Through the Calm and Through the Storm

Makoto's phone beeped three notes. Text message.

R. Amamiya: So. Study session today?

M. Niijima: Hey. How unusual for you to be texting me about studying. I'm usually the one who has to keep tabs on you.

R. Amamiya: I thought I'd show a little more initiation on my part. ;)

M. Niijima: I'm glad to see you're taking your studies seriously.

R. Amamiya: Does the diligent Student Council President have time to spare or is she wrapped up in student council related activities?

M. Niijima: Hmm, let me check with my secretary…

You're in luck! I suppose I could pencil you in for an hour.

R. Amamiya: Or two? I'll throw in a Moist Katsu Bun, fresh from the bakery and the comfiest booth seat Leblanc has to offer.

M. Niijima: How enticing! Just for the bun, I'll stay another hour. :)

Kidding! I'll be glad to help out for as long as necessary. I just need to make a quick call to our Student Body Reporters and make sure they know about upcoming fundraisers and service projects.

R. Amamiya: So reliable. I'll be in your care, Makoto.

M. Niijima: A Moist Katsu Bun sounds interesting. I'll keep an eye out for it if I ever make a trip to the bakery.

What is it you need help with?

R. Amamiya: Currently in the middle of fixing my notes. Mr. Ushimaru goes through the slides so fast, my handwriting's near illegible.

M. Niijima: And so, in addition to helping you with studying, you're requesting me to be your scribe for the afternoon?

R. Amamiya: I'd ask Morgana but he has trouble holding a pencil.

The image of a cat scribbling with a pencil made her chortle. She scrolled down to the next part of the text.

I'd finish these notes on my own, but my wrist kinda hurts...I could use a little help.

Makoto felt a pang of guilt. If she hadn't fallen in the first place, if she had fallen by herself, if Joker didn't fall with her then he wouldn't have been incapacitated.

M. Niijima: I'll be right over.

Thirty minutes later, Makoto arrived at Leblanc, brown handbag stuffed with an assortment of study materials. She smoothed her hair, then her white tunic, and opened the door. Ren was sitting in one of the booths, painstakingly copying logarithmic functions from one of his textbooks, mouth pressed together in a thin line. Upon hearing Leblanc's shopkeepers bell ring, he looked up and rose in greeting.

"Glad you could make it."

"Sorry, I'm late."

He glanced at his wristwatch. "You're fine. Thanks for coming on such short notice."

She shifted her feet. "I mean, your wrist is injured. It's the least I could do. How is it by the way?"

"I'm managing. I just finished my pre-calc homework and now it's a little sore from all the writing I did." He sat back down and shoved aside what appeared to be an ice pack wrapped in a towel.

"What are you working on now?" she asked as she took a seat across from him.

"Classic literature. I'm having trouble understanding the passage."

Ren held out an open book towards her and tapped the middle of the page. "This is what we're reading." Makoto skimmed the story and nodded, recalling her knowledge of the literature curriculum for second year students.

"See how the soldier denounces the daimyo as a 'narikin'? He's saying the daimyo is ostentatiously flaunting his recently acquired wealth at the expense of his subordinates. He's an upstart, a new rich. The French equivalent of the term I believe is, 'Nouveau Riche' - What?"

Ren's expression was a mix of admiration and mirth. He chuckled warmly. "That's what you called Kaneshiro when you awakened right?"

Bashfully, she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "I did, didn't I?"

He chuckled the same warm chuckle. "I'm gonna use that to help me remember this passage for the test."

"Please don't." she sighed. She completed writing a list of key Kanji terms. Ren kept smiling at her. Makoto cleared her throat.

"Incidentally, in Shogi, 'narikin' is when a piece is promoted to gold general."

Shogi, huh? Speaking of, I should probably brush up on some strategies...maybe next Sunday.

"You really know everything, huh, Makoto?" said Ren, resting his cheek bone on the back of his knuckles.

She shrugged. "I don't know everything. I just know what I know. It's mostly knowledge gained from books." She copied a section from the text. "There's still so much that I need to learn. That I want to learn."

"Is there a subject in particular that you want to know more about?"

She had half a mind to say 'you' but instead she said, "Actually, I want to learn more about cognitive psience, the field Futaba's mother was researching. Book Town in Jinbocho may have some old journals that mention it. I thought it was something we could do while we wait for Futaba to recover. Maybe even solve the mystery of the Metaverse while we're at it."

"Why don't we go together then?" He glanced out the window while rolling up the sleeves of his white button-up. "But maybe on a day with clear weather. Looks like it's about to rain."

Pit-pat, pit-pat

Rain drummed on the roof and streaked across the windows. Raindrops splattered on the pavement, forming circles the size of 500 Yen coins which became rivulets that streamed through the streets and out the culverts.

"Like clockwork." he said wryly.

Makoto looked worriedly out the window. I should've checked the weather before I left the house. Sis would've reprimanded me for rushing out the door and not being prepared. Hopefully the rain will let up after we've finished our study session.

"Makoto, is everything alright?"

"Yes, sorry," she indicated at the notes. "Where were we?"

"Book Town?" There was a glimmer of mischief in his eye.

She couldn't help but smirk in reply. "We can talk about that later. Let's focus on getting this done, shall we?"

Makoto neatly copied the notes Ren took in class. His handwriting was shaky at some parts but by and large, she had no problems interpreting his handwriting. Once Makoto finished they moved onto the next literary text.

"This idiom literally means 'to pull the hairs on one's back' which is used when-"

Thunder rolled overhead, rattling the windows which made Makoto flinch. She looked over at Ren who was observing her intently. She shook her head and recollected her thoughts. It's okay. This is different from that night. I'm not fourteen years old anymore. I can handle this. "Right. So as I was saying..."

Thunder crashed, lightning flashed, and this time the lights went out.

The wind howled and beat against the window panes. Makoto crept down the dark corridor, one hand on the wall, the other gripping her nightgown. She tried running towards the door at the end of the hallway but no matter how fast she ran, she could not reach the exit. The hallway warped and spiraled before her eyes...

Stop. Why now?

She was standing barefoot on black asphalt, petrified by the frigid night. In front of her, kneeled an officer, backlit by approaching headlights. She sank to her knees and screamed an airless scream.

NO! Snap out of it!

Makoto was curled up in a ball, eyes squeezed shut, trying to calm herself.

"Makoto?" came Ren's voice from across the table.

"I-I'm okay. Just g-give me a minute..." she stuttered. She rocked back and forth. Calm down. Calm down already! You're supposed to be helping him! Pull yourself together!

"Makoto, here," he gently touched her forearm. "Come here."

Two burly hands reached out towards her. "Good, the younger Niijima sister is here too. There's not much time. We need you to come with us..."

Makoto shied away. Ren held his hand out cautiously. He kept his voice low and steady. "Hey. It's okay."

She peeked out from under her arms. Ah, it's only Ren.

"It's okay," he coaxed. Her eyes had adjusted to the dark and she could see his arms held open in invitation. Thunder rumbled and Makoto flew into Ren's arms and buried her face in his chest. As lighting struck, she felt his arms over her back, holding her tightly, securely. She closed her eyes and gripped his shirt. She inhaled slowly to calm herself and smelled coffee and curiously, the faint scent of mugwort on him.

"It's okay. You're alright now. Nothing's gonna hurt you. You're safe here."

A soothing hand came up and began to sift through her hair. She took comfort in his words and concentrated on the feeling of his hand stroking her hair, the solid weight of his arm on her back, and the sound of his heartbeat drowning out the noise of the thunderstorm. The haunting memories of that night receded to the depths of her mind.

...

Ren flushed - he did not expect her to barrel into him so suddenly. I've never seen her this scared before. Makoto, just what happened to you in the past? He continued to gently stroke the back of her head till eventually, she stopped trembling and he felt her body relax and lean into him.

"Are you feeling a little better now?" he murmured.

She nuzzled against his neck. "Yeah, thanks." She thought she heard Ren swallow.

She turned her head towards the table. A small laugh escaped her lips and she slowly released her grip on his shirt.

"We can't work like this."

"Yeah."

"But the rest of your notes…"

"Don't worry about it." He kept his arms around her. "Just as long as you're okay."

Suddenly the wind thrashed against the window with such tremendous force, Makoto thought the glass would break. She jumped and tightened her grip on his shirt again. "I'm sorry," she groaned. "You must think I'm a child for acting like this."

Ren placed his hand on the back of her shoulder, soothing her. "Makoto," he asked gently. "How do you usually deal with thunderstorms?"

She blinked at the question. "Wait it out?"

"By yourself?"

"Sis isn't around most of the time and I've learned how to handle things by myself. Thunderstorms and power outages aren't that bad on their own. But..."

"There's more to it, isn't there?" His voice was barely above a whisper.

She nodded. "It brings back bad memories...and the nightmares that come with it. Normally, I'm able to keep myself under control but lately I've been having them again…"

"Nightmares…" he murmured half to himself. "Since when?"

She clasped her hands. "Ren, do you remember when I told you what happened to my father? It was on a night like this. Dark. Stormy. Sis and I were waiting for him to come home. It was getting late but that's normal for him especially when he's on a case. Sis told me to sleep first but I stayed awake in bed, listening for the door. Then, at about one in the morning, there's a sharp knock at the door. I hear Sis open the door. There's two men speaking quietly to her. Something's wrong and I'm praying over and over again that it's not what I think it is. That father..."

Makoto didn't have to finish that sentence for Ren to know what she meant. He nodded sympathetically, quietly waiting for her to continue. Makoto drew a shaky breath.

"I sneak out of my room and I hear snippets of their conversation. Father's voice cut short then nothing but static on the radio. Rushing to the scene and finding the mangled body. No open casket funeral. I see two officers with grim faces informing her of what happened two hours ago. And that we have to evacuate the house immediately. Sis turns around right as lightning strikes. I'll never forget how pale she looked. How gaunt her face was. The officers reach for me, but she comes between me and them. She grabs my shoulders and tells me to pack some things. To be a good girl and listen. We're packed in less than ten minutes and rushed to a safe-house. But I didn't feel safe there. I always felt scared especially when Sis was gone. Gone to deal with the officers so I wouldn't have to. That's when I started having nightmares of my father's death. Constantly. Night after night even after we were allowed to go home."

She swallowed the lump forming in her throat before continuing.

"I see my father standing on the road. I see the truck approaching. I scream but my voice doesn't reach him. I can't move. Then there's a loud crash and I'm blinded by the headlights and I wake up." She started trembling again. "It changes too. Sometimes he's held at gunpoint, begging for his life, begging for us to be spared. Or he's shot and he's left bleeding out as the truck crushes his body. Sometimes the truck comes for me. But it always ends with my father murdered in front of me. And all I can do is watch helplessly. I couldn't sleep after that. I'd just lie awake in bed, begging for morning to come."

Ren kept his hands on her shoulders, sorting the details in his mind. "Did you tell your sister about it?"

Makoto shook her head. "Sis was already overwhelmed with her job and all the work father left behind. Plus she was making sure we had enough to eat and that I was keeping up with my studies. I wasn't about to become more of a burden than I was already."

He frowned. "Makoto…"

"So I kept myself busy, practicing Aikido regularly and staying at the top of my class so I could get into a good high school. Then I could help Sis out with more things. And gradually, the nightmares stopped. Until now. I don't know why they came back. Maybe it's because I've been thinking of father lately. Wishing things were different. Wishing someone could've saved him."

She choked out a laugh. "Sis would berate me for saying that. That I'm weak and immature for wishing for something that will never come true."

Ren firmly gripped her shoulders, turning her towards him. "You're not weak. You've been bearing something like this by yourself all this time so you wouldn't worry your sister. You just wanted your dad back, right? No one would blame you for wanting that."

This made her look up at him. She was visibly moved and appeared to be on the verge of tears. Ren feared he wouldn't be able to contain himself if she broke down.

"Ren, that's-"

Suddenly she sneezed. The rest of her words were lost in an embarrassed whine.

"Hey, how about some coffee? It's cold in here." His voice cracked slightly. Ren started to move off the booth seat but felt Makoto catch his sleeve. His stomach flipped and he felt heat prick up his ears.

Makoto seemed to just realize what she was doing and instantly let go. "No, sorry! I was just, um, go ahead. I'm fine. Coffee would be nice, thanks."

"...Wanna come with me to the kitchen?"

"Okay."

He held out his hand. She took it and they walked towards the kitchen together. They continued to hold hands, reluctant to let go any longer than necessary for Ren to set a pot of coffee on the stove. Makoto held out her phone-flashlight for him while he reheated the pot one-handed. Rain lightly pattered against the roof as they silently waited for the coffee to boil.

"Normally I would've brewed a fresh pot but since the power's out, this'll have to do. But at least it's hot."

Ren squeezed her hand causing her heart to skip a beat. "Could you get me two cups, please?"

She selected two white cups and set them on the counter. After pouring the coffee, they returned to the booth, hands still linked, each carrying their cup. Ren let Makoto sit first. She set her cup down and shifted over one seat. Ren paused then set his cup down and sat next to her. Makoto took a sip. The coffee warmed her right down to her toes.

"This was a good idea. Thank you."

Ren blew on his cup before taking a drink. "You're welcome. But, hmm, I'm gonna have to make it up to you. The next time you come, I'll brew you a fresh cup."

She waved her hand. "It's fine. You don't have to."

"No, I insist. You'll see what I mean once you've had a freshly brewed cup. Also, I'd be a disgrace to Sojiro. Imagine what he'd say, his apprentice-in-training, serving leftover coffee to a friend at this fine establishment. Unthinkable."

"We can't have him calling you a disgrace now, can we?" she teased. They laughed.

She wrapped her fingers around her cup. "Ren?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you for listening. This is the first time I've told someone about it. I don't feel as scared as I was before."

"Yeah. And if you ever want to talk some more, I'm here."

"I appreciate it."

"I mean it. You don't have to bear this on your own. If something's bothering you, you can talk to us about it, anytime."

She smiled. "I know."

Ren finished his coffee. "Sounds like the rain's stopped."

"Sorry we didn't get as far as we were supposed to."

"It's fine, I should be able to finish up from here. Thanks for all your help, Makoto."

"Will you be alright with your wrist like that?"

"Yeah, see?" He rotated his wrist. "I'll walk you to the station?"

Makoto packed her things as Ren retrieved an umbrella. He wrapped up the katsu bun and gave it to her. "For lunch. Or a quick dinner if you're short on time." he suggested.

"You know I was kidding, right?"

"But you're curious about it, aren't you? They don't sell this everyday; it's a special item. I think you'll like it."

She opened her bag and he dropped it inside. "I'll treat you to yakisoba pan for lunch."

"Deal."

It was drizzling as they ambled through the backstreets of Yongen-Jaya. Both didn't say much. They were too preoccupied with maintaining a proper distance so that they wouldn't accidentally bump the other's shoulder but stay under the umbrella's circumference at the same time.

When they arrived at the station, Ren folded the umbrella and shook the droplets off. "Here, take it with you." he said handing it to her.

"But what about you?"

"I'll just run back. Leblanc's pretty close to the station after all. You can return it tomorrow."

"Well, if you're sure. Thanks."

The train arrived on time. The doors slid open and Makoto bade Ren good night before stepping onto the train.

"Makoto."

She turned.

"It's alright to depend on me more."

Her lips parted slightly, unable to give an immediate reply.

"Well, um, good night." he mumbled as the doors closed and shuffled off.

Makoto leaned against the wall, clutching the umbrella. The feeling of the calluses on his hand and fingers pressed against her palm lingered. She liked how his grip was neither rough nor flaccid, just right. She thought of how much she wanted to keep holding his hand and wondered if he felt the same way. She recalled his comforting words, the gentle tone of his voice.

"You're safe here. You're safe."

She felt peaceful despite her accelerating heartbeat. Since when did he become such a comforting presence to me?

Makoto entered her house and flicked on the lights. "I'm home."

There was no reply. As usual. Normally she would have felt a twinge of melancholy coming home to an empty house, but today she felt relieved - her face was still red, her thoughts still full of Ren, and she definitely did not need her sister interrogating her on why she looked so distracted. Makoto sighed and went to the kitchen. She left a note on the table informing Sae dinner was in the fridge. She set down her things in her room and went to take a shower. After her shower she sent a short text to Ren informing him she got home safely then organized her bag for the next day. At last, she got ready for bed. The rain picked up again, pounding against the window. Thunder sounded in the distance. Makoto hugged her pillow and imagined Ren holding her securely as he did during the thunderstorm. The nightmares that crept along the edge of her mind subsided once again and after a few minutes, she fell asleep.

Ren lay in bed, massaging his wrist. The pain had lessened since evening. His phone buzzed. He read Makoto's text and sent a quick reply that he received her text and wished her a good night's sleep. Then he turned over and sank his head into his pillow. Morgana stirred slightly. He kneaded his fingertips remembering the feeling of her soft hair between his fingers. He thought of how small her shoulders seemed and how he wanted to hold her like that for just a little while longer, like he did in Mementos. He shook those thoughts away. I'm terrible. She was scared and my first thought was holding her close like we were actually... It's like I was taking advantage of her fear. But I couldn't just leave her alone like that...I hope she doesn't think that's what I was doing. I just want her to feel safe. What else I can do?

He drew the covers over his stomach and eventually drifted away.