A slightly more than young man stands in his bedroom, blah, blah, blah, 16th of March, play a game, blah, blah, blah, name.
== Enter name
Your name is Sir Vladamir de Fiero Drago IV. Or just Vlad. That's what everyone tends to call you. As your full name and title suggest, you are a knight, given the title by the Queen of England herself. You can't quite remember which one. It was during one of the plagues, you know that much. And yes, one is the key word there. You've been lucky enough to survive multiple disasters throughout English history, even if just barely. It helps that Vampires are immune to the greater most majority of diseases and ailments. You say this, even though you have been fighting a continuous migraine for over three-hundred years. You can't get Ebola, yet you can suffer from a headache that would drive Charles Exavior to insanity. 'Tis truly a curse.
== Vlad: Arm yourself
You knew that this would be a command given to you soon, so already took the pleasure of having your trusty Ceremonial Sword equipped. You acquired this hardy weapon at your knighting ceremony, gifted from Queen... whatever. You still have the original engraving of your name on it. Sir Vladamir de Fiero III. You've had to add to something to it to put off any historical on lookers. Can't have people knowing you're multiple centuries years old. Especially during that one point in time. The renaissance was an amazing point for architecture and art, but people were a little too... religious, and had a vendetta against anything they seem to go against the church. Christians are idiots are weird.
== Vlad: Look outside
You pick yourself up and Vampiric float to your window. You love the sight of the Liverpool night lights. It's one of the best parts of being a supernatural creature of the night. You never liked the day to begin with. You look across the city and admire all the flashing and shining of life. As you do, you look down to see that a pair of these lights has just driven up the parkway. It would appear that your Uncle has returned home. That's very rare, considering he is in charge of a travelling freak show, promptly called the Cirque. This grand freak show is consisting of other vampires, a wolfman, a snake-boy, and, the main attraction of any freak show, a bearded lady. Of course this ladies beard is completely indestructible. You don't really care for most of them, especially this one guy that comes around the show, and even your own house, every now and then.
== Vlad: Go downstairs and greet your Uncle
You rush to the door and literally fly down the hall and the spiral staircase to meet your guardian. You stop in the middle of the foyer to greet him as he enters. He looks very tired, but happy to see you none the less. He walks up and hugs you, picking you up almost effortlessly.
Uncle: There you ar my boy!
Uncle: How have you been?
Vlad: I have been veRy good Uncle LaRten, thank you.
Vlad: And youRself?
Vlad: Is the show going well?
Uncle: Oh, dear, rather tiring I must say.
Uncle: Mister Tiny is being meddlesome again, he refused to hire us his Little People, and we're about to start a large trip into the States.
Vlad: The States? As in the USA?
Uncle: What other states are there?
Vlad: Anxiety.
Vlad: The thing I'm taking multiple medications foR.
Vlad: Asides that, theRe aRen't any.
Uncle: Exactly.
Uncle: We're starting in the state of Washington, and going through the rest of the continental United States.
Vlad: Wait, Washington?
Vlad: ARe you going to Seattle by chance?
Uncle: First city. Why?
Vlad: I have a fRiend in Seattle.
Vlad: Jazz Hattie.
Uncle: Ah, yes, Jazz.
Uncle: She doesn't know, does she?
Vlad: Even if she did, she would not believe me.
Vlad: She doesn't exactly have the most open of minds.
Vlad: She even Refuses to believe my other fRiends aRe aliens.
Uncle: The Trolls, right?
Uncle: You shouldn't be talking to them.
Uncle: They are extremely dangerous.
Vlad: I'm soRRy Uncle LaRten.
Vlad: But they aRe veRy nice.
Vlad: At least, most aRe.
Vlad: A few aRe Rather iRRitating.
Uncle: Hmm... None of them have used certain symbols talking to you, have they?
Vlad: Well, I have noticed one of them, her name is YttRim, Repeatedly use an emote that Resembled a spade in a deck of caRds.
Uncle: Mhmm, and when has this Yttrim used this?
Vlad: Mostly after I have an aRgument with heR bRother.
Vlad: Playful insults, is all it is.
Uncle: A spade?
Uncle: I think I remember something about a spade.
Uncle: Oh well, it doesn't matter, I suppose.
Uncle: Well, I'm sorry to leave after just arriving.
Uncle: But the Cirque is already to go.
Uncle: I only came by to tell you about my leaving.
Vlad: Oh...
Vlad: AlRight.
Vlad: I wish you have fun in the States.
Uncle: I'll try, my little Bat Pup.
Uncle: I should return by May sometime.
Vlad: Until then, Uncle.
Uncle: Goodbye, Vladamir.
You watch as your Uncle walks out the door again. You really despise the Cirque for making him be gone so long for so often, but it is a way for keeping the lights on. He leaves so you can have the things that you do.
== Vlad: Go get a snack
You float yourself over to the kitchen and open the fridge. You reach in and grab one of the several vials sitting in the rack. Type A positive blood. Your personal favorite. You pop off the cork top and down the red liquid. You prefer this stuff when it's warm, but certain promises you've made will not allow you to drink it via living creature. Not even animals. You just make do with this frozen plasma. You put the vial into your Rubiks Cube Modus. The item turns into an average, three square Rubiks Cube. Solve it, and you get the vial back.
== Vlad: Check out your items
You open your Modus and examine your cards. You currently have the empty blood vial, a ticket to the Musical 'Wicked', a large chessboard, a lighter, and a copy of the worst book series ever created. Which reminds you.
== Vlad: Burn the book
You put the book down in the sink and flick open your lighter. You have nothing against the author of these books, it's just they have completely ruined Vampires for everyone, everywhere. You set the book ablaze in the sink and watch as the image of the apple on the cover burns to nothing. Goodbye Twilight. You also take note to tell Jazz to never send any book like that to you again.
== Vlad: Dispose of the evidence
You wait for the book to turn into nothing but ash and turn on the faucet. Soon, all of the ash is sent down the drains. You then wash your hands because, even though ash will do nothing to you if you ingest it, keeping tidy is very important. As your Troll friend tends to say, "Cleanliness is next to Gogliness." Whatever Gog is. Maybe that's what they call their version of the Christian deity?
== Vlad: Return to your chambers
You float to the staircase and go up. You reach the top and are suddenly greeted by you pet bat, Alucard. Why, hello Alucard! The flying rodent simply squeaks at you and stays hovering next to you. You wave and fly past the bat, into your room. You go to your extremely, extremely old computer to see if anyone happens to be on. And by old, you mean old. The thing's from the '70's, but with the help of one the Trolls, the Moss-blooded one named Mistuo, you were able to make the ol' hunk run a lot of programs it really shouldn't, including a social media site called Trollian. You sit down and sign in, and you see that the twins are online. Maybe they'd be agreeable today and answer you when the game will begin? Wouldn't hurt to ask.
== Vlad: Contact the twins
reanimatedReniassance [RR] has begu trolling intimidatingPrimary [IP] and hospitbleSecondary [HS]
Seeing as this is the same conversation as prior, let's just skip to the end, shall we?
You close the conversation with Yttrim and Ridams, and look to see that Jazz is now contacting you. She's sending messages very fast. Is she in trouble of sorts? That would explain the rapididity of the messaging.
trainingInformant [TI] has begun pestering reanimatedReniassance [RR]
TI: VLAD!
TI: VLAD ANSWER ME!
TI: I KINDA NEED YOU RIGHT NOW!
TI: PLEASE!
RR: Woah, woah, theRe Hattie.
RR: What's the pRoblem?
TI: the problem is that, apparently, our friends ARE aliens!
TI: and really, REALY freaking dangerous!
TI: like, killed a LOT of planets!
TI: and maybe us too if they ever get here!
RR: Oh, yes, I know.
RR: They'Re called TRolls, btw.
TI: you knew?
TI: and you never thought to tell me?
TI: what the actual fuck, Vlad?
RR: Hey, theRe is no need foR that.
RR: I assumed you weRe alReady awaRe.
RR: Was I wRong?
TI: really goddamn wrong.
TI: wait... if aliens exist...
RR: Oh yeah.
TI: does that mean what you've been saying...?
RR: Ooooh yeah.
RR: Big time.
TI: you're really a fucking vampire?!
RR: Yes, although VampiRe is meant to be capitalized.
TI: do you really think i care right now?!
TI: i just found out i'm literally the only normal human among my friends!
TI: i'm kinda freaking the hell out right now!
RR: Well, I apologize.
RR: But does this Really change anything?
TI: what?
TI: of course it does!
RR: How so?
TI: because i'm the only damn human here!
RR: Technically speaking, I can still be consideRed human.
RR: Simply and alteRed human.
RR: Why, I'd even an impRoved.
TI: improved?
TI: you fucking kill people!
RR: Oh, Really now?
RR: Just because I'm a VampiRe I have to kill people?
TI: well yeah!
TI: you drink blood!
TI: you have to kill things!
RR: OR, you know, I could have ReseRves donated to my family fRom the local hospital.
RR: That's always an option.
RR: Also the only option I do.
RR: Because, and I don't know if you knew this oR not, I'm a devoted pacifist.
TI: i
TI: what?
RR: I Refuse to cause haRm to anything.
RR: Obviously, unlike you.
TI: like me?
TI: what do you mean?
RR: Just assuming that I'm a dangeRous killeR just because of what I am.
RR: That huRts, you know.
RR: And I'm ceRtain ouR fRiends will be huRt to find out you aRe now scaRed of them.
RR: Just because of what they aRe.
RR: TRolls aRe not exactly pRoblamatic as you may think.
RR: SuRe, theiR leadeR may be a tad bit of a sea-bitch, but so was a good numbeR of the Queens.
RR: You can't simply judge the whole planet because of the cRazed leadeR.
TI: oh...
TI: i...
TI: i am sorry.
RR: SuRe, now that I figuRatively 'bRoke youR balls' with that, you'Re extRemely apolagetic.
RR: I bet if you figuRed out on youR own you wouldn't feel as bad.
RR: Get back to me once you actually feel soRRy.
RR: Ta-ta Jazz.
RR: Also, please neveR send me anotheR Twilight book eveR again.
RR: OR I will come to the States and set fiRe to all of youR Pokemon meRchandise
reanimatedRenaissance [RR] has ceased trolling trainingInformant [TI]
A/n: I do not like Twilight and really like the Darren Shaw Chronicles.