The Kitsune with A Mouth

Naruto and all related characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. Deadpool and all related characters belong to Marvel Comics

Naruto walked through the Forest of Death, having decided to ditch is teammates. He idly spun one of his small crossbows...

"HOLD IT! CROSSBOWS?! I WANT GUNS!" Naruto yelled as he suddenly teleported somewhere else.

"Alright! Gimme some guns now!"

Wait a second! How'd you get in here?!

"Never mind that! Just write me some guns up pronto!"

Alright, I guess I can work in some flintlocks or...

"NO! I mean MODERN GUNS! Semi-autos, full-autos, machine guns, gatling guns, the works!"

I can't! Those don't even exist in your universe!

"Well Cappy, you better gimme some guns or else I may just have to introduce you to my friend Mr. Katana."

O-okay, take it easy man! Guns? You got 'em!

"Good! Glad to see we can reach an understanding. Oh and one more thing..."

"ROCHAMBEAU TO THE BALLS!"

DAMMIT! Uh, note to self... No more Deadpool crossovers after this... EVER!

"Now let's pick things back up!" Naruto said, twirling his guns idly as he walked through the Forest of Death.

"There we go. Now was that so hard?" The red clad lunatic said as he continued his trek through the forest.

As he walked he came across a clearing where he witnessed a boy roughly his age with dark red hair, kill three ninja almost effortlessly with nothing but sand. As the boy turned back to his team, Naruto got an idea.

"Hey there!" Naruto exclaimed as he teleported in front of the boy, only to be stabbed in the back by a kunai, courtesy of the blonde girl behind him. As the three began to walk away, Naruto got up and pulled the kunai out of his back.

"So anyway, I noticed your kills back there I have to say you got style. Not as good as me of course, but I see some potential. You see I'm really good at killing people and I mean really good. Innocent, guilty, doesn't matter if the price is right."

Naruto rambled, as the three in front of him were just bewildered.

"You sure you stabbed him sis?" The one in the cat costume asked the blonde.

"I felt it hit his spine!" She hissed back.

"But enough about me, what's your name? What do you do?" Naruto asked the red haired boy.

"I am Gaara. I kill for my mother." Gaara said as sand began to flow from the gourd on his back.

"Hmm... I smell sitcom material here!" The manic blond exclaimed as he began to sing the theme song to his and Gaara's fictional television show. After a minute, he stopped and looked at the blank expression on Gaara's face.

"Yeah, maybe you should just kill me now." Naruto deadpanned as Gaara crushed him in sand, being more than ready to oblige.

Gaara and his siblings turned to leave, but Naruto suddenly jumped up off the ground.

"So anyway, I wanted to ask you something. What's with the lack of eyebrows?" The Crimson Comedian said as he walked up to Gaara, putting his arm around the other boy's shoulder. Garra responded by shoving a sand spike through Naruto's chest. Naruto coughed for a second before continuing.

"And a tattoo? At your age? You know that thing'll get all warped when you're older right? I mean shouldn't even begin to questions someone's lifestyle choices, but..." Naruto began to ramble yet again, but was cut off by Gaara.

"SHUT UP!" The sand wielder shouted as he then picked Naruto up with a sand tendril and slammed him repeatedly into the ground before throwing him into a nearby tree, followed by sending a barrage of sand spikes at the downed Uzumaki, riddling his body.

Again the three tried to leave, but were interrupted by Naruto.

"Man, you keep this up and I'm liable to take it personally." The blond said as he slowly got up.

"WHY WON'T YOU DIE?!" Gaara screamed in rage, furious that he had found the one person whom he just couldn't kill nor intimidate.

"That's a bit complicated. Why can you move sand? Oh! Were you bitten by a radioactive sandstorm?!" Naruto asked excitedly.

"NO! I have the One-Tail sealed inside me." Gaara said gravely, eyes every filled with a burning fury.

"Huh. Well then I guess I can tell you I have the 9-Tails inside me." The Regenerating Degenerate said.

"Hmm, that must explain why I am unable to kill you. But, why aren't you like me?" Gaara growled out as he failed to understand why this boy, why this red clad clown, appeared so carefree and happy.

Naruto gave a mirthless laugh, and his gaze turned dead serious which chilled the Suna-nin in front of him to the bone.

"Oh, I'd say I'm a lot like you. Lemme guess, villagers tried to kill you too? Well join the club. The first memory I have is someone trying to smother me in my sleep. Oh, it was a while before they tried anything else, since Old Man Hokage saw to that. But then, one day when I was six years old, a mob formed outside my apartment. They broke in and began beating me, stabbing me, even tried setting me on fire. I kept crying and begging for them stop, but they wouldn't let up until I passed out." Naruto said, causing the three ninjas eyes to widen. Gaara had indeed had assassination attempts, but he was never beaten the way Naruto described. It almost made him feel pity.

"Then I saw her. The most beautiful woman in the world. She had the prettiest red hair, she was holding her arms out and said my name, telling me to come to her. I did and she held me, she told me she loved me and kept saying she was sorry. She was crying, I still don't know why. She said she would keep me safe forever. I was never happier. Then this red stuff came up around me and pulled me away. Next thing I know I woke up with knives all in me. I pulled 'em out and I healed up real quick. Then I started hearing a voice. I ignored it at first, for a long while. But after a year or two, I started listening to it. Then I started seeing them... the little yellow boxes! They're my friends! My only friends! Don't you get it? I'm not like you, because you're on your way to being like me!"

It was at this moment, all became clear to Gaara. Ignore the voice. Ignore what it says and never give in again. In that instant, Naruto Uzumaki had done the impossible. He had cured a psychotic serial killer in under five minutes.

"But enough of the sappy stuff! Hey, can I have hot-stuff's panties?" The red clad genin asked, pointing at Temari. The Suna-kunoichi, pulled out her giant fan and blasted Naruto with a giant gust of wind, causing him to fly backwards through the forest.

"I'LL TAKE THAT AS A MAYBE!"

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