Chapter 4

I feel like I don't know you anymore; maybe that's for the best…

"Erm…" Dean groaned awkwardly.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" Ellen said viciously.

"Gordon…"

"I know all about what happened with Gordon." she interrupted, "I meant what the hell are you doing here?" She took a deep breath to calm herself down, "If Jo finds out..."

"If Jo finds out what?" came a voice from the back of the room.

And then there she was; and everyone froze.

Dean couldn't take his eyes off her. She looked exactly the same as…well as the night he left her sleeping. It hadn't been that long he tried to reason, just seemed that way because of how he'd been living…and how he'd been trying to forget, but still she looked exactly the same.

When she saw him she looked as if she was staring down the barrel of a gun. She didn't put on a front at first, and Dean really wished she had, because what he saw in her face, he didn't ever want to see again. Because at first he saw relief, and maybe even love, and then he saw the hurt in her eyes, hurt that he'd caused. And just when he thought he couldn't stand it any longer, even though only a few seconds had passed, she eventually turned on a cold exterior to cover it all up. He was almost glad when she walked away.

"We're out of here." he said to Sam with resentment lacing his voice, resentment that he'd been made to come here and go through that.

When she heard him she turned back to them all again, "Don't leave, Dean. I know it's what you're best at, but I've got something for you." Then she walked into the back, and Dean had no idea what to do for a while.

When she came back through carrying a box she saw Dean had sat down next to Sam. She walked straight up to him and calmly tipped out the contents onto his lap. He didn't move or even flinch; he sat there numbly with his eyes shut tight as mostly useless items from the box fell on him and around him. His keys to their house were there, a wallet he didn't want to open and look inside, and random cards that he knew he'd saved for a reason.

He made no move to pick anything up, but he knew what it all was. It was the stuff he'd left behind. And he'd left it because it was everything that reminded him of them. Everything in the box was covered with Ashley, in one way or another. Her picture, or her scribbled writing, or just her memory, she was all over it, just like everything he owned at one point. It's why he'd left, because she was everywhere and he couldn't escape her there.

"That's what you left behind." She said, her eyes burning into his when he looked at her sadly. She was angry now, at him, for running away from these things, from Ashley, from her. And he knew right then and there that she completely understood why he'd left. He couldn't fool her; she knew he was a coward. And his gut twisted at the thought, because as she walked away he could see her fighting her tears. He knew she'd seen right through him, and she didn't like what she saw.

When she was gone he turned to Sam and followed up his wish leave, "Now, Sam." He stood up and walked out, just presuming his little brother would follow him.

"Ellen, I'm…"

"Save it, Sam." Ellen snapped, "Just never bring him here again."

They didn't speak on the way back, not that Sam really expected them to, and when they got to the motel Dean kicked off his shoes and took off his jacket, laying it on the back of a chair in the room as if they'd come back from a hunt and he was physically exhausted.

"Dean." Sam sighed.

"Don't, Sam." he pleaded angrily.

"Dean, you had to expect something like that would happen. You knew she could be in there when you stepped through that door."

"I didn't expect…" he stopped, because he didn't know what he'd expected.

"Well, you should have." Sam huffed.

"You saying I…"

"Deserved it?" Sam finished, "Yeah, pretty much."

Dean's eyes narrowed, "Thanks a lot, Sam…You know 'brothers'…they're supposed to support each other."

"Support each other?" Sam laughed, "Dean, where the hell have you been for the last 2 years?!"

Sam threw down his jacket in annoyance and Dean resisted the urge to grind his teeth together. He spoke very slowly, "That was different, Sam. I couldn't be around, because Jo…"

"Don't blame Jo. You walked out on her!"

"I didn't…" Dean started, and then stopped himself. He wasn't planning on denying it, just maybe making some excuses, but either way Sam jumped in before he could carry on.

"You didn't?" he repeated, "So I suppose me and Sarah imagined Jo coming to our house..."

Dean couldn't hear this; he turned around as if to leave the room, but Sam followed him. He was boiling over now with anger, anger at all the things he'd wanted to say to his brother and hadn't had the chance until now to say. He kept close behind him stressing each syllable, "Crying, hysterical, wondering where you'd gone…if you were okay…"

Dean stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes screwing shut as he felt a twinge of pain at that thought. She'd worried.

All this time he'd expected, more than that, hoped that Jo would feel from the very moment he'd left like she'd acted at the roadhouse. Angry, pissed, throwing things, cursing his name. He wanted her to hate the very sight of him. He'd never allowed himself to think that she worried about him, that she loved him and trusted him and had thought he'd never leave her without something being wrong. He'd always hoped he'd made her hate him so much that she'd forgotten that she'd ever loved him.

Sam seemed to be reading his thoughts, still understanding him after all this time. But he was pissed. He may have loved his brother, but he didn't like him, and he knew how to use that understanding to deliver the last blow. "That's what I never got, Dean. She kept on loving you. Kept waiting for you to come back…for months…and it tore her apart."

Dean was silent for a few minutes and then his voice came out cracked and broken. "What did I do, Sammy?" he said without turning around, "That made you hate me so much?"

Sam sighed deeply. "I don't hate you." he said honestly, "But Jo was a part of my family too. I'll always be your brother…but I was there, I saw what you did to her…" He paused for a long time, "I never thought you could be so cold to someone you loved…It makes me feel…I feel like I don't even know you anymore."

Dean reached for the door handle in front of him. "Maybe that's for the best." he said finally leaving the room.

AN:- Hope you liked this, very angsty, but thats the whole feel of most of the Chapters for this one I'm afraid...Keep reading and I'll try and edit the finished Chapters when I get the time...I'm excited about posting the next Chapter actually, because I loved writing it...Just guess where Dean goes after he leaves Sammy in the motel!!!