...'I have good news. I am getting married! You'll come, right? Promise me?'
His tired and weak body heaved an exasperated sigh. His strength was draining by the second. He could feel it in his eyes. They were weighed down from the lack of sleep he had experienced over the last few nights. With one hand, he rubbed them to rid of the sleep that had built up. Ever since her announcement, he felt drained of energy and his moods were more irrational than they usually were.
But, didn't he have the right to feel this way?
It just did not add up. For three years, he had given her his all. She thought of him as a fool. Since the beginning, he shamelessly flirted and joked about their future together. He was daring enough to talk informally and even intimately touch her without permission. At first, it came as a shock to the innocent girl. But, she must have grown immune to his charms. It became more and more natural to cuddle while watching a cheesy romance movie, or hold hands leisurely on the street.
'No, we don't date. It's just… not like that between him and I. Now, quit embarrassing me!'
They were never "friends". They never had the chance to become somethingmore, but there was this immense attraction whenever they were around each other. She laughed at the possibility of becoming committed to him, but neverdenied the possibility of it happening. She was too scared. Their relationship was delicate, and she didn't wish to spoil it. She couldn't take the chance, not on him.
'I thought this would be good news. Why are you looking at me like that…?'
He rested his hand on the steering wheel of the car. It was turned on, but he had never left the front of her house. He had just stormed out, turned the car on, and sat by himself to think. At some point, he rolled the window down to get some fresh air and calm his nerves. By now, the gas was probably running low. The little red vehicle wouldn't be able to get him all the way home, especially in the rain. His windshield wipers were rusted, and it would be nearly impossible to try driving with rain obscuring his vision. But, there was no where else to go but forward. He couldn't go back, now.
And neither could she.
Plucking a silver ring from his pocket, he fingered the cool metal around his palm a few times. It was nothing expensive. Her fiance had gotten her a gold band with a big diamond that sparkled as brightly as her eyes. He knew shehated gold, but she smiled and wore the engagement ring with pride anyways. It just didn't add up.
'What is this about, anyways? Do you think he would make such a bad husband for me?'
His arm dangled out of the window. The sleeves of his dress shirt were getting spotted with water droplets. He hated dressing up, but she said he looked the most handsome in a suit and tie. So, he wore it to her family's dinner party. The ring he had bought, as a means of asking for a chance from her, lingered in his pocket for a minute too long. How was he supposed to guess that her parents had arranged for her to be married? How was he to assume she would actually say "yes"? How could she choose some stranger over him?
He had been too scared. And, he ended up losing her to fear.
It wasn't fair. He knew exactly what she liked, from how much honey she preferred in her tea to her favorite dessert from the cafe' on the corner. He knew everything about her. And, she knew him. She knew he took his time and never rushed for anything. She knew she was supposed to wait.
But, she didn't want to. She never was patient.
The ring fell from his grasp. It bounced off the black pavement with a clatter of metal against concrete…once, twice, and then landed in a puddle behind the car's front tire.
He covered his face and bit the tip of his thumb. A slight groan escaped his lips. His eyes welled up with tears of frustration. He was frustrated at her, for never giving him a chance. He was upset with himself, for not taking the initiative sooner. Just once, he wanted to show that they could have been decent together. The opportunity was gone, now. What he feared more, however, was a future of estrangement. He could perfectly envision strained smiles and awkward handshakes, avoiding eye contact and monotonously chatting about recent news. She was already lost to him.
'If you can't be happy for me, then just leave! Go!'
If marriage didn't assure him of her becoming distant, than the fight that ensued between them in the privacy of her kitchen did. He should havecongratulated her maturely, but he couldn't bring himself to do so. Their hushed whispers escalated until she pointed him to the door. At that moment, it felt as the bleak future he imagined was inevitable, and he left.
The tears began to fall, but he tried his best to put on a brave face. He drew his lips together, and took a deep breath. So many regrets tugged at the back of his mind.
Should have. Could have. Would have.
His hand banged against the steering wheel. Everything was unfair. Everything was ruined. Everything was lost. He rested his head on the wheel's cool leather, as the tears he had tried so hard to hold back fell down his cheeks and onto his lap. The shadows of people and their umbrellas passing by danced around his watery vision. They felt so far away. Even a man under his umbrella, standing only a few feet from him, looked like he was miles away.
Jonghyun regretted everything, and it pained him. He felt so far from where he had been, but refused to take another step forward. He was stuck, like theparked car or the ring in his pocket. He lingered.
Ahhh! So sad. I cry every time I watch the MV and see my boys suffering.
Anyways, Minho is next. Please, review each chapter! Thanks~