumped into his arms. She told him she was proud of him. That was all he'd wanted to hear. He told her he loved her. He had his arms around her on the middle of the quad at school. He'd never said the words before, but he looked her right in the eye and told her that he was in love with her. She closed her eyes and smiled weakly and just whispered his name.

Lucas could have sworn he saw Nathan's heart break when she walked away.

Even though she was single, Lucas didn't know how to confront her about the feelings he had. She was still confused and getting over Nathan, and she had told him she didn't want to be in a relationship for a while. She said she wanted to be by herself and with her friends, and that she was done with boys for a bit while she 'figured out who she was'. If he didn't want to date her, he would have been more proud of her for all that.

The boys won the state championship. Between Lucas, Nathan and Skills, they dominated from the tip off, and the other team hardly had a chance. Nathan was named MVP of the game after scoring 28 points.

But as soon as the final buzzer sounded, it was Lucas Peyton was running towards.

She thought that alone might answer her question of who she'd follow if she had to.

And then Lucas got into Yale. It was a joint athletic/academic scholarship, and he was happy. He wanted to go to Connecticut and get away from home for a bit. Find out who he was. Find his place in the world and learn at one of the country's best schools and play ball.

And maybe he needed to fall out of love with that girl.

She didn't make it easy. She cried when he told her. They both knew it was a mixture of pride and sadness that he'd be leaving, but neither of them mentioned any of that. He just wiped her tears and asked her if she was happy, and she nodded her head.

The school year was nearly over, and both Lucas and Nathan were getting ready to leave in the middle of August, and it hit Peyton that her life was changing in a big way. She'd seen Lucas Scott every day of her life, essentially since she was born and definitely since she could remember. And now he was leaving. Moving to another state and moving on with his life and leaving her behind.

She snuck into his bedroom one night and crawled beneath the sheets with him. She was wearing one of his tee shirts and just a pair of her own sleep shorts, and her hair was a mess of curls that she couldn't care to tame.

"Luke," she whispered. "Lucas."

He didn't stir, so she woke him in a way he'd always hated. She tugged on his earlobe, and he swatted her hand and opened his eyes.

"What?"

"Wake up," she pleaded.

"Why?" he asked. He turned and looked at the clock and saw that it read 2:48. "You OK?"

She smiled. He was half asleep and he was still looking out for her.

"I'm scared," she admitted, laying down next to him. "I don't want you to leave."

"It's barely June. I'm not leaving for months," he said. He turned on his side and looked at her, and he reached out and took her hand.

"But you're leaving," she said.

There was fear and vulnerability in her voice that he recognized immediately. He didn't want to love it, but he did. Truthfully, he hated the thought of leaving her, too. He knew he had to, and he knew it was for the best, but he didn't necessarily want to do it.

"It'll be OK. We'll visit," he insisted, pulling her into his side. "Nothing'll change."

"Yes it will," she whispered.

"Just go to sleep," he said softly, brushing a kiss to her temple.

She knew what that meant. He couldn't promise that nothing would change. He wouldn't say something as serious as a promise if he knew he couldn't keep it. She didn't want anything to change. She wished they were the same age. She wished he'd just stay.

"Hey, Luke?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

Her voice was small, and he knew she meant it in a platonic way, but he still felt his heart fill with all sorts of wonderful things upon hearing those three words.

"I love you, too, Peyton," he said back.

She sighed a little and moved closer to him, and that was how she woke up the next day. Curled right up into his side with her head on his chest and her leg draped over his.

She liked it. A lot.

He held her tightly, like he didn't want her to move away from him, and his heart beat against her cheek. His chin was resting against her head, and each time he'd stir, he'd pull her a little closer, just to make suer he was still holding her just as tightly as before.

She felt safe. She felt comfortable.

She felt loved. In the real way. The big way. The way she'd always wanted to feel it.

She wondered if it had been there all along.

So she kissed him.

He was still asleep, but she wanted to kiss him. She kind of felt like she had to. She leaned up and pressed her lips to his, and he let out a surprised sound. He opened his eyes, unsure whether or not it was really happening, and when he realized that it was, he just closed his eyes and kissed her back.

She pulled away a little bit, and he could tell she was about to speak, but he didn't want to hear her say that it was a mistake. He kissed her again before she could say a word.

And this kiss was different from the other ones they'd had. The night of the semi-formal, when he kissed her before her first date with Nathan; those were just lip on lip and nothing more intense than that. This time, his tongue traced the seam of her lips. This time, his hand was in her hair and she was pressed against him. They were in his bed, and she was very aware that this was now topping her list of best kisses ever.

She realized quickly that kissing him like that wouldn't make him stay. He'd still be leaving at the end of the summer, and she'd still be staying in the little town. Everything was changing, and she didn't want them to start a relationship they'd have to end. One kiss didn't mean a relationship, but she kind of felt like it would with them.

"Lucas," she said once he was kissing her neck.

He stopped immediately, as though her just saying his name pulled him back to reality. He hated reality. He liked kissing her.

"Sorry," he breathed out.

"I started it," she said, laughing softly.

"Why?"

"Why'd you kiss back?" she asked. It was a dangerous question, but she wanted to know the answer. Desperately. She wanted to hear him say that he loved her in that big way.

"Because...Because you're you and I'm me," he explained.

She didn't know what to say to that. She finally understood it. He wanted her to himself, and she could tell.

But he was the one leaving, and she was going to be left behind. He'd meet beautiful girls his own age, and she'd be studying for the SATs and cheerleading. He'd be playing ball and going to parties and studying things like the philosophical themes in all those books he was always reading, and she'd be in Tree Hill in her bedroom, listening to angsty music and just starting to think about school.

Neither of them said a word when she got up and walked out the door.

He knew he was torturing them both by saying things like that. He wondered if they'd ever get a real shot.

----

Just a couple weeks before he was moving away, there was a 'bon voyage' party for the seniors at the Scott beach house, and almost everyone was invited. Peyton drove - finally able to drive her awesome car on her own - and Lucas insisted he wouldn't drink much and leave her as the only sober person there.

They stuck together almost all night, laughing with one another and joking about the other people there, a lot of whom were too drunk to function.

Lucas watched Nathan pull Peyton onto the back porch, and the two of them had a serious-looking conversation that ended with Peyton kissing Nathan's cheek and letting him wrap his arms around her. It looked like a goodbye, but Lucas wasn't sure it was one. He knew his brother still had it bad for the girl.

And even as he thought it, he almost wanted to laugh. He was pretty sure he'd been head over feet for that girl since she drew that picture of them holding hands.

He was terrified of losing their friendship; of losing her.

When she walked back over to him, she was wiping a tear, and she rolled her eyes at his worried look.

"I'm fine," she insisted. "He just...he said he'd always love me."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Kind of big," she said softly. But she still felt like Lucas' feelings were bigger. "You wanna go?"

"You sure? It's barely midnight," he pointed out, checking the clock on the wall.

"Yeah. Let's go."

He did his best to hide his smile when she took his hand and led him back through the house and out the door. Her hand only left his long enough to toss him her keys, insisting that he drive, since she just didn't want to. Really, she just loved sitting next to him in the passenger seat. Their hands joined again between them on the seat of that old car, and she smiled when one of their favourite songs came on the radio. He squeezed her hand, and she looked over at him. And she was reminded, though she didn't need it, that he was amazing.

They drove to her house and climbed the stairs, and as soon as they were in her bedroom, she had her arms around him and her lips on his. He put his hands on her hips and gently pushed her away a bit.

"Peyton," he said, shaking his head.

But then her green eyes were shining up at him, and he couldn't help himself. He pulled her back towards him and kissed her like he wanted to. She clutched his shirt and toyed with the buttons in a way that he knew she had no idea was sexy. His tongue pressed against hers and he held her as close as he could.

"This is..." he started. "We can't."

He knew where it was heading. He was pretty sure they couldn't go there. No matter how badly he wanted to.

"Luke, please," she said softly.

"Peyton..."

"What if this is all we get?" she asked desperately. "What if...What if it all changes, and we never get a chance?"

He really didn't want to believe any of that was true. He didn't want to think that was all they'd get or they'd never get a chance. But he really wasn't sure of it at all.

"You don't know that," he said lamely. He was still holding her against him, and she was saying all the right words, and really, he was only protesting because he thought he should, not because he wanted to.

"You're leaving, and...I'm losing you."

"No, you aren't," he insisted, almost harshly. "You can't lose me."

"Promise?" she asked, her voice just a whisper.

He took his right hand off her hip and held out his pinky finger, and she let out a soft laugh. She linked her pinky with his and they each kissed their thumbs.

"I promise," he said, looking into her eyes. She nodded at him, and he brushed the hair from her face.

"If this is all we get..." her voice trailed and she looked down. "I want you to make love to me."

He shook his head again, but when their eyes locked, he thought she might be right. What if they never kissed again? What if he never got to see her like this again? All vulnerable but still somehow so sure of herself. God, he loved her, and he wanted her, and she was telling him he had her.

So he'd take her.