31 reviews?! I'm speechless! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! Just a heads up. Updates are probably going to be more unpredictable starting in November because I'm going to be doing NaNoWriMo. (National Novel Writing Mouth) just in case anyone is unfamiliar with the acronym. I promise I'll update when I can.
Ladybug paced along the rooftop across from the bakery.
Chat wasn't here for once and she couldn't decide if that was a good thing or not; for one thing there was no one here to witness her inner struggle for another there was no one here to offer advice on her dilemma. She would usually run her ideas past Tikki so as not to do anything extremely rash that might have dire consequences.
Although admittedly she wasn't sure if any decision she could make from this point forward would have consequences as severe as losing her life.
She rubbed her earrings and couldn't help the tears from spilling out of her eyes as she looked back at the bakery, vision rapidly beginning to blur thanks to her tears.
She wanted to go back. So, so desperately, desperately wanted to go back to that building. To seek comfort in the familiarity of her room and her family. She wanted to go back and be safe. She was just a teenage girl after all. She wanted to go back to the half of her life that was supposed to be normal and safe.
She let out a sniffle as she rubbed away the tears as the longing turned slowly to resentment in her gut.
She couldn't go back, it wasn't safe. If Hawkmoth found out that Marinette Dupain-Cheng had miraculously returned from the dead….. there was just too much of a chance of him putting two and two together and that would put her and anyone else she knew in more danger than she could protect them from.
She was unbelievably lucky that the supervillain hadn't gone after her parents already. Having Marinette dead and out of the picture had seemed to satisfy him enough... for now.
So it stood to reason that she stay as far away from her parents as possible no matter how much it hurt. It was for their own safety.
Still…. No... she couldn't.
She took a step away from the roof's edge as if distance would smother the temptation. She wrapped her arms around herself not so much because she was cold, she was just lonely.
She wished she could tell someone that she was okay- but she wouldn't. She didn't dare.
Hawkmoth had sent an akuma to kill her. She wouldn't put anyone else at risk of suffering the same fate.
She couldn't reveal Marinette Dupain-Cheng as alive until she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was safe and that meant that Hawkmoth had to be stopped.
She brushed her hair out of her face, touching an earring as Chat's words replayed in her head. ' If I had one more chance I would have saved her.'
She remembered him trying... remembered his voice in her ears telling her to wake up and hold on she had wanted to confess the truth to him right there- tell him who she was, trust one person with her secret but she had been too far over the line of life and death to speak or open her eyes all she remembered was his voice following her into the dark before it too had faded away…..
She wished Chat was here so she could tell him…or not... maybe she wanted Chat here so that she could pretend her death hadn't happened.
Pretend that the heart inside of her chest had never stopped beating.
Because….. it had scared her. Not death. The gun had scared her. The thought of dying had scared her but that act of dying in and of itself hadn't been scary.
Coming back had been the thing that scared her.
She liked to think that she knew why she had risen from the dead. It was to stop Hawkmoth….but the truth was that she didn't really know why or how.
And the one thing that could give her answers wasn't here; She touched her earrings again, seeking comfort from the tiny being trapped inside.
Why her? Why not just leave her to whatever afterlife she'd been in? Had it not been her time? Was….was she immortal?! Did the Ladybug earrings grant immortality? No….no surely not Tikki had mentioned past Ladybugs before and if there had been past Ladybugs and she was the current Ladybug why bring her back from the dead and not any of the other more experienced and certainly more qualified Ladybugs? Why leave her alone with all of this confusion?
She placed a trembling hand over her heart, almost recoiling as she felt the rapid beating of the organ beneath her fingertips.
She shuddered. Afraid that the pulse would suddenly stop and afraid that it would continue.
People weren't supposed to come back from the dead... there were stories of it but….it was unnatural and that was why she'd come to fear her own heartbeat.
She wished Tikki was there to tell her what to do, to explain.
"Tikki, please." she whispered her voice disappearing into the night. "I just want to know why…."
No answer.
Just silence.
Just her.
Alone in Paris, wandering the streets at night like a ghost searching for Hawkmoth so she could seek her vengeance and put an end to something that had gone a step too far.
She shouldn't be here.
Shouldn't be this close to the bakery.
Shouldn't be alive.
Why?
That single question had been on her mind ever since she'd woken up and realized that she was in a morgue.
She took yet another step back from the roof's edge and suddenly spun around entirely; pivoting on her heel to run back the way she'd come. Her inner turmoil having reached a point of hysteria, and all she wanted to do was run.
Run from the bakery with its darkened windows that conjured up joyful memories to mock her, reminding her of the family she had to ignore.
Run from the questions that screamed inside of her head until it actually hurt.
Run from the memories of the akumatized man with the gun who showed up in her nightmares and whom she felt lurking in every shadow, breathing on her neck watching her, waiting. The embodiment of her fear and her helplessness.
Run.
Her legs took over and her mind went blank, thinking of nothing and everything all at once. Focusing on the rhythmic pounding of her feet on the rooftops. The small wind she felt as she disturbed air that had previously been still…... she skidded to a halt, nearly pitching herself over the side of the roof before she managed to regain her balance stumbling back as she turned her head to get her bearings.
Trying to quite her rapid breathing as she listened. She'd heard something.
She might have just imagined the sound but she wasn't sure….no she was definitely hearing something.
She tilted her head, curious.
The house was made of nothing but shadows and moonlight and silence.
The peaceful silence made his normally quiet footsteps echo more loudly than they would have if someone else had been awake.
The shadows watched him cross the hallway to a room just besides the kitchen.
He turned the doorknob and pushed the white-painted door open with a slight squeak of hinges.
The room itself was rather small compared to the other rooms inside the house and rather unremarkable.
The same white marble floors with the intricate black pattern in the center that matched the design on the floor of the entryway; the entire back wall was made up of three massive windows that let in sunlight during the day and spilled moonlight across the floor at night.
Leaving a contrast of ink-black shadows and shimmering moonlight; washing the room in black and white like an old photograph.
Adrien crossed to the center of the room turning his back to the cold breeze filtering in through one of the open windows. He sat at the black grand piano.
"That's very pretty."
The soft spoken voice made him jolt sending his fingers skittering across the keys and producing an off-key string of meaningless notes that made him flinch as he recalled many lectures his piano teacher would have given him.
His heart pounded in his chest and he was almost afraid to turn around because a tiny spark of hope had flared up in the chasm of his chest because that voice sounded like…. Marinette?
He spun around and tried to mask his slight disappointment to find Ladybug standing against the back wall.
"Oh, it's just you." He exhaled slowly.
She tilted her head giving him a strange look that he couldn't quite piece together. "Who else would it be?"
"I thought... never mind- you almost gave me a heart attack."
"S- sorry. I probably shouldn't be here anyway, I-I just heard the piano music and I couldn't help it. I- it's really good- I can tell you've had a lot of practice and I'm rambling like an idiot and I'm going to shut up now-"
He flushed and turned back to the piano, praying that it was too dark for her to see his face turning red at her compliment.
"Thanks. I-I guess." His head was still lowered so he didn't see the matching blush on her face.
Taking a moment to compose herself she crossed the room and he turned his attention back to her, eyes drawn to her; the only splash of color amidst the black and white.
She walked around to the other side of the piano, her hands skimming over the polished surface of the piano she cast him a sideways glance.
"It really was pretty the music….who was it for?"
Adrien stared at her, his mouth trying to form words as he stared down at the black and white keys between his fingers. "It's for...a friend from school who...isn't around anymore."
Underneath the mask Marinette's heart lept into her throat at his words. He...thinks I'm a friend?
"Would...would you mind playing it for me? That's okay if you don't want t-"
Adrien lifted his eyes from the piano keys and looked at her. Cutting her off mid-rant; green eyes seeming to glow in the darkness. Reflecting the moonlight spilling in through the windows and for a moment the world seemed to stop entirely before Ladybug turned away from him silently berating herself for asking such a stupid question.
"It's my fault she's dead you know."
Ladybug whriled back around, her head turning so fast that she almost suffered from whiplash. Her mouth flying open to spew out a protest.
"It's not your fault!" Why does he think its his fault?
"Yes it is, I should have walked her home, I had a bad feeling something was going to happen and I let her walk into it alone! I couldn't stop it."
"If anyone here is to blame its me!" She attempted to ease his guilt by laying the blame on herself, after all hadn't it been her fault for walking into that situation in the first place, she'd made an enemy of Hawkmoth since day one, It was her fault for underestimating the lengths that he'd been willing to go to.
"I know, you can't save everyone."
Her mouth opened and closed as she processed his words, she'd said almost the exact same thing to Chat only a few nights ago.
She opened her mouth again another protest rising to her lips in the form of a confession. Hadn't she been wishing she could tell someone that Marinette was alive just moments ago? Hadn't she wanted to tell someone that she was alive? Well here was someone she could confess to but when she tired to get the words out they lodged themselves in her throat.
"I...I should go."
She turned away from him marching towards the windows as she steeled herself against her decision; because she'd be dead and damned three more times over before she ever put Adrien in danger.
She landed on the balcony above her bedroom, it was a risk coming her and she knew it.
Just this once. She told herself as she opened the trapdoor and descended into her bedroom below.
Everything was exactly how she had left it.
She never thought that the sight of her room would make her cry.
She collapsed onto her bed and let out silent sobs.