I'm cold, so cold. My teeth shake. I hear noise outside the door, and I wonder if Mean is back. I make my eyes open, and Mommy hasn't moved. Not even a little. I want to tell her that Mean is back and we should hide, but I still don't know words. Mommy once told me she knows I understand, but she doesn't know why I won't talk. She says I talked to her as a baby, but I don't remember. The door opens, and it's too bright and I have to shut my eyes. It's not Mean, there are more people here. They don't smell like he does and I don't smell light sticks.
"Oh my God," I don't want to open my eyes, I don't want to see who Mean brought this time. So many loud words, and when I peek, so many people are in the room. I never seen any of them before. Someone picks up Car and my throat makes a noise, I want them to give him back. People are all around Mommy, and some of them come by me. I can't move, I can't get away. Where's Car? I make tears and the world is hard to see because of the water. A hand touches me, and I'm making loud noises. "Sh, it's alright now. Can you tell me your name?" I can't stop making loud noises, their hands hurt. They put me on a bed that moves, hands on me. I can finally move, and I'm still making loud noise. I see people lift Mommy, and she doesn't move or make noise. Someone holds my arm tight, the arm that still hurts from Mean holding it. So many people are around me, I can't see where the bed is going. Something hurts my arm, and I make a loud noise again, and the pain stops. Someone holds my face down, and suddenly I feel like i can't keep making noise. My eyes start to close, and I want to know where Car is. He's scared too, I know. He probably has tears now too.
I'm not cold when I wake up again. I'm not on the ground, I'm on a bed. A different bed, an all white bed. The walls aren't the same either, they have pretty pictures. Mommy told me pictures are painted, who painted the walls? They have fish, smiley fish. Theres a box by my head, it makes a beep noise like Mean's phone. "Oh, Carrick, he's awake." The words scare me, I only saw fish, not people. "Hello, sweetheart." I'm sweetheart now? I look on the other side of the bed, away from the fish. A lady and a man are there, their eye balls watch me. The lady comes to me, and reaches her hand out. Don't touch me, I want to tell her. She doesn't, instead she gives me Car. I missed him, he doesn't have any tears right now, but he looks happy to see me too. "Christian?" It scares me, her saying my other name. How does she know? I thought only Mommy knew that one. Mommy, where is she? "My name is Grace," she looks sad and happy at the same time, and I don't understand. I stare at the happy fish walls. "Do you know where you are?" Why is she saying words to me, I don't know her.
Mommy once told me to never talk to Mean, even thought I didn't talk to her. She was reminding me, like if I do use words, don't use them to Mean. Mommy wouldn't want me using words to Grace anyway. What is Grace's other names? "You're in a hospital, you're very sick, but I'm a doctor and I'm going to make you better." She doesn't look happy now, just sad. The man, Carrick? Just sits there, and she looks at him. I don't know why they are here, I don't know why I'm here. I don't know where Mommy is, and I don't know why she isn't here. I'm not sick, I was sick once with a cough, and I thew up before. Mommy said that means I'm sick, I'm not sick. Another lady walks in, and I want it to be Mommy. It's not, it's another lady who looks sad and happy too, like Grace.
"Hello, sweetheart," she knows that name too! "I need to run a few more tests, so back to sleep you go." How can she make me sleep when I'm not tired. Something is going in my hand, and goes to the box too. I don't understand, I want to tell them. They just look happy and sad at me, all of them. One, two, three of them. My eye balls get tired suddenly, and I close them, my brain doesn't want to think anymore anyway.