A/N: We got just a little carried away with our lives for a bit, but here we are, back in fan fic land. We hope you enjoy this chapter. Thanks to our spastic lives and crazy schedules, we came up with a longer chapter than normal, hopefully making up for lost ground. We hope you enjoy it. Please read and review. It will probably be some time until the next update. Our real lives are slightly more pressing right now.

We don't own Mai HiME

Chapter 4
Natsuki POV

Most mornings start the same. A routine, a way of life, mundane and simple... call it whatever you want. On days when life is normal, that is to say, when Shizuru doesn't find herself somehow huddled in or near my bed at night, the day after always begins the same. Nightly watchmen leave for sleep, and those of the morning wake, dinning in the often sloppy dorms made for us lower lifeforms. We don't exactly live the lap of luxury, but we get what we need. The guards of the city, and of the surrounding castle have no fear of hunger, cold, or illness. Our only fear is that of war, in times of peace, we have very little we must concern ourselves with.

Aside from the occasional rabble found outside, our training becomes dulled without practice. That, however, is an entirely different matter. Misfortune arriving very seldom as a point of interest, I'd call it. My post is not that of any simpleton guard. No, if that was surely the case, than I'd likely find myself in tarnished armor, rotting gloves, and a helmet that reeks of blood and sweat. Thank you, no. I find that fate would be quite unpleasant. Not that I would mind a little hard work. There are quite a few women who work under me. Our tasks are simple. Assure the royal women are offered safe and sound protection, often acting as maids, house mothers, doing anything, and everything, within our power to make them happy.

We accompany these women wherever we must. At one time, I rushed too and fro, doing the bidding of the extended family, of which the royal household has many. However, that all took an end once Shizuru left the need for a breast behind. Then, she had become affixed with only one guard. Me. It would not matter that Mai, a quite motherly type, often would bestow Shizuru with good graces. Hilarious though it remains, General Armitage is not the best person to hand a baby. Although, I guess you could say the same about me.

How did it happen? Well, that's a bit complicated.
It was her expression, both sad and lonely.
As a baby, it was her innocence.
As a small child, it was that mischievous twinkle in her eyes.
When she first began that awkward phase, it was her constant determination.

Now, the reason is the same. It's the way she looks at me. How she so casually reaches out her hand, hoping that even if she can feel my armor, that I am not a figment of her worst nightmare coming into reality. Shizuru, she is a dreamer. "Are you sure you are ready?" She asks me. Our morning, it is the same as always. She and I are sharing in a beautiful sunrise. I wonder, how often have I lingered here, awaiting her small little form to come rushing up the steps. There were a few times the maids would yell at her, I remember that too. She would hide, clinging into my waist as if I would shield her from their admonishing words, and often hateful gaze. "You do not have to do this." She must know, so I must speak.

Her heart, it longs for only me. That is the only reason I will tell her what she wishes. "As I told you before, I have become acquainted with only a few." I easily lock my inward sorrow, instead my emerald eyes scanning the area keep me busy. "There were not many who would find themselves friendly towards a girl such as myself." The poleaxe on my back was heavy, the only valued trinket worth my time. I didn't often carry it. "A person from a far away place taught me battle. That person also took me in when I no longer had a family. However, besides her, I have never met a soul more worthy of my time than you, Princess." I am truthfully far more interested in the new developments in cannon technology, however they're large, bulky, and do nothing for front line combat.

"The compliment sounds empty." I sighed, she does not believe me. "Do you not agree?"
"It is the truth." If only there was some way to grant her sight. "From the day your father took me in, he gave me but one task."
"To protect and raise me." I had prayed that my tentative voice spoke more than just answer for her questions.

"In his arms, he held a babe." I spoke calmly before shaking my head and paused. I felt confused. How could I make her understand my words as utter truth. A bold declaration of love was out of the question. "You were that small babe. I was told that for food and shelter as payment, I would be ordered to stand as your personal attendant. From clothing you, seeing your every need be met, I would be your provider. I feel as if I have raised you well, and soon the royal wedding will find itself underway."

"I do not wish a wedding." Now she's making it truly difficult. "I wish that you stay by my side." Gods I love her. If status could be tossed aside, I would not worry so much. However, it is not only the little matter of bloodline. "Please, do not case me aside, like a rag-doll without a home." This is why I'd rather focus on my weapons. They're far less trouble than any human. Trust me when I say without a wavering worry, Shizuru is always trouble. A very welcome one, but one day, she surely will become my greatest demise. I am assured of that.

"I will never leave, Shizuru." I raised her, almost as a mother would. "I will watch you and your family with this blade at my side forever." How could I bed down with her now as a lover would? "When war comes, I vow to annihilate any foe with striking power so great, it would overwhelm any mere army. When you birth your child someday, I will treat it with strong devotion, kindness, and unwavering dedication. You have my word. I will never abandon you."

"Yet, you give me away so easily. Now, as we stand here, I myself a lady in waiting, though I find no need to do so." She is simply mistaken, and I am in the wrong. "You are the one I must wait for, Natsuki. It is a mockery, thinking that I would ever accept Reito. Don't pretend I am a well woman awaiting the day I surpass Father. We both know that lie has no mask." No, it is not a lie, it needs no mask. It is all truth.

"You are a well woman, Shizuru." I say slowly.
"Only out of force." She tells me.
"One day, you shall surpass your father, it will be you and the man you wed." I must guide her properly.
"Women can raise offspring." Now, I find myself eating my words.
"For the common people, it is different." She knows it is not unworldly for one woman to love another.

"Only because Father makes such truths so." If she were perhaps two years younger, she'd be stomping her foot indignantly, all the while cursing that man for existing. "You give him aid Natsuki! You allow him to do this to me. As if it is a better fate, you willing place me before Reito, my childhood friend, and the only male besides my relatives that I tolerate. Why must I be forced into a life I do not wish?" I know she is right about that. I did allow this, however, I have only her best interest at heart.

"Together you will unify the kingdom for one more generation, as well as provide for the future." It is that simple, however, spoken as such, it does seem like I've used her as property. She is so far away from such a thing. If only she would understand my dilemma. She is not my child. I have no jurisdiction over her fate. "Shizuru, it is because I care deeply for you, that I would allow Reito near you as the honorable new king." That is the simple answer. "There is no doubt he will father strong sons. You as their mother, would produce daughters with beauty unmatched. I would only be a shadow in comparison. Is it so wrong that you accept him, and his powerful bloodline?" Reito could offer her many things.

"I wish for you." Her voice spoke weakly.
"I could never gift you the love you seek." I sighed, also with broken conviction.
"I wish your arms, your kiss, your touch." She's speaking like a fool now.
"Afterward, no one would condone my sins." A beautiful little fool.
"I wish of you, take me to your bed. I would become yours." She would easily become exiled.
"When I am forced into hiding?" I could live without the aid of the castle.
"Take me with you then." However, I fear Shizuru would not.

"You wish the life of murder, thievery, dirty water, cold nights? You await days with hardly any food in exchange for hours of back breaking work? You pray that you see the unseen? That you know the unknown?" It is infuriatingly stressful, dealing with such a woman as Shizuru. It is not that she asks for impossible things. No, that does not provoke my ire. "Men will grasp at your cloth, ask you to become a mistress in the night." No, instead, it is the truth she sees within my past. She feels as life is a mere paragraph of my travels, however she is poorly mistaken. "Doctors with limited means do not offer tonics and comfort. They offer news of death and decay." Why must this be so hard? "You can't possibly want that."

"I do not know what I want." She answered with a glaring eye outwardly. Atop this fine tower, I am sure she was watching the sky above, searching for an answer. "You do not give me the chance." She says when she turns to look at me. "Father does not care, nor does he believe that I could find happiness elsewhere." Reito is a good man. "No one gives me a chance, and this time, you offer me no protection from what I fear most."

"Shizuru, I raised you perhaps a little too naive." I was grasping at straws. Any male with blue blood would be accepted by her father. Reito was not her only option. "When you were placed into my care, I was but a child myself. Brought up by that of a lonely traveler who battled the harshness of this world. I never knew what caring for a child would be like." She sighed then, seeing the sadness within me. "I'd like to pretend I knew what I was doing, alas, that would be a poorly constructed lie. I gave you the teachings I did, in hopes that you would become a wise adult."

"I was a little girl." She began, her voice trembled in fear. "I had on a yellow sundress. Father called them clothes I could play in, but they were no such thing." Yes, I remember well. They, just like everything else she owned, were lavished with perfection in every stitch. "I was only six when I met him. He is also a great deal older than I. Even back then, I could not compare. He is a dear friend of mine, but I wish he felt the same way about this union."

"He is merely twenty, Shizuru. For years do not make a vastly large difference." Truth be told, She is advanced for her age. Four years is nothing for a girl like her. "Shizuru, listen well. I will go greet the young prince and bring him forth for another visit. I wish that you act with the grace and elegance that you have been taught all of these years. When I return with him, do not speak ill of the wedding, and do not cast him aside. It is merely for the best." I left then, rather rudely I must admit. However, I could not bear another declaration of undying, heartfelt love for one such as I.

It is for the best.

The nearest city was not nearly as big, it's presence dwarfed by the hillsides. This prince was a kind man, and although his riches were nothing more than simple pocket change in comparison with Shizuru's future inheritance. However, where he lacked monetarily, he gained by reputation. That's why, despite his royal birth, he did not live in a lavished luxury. The streets here, they aren't paved in stone. You'd be lucky if you could find a path dry and sandy, instead of muddy and rocky. He was a man of his people, and for his people, although, it was often speculated that his commoners smile was simply a ruse. I'm not quite so sure that is indeed the case.

Today, thankfully for the people of the land, he is dressed as a prince should be. With fine silks, and leathers adorning his form, he is the epitome of tall, dark, and handsome. His smile shines, and his hands, although lightly calloused, are still perfectly manicured. Any imperfections are currently hidden under snow white gloves. It suits him. He also brought with him traveling company, although that is expected.

"Shall we begin our travels?" I ask one of the knights accompanying him.
"I do believe it would be best." The tall can of tin says.
"Then please, allow me to escort you." I see not why the prince has an elaborate escort.
"There is no need for that." I hear a voice say. "I will follow you on my own."

"But, sir, that is not the proper way." The guard protests with great unease. "We must take you ourselves, and assure you a safe arrival." He's better at swordplay than most will ever fully understand. "You are a prince, and this is the customary way of life." Unlike most royalty who know little more than emasculate perfection, Reito is rather new money. Only a third generation in his bloodline. He was not chosen for Shizuru for his wealth, or his family history. He was chosen for his kindness, and his compassion. Her father wished the best for Shizuru, and found this man would fit his needs.

"It's alright. Just let him go already." Oh, dash it all. "You know Natsuki be with him. Surely, that is good enough." Nagi... the little swine. I hate him, honestly I do. "I'd much rather study the castle for myself anyway." The kid is Reito's half brother, but also holds an advisory position. I'm not quite sure how the arrangement works, and honestly, I have not a care for it. "Besides, I'm most assured that the Princess, as well as her family, would see our small army as a great injustice, and then my poor brother would be easily overlooked." As if that would ever happen. The guards are dumb enough that they believe it though.

"Actually, Nagi, you must not soon forget your own arrangements." Reito laughed, the smile naturally shining on his face. If he could give Nagi one good reason for staying behind, I'd be so grateful. "There are other matters here at home that you must attend. I shall keep my stay as brief as possible. Until I return, see to it that the citizens remain happy." Then then turned back to his guards, some of the finest I've seen. "I shall make the journey alone. Come fetch me a few days from now, after I've had a proper visit with Shizuru." With that he dismissed his following, Nagi looking more pale than usual, a depression in his eyes. I, for one, found delight in his dismay.

Reito saddled upon his stallion with the perfection of any warrior, and even the short sword at his side, engraved elaborately with his family crest, reflected the sun's light better than any mirror I'd seen. "You've aged well since last we met, your highness." Without much rush, we made our was back. I knew that although he didn't look it, he mentally urged us faster, in hopes of seeing Shizuru sooner. "You look much more like your bloodline when you are not acting like that of a farmhand. It suits you, dressed as you are now."

"I'm pleased you think so." He nodded. "I take it Shizuru is well? It's been a few weeks since I've received a letter, or any of her messengers. I grew worried that she had fallen ill." My eyes caught his, and for a moment, I felt as if I was leading him astray. I could not betray Shizuru. I could not hurt her in such a way. It was with that I chose silence. He could not receive any clear answer, at least, not from me.

"The princess is awaiting your arrival. Surely, all doubt will fall away from her heart, and yours, when you gaze upon the one you love." I told him. If it had been any other person, I would have gifted him poison...but Reito, he was a wonderful man. "You two..." My mouth was dry. I could admit it, but could I accept it? Nay. I doubt I could. "You are both very special people. However, Shizuru is a soft woman. Yes, she is quite the catch, however, I do hope your intentions are most noble."

"Why wouldn't they be?" His voice sounded almost confused.
"That, I do not know." As if anyone would even question the beauty of Shizuru.
"We are promised, I would not lay one finger on a woman to become my wife." Though I do not speak it aloud, know just how tempting she can be.
"I also have made a promise." I say in all my sincerity. "That I would never force anything upon her."
"Nor would I, Natsuki." It was as if he dismissed my tone, as if it was not a warning.

"I will protect her, always. No matter who it may be." I continued, hoping he would catch my drift. "My sword, the wrath of my hand, shall never allow harm to come for the princess. I will slay her enemies, and ward off her fears. One fear, one insecurity she has right now, is her future marriage with you. I think you to be a good man. One who will gift her more happiness than the wealth her family has. She needs more than that in her life. I dearly wish that you be the one." I saw the castle in the distance. We were approaching the gates. "However, if you can not calm her heart, and stave her worries, I ask that you step away from such a task, before someone gets hurt."

"Is that a threat, or merely sound advise?" He asked me, as if I didn't just threaten his life.
"It is no more than a promise." I told him simply. "Take care of Shizuru, that is all I beg you to do."
"I will do so." He nodded, seeing the worry in my eyes. "I give you my word."

I had to trust him. Shizuru was still standing where I had left her. Her beauty was even more brilliant than before, her pose atop the watchtower almost as if she were a statue. Within an instant, she disappeared, no doubt, she would don in a better dress, and tell her father of our arrival. With measured breaths, and clenched fist, I held the horse's reins with a grip so strong, the leather crinkled under my hand. Butterflies danced inside me, and I realized, for not the first time, the beauty of the place I worked in. I didn't own these waterfalls, valleys, or mountaintops. The only thing I did, was battle war fronts, and protect an innocent little princess...who, I must admit, wasn't quite so little any more. Where had the time gone? If I could figure that out, I'm sure I could figure out the budding feelings that grew inside of me.

How did they change...
A better question, why?

Shizuru, if I knew this would happen, I would have fled, long ago. I would have dashed into the distance without a warning or a goodbye. You would have never known me. You would have grown up happy. This life, it is your life, Shizuru. Please, make choices that will make you happy. If I could say such a thing, I would.

If only, I could...

-More later-