. . . Yaaaaay.

Chapter 21

We only drove a short distance before Eddie-weddie parked on top of a large flabby hill.

He began insanely switching his car headlights on and off. I was concerned that he was having an emo spazz attack, so I biffed him in the face. It felt quite satisfying, so I repeated the action whilst honking the horn in time to the hokey kokey. When I became bored of this action and ceased it, he gazed lovingly into my decrepit emo eyes.

His emo Italian brain waves told me that he was attempting to convey a message to me in Morse code. I sneezed in recognition (it made a 'foo' noise), and seized a pen and paper in order to decode his message. My first attempt at deciphering his message was 'you're my friend, that's what you are! Jake- don't!' (1 actual New Moon quote! P272). However, I concluded that this must be erroneous, or Eddie-weddie was having an affair with Jake (aka Flopsy), and had given me the wrong message. I read it aloud anyway, and Eddie farted guiltily.

'No!' he screamed, 'you're wrong, bitch'.

He spanked me on the face and began to flash me a new message.

'Oh!' I exclaimed emoly, 'you wanted to tell me you are a sparklepire. Wait… I thought you were a vampire?'

'No, I'm a sparklepire! Watch me turn into a disco ball!'

Edward turned on the sun machine in his car, and his head promptly exploded, and in its place was a large disco ball with eyes, a nose and a mouth.

We raved until Edward's internal car sun died (at which point his head returned to normal), then sat in silence and listened to the strange whimpering noises coming from the flab hill we were parked on. I climbed out of the sunroof (I was too emo for doors), and peered down at the flabby flab face beneath the moistmobile (this was my new nickname for Edward's cakey car), and realised that it was the face of my father staring back at me.

I looked down at the top of Edward's head and instructed him to drive me home whilst still dangling dangerously out of the sunroof.

As we left, Charlie flailed his stumpy legs and arms to attract the attention of a passing crane to transport him home.

I lowered myself back into the car and said to Edward 'Shouldn't we slow down?'

He gazed at me in a loving emo fashion, replied 'no', and then accidentally crashed into a tree. I flew through the sunroof with great posture and timing, acknowledging pain as I rebounded off one of Charlie's fleet of cranes, which was heading towards us.

I hit the pavement, yelled 'iz ded', and died.

Chapter 22

I was awakened from my dead state by emo Italian humming. Upon perceiving that I was alive, Edward threw me through my bedroom window with a resounding tinkle as glass shattered emoly around me. I had somehow been magically transported home during the time I had been dead. Edward frolicked up the wall and pirouetted into my bedroom behind me.

I turned to Edward and murmured 'I love you.'

'I love you more,' he replied.

'I want to cover you in rose petals and teddy bears.'

'I want to rub my pizza rolls all over you.'

'I'm going to cook my heart with bacon and chives and serve it to you on a plate and serve it to you on a Starbucks platter.'

Edward's eyes smouldered at the idea.

Suddenly, I felt a drain on my Matrix powers just as Charlie erupted through the floorboards. How dare he attempt to imitate my awesome Matrix skills!

'Hai guis' Charlie screamed in an overexcited fashion.

Edward blew him up. I lol'ed. And praised his emo powers.

'You know it's only temporary' Edward smouldered at me. 'He will reform in the morning.'

As he uttered these words, he began to sit down and make himself comfortable in my emo coffin chair.

I enquired in an emo g-star fashion whether he would be leaving soon, as I needed to get my usual five minutes' sleep, before waking up to apply 500 tubes of mascara before going to school.

'Well, I sit here every other night like an obsessive abusive emo Italian stalker,' he replied.

'Then that is perfectly okay and I don't find it the least bit strange,' I told him whilst getting into the cardboard box with which I had replaced my bed (I had sold my bed in order to buy tubes of emo mascara).

Chapter 23

I awoke to find Edward's face looming less than an inch from my own.

'I've been watching you all night' he growled at me in a definitely non-stalkerish manner.

He then shoved me in a sack, which he threw over his shoulder. As he leapt out of my window, he informed me that he was kidnapping (robonapping?) me to meet his family.

After twenty minutes of running, halfway through which he had to stop to regain his breath, we arrived at what appeared to be a large circus tent.

I experienced a moment of horror.

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' I exclaimed, 'Eddie, you can't live here, it's a trampy, tacky, non-emo tent!'

'Yeah, I know, it's like amazing and stuff right?' Edward said in an amazingly camp voice, ignoring my cries of horror. 'Let's go and meet my posse!'

He dragged me inside and introduced me to a group of amazingly emo Italians, who were definitely not freaks.

Firstly, there was Carlisle, the alcoholic gay clown drug dealer, who was their leader. He explained to me that they were all part of the amazing Cullen sparklepire circus, which explained the circus tent. Then there was Chesney, a "female" sparklepire who was married to Carlisle and sported a very fetching Italian beard. There were two more couples of sparklepires; Rosalie and Emmet and Alice and Jasper. Rosalie was a slut and Emmet was a bear, whilst Jasper was a friendly emo (like Casper the friendly ghost) and Alice was an infantile freak who liked to play with Barbie voodoo dolls.

After they had introduced themselves, they magically disappeared, and in their place appeared a ginormous piano. Edward began to bang his head against the keys to create a tune, whilst rapping an emo love ballad to me;

You smell like spray that freshens the air,
You have an emo fringe and emo hair,
You are seventeen; I'm a hundred and seven,
I'm not going to bite you 'cause you won't go to heaven.

I'm an emo sparklepire, it is true,
And I really, really love you,
Check out my awesome skills,
Like emo pizza making, and making kills (of animals).

I burst into applause, and fainted at his amazing emo Italian-ness.

(1) Like OMG, an actual New Moon quote! p.272

And . . . we have one more chapter to go before this super-speshul magnificently powerful tale draws to it's conclusion. =( Yus, we have finished it!

(As a side note, so sorry for not uploading anything else . . . kinda given up on Pokemon xP But when I get time, when exams are over and shizz I shall try and continue with other fandoms =))

-*Starrycup665*-