Announcer music started to play. The screen panned down to see Megaman at his desk, in a fancy studio. "Hello, and welcome to this episode of World Tour." He said. "Now, if you hadn't read last week's episode, here is an update. General Kang started the episode with a speech about the previous episodes, plagiarism, and violence in this series." Megaman paused. "Personally, I could have done without the violence. I nearly got killed."
Kang then came onto the screen and whacked the desk with his baton. "Quiet you yellow bellied, pansy." He said. "I won't have any of this negativity about violence. I make my living off it, so there's going to be a lot more coming." He put his baton into Megaman's face. "You got that?" Megaman nodded. "Good." He then looked at the screen. "I'll skip the inessentials. At 1800 hours, a fly had commandeered a man's soup. The man tried to remove the fly by force, which turned out to be futile. They were then ambushed by the Gestapo, who wished to seize Amelio, the fly. They were again ambushed by the British, Russians, and assorted others. If you were wondering, some of our draconian chaps were in that brawl. We took quite a few enemy forces out. Unfortunately, Amelio escaped. Another unfortunate incident was the people set with the mission to gain vital worldly information were captured by the Russian orcs, under the command of Garrosh Hellscream." He bowed. "That is all." He then walked off the screen.
Megaman was silent for a moment. He kept looking at the direction Kang left, before returning to the camera. "Now, to the show." He said.
Dear Author,
I found that scene quite boring. Please do not do anymore boring scenes, or I'll poke your eyes out.
Sincerely,
Very aggressive man
Dear Author,
I am sorry that letter slipped through. We don't know what happened. I was just taking a break, when it happened. It won't happen again. It's just that, it's been hard these last few weeks. I don't know my place in the world. {Sob marks}
Sincerely,
Commander of letter police
The camera went over to a British officer. "Now, I'm sorry for these past letters." Lawrence said. "We've had some difficulty doing things lately. That secret police thing really shook people up. Me especially." He put a hand up to his face and looked away. "Go to the next part." He said, while weeping.
The Doctor came on the screen. "Sorry, for that folks." He said. "Won't happen again. There have been a few mishaps, but we'll get them sorted out swiftly. Now, we will get back to the program."
A small, orange rodent like creature came onto the screen. "Hello and welcome." Dexter said. "Today, we will watch as the rescue attempt of the documentary people unfolds." The camera switched to a castle. A Scotsman was playing the bagpipes on the roof. "The lone piper on Ediburg's castle." The Scotsman then threw himself over the edge. "Here, in Ediburg's castle, men are being train, in utmost secrecy, the art of the Kamikaze. Particularly, Scotsman, well because they were our first choice. This is all original though."
"No it isn't" A large, muscular, South American man, in a Viking costume said. "You took that from the Monty Python people. You could be sued for plagiarism and that's not very nice of you." Kronk crossed his arms.
"Well, thanks for the interruption, you Viking wannabee." Dexter said. He turned back to the screen and cleared his throat. "Okay, now we shall look into this rescue operation."
A blue velociraptor stood beside the line of Scotsman as they prepared to jump. "Okay, you next." Silver Claw said, as he pushed another one forward. He went out and jumped over the edge. Just then, Sgt. Bird waddled into the room. "Attention." Silver Claw went over and saluted.
"Okay, good." Sgt. Bird said. He was a small penguin, with a general's hat and badges and two rocket launchers on his shoulders. "Now, I need your boys for a secret operation. How many do you have left?"
"Six, sir." Silver Claw said. There was a scream. "Five, sir." He turned back to the line. "Johnson, you next." Another Scotsman went out.
"Very good." Sgt. Bird said. "That'll be what we need. We have a job for your fine, five lads."
There was a scream. "Four, sir." Silver Claw said. He looked back. "Good luck, Taggert."
"Good luck to do always willing." Taggert said, before going outside.
"You'll have to excuse their grammar." Silver Claw said. "They suck at about everything other than killing themselves. That's about all they're good for, these Scotsman."
"Well, I don't need them to be good at anything other than killing themselves." Sgt. Bird. "I just need your boys to pull their weight." They turned to the line. "Now how are your four boys doing?"
There was a scream. "Three boys, sir." Silver Claw said. He took to steps backwards and looked at the first man. "Off with you now."
"Right." The Scotsman said, before charging outside.
"You know, this plan would work, if there were men still alive." Sgt. Bird said.
"And, how would we do that?" Silver Claw said. "You can go McPherson."
McPherson looked at him and smiled. "Good one I'll make captain it." He said, before going outside.
Silver Claw smiled and nodded his head. "Good lad." He said, returning his attention to the officer.
"You could stop the training." Sgt. Bird said.
"They got to be trained, sir." Silver Claw said. "Else, they won't kill themselves properly."
"Yes, but I need them to be alive when they kill themselves in Russia." Sgt. Bird said. "And I can't do that, unless you spare me some of them. Now I need both of your men."
There was a scream. Silver Claw looked back for a second. "Both of them, sir?" He said.
Sgt. Bird closed his eyes and mumbled under his breath. He opened his eyes back up. "Now, what is this man's name?"
Silver Claw had his hand on the chest of a monkey, wearing a Scotsman's suit. "This is Agent 9, sir." He said.
"Okay, Agent 9." Sgt. Bird said, before Agent 9 tried to make a break for the door. They both grabbed him. "Wait, it's not your time yet. You got to kill yourself in Russia."
Agent 9 just growled and struggled. "I got to do it." He said. "I got to kill the enemy."
"What's wrong with him?" Sgt. Bird said, as he struggled with him.
"He's in the super state of Kamikaze." Silver Claw said. "He's got to do himself in before lunchtime, or he'll think he let down the emperor."
"Can't you get him out of it?" Sgt. Bird said.
"I don't know if I can, sir." Silver Claw said. "You see our Japanese instructor was so good, that he never left the airport."
"Why?" Sgt. Bird said.
"He kept trying to do himself in." Silver Claw said. "We've only just been able to keep him from doing so."
"Well, that's good and all, but we have to get this man out of here." Sgt. Bird said. "Isn't there someone who can advise us?"
Just then, a man wearing a business suit came onto the sketch. "Ah, there he is." Silver Claw said. The man waved and then ran and jumped out over the ledge. He screamed.
"And there he goes." Sgt. Bird said.
"Well, you got to admit, sir." Silver Claw said. "He was very good."
Sgt. Bird let go of Agent 9, as Silver Claw struggled with him on the ground. "Now, we have no time to lose." He said.
"No time to what, sir?" Silver Claw looked up at him.
"No time." Sgt. Bird said. "No time to lose."
"Oh, I see, sir." Silver Claw said. "No…Time…To Lose, sir."
"Yes, that's what I meant." Sgt. Bird said.
"No time to lose, sir." Silver Claw said, as he continued his struggle for dominance with Agent 9
"And now, you can see the struggle for dominance between a couch and a lazy man." Dexter said. As the camera went to the scene of a man sitting in his chair for a moment. "Amazing."
"Okay, that was not amazing at all." Silver Claw said.
"That's the first smart thing someone has said all day around here." Sgt. Bird said. Silver Claw just stared at him for a moment. "Okay, you're not stupid, but it's a common phrase. Used in day to day life."
"Well, I'm sorry for that, but I've never come across it." Silver Claw said.
"Well, why not get some advice." Sgt. Bird said. Just then, a group of men came in and put up a bunch of stuff. After that, a robot butler came onto the sketch. "And who are you?"
"I'm Lawrence the butler, sir." Lawrence said. "I'm here about the 'No Time To Lose' sketch. We're doing it here, because of all the danger, but you can continue with your sketch."
"Is this the time we lose, sir?" Silver Claw said.
"Shut up." Sgt. Bird said. "I'm tired of listening to your stupid character." He looked at the robot. "And you ruined the sketch. Just get on with yours."
"Hey, I didn't choose to do this sketch." Silver Claw said. "Nato was supposed to do it, but he went off to Paris with Emily. Anyways, I need the extra money. The baby's coming along and Amanda deserves good treatment. Everyone's had it hard lately. You should know that."
"Oh, shut your pie hole." Sgt. Bird said. "Just get on with the next sketch, will you."
"Sorry, for all the trouble." Lawrence said. Sgt. Bird fired a missile at him. He ducked. "I'll just get on with it then." He sat back up. A man with a cockroach head came into the room. "Good morning." He held up a sign. "No Time To Lose." He said, off the sign. "Now, how are thinking of using the phrase." He said, while pulling down a curtain with the phrase.
"Well, I, uh." Dr. Cockroach said. "It's the home. It's just not the same. My business, you know, mad science and all, is getting dull. I think maybe, learning a new phrase could spruce it up. You know no time to lose, and all that."
"Well, you haven't got the hang of it, sir." Lawrence said, putting a box on the table. He pointed to it, showing he had the phrase on his hand. He said it softly a few times. "Now you want to use this phrase in every day conversation right. Is that right, sir?"
"Well, yes." Dr. Cockroach said. "I'm just so bored. Being all by myself. Then, the war. It's just been a lot. I don't know if I can take it."
Lawrence showed a short holograph of the phrase. "Now, what I would suggest for a beginner is that you put your alarm clock back half an hour and wake up to say the phrase." He pointed to the box.
Dexter was writing it down. Sgt. Bird looked at the narrator. "What?" He said. "If it helps my social life with my lady, I'll try it."
"Don't you have a social life with her?" Silver Claw said.
"Well, yes, but I'd like to make more of it, you know what I mean, nudge, nudge." Dexter said, winking. "He said smartly."
"That's for another episode." Sgt. Bird said, glaring down at him. "Continue." He told the 'NO Time To Lose' sketchers.
"Well sir, that was so close to the end that you ruined it." Lawrence said. "Maybe your militarism got the best of you."
Sgt. Bird slowly turned his head to the screen. "Continue with the show, soldiers." He barked. Just then, Agent 9 tried to get out the window. Silver Claw and he grabbed him. "No. Not you."
"I'll get him ready, sir." Silver Claw said, saluting. "Come on Agent 9. No Time To Lose."
"Excellent usage, soldier." Sgt. Bird said.
"Yes, excellent." Lawrence said. He got out the drinks and everyone huddled around it. They were all congratulating Silver Claw. Just then, a few people with gifts came onto the screen and gave them to him. They were accompanied by his mate, Amanda, who gave him a kiss.
"Okay, this has gone on long enough." Sgt. Bird barked. "We will continue on with this show."
"You're only doing this because you're jealous." Silver Claw smirked.
"Not true." Sgt. Bird said. "Let's just fast forward now."
They were then in a dimly lit room, with a map of the rescue area behind Sgt. Bird. "Now, here is what we'll do." He said. "We are going to lull to orcs out of the area by giving them a lot of money, a steady paycheck, and a nice place to live. When they are at home with the wife, Agent 9 will distract them by killing as many as he can in his death. During this time, an operative of ours shall infiltrate and rescue the trapped civilians. Thank you all for coming. I had a great time." The camera panned out to show them sitting in an ice cream factory. "Hey, you'll give away our position." Sgt. Bird said.
Garrosh Hellscream looked over the plans. "Now, the Americans are weak during lunch hour." He said to the orc next to him. They were looking at plans of America. "We'll invade them through the food stands." The orc nodded. Just then, they heard Scottish music. They looked up at the sky light. They could see the shadow of a Scotsman, as he came down. The Scotsmonkey lay upon the table, twitching. "Get the Scotsbomb squad, while I run and hide."
"But sir, what if I die?" The orc said.
"That is a risk, I am willing to take." Garrosh said, before running out of the room. The orc gulped.
A large, KGB orc glared at Justin. "Tell me the information." He said. There were two other orcs in the room.
"I'll never tell you anything." Justin said, spitting in his direction. He was tied to a chair, unable to move.
"Right then." The KGB orc said. He punched the badly beaten orc of the pair. "Tell me this time, or I'll hit you."
"Never." Justin said, defiantly.
The KGB orc kicked the orc between the legs. He went down at the ground, clutching at his private area. "You are really trying my patience." He said.
"Heads up." A voice called out. Suddenly, a rock came crashing through the window. It hit one of the orc guards square in the face, knocking him out. The orc on the ground picked it up. He took the piece of paper attached and read it. He started to chuckle, then it turned into a full blown laugh.
The KGB orc grabbed the paper. "Let me see that." He said. "What's so funny?" he read it. He started to chuckle and then laugh. Both of the orcs were dead within a few seconds, of laughter.
Just then, a man carrying a standard issue rifle barged in through the door. "Well, I see you're doing great." Leon Kennedy said. He went over and untied Justin.
"Hey, aren't you supposed to be killing zombies." Justin asked, feeling his wrists.
"Yeah, but I'm taking some time off." Leon said.
"Your idea of time off, is sneaking into Russia, killing orc soldiers, and rescuing people?" Justin said, staring at him with disbelief.
"Pretty much." Leon said. They went out of the room.
An orc scientist stumbled upon them. "What are you two doing here?" He said.
Leon shot him dead. "Why'd you do that?" Justin said. "He was unarmed."
"Most zombies aren't armed." Leon said. "That doesn't make them any less dangerous." They left the place.
"Wait." Justin said. "What about the others?"
"They'll meet you at the airport." Leon said.
"Thank you all for reading this issue of World Tour." Sgt. Bird. "I just say, we all want to apologize if some of it was upsetting. It's just that things have gotten out of hand lately." He sniffled.
Kang came onto the screen. "I'll take it from here." He said. Sgt. Bird nodded. Kang looked at the screen. "Now, I'm glad that you got to see some violence. The sappy stuff was inevitable, so it might happen again. If you're wondering, they'll be a continuation of this story arc. Next time is the first World Tour movie. So, be good, or we'll come for you." He pointed his baton at the camera and glared. "I mean it." The camera slowly faded.
Oh, just to mention. Amanda and Silver Claw are OCs in another story, Jurassic Park: Broken Lives. A really good romance about a human and raptor falling in love. The author hasn't updated in a while, but it is a good read. I really recomend it.