Nova
Jasper Hale. His name kept popping into my head throughout the morning, like a song lyric that refused to leave. Jasper Hale. It echoed, and reverberated within the walls of my skull, bouncing off of other thoughts, and sticking to them like glue. By the time the lunch bell rang, I had begun to question if it had even happened at all. It all felt so surreal, like a fuzzy daydream. Did I imagine him? I couldn't have, could I? Have I finally lost my God damn mind? These thoughts, invasive and unsure, only multiplied as I found myself moving toward the lunch room in a daze. I had no idea where I was going, but I figured if I just followed the majority, I'd make it there eventually.
I could barely even recall anything we'd gone over in any of my classes; My mind was too busy replaying the events of the morning on a continual loop, trying it's best to analyze every angle of what had happened. Every tiny movement, every glance, gesture, smile... It all needed to be broken down and rearranged inside my head. His skin was so cold, but why? His brother, Edward was it? He had cold hands too. Jasper... His eyes were so deep, so golden, so sad. Thoughts drifted in and out, like piano notes in a far away room. Why did he walk me to class? Why was he so kind to me? And he didn't treat me like I was broken... Why do I feel like he looked so deeply into the depths of my fucking soul? I only realized it had felt this way sometime around mid-morning, while I had made my way to my Biology class, thankfully not getting heinously lost in the process. While the scene was replayed for the umpteenth time, it dawned on me that Jasper had seemed keenly aware of what I needed, and how I felt. What made him want to help me?
Don't overthink it, you're nothing special. He probably felt bad for you, shithead. Can you blame him? I mean, you're soooo fuckin' pathetic. Ah, there it was. The siren song of my venomous self-loathing, accompanied with my good friend self-doubt. He probably saw how miserable you looked, and thought he could get in his good deed for the day, by helping the broken girl. You're looking too far into it. You're crazy if you think someone like him would ever spare you a second glance. I shook my head slightly, trying desperately to push away the thick vines of doubt and hatred of self that had begun to constrict me. No, I'm not pathetic. I'm not crazy, it actually happened! I couldn't have dreamed this. I couldn't have just made this shit up! He is real, damn it!
As I fought with myself, my legs carried me further down the hall, still unsure of where exactly I was heading. Where is Riya? I need her right now. I needed to tell my sister about the wonderful boy I'd met, and how he'd been so sweet, and how he'd treated me like a real person. I needed my sister to believe me, because I was having a hard time believing myself. Unsteady thoughts continued to wander in and out, weaving through my head. Jasper Hale... Once again I had found my thoughts echoing his name. Remembering the sound of his voice, the cool of his skin, his smile...
Fuck, shut up! Shut up already! Get your shit together Nova, what the hell is wrong with you?! I was never one to obsess over boys, never one to cling to someone or something new. There were deep rooted seeds of mistrust sown within me, and most of the time I was wary of new people, especially men. So what had been so fucking special about Jasper God Damn Hale? He's so beautiful. No, that couldn't be it. I'd seen thousands of beautiful people in my 18 years of life. I saw beautiful people every day! I refused to believe that beauty alone had tethered me so strongly to this boy. For starters, I wasn't that shallow. Will I see him in the cafeteria?
My entire body had been thrown on auto-pilot, moving with the herd, like an animal in the wild. It had taken me a solid minute to even realize I had made it to the lunch room, before reality came crashing back down around me. The cafeteria was buzzing, alive with chatter and laughter. Scanning the room, I searched for someone familiar. Anyone familiar. Feeling thick anxiety starting to pool around my ankles, I made my way a bit further in, hoping to find Amariya before the toxic sludge of panic could creep it's way any higher up my body. I wasn't even remotely hungry, stomach already too tied up in knots to allow anything else inside of it. I could feel myself starting to detach, and pull away from reality, sinking deeper and deeper inside of myself as my mind began to dissociate. Dissociation was my most reliable defense mechanism, and unfortunately one I largely had no control over. The sounds of the lunch room began to fade away, farther and farther, and I felt myself being dragged into the cage inside my head.
I had almost completely left my body, and retreated into the bunker of my brain, when I heard a familiar voice chime brightly in my ears. "Nova? Novaaa?" Snapping violently back into reality, I realized my sister was standing in front of me, snapping her fingers gently to get my attention. She must have realized what was happening; She'd seen it so many times before. Bless her heart, it had worked though, and suddenly I was myself again. The world came back into clear view, too bright and too colorful.
"Ah, shit." I laughed, trying to play off my episode. I often did this, trying to make it seem less unusual, to myself and to others. "Sorry Ri, I was off in space somewhere." Leaning in, I wrapped my sister into a much needed hug, the tightness of my embrace betraying my cool exterior. Riya returned my embrace as she always did, pulling back after a moment, as she took my hand in hers. "How was your morning?" I asked smoothly, trying to change the subject, knowing full well that it never worked.
"Really great! I made a bunch of new friends." Nodding enthusiastically, she sent me a brief smile, before her face turned serious again. "Are you sure you're good, Nov? You haven't gone away like that in a while." Riya's eyebrows pulled together, her usually cheerful expression twisting slightly. I hated that I made her worry so much. "I don't know how long you were standing there before I noticed you." Her nose scrunched up a bit, and I could tell she felt guilty.
I shook my head, squeezing her hand gently to reassure her, trying to assuage her unnecessary guilt. "No, no, no, I'm fine, Ri! I wasn't completely gone yet." My reply came out softly, and I found myself glancing around to ensure no one else could hear. I didn't need the whole school privy to the fact I was a basket-case. At least, not yet. They'd figure it out eventually, everyone always did. I wouldn't mind, except for the fact that it meant people treated me like I was broken. There's nothing more insulting than getting looked at like you're a scared child, or being treated like fragile glass.
"Thank God." Her reply, too, came out soft spoken. Amariya was the only one in the whole world who knew what I dealt with every day. She was the only one who saw me in my lowest, messiest moments, and never once treated me like I was breakable. I loved her for that. I loved her already of course, but I loved the shit out of her for that. Changing the subject, she tugged on my hand gently, pulling me along. "C'mon, I've got to introduce you to my new friends!"
Hand in hand with my sister, I couldn't help but search every corner I could see, desperately hoping, praying I would catch the gaze of Jasper Hale. As she tugged me along, my eyes darted left and right, searching high and low for the hauntingly beautiful boy. When we finally arrived at the round table, full of faces I'd never seen, I had not managed to catch even a glimpse of him. Maybe he's not here yet? My hopeful thought was interrupted by my sister's voice, once again. "Nova, this is Mike, Eric, Angela, Tyler, and Jessica!" Amariya pointed to each respective person, as she listed off their names. I did my best to commit their names and faces to my memory, but it had already been a hell of a day.
Waving at the group, I slapped on my best smile, standing awkwardly at the table. Riya had already taken her seat when I finally found my voice. "Hi, hi. I'm Nova." My voice wavered slightly, but I breathed out a steady sigh of relief when it did not crack. That was the worst. Nothing screams 'Please don't look at me, I'm terrified' more than a voice crack in an introduction. The five of them all looked very friendly and warm, which did wonders to calm my nerves.
"Welcome to Forks, Nova!" Jessica's excited voice nearly grated at my ears, a sort of shrill, primness present in her voice. It took me a minute to get used to the sound, but I found it bothering me less as she carried on. "I hope you're really into doing nothing all the time." Dark blue eyes rolled and fluttered slightly, as she twirled a piece of light brown hair between her fingers. A hearty chuckle bubbled up and out of her. "No, but seriously, I'm sorry you're stuck here with is. It's awful, I'm dead inside." She nodded seriously, face dead pan, her lips curved only slightly to smirk.
I found myself actually enjoying her spunky little attitude, and appreciating that she too spoke with heavy sarcasm. I pulled the chair nearest to me out, and sat down before responding. "No, I love being endlessly bored. It really does wonders for the wandering mind." Dramatically tossing my hair to the side, I finally cracked a smile of my own. The table hummed with laughter, and I felt my shoulders begin to relax. Amariya flashed me a proud grin, and I sent her a thankful one in return. Thank the stars for that girl, otherwise I'd still be standing alone, stuck in my mental prison.
"Honestly, I don't hear the accents!" The blonde boy, Mike, looked just as confused as I did when our eyes met. "I thought British people spoke all proper like? Pip pip, an' all that." Riya, Angela, and Eric all howled with laughter, at his piss poor English accent, holding their sides as they cackled. They obviously hadn't bothered to tell him Riya and I were not from England. Jessica rolled her eyes heavily in his direction, shaking her head disapprovingly.
"Jesus, Mike, are you high?" Tyler asked, his shoulders pulling upward, a look of disappointment on his handsome face. Soft umber eyes scrunched up, as he ran a warm brown hand through his dark textured hair. "You've really gotta study more, man. You're gonna get benched at this rate." The table erupted with laughter again, Mike's face still plastered with confusion.
"What do you mean!?" Mike's eyebrows shot up, as he innocently demanded an explanation. Everyone else was too amused to offer one yet, as another bout of laughter danced around the table. I certainly wasn't going to be the one to break the news to him.
"Anywayyy," ignoring Mike, Eric chirped in, "Who's hype for La Push this weekend?!" His soft voice stretched out each word, dipping and raising his pitch in a curious way.
"Oh hell yeah!" Jess sang out, and I turned to see her doing one of those cheesy 'raise the roof' motions, earning an amused eye roll from Angela.
The rest of the table broke out into excited murmuring, but I found myself only half listening, as my eyes began to drift around the cafeteria once more. Soon, I had tuned them out completely. My only thought, only goal was to confirm that I hadn't been tripping balls this morning. I needed some sort of confirmation that Jasper had really existed; Edward too.
I registered my sister's voice calling my name in the back of my head, but was too deep into my silly mission to comprehend it. Every face my eyes landed on was too plain, every iris too dull, every skin tone too warm to be Jasper's. I found myself chewing my lower lip a bit harder than usual, frustration welling up within me.
It took a few sharp snaps from Amariya to shatter my concentration, but eventually I turned my dazed gaze toward my sister. "-ush with us on Saturday?" Was all I caught of my sister's question, my eyebrows knitting together as I tried to decipher it.
"Hmm, sorry! Sorry! What?" I had barely gotten the words out, when I felt something pull my attention to the back of the cafeteria. Eyes flickering toward the doors that led outside, my jaw fell slack, a trembling exhale rushing out of me all at once. Leaning against the space near the rear doors, one knee bent to rest his foot on the wall, stood the impossible boy from this morning. The decidedly not imaginary boy, whose name had run through my head all day. A symphony of mixed emotions swelled inside me, cacophonous and alive. Within, my stomach took the opportunity to parkour off of my rib cage, somersaulting and bouncing around, in sick flips. I could have sworn he was looking right at us, his golden eyes trained in my direction. I felt a dull heat fill my face, and pour down the rest of my body.
"-va? Novaaaa? He-llo!?" Riya's voice cut into my ears, and I snapped my head toward her. Emerald eyes boring into me, I noticed her sharp auburn eyebrows twitch in irritation. "Are you paying attention?"
"Sorry, it's been a weird day." I chewed my bottom lip again, using every ounce of willpower I had not to look away from her. My whole body screamed at me to find him again, to get up and go over to him, to thank him for this morning; but I knew if I got up and walked away from Amariya right now, she'd have an absolutely nuclear meltdown. Being ignored was one of the few things that pissed my little sister off. "What did you say?"
"I said, do you want to..." Before she could finish, I felt a presence manifest behind me, a cold hand laying on my right shoulder. My heart sprang into my throat, it's rapid beating becoming increasingly faster, as I prayed to every conceivable deity imaginable that it belonged to who I thought it did. Amariya looked up past my head, her furious face growing puzzled before a placid look befell her.
Slowly, ever so fucking slowly, I twisted my body to glance up at the person behind my view. Blue, hopeful, pleading eyes were met with dazzling, patient, golden ones. Jasper... I could have splintered, and shattered into a million pieces right there. I could have turned to dust, and blown away on the wind, with how relieved I was. Lips parting to speak, I drew a quavering breath, but I couldn't find my voice.
I could have sworn I saw a smile dance across his pouted lips, before he spoke. "I see you made it to the cafeteria in one peace, miss." This time, I was certain of the smirk he wore as his deep, melodic voice kissed my ears. "Had me a bit worried this mornin'."
Oh, fuck. Oh, sweet fuck. A thousand thoughts crashed into me, a thousand feelings, a thousand waves of peace. Trying my absolute hardest to keep my shit together, I shifted my body in my seat, so that I was facing him. His skin still radiated a pleasant coolness, where his palm rested on my shoulder, even through the fabric of my shirt. "I got along just fine without you, mister." I couldn't help but genuinely smile as I playfully retorted, his soft eyes and bright laughter sending shockwaves through me.
I hadn't noticed the rest of the table gawking at us, mouths all hanging open in disbelief. I hadn't noticed the students at the surrounding tables doing the same. I hadn't noticed a God damn thing, except the pale white knight that stood before me. "I never doubted you, Nova." Jasper's lips drew into a sideways smirk, but his eyes reflected honesty. Something within me shifted, moved by his sincerity. "I was wonderin' if you wanted eat lunch with me," he paused for a moment, "and my family?" I sent him a curious look before he continued. "Edward thought you were quite amusin' this mornin', and Alice is dyin' to meet you." He explained with a slight shrug, soft Southern lilt swirling in the air around me.
"Of course!" I choked on my words, sputtering just slightly, "Of course, I'd love to meet the rest of them." I recovered smoothly, and moved to stand. Jasper's right hand slid from my shoulder delicately, fingers brushing against my palm. As I grabbed my bag, I turned to my sister, still wholly oblivious to the fact that just about everyone in a ten foot radius was staring at me. "Sorry, Ri! Ask me after school, okay?" I sent her a stupid smile, turning toward Jasper again before she could reply. With another slanted smirk, he loosely took my hand. His fingers and thumb enveloped mine so slightly, that I wouldn't have registered his touch, if I hadn't felt the warmth in my own hand transferring to his chilly one.
In a nearly catatonic euphoria I was guided through a maze of tables, toward the back. The turning heads, and wondering stares had only just begun to register in my head, when we arrived at a table tucked quietly in the farthest corner of the cafeteria.
I was greeted with 4 inhumanly beautiful faces, one of which I had already seen this morning. I can only imagine I wore a mask of utter disbelief, because 3 of the 4 looked up at me with cheerful amusement. The one who wasn't impressed, was the most beautiful of the lot, besides Jasper. Long, straw blonde hair fell neatly around her heart shaped face, in soft curls. Dark gold eyes pierced mine, as she sat stoic, face sitting neutral in absolute disinterest. A wave of intimidation tore through me, before Jasper's voice distracted me once again. "Nova, this is my twin sister, Rosalie Hale." He shot Rosalie a look I couldn't decipher, staring her down until she relented. The blonde goddess rolled her eyes slightly, and took an irritated breath. A forced smile cracked over her marble smooth skin, as she acknowledged my presence.
"Hello." Even her short reply shook me to my core, her voice sounding just a smooth, and hypnotic as Jasper's. Next to her sat a curly haired boy, whose stocky body looked as though he should be a personal trainer, or professional linebacker. I mean, the dude was jacked. I couldn't help but wonder if he did anything other than hit the gym. He wore a kind expression, which banished any shred of intimidation the girl next to him had evoked in me. He too had golden eyes.
"Hey, Nova! I'm Emmett." His sweet voice called out, a natural smile spreading, causing his dark eyebrows to tilt upward slightly. I smiled honestly, waving silently, still too nervous to say anything. My voice will sound like a wounded wildebeest compared to this lot. Are they singers, or something? A vision of the lot of them sitting around with acoustic guitars, singing 'Kumbaya' flashed into my head, and I couldn't help but clamp down on my lower lip to suppress a chuckle. Absurd.
Laughing, for some reason, Edward tossed me a wave, before turning to look at the dark eyed pixie girl next to him. She was the only one of the lot with eyes that weren't bizarrely colored, though I swore I could detect a shimmer of gold in the darkness of her irises. "Nova, it's so nice to meet you!" The tiny beauty threw me a dazzling smile, and I thought for sure the brilliance of it would blind me. "I'm Alice Cullen!" I took her hand as she offered it to me, entirely unphased by the frigidness of it. I just assumed they all had a circulation problem.
Finally, pathetically shyly, I spoke. "It's n-nice to m-meet you all." I stammered out. Oh, real smooth, Nova. Bang up job! They're not going to eat you, for shit sake. Relax. Edward's eyes lit up slightly, as he turned his attention back to me. I thought I could hear him snickering to himself. I guess he just laughs a lot? For no reason? As if to answer my thought, Edward covered his mouth, turning his head toward Alice to chuckle under his breath.
I chewed my lip, feeling my whole body stiffen. Is he... making fun of me? Suddenly, I felt a familiar sadness spread through my chest, and my eyes fell down to my feet. Are they all just... My thought was interrupted by Edward's silken voice. "Nova," I moved my gaze upward upon hearing my name. Edward was looking up at me again. No, not at me. Edward was looking directly at Jasper, his face without a trace of amusement. I couldn't see Jasper's expression from where I stood, but they seemed to be having a silent conversation. "Please, have a seat." Edward spoke politely, gesturing to a free chair, his eyes finally meeting mine. As I sat, he offered me a gentle smile, kindness melting into his expression. "It's quite rare for new faces to show up around Forks. I'm sure you must be tired of the endless questioning." His voice was soft, and conveyed no sign of snark, or judgement. I must have read him wrong. God, why am I like this?
Breathing out a sigh of relief, followed by a short chuckle, I nodded. "It's exhausting." I dragged out the words, letting my shoulders fall back into the chair just as Jasper took the seat next to me. I felt like a magnet, being pulled toward him, but resisted the urge to scoot closer with every fiber of my being. I did not, however, resist the urge to look over at him. As my head turned to my right, I found that Jasper was listening intently to me, hands folded neatly into his lap. As our eyes met, one of the corners of his lips curved slightly, his eyes warming, I swallowed butterflies, as I returned the soft smirk, and continued to speak. "I literally had to prove that New Hampshire was a state in one of my classes. Some kid didn't believe me. Like... what?" My face soured, and I held out a hand, gesturing my confusion. Laughter the siblings, save Rosalie, blessed my ears. I offered them my own nervous laughter in return, shaking my head.
As I glanced around the table, I noticed something that struck me as rather odd. Well, odder than the breathtaking beauty each of them possessed. Emmett and Rosalie's hands were woven together, as were Alice and Edward's. I'd certainly held hands with Amariya before, but this was... different. I didn't dare say anything about it, though. It wasn't my place to bring it up. After a few painfully awkward moments Jasper cleared his throat softly, removing his hands from his lap and placing them on the table in front of him. "Have you had your check up for your school records yet, Nova?" My eyes darted from the entwined hands on the table, to Jasper, curiosity etched into my face. "It's mandatory each year."
"Uh... nope. No, I haven't established a doctor here yet. I've only got here a week ago." My answer held traces of confusion, not understanding where he'd plucked the random question from.
"I only ask because Carlisle, our adoptive father, is really the only doctor in town." As his voice drawled out, a light-bulb clicked on over my head. "You'll probably be meetin' him soon. I'll tell him to keep an eye out for you." I didn't even see his sly grin, my eyes already returning to his family in front of us.
"Oh, duh." I laughed as I placed a hand over my heart, feeling like a creep. "I assume you're all adopted, besides Rosalie and Jasper? That's why you three have different last names." With the exception of Rosalie, who was entirely ignoring my existence, they all nodded in amusement. "Gotchya." I clicked my tongue a bit, shooting little finger guns uncomfortably. "And that's why you look nothing alike." I nodded to myself. Except for your sunshine eyes.
"Yes ma'am." Jasper's drawl thickened a bit, causing me to snap my attention back to him. "Rose and I are our adoptive mother Esme's niece and nephew. The rest of these scoundrels share no blood, but took Carlisle's last name." His tone was light, but seemed off as the word blood left his mouth. I ignored it, content to watch him talk. "In fact, if you'd be willin', you could come meet Carlisle on Saturday. It's just so happens to be one of the rare occasions he won't be workin'. That way, he has a face to put to your name, an' all." As his eyes flickered between mine, and Edwards, I felt a heat sweep through my cheeks. Knowingly or not, Jasper had just invited me to his house. My fingers twitched softly in my lap, as a sweet sort of nervousness consumed me.
I turned my attention to his siblings, trying to gauge their reactions to his offer. They all wore pleasantly blank faces, with the exception of Rosalie, who was currently sending her twin a nasty death glare. Ignoring the blonde girl's poison stare, fearing I may turn to stone if I caught it, I returned my full attention to Jasper. "S-sure." I gushed, trying so desperately to control my excitement at the prospect of spending even a fraction of a second outside of school with him. "I've got nothing better to do." I tried to play it cool. Tried, and failed. Clumsily, I fished for a pen from my bag, and took his hand in mine, all the while quaking internally. Uncapping the pen, I neatly wrote my cell number in the palm of his cool hand, curling his fingers shut around it when I was done. "Text me your address, and I'll stop by." Sending the most confident smile I could muster, I let my fingers linger on his a while longer, before returning the cap to my pen.
"Yes ma'am." A wide grin played across his lips, and I had to stop myself from drooling like a giddy idiot. "I'll be sure to do that." Fishing his phone out of his pocket, he fiddled with the touch screen for a moment, before entering my number into is contacts. I felt a little more than dumb for not just telling him my number out loud, but that washed away quickly as I felt my phone vibrate in my coat pocket. Gingerly searching for my cell, I slid the unlock screen, and peered down at the text message sitting in my inbox.
Unsaved Number: 3333 Quimby Street, Forks, Washington.
I didn't think my heart could take much more, as I felt it beating frantically within my chest. I saved his number to my contacts, and chewed my lip as I contemplated a reply.
Me: Thank you! What time should I stop by?
I heard his phone buzz softly, and tried to breathe as I listened to the soft padding of his fingers against the screen.
Jasper: Whenever works for you, works for me, Miss Winter. I'd be glad to show you around town once you've met Carlisle, if you'd like.
Me: Why, thank you, Mister Hale. I do so appreciate it. I'll text you when I wake up. :)
I turned to watch him read my sarcastic reply, and met his gaze when he glanced over to me, another small chuckle breathing out of him. I opened my mouth to say something, just as the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. Looking up to the clock, I sighed, not ready to pry myself away from the impossible boy quite yet. Longing had started to slither through my head, but was erased from existence, as I felt Jasper's cool hand on my shoulder once more. I hadn't even noticed him stand up. "Do you need an escort to your next class, miss? Or do you think you can make it on your own?"
I turned to offer him a real life sarcastic reply, but stopped short as I met his face. His honeysuckle curls fell freely around his chin as glanced down at me, and my breath caught in my throat. Taking a large gulp of air, I attempted to play off my nerves. "I think I can manage." That was all I could say, without tripping over my words, like a fawn on new legs. Moving to say goodbye to his siblings, I found the table empty. What is with the vanishing act?
Sunshine eyes shown down at me in amusement, accepting my reply. "See you 'round then, darlin'." His voice came softer now, just barely audible in the still crowded lunch room, and his hand pulled back from my shoulder, leaving a longing for his chilled touch in it's place. As he had this morning, he tossed me a friendly wave, and made his way toward the cafeteria doors.
Lord, help me. This boy will be the death of me.
Lord, help ME is more like it! :P
It's nearly 7 AM, my face is numb, and I've been writing since around midnight. I doubled my word count, at the sweet, sweet cost of my slumber. Womp wooooomp.
Anyway, let me know your thoughts on this chapter, and forgive me if there are any glaring errors. I've been awake for about 23 hours now, so if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go fall into a coma. See you in a few days, hopefully with another long ass chapter!