Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I did, all the Akatsuki would be alive, (Can anyone give me a hell yeah?).
Hidan really hated his fucking life. Not even kidding. He hated those fucking (Literally here.) teammates of his. Pein had been on his ass recently, because Kisame was pissed at him about the whole Drunken-Sword fiasco. Kisame, being the blue-ass bitch that he is, refused to take part in his and Pein's nightly rituals, unless Hidan was punished. So now Hidan had to do the most fucked up missions ever. Hidan had done the most eclectic collection of missions, from an assassination of a Land of Wind lord, to brushing the fur of Tobi's pet gerbils with his toothbrush. Hidan had do deal with this shit, and the fucking explosions from Barbie doll, plus Kazuku was starting to tax him for everything that 'he' blew up! Those fucking assholes were a thorn in his ass.
The only sane people in the Akatsuki these days were, Konan, Sasori, Itachi and himself, (Those were the sane people? Jashin please just kill me now.). Apparently they were all such a buzz kill that Pein sent them all on a mission to Wave country, (So maybe Itachi walked in on them, why did Pein have to punish all of them? Or maybe it was because Konan drank all of the sake? Maybe it was because Sasori tried to take apart Kisame, so that he could make a puppet like him? Hidan was pretty sure that Pein just wanted to fuck with him, and that's why he was sent.). It wasn't even really a mission, just 'Your pissing me off, so get the fuck out of here for a while'. Seriously, that is what the scroll said. Pein never even told them when they should come back. If they were ever supposed to come back. Slowly, the Akatsuki's plans were beginning to fade away, becoming replaced with just fucking the hell out each other.
Looking at his companions, Hidan couldn't help but let a sigh escape him. He couldn't stand any of the people here, (except for Sasori and Konan when they were drunk, which they couldn't do because the had to 'keep their guard up' the entire time. Fucking Uchiha and his fucking rules. Just because he didn't drink, didn't mean that they should suffer.). They had really been doing absolutely nothing since they got to Wave. They arrived at this crappy village, where all of the villagers ran at the sight of them. Hidan was almost certain that they didn't even know about the Akatsuki, so he didn't know why Itachi was so paranoid. This place was so fucking miserable too. That big-ass bridge wasn't easy on the eyes either.
All they had done since they got to this fucked up place was camp outside of the village, and only went into the village when they needed supplies. Hidan now knew for sure that he hated vines. They all had these fucking thorns that would only get fucking stuck in his fucking cloak. That didn't matter right now, he was gonna be free of that Jashin damned cloak, (Not in a perverted way though). Konan had suggested that they all go swimming to ease their boredom, (and what a shit-load of boring that was). Hidan quickly changed into his bathing suit, and left to join the others by the lake they found earlier.
As Hidan made his way to the lake, a hand shot out and grabbed his wrist. Instantly unsheathing a kunai, Hidan pressed it against the neck of the stranger. A low chuckle let him know his attacker was.
"Dammit Sasori, you fucking bastard! You nearly gave me a fucking heart attack. Why can't you just act like a normal person and just yell for me?"Hidan said removing the kunai from Sasori's neck. Looking at the man-puppet, Hidan saw that he too was wearing a bathing suit, (Only he looked like a creep fuck in his, and Hidan looked sexy, goddamn sexy. Don't be hating.).
"I need your help." Sasori said, his hand never leaving Hidan's wrist. Hidan briefly wondered what Sasori could possibly need his help for, before his brain supplied the answer. Chuckling to himself, Hidan let his mind wander to Sasori's 'problem'. It was pretty fucking obvious to anyone with half a brain, (Read: Itachi, Hidan, Pein and Kisame, more commonly known as the Screwing Moaners, because those two were fucking loud man!), that Sasori had a crush on the bitchiest member of the Akatsuki, (No not Deidara.) Konan. What a load of bitch she was too. She once tore up all of Hidan's cloaks, just because he asked her if she gained weight. It was obvious that Sasori loved her, because of the way he looked at her, like she was worth his time.
It was pretty obvious that Konan enjoyed Sasori's company, and often went talked to him, drunk or sober. Hidan didn't really think that they would make a good couple,(Both were way to high strung.), but he was bored and sober. That made for a deadly combination. Even so, only one thought went through Hidan's head.
"It'll cost you. I'm done with freebies." Hidan said to Sasori, a smirk dancing on his lips, and an idea firm in his head. Sasori merely raised an eyebrow, surprised that they Jashinist had figured him out so soon. Perhaps he had been a bit obvious...
"I'll pay Kazuku for you the next time he taxes you." Sasori offered in a monotone, no emotion on his face, though Hidan knew that he was anxious. Who wouldn't be? Thinking over the proposition, Hidan eventually nodded his head in approval, and at this Sasori let go of Hidan's wrist. While rubbing his wrist, Hidan couldn't help but think about his recent decisions. Where was the man who would kill anything that asked a thing of him? Next thing you know Hidan would become a bigger pansy than Tobi, (Now that was just fucking impossible), or weaker, (Still impossible.), than the little dickweed. After telling the puppet that he had a plan and shouldn't worry, both of them parted ways, knowing that being seen together would not be the best idea.
After reaching the lake, Hidan examined the land, and his companions. Konan was already in the water, wearing a very skimpy bathing suit. That was the one thing that Hidan could understand about Sasori's crush. Konan had a kick-ass body. Glancing towards the other member of the Akatsuki who wasn't fucking someone, Hidan saw that he was not wearing a bathing suit, and sitting down near a tree. He knew that Itachi would not go anywhere near the water, (Uchiha fucking Itachi does not swim.). Feeling a presence behind him, Hidan motioned for Sasori to head into the water. Once in the water, Konan struck up a conversation with Sasori. Those two were kinda cute together, (also deadly, sadistic, vengeful, powerful, and fucking annoying.).
Taking a deep breath, Hidan started running and jumped into the lake with a large splash. Water went everywhere, completely covering the shy lovebirds. Finally coming up from below the water, Konan and Sasori looked a little worse for wear, especially Konan. The top of her bikini had come a little loose due to the splash, and her face was much more red than blood coming from an open wound. It seemed as if she was frozen in embarrassment, since even Itachi was watching her. Sasori looked bewildered, so Hidan gestured to him what he should do. Finally taking the hint, Sasori moved towards Konan.
"Here, let me get that for you." Sasori quietly said, moving his hands towards Konan's chest and tightening the strings of the suit. His face was about as red as hers now, and it looked as if Konan was way to mortified to speak. Eventually she managed to squeak out a 'thanks', but at that Hidan frowned. It seemed that they needed more help than he originally though, (Was it wrong to think that they would start fucking in the water after that?). Forming the hand signs, Hidan executed a water movement jutsu, that pushed Konan under the water, and kept her there. Sasori blinked before diving down to retrieve her, and when the both reached the surface of the water he administered first aid to the origami specialist.
Blinking, Konan awoke feeling as if she had been tackled by a thousand ninjas. Soon she realized that Sasori was, (what seemed to her as,) kissing her, Konan began to respond. Soon they became much more heated and embraced each other closer and closer. At Itachi's cough, the two blushed and separated. As if they were the same person, they both turned to glare at Hidan, who was smirking at the pair. At their Glare of Doom though, Hidan frowned and started to worry. Before he could blink, Hidan found himself under the water and he heard the sound of a transportation jutsu being used.
Hidan couldn't fucking believe it! That was the thanks that he got for helping the man and women hook up? Fuck that 'helping people' shit, next time someone asked Hidan for help he would skewer them, and roast their body, (Maybe that was taking it to far?).Quickly trying to get himself to the top of the water, (Immortality didn't cover fucking drowning.), Hidan felt arms wrap around him and lead him to the surface. Turning to see who helped him, Hidan saw Itachi soaked, his cloak dripping with water. Lightly blushing and muttering a 'thank you', Hidan turned away cursing up a storm, not noticing the smirk on Itachi's face. Fucking Uchiha! Hidan would never be able to live that down. Trying to put that incident out of his head, Hidan let his mind tackle the problem at hand. How to get Sasori and Konan back.
A/N: So there's another chapter down. This was my attempt at writing a little more serious couple, but that kinda failed. There is just not a lot about this pairing I could do. Has anyone else noticed how these pairings are utter crack? Anyways thanks to everyone who has reviewed and favorited this fic. Can you believe that this fic has had more than 150 hits? One more chapter to go and then it's done. Might take a while for the next chapter because school starts again soon, but it will be up soon. Till we meet again, Hasta luego.