Characters: Mario Luigi Peach Pauline Rosalina Birdo Toad Diddy DK Wario Goombario Bombette Parakarry Bow Watt Lakilester Lakilulu Goombella Koops Koopie Flurrie Paper-Yoshi Bobbery Ms. Mowz Bowser Ludwig Wendy Toadsworth Jojora Toodles Queen Bee Fire Bro Mona
The graduation ceremony was just about to start as all the students, staff, and family members took their respective seats on the school football field.
"Guess what, Goombella? I received all B's in my classes! And you thought that I would fail just because I was stuck in my room for a whole week, going through some obsession phase with the aliens like some anti-social loser!" Goombario laughed.
"I never said that you were going to fail, I was just concerned because you were missing school a lot! Sheesh! Excuse me for having a heart!" Goombella yelled.
"Can you two just makeout already? It's obvious that there's some intense chemistry going on with you guys," Bombette interrupted.
"Ugh, why the hell is this bitch from the grave seated right next to me? I'm so glad I'll be out of high school from this point on so I don't have to see you and all the other teenyboppers' rat faces every damn day," Lakilester scowled.
"Excuse me!? Do you know who the FUCK you're talking to, you enormous douchebag!? I am Lady Bow, the freaking queen of the dead and I could rally up all the boos and ghosts and demons that I know and haunt your ass to make your life a living hell until the day you die! God, I wish the aliens would come over here just so they can kill you and your hoochie of a girlfriend!" Bow roared, proving her status as the Head Bitch In Charge.
"I am not a hoochie! AND WHY DO YOU HAVE TO INCLUDE ME IN THAT SENTENCE!? I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG! YOU GUYS ARE SO PRETENTIOUS!" Lakilulu screamed.
"Pot calling the kettle black," Parakarry commented.
"WHEN THE HELL IS THIS GRADUATION CEREMONY GONNA START!? I WANNA GRADUATE SO I CAN GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS DUMP AND MOVE TO ROGUEPORT SO I CAN JOIN THAT STUPID MAFIA AND BECOME THE FIRST EVER CHEEP CHEEP MAFIA LEADER IN HISTORY!" Sushie screamed.
"Wait a second...we're graduating!? Oh my gosh, that is so cool! I can't believe I passed all of my classes!" Watt cheered.
"Neither can the rest of us," Koopie scowled.
"Of course we're graduating, dearie, why else would we be out here wearing these glorious shiny blue uniforms for?" Flurrie asked.
"Um...you're not even wearing the graduation gown and cap, Flurrie. What gives?" Koops asked.
"Oh, I was simply unable to fit in the darn thing so I told the staff about it and they said it was okay if I went without it and then they proceeded to laugh at me for some reason that I can't explain," Flurrie explained, too dumb to notice the actual reason they were laughing at her.
"Of course! The gowns are only meant to fit people that actually don't weigh 1000 pounds, Flurrie. Ugh, I am so parched, since Dixie isn't here...Koops! Go buy me some Lemonade from the stand over there by the gym," Bow demanded.
"Do NOT listen to her, Koops! If she wants Lemonade that bad, then she can just as easily get off her ghostly ass and float over there," Koopie intervened.
"No need to even do that! Take one of mine, I stole a bunch from the stand while the sellers weren't looking! Hehe, I also stole some chick's Smartphone, her boyfriend is going to be boiling mad tonight!" Ms. Mowz snickered as she started texting on the phone.
"I wonder how Mario and the gang are doing at City Hall with the aliens...I really hope they're all okay and nothing disastrous happened," Paper-Yoshi said.
"I just texted Luigi a few minutes ago but I haven't heard anything back yet. I guess we shall find out if the earth is officially very doomed when he replies," Parakarry said.
"wat u have luigi's numba? if u also got dk's numba den give it 2 me rite nao cuz i wana call dat sexi beast und drive ova 2 his place so we can git down f ya knw wat i mean," Queen Bee said in excitement.
"NO! YOU MUSTN'T GO FOR THAT RAVAGING HUNK OF AN APE! YOU MUST STAY WITH BOBBERY AS HE IS YOUR ONE TRUE LOVE! PLUS, DK IS A RAGING ALCOHOLIC SO HE WILL BEAT THE SNOT OUT OF YOU WHEN HE GETS WASTED, WHICH IS EVERYDAY!" Flurrie cried in worry.
"bich fck off im so fcking tired of u commentin on everyting i say und followin me round everywhere und shit. go bak 2 being a 2nd rate celbrity and sleepin wit a bunch of direktors fo da main rols," The bee spat and was ready to take this lesser being out any second now.
"She's got a point, Flurrie. The fact that you got held back three times just to stalk Queen Bee around is super creepy and pretentious!" Lakilulu spoke.
"scuse me bich did i ask fo a defense from u? do u even knw wat pretentious mean? i swer i wana drag dis bich so hard but i cant cuz of da stupd law und i hve a criminal recerd. #Ain'tGonnaFoolMeTwice," Queen Bee sighed, sad that she can't beat the annoying lakitu to the ground.
"It's starting now! I can't believe I'm actually leaving high school after all these years...I'm never gonna miss it!" Koops said.
Bobbery went up to the podium, cleared his voice, and spoke. "Good evening students, staff, parents, friends, monsters, etc. Welcome to the graduation ceremony of the Mushroom Kingdom High Class of 2014. It has been a fantastic 4 years, going through this journey with you all. I have seen many of you go through numerous ups and downs but that's just a part of only not just high school but life as well, no? The road ahead is very..." He continued on with his speech while others were becoming bored.
"Ugh can we just get on to getting our diplomas already? We've all seen and heard this crap in plenty of Hollywood movies that have to do with high school," Goombario said.
"Not to mention the fact that it's hot as hell out here plus I'm getting some Burger Queen after this. Anyone wanna join?" Paper-Yoshi asked.
"You do realize that crap contains like 20,000 calories right? You'd have to be a moron to eat that disgusting, unhealthy junk!" Bombette gagged.
"Oh I totally wanna go! Since I haven't had anything to eat all day, I am so getting a Big Mac!" Watt happily agreed to go.
"He said he was going to BURGER QUEEN not McToads, you hearing-impaired cow. How were you able to graduate again?" Koopie yelled who was getting more pissed off by this chick by the second.
"Please calm down, Koopie...we don't want a fight to happen on the best day of our lives!" Koops warned.
"So are you implying that the first day we met wasn't the best day of our lives?" Koopie questioned with a glare.
"U-um I-I didn't m-mean it like...um...err..." Koops sweatdropped and was unable to answer.
"SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY KOOPIE! EVERYTIME YOU SPEAK, I WANT TO SHOVE SCREWDRIVERS IN MY EARS!" Sushie screamed.
"I'd be more than happy to do that for you!" Lakilester smirked.
"...so to conclude this unnecessarily long speech, I am going to let the Mushroom Kingdom High band play a graduation song that's definitely going to be just as long as my speech before we hand out the diplomas," Bobbery said and the band got up and played some forgettable yet emotional tune.
"Ah! Luigi texted me back! He said that the aliens attacked again at City Hall and Dixie, Kammy, and Daisy were killed! He also said that once the graduation ceremony is done, to head over to E. Gadd's place on 777 Unlucky Street because that's where they're going to find E. Gadd to see if he can find a solution to getting rid of the aliens," Parakarry read the text outloud.
"Oh no not again! What are the chances of the aliens escaping from there and heading into the city to blast the crap out of it!?" Bombette asked.
"I'd say it's extremely high, in fact, it's so high that even Jesus Christ cannot comprehend it," Goombario answered.
"What on earth are you talking about? I'm sure Queen Bee can understand anything in the world because she is ***FLAWLESS!" Flurrie complimented.
"Flurrie, I'm afraid you're gonna have to shut your mouth unless you want me to start stealing all your makeup kits from your house," Ms. Mowz threatened.
"Oh god please don't, we're already dealing with the aliens, we don't need another nightmare coming our way!" Paper-Yoshi cringed at the thought of Flurrie having no makeup on.
The band ended their playing and everyone gave them a round of applause. Bobbery walked up to the podium again. "Thank you for that wondrous musical piece! Now for the part you've all been waiting for...the diplomas. These diplomas represent the key to the path that leads into a whole new world. Keep it with you and cherish it always so you can look back on this moment and say-"
"OH JUST GET ON WITH IT ALREADY! YOU'RE BORING ME TO DEATH!" Lakilester rudely interrupted.
Bobbery frustratingly sighed and pursed his lips. "Fine then. Our first student to receive a diploma is Lakilulu Annoyang."
"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled the audience and threw a bunch of stuff at her.
"FUCK YOU ALL! YOU GUYS ARE NOTHING BUT A BUNCH OF ASSHOLES FOR TRYING TO RUIN THIS UNDERAPPRECIATED GIRL'S HAPPY DAY!" Lakilulu angrily retorted and tried to dodge the incoming objects as she went up to receive her diploma. Right after she got it, a bicycle was thrown at her head, knocking her out instantly.
"Excellent! Got it all on tape! One million views on Youtube, here I come!" Bombette snickered.
"Um, anyways, next is...MY GOODNESS! ARE THOSE THE ALIENS!?" Bobbery suddenly shrieked and pointed towards the sky behind everyone. They all turned around and screamed when they saw two UFOs coming right towards them.
"Oh my god, I can't believe they would actually come here! EVERYONE, RUN LIKE A MADMAN!" Goombella screamed. Everyone scrambled trying to get out of there as laser blasts shot out from a cannon that was attached to the UFO's and blasted both the ground and some people.
"KOOPS, WATCH OUT!" Koopie screeched and pushed Koops out of the way of an incoming laser that just barely missed him.
"GOOD GRIEF! What are we to do, my queen!? Should we attempt to make contact with the aliens and beg them to stop trying to kill us in exchange for a billion coins!?" Flurrie panicked.
"bich y da fuck r u askin me for i dunno shit wat 2 do godamn can da alens kill dis ho alredy," Queen Bee scowled.
"We must get to E. Gadd's place because that's where Mario and the others are going! It's the best shot at surviving this mess!" Paper-Yoshi answered. A laser came right towards them and blasted them some feet away, luckily not killing them though.
"I AIN'T SCARED OF THESE WIMPY ALIENS! AND I'M SICK AND TIRED OF EVERYONE TALKING ABOUT THEM AND HAVING THESE LOSERS THINK THEY CAME JUST COME ON TO MY PLANET AND DESTROY WHATEVER THEY WANT!" Lakilester roared and flew towards the UFO's.
"YOUR planet? Thank you for confirming to me that not only are you a douchebag, but you're also delusional!" Bow shouted and turned invisible right as a laser shot at her.
"TAKE THIS, SLIME BITCHES!" Lakilester yelled and started throwing his spiny balls at the UFO's, which were barely making any dents on them. The two UFO's locked on to the dumb lakitu, and blasted him at the exact same time, creating a bigger dust mess than usual.
"Oh look you guys, it's snowing! I thought it was summer, though?" Watt questioned as the dust sprinkled down all over the place.
"Come on Watt, we need to go, like, NOW!" Parakarry yelled, grabbed Watt, and dragged her with him away from the scene.
"Hey! I'm the only one who's suppose to use 'like' out of context in a sentence!" Goombella gasped as she and Goombario were running out of there, holding each other close.
"SHIT, THERE'S ANOTHER ONE COMING!" Goombario screamed and let go of Goombella as a laser come towards them. The two got out of the way just as it came right between the middle of them. Goombario stared in shock at the huge hole that the laser blast made. He didn't realize how close he was to getting by...THAT, and how powerful the pain must be if he did get hit, or would it just be an instant death and there would be no pain?
"GOOMBARIO, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!? GET OVER HERE NOW!?" Goombella cried from afar, trying to get herself up.
The braniac snapped out of it and out of the corner of his eyes, saw another laser coming straight for him. He froze in fear, which caused the death of him.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Goombella screamed for an unnecessary long time.
"Okay, now that's just being overdramatic, lassie! Come on!" Bobbery said and dragged the goomba gal out of there.
"Ahhhhh!" Koopie yelled, tripping over her graduation uniform and faceplanting in the grass.
"K-Koopie! Are you alright!?" Koops asked from a few feet away who hadn't immediately noticed she fell.
"UGH! WHY DO THEY MAKE THESE STUPID UNIFORMS SO LONG!?" Koopie growled in frustration and tried to get herself up, but not before a laser blasted her and the super long uniform into dust.
Koops dropped his jaw at the horror he just saw. "Oh my god...no! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"
"SHUT THE HELL UP AND RUN ALREADY!" Sushie screamed and tugged on Koops to run with her and the others.
Lakilulu woke up from her unconscious state and shrieked when she saw people running and screaming for their lives as two UFO's were hovering above the area and blasting everyone they could.
"Oh my god! This is completely terrifying! Wait a second...where did the Paper Crew go!? They just left me here to die!? THAT'S EVEN MORE TERRIFYING! WAIT UP, YOU GUYS!" Lakilulu cried and attempted to catch up with them.
EOC.
Next chapter will have the two groups come together at E. Gadd's place and try to find a solution to this problem, but of course, they face trouble there as well. Mushroom Wars will be updated in a few days and Mario Party Deluxe a few more afterwards. Also, I'm not sure if any of you noticed, but I actually seem to enjoy writing about the Paper Mario partners more than the main cast. I'm not really sure why, I guess it's because they seem more 'fresh' if that makes any sense lol.