He follows her into a low lit bar downtown. She swears up and down that the burgers are the best in the city and they have the largest beer selection this side of the river, not that he's really interested in drinking. He's still nursing last night's hangover, but she could use a little relaxer. In so many ways Helga hasn't changed a bit; she's sarcastic, defensive, and refuses to admit feelings unless they're anger or annoyance. He catches moments of her other side though, no matter how deeply she pushes it down they're drawn together like moths to a flame. He watches her walk straight to the bar and slide into an empty seat, attracting the bar tender over with a curl of her finger. She orders a whiskey on the rocks, top shelf and orders him a Profanity Hill Porter, swearing much like the burgers, that it's the best in the city. They sit in silence as the bartender gets their drinks. She avoids his gaze as he watches her face in the mirror behind the bar.
For how little she's changed in some ways, she's a new person in others. She's so confident ordering things, she knows who she is now and isn't afraid of people seeing it. She's layered, she's always been, but now he can see the subtle differences in them. Her confidence is infectious, she no longer acts tough to keep people out but because she is tough. She is calculated and incredibly smart yet is so blind to how men treat her. The bartender brings their drinks, ignoring him completely and looking only at her. She orders a burger with fries, not skimping on any of the toppings. He loves that about her, so many women order salads or something small, Helga has never been afraid to eat whatever she wants in front of anyone. She looks at him for the first time since sitting down, impatiently waiting for him to say something.
"Earth to football head," she stares into his eyes while waving a hand in front of his face, "did you invite me here to eat or to stare at me some more?"
He smiles broadly at her sarcasm and looks to the waiter, "I'll have whatever she's having." The waiter nods once, obviously annoyed that they were there together, and walks off.
"So what's going on in the head of yours that's keeping you so quiet?" She sips her whiskey slowly, savoring its burn and warmth.
"Honestly, about how much you've changed but at the same time you're still the same person I've always known."
Her eyes narrow slightly at him, her fingers grip her drink harder, "What's that supposed to mean? That you think I'm some immature little girl with an attitude problem still?"
His face falls, he really needs to work on delivering what he means without being so blind to what it sounds like. Too much time away from regular people has made him rusty. "Not at all! If anything you're more mature than anyone I've ever met, and I know hundred year old shamans." The anger slowly dissipates from her eyes, "It's more like you're still so sure of your decisions and you're really direct with what you want. You don't beat around the bush so to speak, you know what you want and you demand it. At the same time that's a huge change. As kids you had so much going on at home that, correct me if I'm wrong, you never really knew what you wanted."
"Nah, you're right," she swirls the ice around her drink before taking a long, slow sip, "I knew I wanted a better family and all that but that was about it. Everything else seemed like what I should want. The only other thing I knew I wanted was your affection and I was so scared of not being good enough for it that I made it impossible to get too close."
"Meanwhile I was positive you hated my guts and would have rather seen me in a ditch somewhere." His smile came back, remembering how much she yelled at him as kids was funny knowing how she really felt.
"I mean, there were moments you made me so mad I might have put you there myself, but at the end of the day all I really cared about was your happiness." Her hand rubbed the back of her neck, the conversation was getting deep and she doesn't know how to turn it around, or if she really wants to. Watching him sit across from her, sipping a beer she recommended, gazing at her and no one else was so nice. The raw pain she feels is pulsing in her chest, sure, but it was overwhelmed by something else.
"Helga, we need to talk about what happened in San Lorenzo. I can't keep pretending that it didn't happen. I know you worked through it in the books but I'm still trying to come to terms with it." The pain flares up into her throat, overriding the whiskey burn completely. Her thoughts fly back to that part of her life, memories she keeps locked in the black box of her mind opening up and unfolding around her.
They had finally found his parents after days of searching. They saved the Green Eyed People and he finally came to terms with how he felt for Helga. It was the happiest time in her life. When they kissed, although it was brief and cut short by Gerald, she felt all of the problems in the world melt away and fireworks erupt in her soul. She finally had him, the boy of her dreams, and he chose to stay thousands of miles away from her. Of course she understood that he wanted to be with his parents and she respected the decision it tore her heart out and crushed it. She returned home so broken and vulnerable something most people failed to notice. Sure, Phoebe saw through her act but beyond that no one cared. She stopped bullying everyone and became more closed off, quieter and let herself get lost in writing. Her home life got worse when she returned, Bob was off his rocker and was more emotionally unstable than ever before. Her mother was passed out drunk 16 hours of the day and spent the rest of the time trying to slip back into her self-induced comas. Helga began seeing Dr. Bliss on a weekly basis and it was her who encouraged Helga to publish her poetry under a pseudo name and save the money to move out when she turned eighteen. Once on her own, Helga began to write about her time in San Lorenzo creating a work of mostly fiction that gave her the ending she had wanted so desperately. Over time she moved on from Arnold, never healing but just allowing herself to bury the pain of his leaving her. She dated other people, she had been in love once and she was happy. No life wasn't perfect but she was happy. Now here he was, waltzing back into her life, and saying he was still hurt by what happened?
"You're kidding me right?" Her voice dripping venom, "there's nothing to talk about. We were kids, you stayed with your parents, we grew up and moved on."
His hands raise defensively in front of him, "Helga, I know this is painful and yea I stayed with them. You said we'd still try things though, that we'd write to each other and we'd try long distance. I was ready for that and you never wrote. For years I asked Gerald what you were doing, how you were doing, and I didn't stop until you started dating other people." He allowed the pain of her moving on to rise up from his heart. He knows how crazy he sounds but in all of these years his feelings hadn't changed for her. He didn't begin to date local girls until Helga was in a relationship. He didn't give up hope until then.
"What do you want me to say? My life wasn't exactly easy when I came home. Bob and Miriam were off their rockers, I was in therapy ever week, I was trying to move on because I knew as soon as someone caught your eye down there you'd end it and I wasn't going to wait around to get hurt."
"I didn't look at anyone until you got a boyfriend Helga. I didn't move on, you did." The realization slapped her across the face, stopping her from spitting out anymore cruel words. She began dating her freshman year of high school, four years after she got home. For four years she had pictured him with some gorgeous jungle girl and all the while he was alone, waiting for her letters.
"Why didn't you write?" Her voice trembles, she had been angry and hurt for so long over her own mistakes.
"I did, lots of letters, but all of them were sent back to me. I know I had the address right, I had Gerald check for me, but they all came back. I eventually assumed you just didn't want to talk to me so I stopped."
Her mind races back through time trying to remember if she ever said anything to make anyone keep them from her. Nothing came up. "I'm sorry Arnold, all these years I assumed you moved on and meanwhile I hurt you…"
His hand reaches across the table and holds her, "Don't blame yourself Helga. If were 100% honest with each other it probably wouldn't have worked over a long distance but I think we both needed to know what really happened to the other. I told you this morning I know how I feel about you but you're right, we barely know each other anymore. I want to know you Helga, I want to know everything about you and I know this is going to be weird, it's weird for me too, but I feel like if we don't at least try we'll make another mistake and this time I don't think we'd be able to find an excuse to try again. What do you say? We can start as friends and see where things go." He watches her eyes drift around the bar, his stomach is in knots. She smiles at him, a small smile that just reaches her eyes.
"Fine, football head, we can be friends. But, if were friends, know if I finish first I will devour your fries." Her smile fills him with a nervous excitement. The food is placed in front of them as well as fresh drinks. He takes a bite of the burger and can't help the moan that escapes his lips. "I told you, best in the city."
They eat in relative silence, enjoying the food and drinks. Her taste was fantastic, something he never doubted for a second. As promised she eats fries off his plate when he isn't looking and smiles unapologetically when he does catch her. They finish relatively quickly and get another round of drinks. The chatter slowly returns to them as the alcohol pumps liquid courage through their veins.
"Tell me about life after I left, I know the over view but fill me in on the details." He leaned toward her touching her arm gently, little stabs of electricity coursing through her.
"There really isn't much to tell you, I came home and locked myself in my room for weeks. I left to go to school and that was about it. Phoebe came by often but I didn't try with anyone else, I didn't want to let anyone in. When I got home Miriam was off her rocker with the drinking, she spent all but eight hours of the day passed out and when she was awake she was drinking. Bob's business was failing, beepers were old news, and he took that out on me, like I caused the invention of cell phones. Half the time he didn't acknowledge me and the other half I was shoved up against a wall with him bellowing in my face what a worthless piece of crap I was and how I would never amount to anything. Olga stopped coming around as much, she had a perfect life to live and barely had time for us anymore which made them both worse. She was the only thing keeping them sane. I started seeing Bliss weekly because I wasn't eating and my hair was starting to fall out. Before you get all guilty, it really wasn't because you chose to stay, at least not consciously. You were the sunshine for me, the ray of ever living positivity that reminded me it's not all bad, I didn't do it on purpose everything just kind of lost appeal. Bliss and I worked on that though, she showed me I could be my own sunshine, that my writing and view of the world was special and should be shared. With her and Phoebe for support I submitted some poetry to some publishers and one of them liked it and had me submit more. I saved every penny I made in an account my parents didn't know existed. Through middle school I got to know myself better and started coming back to the real world. Phoebe and Gerald were a package deal so we all started hanging out, the rest of the gang slowly joining until we hit high school. They tried to talk to me about you a few times but as soon as I heard your name I'd shut off. I spent a lot of nights picturing you with someone else and I didn't want to go back down that road."
"I'm so sorry Helga, I never thought that my decision would hurt you so badly…" His head hangs low, his hand turning the bottle of beer over and over before draining it and signaling for another round. She touches his arm softly rubbing it with feather strokes.
"Don't worry about it, it was me not you." She sips her whiskey before continuing, "By high school I found my own as a writer. I was always walking around with a laptop, jotting down anything that came to mind. It was addictive, like crack but without any of the side effects. My bank account was getting large and I felt recognized for once in my life without ever having to reveal my real name. I started dating a guy who went to PS 119. I never really felt anything for him but it felt like what I was supposed to do, ya know? He was into video games so we'd hang out at his house and he'd play while I wrote. He never knew what I was writing but he knew it meant more to me than he did. After six months he dumped me because I was "neglectful". I barely even noticed." Her lips curl into a smile, remembering how passionate her writing was gave her twinges on giddy even now. "I started serial dating, Phoebe and Gerald had no shortage of people to set me up with. It never meant anything though, I didn't want to stop working. I started having sex in my senior year, it felt good but only on a physical level. As much as I write about the passion of sex I really think it only exists in books. Once I graduated I bought my first apartment outright and moved on my own. I went to college for a semester before I realized it was stopping me from really doing what I wanted so I dropped out and started writing full time. After the first book sold took off I was contracted for another four and had more money than I knew what to do with. I bought places all over because real estate is a good investment. San Lorenzo for inspiration, LA for business when a motion picture deal was brought up, Rome for romance, a new place here for Phoebe and Gerald could have somewhere for themselves, Hawaii for my mental health, and London because, why not? I met a guy in London who I actually dated for two years and we were talking about marriage when I had a panic attack and realized I didn't love him. We split up and I've been single ever since." She sips her refilled glass and smiles waits for his response.
"Do you still dance?" His eyes focus on her, concentrated, watching for something.
"Yea, sometimes. It's more of a form of release now than anything else."
He smiles his famous half smirk and exhales in relief, "I was going to be really upset if you didn't, it was one of my favorite things about you." Her cheeks turn crimson at the thought of him watching her dance.
"Well, it's your turn now." A wicked look crosses her eyes as she smiles at him expectantly. He knows he should cut her off, she's on her fourth whiskey but seeing her walls come down was fascinating, another one wouldn't hurt would it? He'd see how much she drank while he spoke and would decide from there.
"Oh god, you sure you want to hear it all?" She nodded, sticking her pinky in her drink before placing it into her mouth. To most it would be such a sexual position but Arnold could only remember her doing the same thing with ice cream sodas. "Once everyone left my parents and I got settled in and we caught up on nine years of memories. They introduced me to the friends they made and taught me jungle rules as well as basic school things. Until I was eighteen I traveled with them, learning everything I could about the Green Eyed People, herbal medicine, and the insane cultures we never get to experience in cities like this. Once I was a high school graduate I convinced them to let me strike out on my own and explore the rest of the world. Since you shared your dating with me I guess it's only far to tell you about my only girlfriend. She was a member of the Green Eyes, her name was Sayda. We met when I was eleven but we didn't begin dating until we were fifteen. She was a sweet girl, smart and kind and we dated until I was eighteen. I knew we weren't right for each other but I loved her in a lot of ways, she was exactly the type of girl I should have wanted but she was missing something. She was a yes person she had no passion, no fire. I had been so used to your spirit that she seemed like a wet blanket. When I decided to leave and she wanted to stay we broke it off. She's still close to my parents and were good friends but she knew too, it wasn't right. She was my first but I agree with you on the whole lack of feeling anything outside of physical pleasure. After that I started online college and began traveling, working odd jobs in whatever community I was in until I could afford enough to move on. I hit every continent twice, I saw so many kinds of people and learned so much than I would have in a class room. I'd still be traveling if it weren't for Grandpa's surgery."
"Do you miss it?" Her drink was empty again and the bartender was bringing her a new one, how often did she drink like this? She was tipsy, he could tell by her speech and how freely she touched him now, but not drunk. That much whisky would have him on his ass for a few days at least.
"Uhm yea…after this drink do you want to get going? It's getting kind of late…"
"Don't be a killjoy Arnoldo, you may not be good with alcohol but I can handle myself." He sighs in defeat, once her mind was made there was no changing it. They spend the next two hours talking aimlessly, Helga drinks slower much to his delight. He tells her about the girls he's slept with, three in total his whole life, how dirty he felt after and his vow to not do it again until it's the right person. She teases him but understands his stance, it's the same one she secretly harbors. They finish up their final drinks and stand from the bar, both getting hit with the amount of liquid courage they consumed. She takes his arm, slightly unsteady on her feet. It's been six months since she drank this much and last time was in the comfort of her apartment after a bad review. He is grateful for her touch, anchoring him to reality. They were both flirty when tipsy, a dangerous combination. As Helga hails a cab he lets his fingers wander up and down her arms. They settle in the cab and she lays her head on his shoulder, her warm breath blowing onto his neck sending chills through his soul. The barely talk on the ride to Sunset Arms, opting to slowly and softly touch one another's hands instead.
They sneak wordlessly into Arnold's room, Helga never letting go of his hand. Once in the room they exhale a sigh of relief and she presses her body against the door. He looks down at her as she pulls him closer. They lock eyes…her crystal blues sending shudders down his spine…his jungle greens seeing into her soul, into her hopes and dreams. Before either can stop it their lips are moving closer, breathes intermingled sending them both to another dimension before they meet and the world stops spinning. Electricity flows through Helga with frightening speed, every hair on her body is standing straight, her hands move up his shoulders and lock onto the back of his neck, rubbing softly and pulling him closer to her. Arnold allows her to move him, control him, his hands settle onto her perfect waist, heat coursing through his veins and fireworks clouding his mind. Her lifts her onto her toes and leads them to the bed. Neither can stop what's happening and neither really wants too. It feels so right having his lips on hers, so right when his fingers slide under the fabric of her shirt. She lets him touch her and for the first time in her life allows someone else to remove her shirt. She doesn't want control from him, she wants to let whatever happens happen. Sure somewhere deep down she knew she'd regret this later but for the moment, as his shirt pulled off his body exposing a work of art hidden under his tee, she didn't give a damn.
Thank you so much everyone for your reviews, you have no idea how much they mean to me! I really wanted to take this chapter to get to know where these two have been at, it will get elaborated on more later but for now I wanted to show them as individuals who have had lives outside of one another. That being said it is a guilty pleasure to write them as one. I don't want to rush their new friendship but they are both adults. Let's see where they end up, shall we?