"Is this, what you're usually like?"
A subtle turn of the head; Gaze questioning. "Like what, Hide?"
His turn to pause, to gather the words brought forth by curiosity. "Mm. Ya know...so... unpredictable. In your moods, I mean."
Frowning. Searching for an answer not without its complexities. "No one is entirely predictable Hide. So its not out of the ordinary to be that way."
There were other things however, that were. But he would leave them out. "Does it bother you?"
A solid shake of the head. "Nope. Its just, one minute you called me a shit head and the next you were saving me. Its hard not to be confused by that."
A tilt of the head. "Is it? I told you the reason, because of who you are. Though, when I'm hungry or annoyed, I get like that."
Uncomfortable shifting. An averted gaze before meeting attentive eyes. "...but, I don't...think I'm that person."
"..."
A Time for Cruelty And a Time for Tea
"As I am now. I would know." Assurance. Seeing through the veil of discomfort to ease a troubled mind. "..Your scent can't be mimicked and your blood is the same. You aren't a clone." Never mind how he could tell 'that' bit of information.
Vulnerability. Flickering in the softly hued browns and seeking solace. "Its, weird. Feeling...blank." A confession. "Looking in the mirror, kind of makes me...frustrated. Its like, Why did this happen? What...Who, is sleeping inside me?"
Contemplation... and a gentle nod. "I felt the same way. When I lost my memories." He named me Haise. He 'made' me Haise. "..but, that just means for now you can't handle whats in your mind. It will surface one day. Whether you want it to or not."
Nervous chuckling, belying a fluttering heart beat. Subtle shifts, to close the space between the two. "Yeah...I guess."
Knowing. "Don't try too hard, Hide. You won't always be in the dark. And if what you remember is too great to bear...what you see. I'll be here, to make it easier."
"..."
"Thanks. I, really appreciate it.." Even if I don't know who I am. Its not hard to imagine how we became friends.
"Mm. You can talk to me any time you feel weird.." A swell of warmth, coming from the joy of being needed. The faintest of smiles. "..Hide."
Fading city lights passed quickly before his eyes, cracked windows lending a breeze both cool and refreshing. One by one the lights of buildings dimmed, in favor of the approaching sun that would fill them with humankind. A peach orb of dewy light, peaking through the cracks of clouds from above. It was breathtaking. He'd never had time to watch the sun.
Sleep would not claim Hide. At least not right now. Curious about himself, he was even more curious about the other man. The guy who said they were best friends and the world he was now apart of. It was an unexpected turn of events. Straight out of a Hollywood movie. Being saved in the nick of time, having all your troubles solved in one meeting. It was so cliche he had to smile. Cliche, but not unwelcome.
Interrupting his train of thought was a rather discontented sigh. It came from the beautiful woman who had picked them up not long ago. Kaneki had said she was dangerous and not to believe most things she said. He knew her name was Rize, but that was all. "Asking me to come out this early, to help you pick up your old play mate?" The woman snapped, morning glory eyes flickering to the deep brown beside her.
"I knew it would bother you. That's why I said to have someone else come." Kaneki defended, not particularly concerned at her annoyance.
Shaking her head in defiance, the purple hued tresses fluttered. "And miss out on seeing your happy face?" Lips plush and red, curved seductively. "...not a chance."
Meeting eyes briefly, Kaneki turned back to the scenery. "Then you shouldn't be annoyed."
Petite fingers gripped the steering wheel tighter as she frowned. "Your apathy is really getting on my nerves. Does anything I do for you register? Surely you don't think I just have nothing better to do." Her grimace was heartfelt. Tone blatantly flat.
"You said, Its because you like me." Another pause. "So if you do what I say because of something so trivial...isn't it your fault if I don't respond?"
"..."
"And you...tried to eat me...ever since-
"Oh... here we go again." she drawled , implying that this was one of many conversations had. "You always end up saying the same thing. Its annoying."
Narrowed eyes regarded her with some annoyance of their own. "..but its the truth."
"But that's in the past.." she continued "I've made amends and agreed to help you. Our enemies are the same, right? Annihilate any remnants of V and their programs; Destroy the clowns...That's our objective." A level gaze. Chin raised. "Please don't think your face is the only reason I'm on board. I have more resolve than that."
"..."
"Say something, Kaneki."
More silence...and then, a sigh. Signaling acceptance, the close of a topic. "I know your resolve, Rize. And you've helped me this far and asked for nothing. However..." Darkness creeps into a dry smile. "You get on my nerves when you play games that end in chaos. Just be this way all the time and maybe I'll like being in your company."
The female ghoul stayed quiet for several moments. Wondering whether it was possible to release her kagune and knock the ghoul one on the head. Being that a human was in the back seat and it wasn't hers to harm, the consequences could be irreparable and she didn't want that. It was marvelous...this creature beside her. A work of cruel art she had never imagined would blossom. It almost felt like her hunger for him was destiny. His fate controlled by her from the moment they met. Her organs had given him life...given him death...given him strength. And in some strange way this fact made her long...long to claim this being which was rightfully hers. Who was, because she gave to him her power...willingly or unwillingly, aside.
Sighing heavily, the flora shade of her eyes danced, glancing at the relaxed features in earnest. Of all the things to catch my fancy.. "I'm not changing who I am to fit your comfort level." she sharply replied, turning her head away in a 'hmph' gesture. "Take me as I am or not at all."
The investigator frowned, but a ghost of a smile appeared, eyes flickering lightly with a rarely seen mirth.
The common roads of the restaurant district were before them now, the spark of every day life taking shape and form. Taxis rode the streets in random file, headed for air ports to begin the daily grind. Corporate employees rushed to subways below, coffee firmly in hand as they fast walked in corporate blue. The bright song of morning birds flew lightly on the air. All seemed hopeful, an industriously opportunistic affair. The light aroma of coffee beans and pastries filled Hide's nose, eyes wide as he peeked in the clear windows of shops as they prepped. He might have said something about his current hungering state, but these were ghouls he was with, so mentioning 'his' hunger just felt...awkward. Perhaps wherever their journey ended, there would be a convenience store, or at least a vending machine.
In the front seat, Kaneki's ears perked, his nose wrinkling slightly as he took stock of his companion. The shot of adrenaline he'd administered hadn't worn off yet, so for now the pain and discomfort hadn't yet appeared. Also looking out the window, he let the scenery pass unnoticed, his mind already focused on what his duties for the day would be. At the end of the day he was still an investigator...still expected to show up and follow assignments and mentor little brats. A case called 'Red Rose' had been briefly described the day before, so the morning would be spent getting further details and what to do. He would have been content to assemble the mental list, were it not for a particular sight that had made him recall...
The words were swiftly spoken, and though calm, demanding. "Stop the car."
"Wha? But we're almo-"
"Rize."
An aggravated sigh; Lips forming a thin line as they grimace. "You're so weird. Fine, I'm stopping here, Now tell me what's going on."
Swerving rather roughly to the side, they soon aligned with the curb, the lacquer finish of the car, reflecting a certain cafe on its surface. "I usually drive here by myself." he said slowly, turning towards the back seat to address his friend. "Hide, I'll go in and get you some food. You can eat it in here while I take care of something, okay?"
Having found himself comfortable where he was, the blonde nodded, curious as to what business needed taken care of at a cafe. Nevertheless he kept quiet; After all, he'd be fed. Rize looked on with a confused gaze, watching the man as he left with little more than a "Wait here." Sometimes things like this happened and he'd return covered in blood. But in broad day light there was no way this was a 'silencer' mission. Unhappy but more curious than anything, the woman sighed, leaving the vehicle herself and deciding to do a bit of high risk hunting. Leading a man astray was a bit harder at these hours. Most were polished and starched corporate duds. No time for a beautiful woman or to even help her find her way. Anyhow it was a challenge...one that would be oh so sweet if she succeeded.
Blissfully ignored, Hide found himself in the car alone, rolling down the window just as his source of breakfast returned. "I have a friend here." Kaneki offered, the brown paper bag in hand, smelling of hot bread, eggs, and smoked ham. "Her name is Touka." Here he would pause a bit...just to see if the name would register. But when it didn't, he handed over an orange juice and gave further instruction. "Stay in the car. It'll be good if you don't wander."
"Sheesh, I'm not a kid, Kaneki." the blonde snapped lightly, taking his breakfast graciously. "Thanks. Now go do whatever you have to...I'll be here, I promise."
For many years he had denied the longings of his heart. The need to be around her, to be smothered by her scent, the softness of her voice, the warmth of her skin. And with less mayhem and decay in his life now, it left time for introspection, and...with a little courage; Connection to someone held dear. Although the cafe hadn't yet opened for the public, it was open to him anytime he wished. He had been given a key, after all, and under certain conditions, would fulfill a promise by visiting. Above the establishment, through the dining area and up the back stairs, there were apartments. In these apartments the object of his search lived, and with a polite knock, he would soon see the face he he'd looked forward to seeing.
"Touka.."
Simplistically beautiful, the woman awaited her visitor with warm eyes, Deep amethyst crystals reflecting her joy. Lips the color of sakura curled softly into a smile, silken dark locks spilling gently over her shoulders. Kaneki smiled, welcoming the ivory smooth arms reaching for him, the curvature of her body beneath a white cotton dress, nestling perfectly against his in an embrace. These moments were bliss, when the feather softness of her voice pierced him, when the scent of hydrangeas enveloped him and all was right with the world.
"I'm happy you remembered this time.." she said brightly, leading him from the arch of the doorway and into her home. Leading him with an intertwined hand, he might add. The ghoul sighed softly as the door closed behind them, carefully removing his coat and shoes before stepping further inside. "You said if I forgot this time you'd come to the Shadow Box...and I didn't want that." he answered honestly. There were an unholy sort that sometimes lurked in his place of work. She would be putting herself in danger and that he hated most.
"Have a seat. I'll make us some tea."
"Tea?" The investigator looked on curiously. He had never known her to like such things.
"Mm. I wasn't sure it was possible, but it is just hot water and leaves...and with a few tweaks, can taste good."
"I...see."
"You can help me taste test. So I'll know if this blend is good to offer ghouls now."
"..."
"Kaneki?"
"So...I'm Touka's guinea pig today."
Laughter echoed softly through the room, the woman's steps light as she entered the adjacent kitchen, procuring several jars of dried flowers and plants. "It won't hurt you." she promised "...but yes. My guinea pig...among other things."
A comfortable silence fell over the two as one watched the other work, eyes following the dove skinned digits, tracing the alluring neckline and swaying curves. And, as often happened, he rose from his seat, moving quietly and calmly towards her, behind her, until his arms encroached her waist, his chest touched her back, and his chin lightly rested on the cusp of her neck and shoulder. "Touka.." he breathed softly, closing his eyes as he felt her shiver, felt her tremble...at his touch alone. He could feel her relax, slowly resuming her task, eyes much softer, almost dream like in their gaze. "I can't focus if you do this." she lightly chided, trying to reach for a strainer but stopped short by stronger hands.
"Then, stop what you're doing." he said quietly, "..You don't have to do anything."
"You.." she started, leaning into him further. "..the purpose of you coming here is so that we can do things together. Things you wouldn't ordinarily give a try. Like painting, and dancing..." She sighed. "You promised you'd try them with me..but in the end its like this."
"..What's wrong with this..?" the male countered softly, feeling the sound of her heart beat, paying less attention.
"Nothing is wrong with this.." she quickly answered, shifting in the larger arms before facing him, eyes meeting dark brown. "..but before I know it its time for you to leave and we don't get to do anything."
"I..."
"We are going to try dancing today, Kaneki. Right now, in fact."
"..but what about tea?"
"That can wait. The leaves have to simmer for a bit anyway. We have time." she declared determinedly "You are not getting out of this one."
Before the ghoul could worm his way out of such an activity, he had already found himself abandoned, the smaller female deft in her manner of evading him. He watched helplessly as the smart TV came blaring to life, an app titled Pandora soon opened on the screen. The woman wasted no time finding the proper 'channel'...but what he heard had him more intrigued, than dreadful. For, when he thought of dancing to music, it was always a chaotic affair, strobe lights and hectic beats, drowning out his ability to think let alone move. How pleasant for him was it then, when the 'music' was made of real instruments; Woodwinds, brass, strings and drums...overlapping and conjoined, a tapestry of melodies.
"Touka, this is..."
"I happen to like this kind of music. Classical." She laughed softly. "We'll do our best to do it justice."
Fingers intertwine on the left side, a firm arm around the waist on the right. Feet move in time with the lilting crescendo , bodies bound like the tides to the moon.
An inexperienced but beautiful waltz, made decadent the common living room, Kaneki both entranced and consumed, by a pleasantness of melodic moves. The notes clear in his ears, the light wind felt as they swayed; It was magical...if he could call it that. Like all the world had faded away. He couldn't help but smile at the flutter of her hair, or the fairy like way she twirled as he spun her. A few times she had stepped on his feet. Her blushes were precious afterwards. Despite all he wished to say, nothing would come forth, the orchestra drowning out even the echoes in his head. When the final spin was complete, and the song faded to a close...The two stayed as they were, embraced in sweet repose.
"That...was nice."
"I told you it would be."
"..."
Eyes meeting briefly, the ghoul leaned forward, lightly tilting the feminine chin, pressing his lips flush against her own. There he lingered, not daring to go further, curbing the flame in his chest, reminding himself to claim more than that, would be wrong. Painfully sweet. That's what these moments were. Sweet in that he sincerely desired them, painful in that he could never lose himself in them. His was a life of loss and danger even now. And though he lived...it was very easy for others he loved not to. This is why he could not commit...would not until all was well. Until his enemies and the enemies of his friends were dead. For now he would just settle for these trips to 'Paradise'. Where everything he wanted was right within his sights.
"So, what do you think?"
His thoughts were interrupted by the softer tone, eyes flickering lightly at the dark brown liquid in his cup. It certainly appeared to be coffee but its aroma was entirely off. "Lets see.." he said calmly, bringing the cup to his lips, letting the steaming liquid coat his tongue, slip down his throat, and settle into the stomach that harbored who knows what. "Its...actually good...your tea." the investigator said, looking at the woman with genuine surprise.
"Don't look so shocked."
The two now sat at a cozy kitchen table, small enough for two, hands intertwined across from each other. "On days like these, it feels like we're married." she said idly, and Kaneki remained silent knowing that's exactly what she wished. A couple more breaths and he spoke again...not touching on the subject he knew could get touchy. "I heard...that you had to chase off a band of ghouls last week."
"Kaneki.."
"I'd like something..with their scents on it. So I can find them."
"No."
"Touka.."
"Don't Touka me. They were young...like high school young. I didn't even need to use my kagune. Don't get involved."
"..."
Silence lingered between the two, fingers holding a silent dialogue as they caressed one another. A gradual discomfort took shape in Touka's eyes, her heart changing pace, not escaping the other's gaze. "What...what's wrong?" he asked gently, gut feelings already aware of what the topic would be.
"Why can't we...Kaneki?" she asked softly, a question she had asked in the past and each time received a different answer. Deep down she knew the reason but wished to hear it for herself. Why he would not abandon his life of danger. Why he continued to meddle in affairs that would bring nothing but death. Why he was never really content and had to live a double life to feel sane.
"...I'm sorry."
"You always say that to me. But why, Kaneki...why. Do you know?"
"Yes."
"Then tell me."
"I found Hide."
"What?"
"I found him. He's...alive...I think. They look alike and smell the same and.."
"Kaneki be serious!"
"I am, Touka.."
"...Do you think I can wait forever? Huh?"
"You know I don't think that." he stated frankly "You know how I feel. But, its not that simple. I'm not that simple. Who you think I can become and what I really am. They aren't the same."
"What are you saying to me, Kaneki?"
A pause. Eyes pleading as they searched the others. For clarity, for understanding...for something to hold on to. "I'm saying...I'm asking...for you to wait, a little longer."
Touka sighed, the air leaving her body in an act of resignation. He was always like this. And she knew it. Had grown to accept it even. A man both indecisive and unsure. That, was the person she loved. And because she was no fickle hearted woman, she would keep on loving him...because she knew. That his heart was still torn; That he hadn't had the time to heal every wound. The wounds of losing a father, of losing a mother...and a friend. In this life he had created for himself he was trying to find solace from those things.
How could she stop him? How could she ignore the pain he show blatantly revealed? Taking his hand, she squeezed it gently, summoning a smile born of genuine compassion. "Its okay, Kaneki. I know right now...you can't choose."
Guilt flickered in the dark eyes. Guilt and...relief.
"...but, as long as you choose before I'm an old hag. I'll forgive you."
AN: If you haven't been reading the TG: re manga or haven't caught up in the chapters. Please do...Certain events in here will play off of things that have happened there. I don't want to spoil anyone XD If you have no intention of reading the manga since its too long, then by all means, keep reading. lol
I just want to say thank you to the few who have followed this story. It makes me very happy, And every chapter hence will be for you! x3