I do not own anything. All rights belong to Shonda Rhimes and ABC.

A/N: Alright, remember that the drama is what fuels the fire. Lol I know, I know… but you'll understand why soon enough. Cue evil laugh. Enjoy (;

Chapter 4

Callie:

"It can't be that difficult, can it?" I drop my fork back to my tray of untouched food. "I mean, I have the same equipment, it cannot be that hard to figure out." I look at my friend waiting for an answer.

"Torres, you are asking Picasso about finger painting. What I do is a God given gift. I can't teach you how to paint like me." Mark takes a bite of his apple, looking smug.

"And now I am regretting this…Finger painting, really Mark?" I roll my eyes and sigh dramatically, why did I think talking to him about this would be helpful?

He leans over and pats my arm. "Look, it will just come naturally; don't get all in your head about it." His caring smile turned quickly into a smirk.

"Okay, stop thinking about it, you pervert!" I push his hand away; I knew he could only be an adult about this for so long.

"What? There is no way you could have expected me to not think about you and the hot Ortho nurse." He looks off into the distance dreamily.

"Wait. You think she's hot?" I eye him closely.

"Yeah, and it explains why I couldn't get her naked for years."

"I'm telling Lexie." I love getting him riled up; it is a lot easier now that he has a very young weakness, in the form of Lexie Grey.

"Don't even joke about that!" He lowers his voice and looks around the cafeteria like she will pop up at any second.

"Oh, calm down. I just like making you squirm."

"I bet you'd like making the hot Ortho nurse squirm more." He takes another bite of his apple and then shoots it into the trash can, before picking up his tray.

"Sometimes I am amazed, that same brain is capable of saving human lives." I shake my head. He smirks and nods at Arizona as she takes the seat he had just left available.

"What? Was he making inappropriate comments again? Never mind, it's Mark Sloan I know the answer already." Arizona takes a bite of her carrot, still clearly offended by what ever she thought Mark had said.

I slurp on my drink drawing her attention to me curiously. I sit my empty drink down and carefully avoid making eye contact with her. I hear her let out a gasp and watch as she eyes me carefully and leans in making sure no one can hear her. "Did you finally…you know?"

I meet her eyes and cock an eyebrow, so much for avoiding this conversation I have no poker face when it comes to Arizona. "You are a grown woman not to mention a physician…you can't say sex, Arizona?" I keep my eyebrow cocked waiting for a response.

"I can say.." She looks around and lowers her voice. "..sex, Calliope." She is adorable. Crap. I shake my head. I have to stop saying stuff like this, even if it is just to myself. I made my choice. I could have walked across the hall that night, a month ago, and laid it all out on the table, but I didn't. I decided to not be that selfish. I wouldn't just be taking a huge chance on losing the best person in my life, but I could have potentially caused a lot of pain for her and Polly. I couldn't do that. So I called Colleen the next day, and now here we are. Not having sex, but we're doing….stuff.

"If your silence is supposed to be an answer, I'm lost." I realize I have been out of the conversation for an awkward amount of time. I laugh "No, I was just thinking."

"So?" Arizona is far more invested in my sex life than I had thought she would be. Sure, we talk about our sex lives in very general terms, but she never used to care for details before. I don't know if it's because my details involved penis at the time, and she has no interest in that at all. Or if her curiosity is peaked now because she, in her words, had "A very small thing, a very long time ago" with Colleen?

I let out a small rush of air. "No, we haven't." I try to not let the disappointment show on my face. It is one thing to talk to Mark about this; he has no problem explaining his triumphs in great detail. But since Lexie came around he is being more tight-lipped. Way to be a grown up at the wrong time, Mark! Arizona studies me, obviously aware of my discomfort.

"You know, it took me until college to go…to the surgical field." She raises her eyebrows waiting for me to catch on.

"What? Like, your first cut in Med school?" I say confused.

"No, Callie!" She looks around trying to find the right words. "I had girlfriends in high school, but it was all very juvenile, there was kissing but that was about it. Then I went to college and alcohol gave me a little more courage to…" She straightened her shoulders and rolled her neck. I looked on, eyes wide. "…to glove up and approach the surgical field." Realization dawns on me and I can't stop the words from falling from my mouth.

"You don't actually glove up, right?" I slam my eyes shut and reopen them to see her holding back a laugh with all her might.

"No, you don't." She gives me a caring look. "You are just freaking out; it's new, and scary. But you'll know what to do." She seems a lot more confident in my skills than I am. "The hardest part is just committing to actually doing it." She has this way of looking at me that is understanding, while at the same time encouraging. It makes me feel like I could do anything in the world, even…approach the surgical field. We really need a new code name.

"Besides, you have had sex before, it's not the same, but you know what you like to have done to you.." I blush and I know it doesn't go unnoticed by her. "…So just apply what you like to her, and make adjustments when needed." Arizona gives a curt nod and seems very satisfied with her advice. Like she just told me how to an Appendectomy, and not give oral sex to a woman for the first time.

It does make perfect sense, though. If it was that easy for her to get me to understand, I bet she really knows what she is doing. Before I can stop myself my mouth is moving again. "I wish you could just show me what to do." Arizona chokes on her drink and I don't even realize what I have said, I am immediately at her side making sure she is ok. "Breathe, there you go, breathe." I rub small circles on her back. "I'm, I'm fine. Really. Just went down the wrong way." She blushes at her words and I go back to my seat across the table.

"I didn't mean, like, I don't actually want you to.." She cuts me off. "I know, I get what you meant." I sigh. "I feel like a virgin all over again." I stare at my tray.

"Oh don't worry Callie, you are in good hands." Arizona wags her eyebrow at me and I roll my eyes. "Seriously? You have to throw that in there now? Not only am I freaking out about all of this, now I have to think about you two…" I scrunch my face up. "She's seen you naked."

"You mean I have seen her naked, right?" I realize my newest slip of the tongue. I am on a roll today. "Yeah, you have seen her naked, how many times exactly?"

Arizona looks baffled. "No, we are not doing this." She raises her hand to show she means it, I ignore it naturally.

"What it's a fair question, Arizona! How many times?" She ignores me and looks at her pager. "Oh, would ya look at that. Tiny humans need me!" I glare at her, and watch as she loses her resolve. "Uh, okay. Two or three, but that's it." I relax. Two or three that's not so bad. Plus, it was a long time ago; I doubt either of them really remembers.

Arizona looks like she wants to leave the cafeteria and never come back; I look at the table of brunettes staring intently, from the table behind us. "Wait. You didn't with them?"

She fidgets with her pager as I connect the dots. "How did you even have time? How did I not know?" I try to remember any hints I would have had to my best friend's very active sex life. "I don't kiss and tell, Calliope." I see a woman over by the soda machine staring at us too, how have I never noticed all of her past conquests looking at her like she walks on water before?

"Okay, that's Noel she isn't even gay." I smirk. Arizona shrugs. "Well, she was that night!"

I cough, not what I was expecting. "You are full of mysteries today aren't you? Does Polly know about all of your…friends in the hospital?"

She looks at me with a poignant stare. "No, and I'd like to keep it that way." She picks up her cup and takes a drink. No one makes drinking out of a straw look more seductive than she does, makes me wonder if that is a skill she has used on half of the hospital?

"Oh don't look at me like that. How I chose to spend my free time is my own business. I am an adult and it's not like you don't have exes all over this hospital!" I guess she has a point. "After I found out about Karev it took forever for me to let him back on my service." She chuckles and then straightens up when she realizes what she has said.

I grin mischievously. "Oh reealllyyy?" I can't help but have a little fun with her. "Do I sense a little bit of your green-eyed monster, rearing its head?"

Arizona stiffens. "I was not jealous. It's just Karev, really?" She shudders.

"Hey, you are the one who thought he showed promise and groomed him into your show dog. Maybe I saw the potential before you did!" The jealousy issue long forgotten now.

She shakes her head. "Yeah, but I didn't sleep with, I taught him!" She shoots back.

"Well, ya slept with Polly, but you are marrying her. I guess the Poodle was the award winning show dog you decided to keep!" I'm not sure when this conversation turned into friendly fire, but I instantly know I've gone too far when I see the hurt in Arizona's eyes.

"Yeah, well at least I wasn't afraid to take a chance, Calliope. Can you say that?" I watch as she gets up and takes off out of the cafeteria without ever looking back. Shit.

Arizona:

I slam the on call room door, and pace back and forth. Poodle? Where does she get off? Yes, maybe Polly's resume was what first attracted me to her, and yes maybe I do have a few ex...Friends…around here, but that is none of her business!

I sit on the bed, but then get right back up and continue pacing.

She is infuriating. And I will never, in a million years, admit that I was jealous when I found out about her and Karev. She doesn't deserve the satisfaction. I close my eyes. I still sometimes want to hit Karev with a brick when I think about it…okay, nope. Not going there. I open my eyes. It took everything in me to sit there, calmly, and give her advice on how to handle her bedroom nerves. I am an AMAZING friend. I don't know many that could have done that. I very rarely let myself feel the emotions I have buried deep down for Callie. They would almost be too much to take if I felt them fully, but ever since that night, a month ago, they have been creeping in.

I wasn't shocked when Callie blurted out she found women attractive. I had noticed the way she looked at Sadie a few years ago, but people struggle with sexuality, and it isn't my place to make her talk about something she clearly wasn't ready to vocalize. If I had met Callie when she was exploring these feelings, I really don't know what would have happened. I don't like to think of the 'What Ifs' because that is a slippery slope. I could easily be daydreaming about lazy mornings, Callie reading the paper, me drawing incoherent patterns on her stomach, while the rain taps a song for us, on our bedroom window. But that is not practical, and I am a very practical person.

Polly is easy. She doesn't make me want to pull my hair out, or make me go from incredibly happy to pissed off in mere seconds. I feel…well…I guess I feel comfortable with Polly. I know that isn't the most romantic thing in the world, but it does mean something. I don't have to worry she will decide she was just vacationing in Lesbian Land and break my heart to the point of no return, like someone might. I run my hand through my hair and let out a deep breath. There is a faint knock at the door and I open it thinking Polly got my page.

"Do not shut the door in my face." I leave the door slightly open and go sit on the bed. The room is barely lit by a dim lamp in the corner. Callie shuts the door but doesn't make any movements towards me, she almost looks afraid.

"I'm sorry." I don't say anything I just stare at her. "I shouldn't have called her a Poodle okay?" She smiles a little, but I don't give in.

"I'm not a slut." Callie looks utterly confused at my statement.

"Arizona I never thought.." I cut her off. "I know, I just, I just want you to know. I slept around for a while because I couldn't have what I wanted and it pissed me off."

She takes a step closer but stops before she reaches the bed, her eyes are staring at me with an intensity I've never seen before and it is making me almost lose my nerve. I stare at the floor and continue. "I wanted something I knew I couldn't have and I dealt with it by sleeping around. Doesn't make me a bad person."

Callie nods and keeps staring at me, willing me to keep talking. "That night in your room what were you going to say before Polly came in?"

She drops her gaze now. I stand up inches from her face.

"Arizona, it doesn't matter okay?"

I touch her arm and she looks at me. The world stops for a second.

I hear her let out a gasp, and I can feel her warm breath on my face. I close my eyes trying to make myself not feel, the feelings, I have kept locked away for so long. I can hear her breaths struggling to escape. I can feel the electricity between us, it's as if i could reach out and touch it. I let my mind go to that place. The place I have to fight from invading my dreams at night. The place where right now it's a lazy Sunday, she has the paper, my head is on her chest, and the rain is softly playing our song. I feel her put both hands on my arms. I don't want to open my eyes. I don't want to leave our place yet. I don't want to do anything to alter this feeling, right here and right now.

I smell her scent, a mixture of Sandalwood, Vanilla and Spice. I let her intoxicating smell take over my senses. I want to smell like her, I want my clothes to smell like her. I want to not be able to wash her smell off of my body, ever.

I hear her whisper my name and I don't know if she is pulling me closer or if my body is just drawn closer of its own accord. This is what I am afraid of. Feeling. I have been on this roller-coaster of emotions, with her since the day we met. I convinced myself I didn't want to be a passenger on this ride, but how could I not want to sit in the front and throw my hands up?

She is exhilarating and I want this. I slowly open my eyes and look at her. Almost asking for permission. Permission for what, I don't know. To change everything? I can't tell if I am even breathing, and I'm pretty sure my heart is about to beat out of my chest.

I shakily bring my hand up and place it on her cheek. She closes her eyes and leans into my touch.

I know this is wrong, I know this is selfish, but I have already made up my mind. I close the gap, and place my other hand on her face pulling her into me. Our lips clash together and I taste her for the first time. I hear a slight moan and I can't tell if it was her or me. Her hands move from my arms and are around my waist steadying us. I try to kiss her slowly but her velvety lips are too inviting. I can't control my eagerness, and I'm sure I am bruising her lips but I don't care at all. I assault her lips, alternating between soft and firm kisses. I don't wait for permission to let my tongue invade her mouth, and she moans when I do so. I explore her and she does the same to me. Passion and intensity fuel us and I feel a heat within me that I have never felt before. I push her back against the door hard, and she pulls me by my hips into her, lips never parting. My body is pressed fully against her and it takes all of my power to stay upright. I pull back slightly to catch my breath and I feel her lips slowly tasting my neck. I let out what can only be described as a growl and push my body completely into her again, while throwing my head back and tangling my hands into her hair. This is better than I could have dreamed. She softly sucks on my neck and I let my thigh gently push against her core. She lets out a moan that vibrates my neck and I thrust my hips into her to relieve the throbbing that has almost become painful at my own center.

Her lips are back on mine and she takes control of our kiss. Lust is evident but there is so much more behind the way her hands are roaming my body, I feel her pulling on the ties of my scrub pants and I pull back giving her space to untie them. She reattaches her lips to mine. I feel her cool hand slide into my scrub pants. She runs her fingers across my stomach just above my underwear, and I shiver as she reaches around a grabs my buttocks with both hands. She squeezes, and in doing so, the material of my underwear grazes my clit. I break away and throw my head to her shoulder. "Oh, shit Callie. Wait." Breathing heavily, I am trying very hard to not cum and completely embarrass myself. I feel her movements still. I try to shift slightly so that the seam in my underwear isn't directly applying pressure to where I don't need it to be, at this second. I feel two very strong hands press down hard into my ass and start kneading the flesh, causing me to scream out and buck my hips aimlessly into her, while biting down hard on her shoulder. I barely notice the door shaking heavily from my thrusting into her, but a loud knock on the door snaps me out of my lust filled haze immediately. I feel dizzy and my heart is pounding so loud I think I might pass out. Callie stills and removes a hand to cover my mouth. She mouths 'Quiet' and clears her throat. "Uh, who is it?"

I am struggling to catch my breath, but I can't keep my hips from trying to make contact with her. She keeps her stance, with her hand over my mouth.

"Oh, Dr. Torres! Sorry, I was just looking for Dr. Robbins." Wilson seems oblivious and I start to regain focus when I hear my name. I almost forgot who I was for a moment, realization of everything that has just transpired slowly starts to register and I see Callie start to do the same.

"Well, I don't know where she is." Callie's voice sounds strained and I can feel her heart racing.

"Okay, well if you see her tell her Dr. Preston is sorry she missed her page and she won't make it to dinner, because of a surgery." At the mention of Polly I suddenly feel my stomach drop and Callie removes her hands from me and quickly retreats to the other side of the room. "Okay Wilson. Got it."

I quickly tie my scrub pants back and turn facing the wall, begging the tears welling up to not fall. I take a couple deep breaths and turn back to Callie who is sitting on the bed with her head in her hands. The sight breaks my heart, I never wanted this to happen. My guilt should not be her cross to bear. "Callie…" She lets out a cold laugh and it makes the hair on my arms stand up. "Why didn't you ever say anything, Arizona?" The question throws me. "I…uh, what?" My breathing is still not under control. She looks up with tears in her eyes, but her face looks more angry than sad. "We wasted so much time." She shakes her head and stands. "I'm sorry it's not your fault, I just….that shouldn't have happened."

I feel the tears back stronger than before I struggle to not break down. "Don't do that, Calliope. Don't regret this." She looks at me and I feel a tear break free.

"Polly." I wince at her name. "She deserves better than this. Colleen deserves better than this." I hang my head and wipe away the tears that are flowing freely. She's right, of course, but I don't think I can live without feeling whatever that was, between us again. That is what I want to have for the rest of my life.

I don't even recognize my own voice. "So what do we do?" Callie closes her eyes for a minute and then opens them not making eye contact, instead she stares at the door and heads for it. "We'll work, and we'll be friends." She leaves the room and I feel the last little bit of control I have leave, as I let the tears fall. How can we possibly go back to being just friends after something like this?